Good Stuff Happens in 1:1 Meetings: Why you need them and how to do them well
Polaroid Messages by Amber Topping
1. Polaroid Messages
What do youwant to dobefore youdie?A simple questionthatcanelicitavarietyof responses, and
perhapsa questionwe all askourselvesatone pointor another.Butwhat happenswhen people are
askedthisveryquestionas theirphotographisbeingtaken? ItwasthisquestionBrooklynbasedartist
Nicole Kenneydecidedtoaskwhenshe startedthe Polaroidphotographyproject“Before IDie IWant
to…” withthenpartnerKS Rives.AccordingtoNicole,the projectaimed“tourge peopletowards
thinkingaboutandfulfillingtheirlife goalsbyaskingthemtomake a promise tothemselvesandtothe
photographer.”(www.beforeidieiwantto.org)
The beginningseedsof “BeforeIDie”were plantedwhenNicole wasayounggirl. Losinghergreataunt
provedtobe a “veryimpressionable experience.”She explains, “IthinkI've alwaysjustbeenreally
sensitivetoimpermanence.”Itwasthisthinkingabouthow little time we all have andwhatwe want to
do withitthat laterledto the actual idea whenhergrandfather, whowas“anartist,”passedaway.
Nicole hadhisPolaroidcameraandsoonthe ideatookroot.
Her goodfriendKSRives“ownedagalleryinChicago”andknew how much Nicole likedtaking photos
withhergrandfather’scamera. Nicole recallsRives tellingher,“Polaroid'sabouttobe extinct,it'sabout
to be discontinued,let'sdoagalleryshow andinvite some otherartists.”Withthe Polaroidcamera
workingitself asasymbol,the twodecidedtobase theirproject“ondeath.”
For Nicole,the projectbecame apassionate idea. “We hadto go forwardand askall these people,‘what
do youwant to dobefore youdie?’” Andbecause “itwasimportanttoget theminthe moment,notjust
take smiley,happyphotos,”theyaskedparticipantsnottotell themtheiransweruntil theywere taking
theirphoto.“We'dhopefullycapture somethinginthe momenttheywere sayingitforthe firsttime,”
Nicole clarifies.Fromthere they’dhave the personwrite downtheiranswerdirectlyonthe photo,like a
promise.
At firstthe projectstartedcloserto home. Since theywantedtofindarange of people,theybeganto
“ask people inthe streetlike…the UPSman.” Eventually,the projectgrew pasttheirNew Yorkand
Chicagolocations.“Atsome pointwe thoughtitwouldbe reallycool togo to Indiaand askpeople
literallyhalfwayaroundthe worldthatcome froma totallydifferentculture.”Andtheydidn’tstop
there.WithNicole’s“sensitivitytodeathandimpermanence,”theybroughtthe projecttohospice.She
thoughtit wouldbe “superamazing,”totake time to “sitand talkwithpeople whohada veryfinite
amountof time leftandaskthemwhat wasimportantto thembefore theydie.”FromAmericatoIndia
to hospice,theyasked“asmuchof a range of people aspossible of all agesandracesand menand
women.”
One of the mostinterestingresponsesNicole rememberscame froma womaninhospice.“She saidshe
wishedshe was20 years oldagainso she couldmarry hersecondhusbandfirst.”
“She was a character,” Nicole reminisces.
2. But it’sreallythe more commonresponsesthathave stayed withNicole.“Irememberwomensaying
theywantedtohave a baby,people sayingtheywantedtowrite agreat novel…orthey wantedtotravel
to amazingplaces.A lotof people saidtheywantedtobe happyortheywantedto live before they
died,”she says.
However,whilethe project“celebratescommonhumanity,”Nicole discoveredthatthe answersdiffer
aroundthe world. “InAmericathe people we interviewedtendedtobe wealthiersotheyhaddifferent
dreams.InIndiapeople mightwanttoowna shopor geton an airplane…alotof the kidswantedto
study.”She could“sense a difference betweensocio-economicareas.”
The answersthat came from hospice were alsodifferent.“We’dsitwithpeople forlikeanhourat a time
and have these long,wonderful conversations....They'dbe thinkingaboutdying,liketheywouldthink‘I
don't wantit to hurt,’”Nicole recalls.
Today,while Nicole isnolongeractivelyworkingonthe project, she saysthateveryone canstill be
involved. “Ithinkpeople candoiton theirown…peoplecanaskeach other,”Nicole explains.She reveals
how“amazing”it isto be the one doingthe asking.“You getto know the core of someone else versus
the small talkyouusuallyhave like,‘Where doyoulive?’‘Whatdoyoudo?’Like, ‘whatdo youwantto
do inyour life beforeyoudie?’”
You can findoutmore aboutthe projectat http://www.beforeidieiwantto.org aswell asmore about
Nicole atwww.nicolekenney.com.