Angela Hough-Maxwell, one of the speakers at the 2014 Psychology Festival of Learning, talks about the challenges of parenting today & how to overcome them.

1. Welcome
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2. The challenges of parenting in this time
Angela Hough-Maxwell
anghough@gmail.com
http://anghoughmaxwell.withtank.com/

3. “The paradox of our time is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints, we spend more and buy more, but enjoy it less, we have bigger houses and smaller families, more access to knowledge and less trust of our inner knowledge, more medicine and experts but less wellness, more food but less nutrition.”
-Quoted from Jack Miller, University of Toronto.

4. The challenges of parenting in this time
•lack of support for soul
•‘nuclear’ isolated parenting
•multimedia
•split from earth
•uncertain future
•individual consciousness (i-pads, i-phones)
•Constantcommentary on parenting etc.
•Addiction
•Everything now
•Over-attentive

5. Challenges to family in the Context
•Poverty
•HIV
•Multiple loss
•Break down in family and community structures
•Increased burden of care
•Fast paced, consumer based lifestyle demands

6. Importance of family: research tells us:
•Children’s psychosocial needs (even in trauma) are best met by their families, schools and communities
•Long-term investments in strengthening family support are more sustainable than short-term, crisis-driven interventions to help individual children.
•The earlier we provide support in a child’s life the better the investment. Rates on return of human capital investment (Heckman, 2004)
•Brain most open to formation up to age four -develop pathways for learning and thinking-families provide that stimulation
•Early caregiver-child interactions play a profound role in emotional adjustment, nutrition, cognitive development, language acquisition and self-regulation.

7. Research re families continued..
•A stable and emotionally supportive family life has been associated with:
Higher rates of school attendance
Better school performance
Greater resilience to adversity
Higher self esteem.
•For resilience a child needs:
A relationship with consistent caring adult and sense of belonging
Hope for the future
Meaningful participation (in family, society and cultural practices)

8. Research re families continued…
•Quality of attachment (secure) is an important factor in the child’s capacity to process and resolve the trauma (Shore, A. 2001)
•Maternal affection lessens likelihood of developing mental health difficulties later in life.
–E.g. Gardner, A. (2010)Health.com followed 500 infants into 30’s. Found those receiving above average affection were happier children, less anxious or hostile in adulthood and had fewer psychosomatic symptoms
•Affection (e.g. breastfeeding) increases hormone oxytoxin(“bonding hormone” )in brain–leading to more effective social interactions in future

9. Therefore a strong case for:
• Policies, practices and programmes that strengthen
relationships and foster positive interactions between
carers and children,
e.g. parenting support, paid parental leave, infant massage,
ECD, promoting play, etc.
• Supporting families to support young children’s healthy
development.
• Help those who work with young children appreciate
the importance of supporting families and realise the
impact that their strong relationships with parents
have on a child’s healthy development.
Concluding Thoughts
Hands
Heart
Head
DON’T EVER LET THEM
BE TAKEN APART

10. The call
•What is the call of these challenges to those of us living and parenting in these times? Parenting will challenge each of us in ways we need to grow personally, but also us as a society.

11. Call to actionRichter, Foster and Sherr(2006) & Richter (2006)
•Prioritiseeveryday systems ofcare and support.
•Invest long-term in integrated services to promote psychosocial wellbeing
•Realisethe right of all children to access these integrated services.
•Demand that more governments take the lead in guaranteeing this right
•Earmark resources for applied research to expand the evidence base.
•Safe play spaces

12. Personal call
•To do our own inner work
•“God be with the mother. As she carried her child may she carry her soul. As her child was born, may she give birth and life and form to her own higher truth. As she nourished and protected her child, may she nourish and protect her inner life and her independence. For her soul shall be her most painful birth, her most difficult child, and the dearest sister to her other children.” –MichaleLuenig
•We treat the fatal consequences of technology as though they were a technical defect that could be remedied by technology alone. We are looking for an objective way out of the crisis of objectivism.

14. Child care act
•Carers are responsible for the day-to-day care of a child.
•Children should have a right to play and enjoy their childhood whilst they are still young
•Prevention and early intervention programmesthat look at preserving the family –making sure that the family stays together.
•Approaches that: Support the best interests of child, strengthen and build capacity in the parenting skills, non-violent discipline, taking care of children with disabilities and having good relationships in the family.

15. The 3 dialogues and 8 guidelines of good interaction
•Express feelings
•Tune in to child
•Expression of love
•acknowledgement
The emotional expressive dialogue
•Joint attention & shared focus
•Give meaning
•Expand with explanation
The meaning oriented expansive dialogue
•Plan
•Positive limit setting
•Step by step instruction
The regulative dialogue

16. 4 languages of care for child (BALL)
•Boundaries:Language of boundaries-rules, routine, setting limits, providing consistency and safety. Tell your children what behaviour you would like.
•Affirmation: Language of affirmation –praise the positive things they do, notice their strengths, say thank you.
•Love:Language of love: show your child you love them: Give affection -hugs, kisses, smiles.
•Learning:Language of learning-encourage learning by: sharing interest in; and spending quality time doing things together, playing with, showing interest in what your children are interested in, expanding on what they know, reading together

17. Doll making
Empowerment, connect to child within, get to know you

18. Comfort doll –to talk to, hug, give comfort in times of loss.

19. Parental (carer) role
•Carers are responsible for the day-to-day care of a child.
•They bring a sense of security and trust
•Make a child feel loved, and worthy of love
•They provide a secure base from which to explore the world
•Teach a child values and what is right & wrong,
•They act as a role-model to the child

20. Some tools:
•Tolerate ambiguity and bridge polarities
•Recognising our strength and weakness (core quadrant model):
•Build community:
•Sort our too-muchness
•One task at a time
•Listen to you soul, teach your children to listen to theirs
•Consider the whole

21. Thank you
To view material from this talk visit www.sacap.edu.za/events
Like our Facebook Page
Follow us on Twitter @SACAP
#psychologyfest