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 Nowadays, student’s major problem is how to cope 
with their lessons especially to those who are in top 
where in they join lot of activities. September and 
October is considered as a busiest month of the year, 
it is because most of activities in school like contests 
in different levels fall in this month. Some students 
are crazy on the things that they are going to work on 
because at this point they need to learn all their 
missed lessons in academic area. After winning on the 
competitions they are joining they are obliged to 
practice well in order to bring home the bacon, so it 
means that they have to leave and never mind their 
academic requirements to focus well. Another 
factor why students cannot concentrate on their 
lessons is that are the one who represents the 
school indifferent competitions.
To those who are not joining in any activity they find 
hard on their studies for the following reasons: 
They have to adjust more to the K to 12 where in 
there are lot of projects, activities and performances 
that students are going to compile, submit and 
perform which are required by the subject teachers. 
The lack of financial support from parents is the 
reason why students cannot submit their projects on 
time because most of the lesson today comes from 
internet.
As a student what should we do to cope these challenges? 
Got a problem? Who doesn’t? It might help to know there are eight ways, and only eight ways, to solve it. 
Isn’t that reassuring? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Run through these eight alternatives and you can 
take care of any problem that comes your way. 
1Make a revision timetable. Spend a good amount of time 
on this. You can do it with a parent, friend or best of all, a 
brother or sister who has been in the same position. Firstly 
list your subjects that you have exams in. 
Split your day up. You can try and split your day into 
three 'units'; Morning, afternoon, evening. And you can 
even split these up further into 'early' and late' sessions. 
Always be sure to have some time off though, at least 6 
units off is recommended. See 'Tips' for an example. 
Get organized! Go out and buy a large notepad, some 
folders and plenty or writing utensils. Also, make sure 
you know what exam board you have for each subject 
so you can use the materials on their website. If you 
are unsure, make sure you ask your teacher. 
Get in to a good routine. Try and wake up at not such a 
drastically different time as you would for school. Be 
nice and fresh and eat well for breakfast. Regular 
breaks are essential and don't do more than a 1 hour 
session. 
Revision can be fun...sort of! Invite some pals over for an 
afternoon of studying. You may get distracted easier but at 
least you will have someone to talk to and you can test each 
other. Friends can also be great motivators. Also, make sure 
you keep your revision techniques fresh and interesting- use 
bullet points for one thing. 
Keep yourself motivated! As mentioned, friends can be great 
motivators. But if you're on your own, keep thinking about what 
you want to achieve at the end of this. If you ever have a 'low' 
moment where you feel that you simply can't carry on, keep 
telling yourself 'All this revision and hard work WILL pay off, I 
CAN get an A and WILL get an A if I keep revising' 
Give yourself treats and rewards. After an hours 
revision allow yourself thirty minutes on a game or 
watching television. Again, another good motivator. 
At the end of the day, 'review' everything you 
have done. Take pride in what you have done 
and look at your timetable to prepare for 
tomorrow. 
Got a problem? Who doesn’t? It might help to know there are eight ways, and only eight ways, to 
Got a problem? Who doesn’t? It might help to know there are eight ways, and only eight ways, to 
solve it. Isn’t that reassuring? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Run through these eight 
solve it. Isn’t that reassuring? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Run through these eight 
alternatives and you can take care of any problem that comes your way. 
alternatives and you can take care of any problem that comes your way.
How to Manage Your Time Wisely As a High School 
Student 
High school, especially during your senior year, can be frustrating. This is the time of your life 
that you're preparing yourself for college and the real world. So how do you manage your 
time doing all of your current activities without being overly stressed? 
Steps 
1. Sort your life as a teenager. Are 
friends important to be around at this 
time? Do you find yourself on the 
internet a lot? Are you someone who 
goes to the library to study in a quiet 
environment? Are your parents 
around to assist you or prefer to ask 
for teachers' help?
2. Prioritize your weekly schedule 
as a student. Any 
educational/academic studies must 
come first, then extra curriculum 
activities, and then social life. 
Friends will want to hang out with 
you on the weekends, but they will 
understand if you explain to them 
that you need to study or catch up 
on college-related work. 
3. List the exact due dates for events, 
projects, essays, and other homework. This 
will greatly help you to alert you when things 
need to be done by. Next, sort extracurricular 
activities. Any activity dealing with 
scholarships should be placed before the 
Elective or After School ones. Then, input 
non-educational events, such as babysitting, 
miscellaneous jobs, etc, with team events, 
such as sports, coming first. Finally, treat 
yourself for a night out with friends.
4. Set a time limit on how long you study 
for each class. Don't go overboard on one 
subject and forget that you have several 
others to catch up on before going to bed. 
Also, don't rush through studying; take 
your time and concentrate. You may want 
to set an alarm clock at a certain hour, so 
when it rings, go to another subject, and 
reset the alarm. 
5. Get at least 6-9 hours of sleep. If 
you have more or less sleep than 
you should have, you may start 
lacking in your coursework and 
become lazy because of the urge or 
want to sleep.
6. Try to take showers before going to school. 
You'll be more refreshed, alert, and relaxed as 
you start the day. Night showers are 
sometimes "missed" if you have your face 
covered in books and realize that it's time to 
go to sleep. This is also a start of 
procrastination. 
7. Go over your scholarship essays and 
college applications with your parents. It's 
always a positive action to get parents 
involved in students' lives by sharing 
opinions about futures and careers. If this is 
not possible, share it with a school 
counselor. Not only that they will give their 
opinions, but they have the ability to search 
what college classes or majors is within your 
preferred goal.
8. Think of how non-educational activities are 
affecting your schedule. If you are babysitting, 
compromise with the mother on set days and times 
that goes around your academic life. If you cannot 
commit to your studies because of football practice, 
then you must take action. When something gets in 
the way, you need to drop it, even if it's temporarily. 
9. Don't neglect your health. Just because you're short 
of time doesn't mean you should live on junk food. Try 
to get your fruits and vegetables every day. Remember 
to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Doing these 
things will support mental, physical and emotional 
function. 
10. Try to have a fixed 
timetable.
Tips: 
•Don't stress! In high school, stress can be a big factor when faced with a variety of things that 
they need to take care of, but don't know how to complete everything at once. 
•High school is not a time to slack, so before you hit the couch with a bag of chips and a movie, 
make sure you take care of everything you need to. There is nothing worse than late and crappy 
work. It causes you to appear as if you don't care, which you don't want. 
•Do all of your work first, then go over it after to see if you have made any mistakes. Not 
everything can or must be perfect. 
•Make the best out of your high school years. When graduation comes, the excitement will be 
greater because the hard work and commitment has paid off. 
•Realize that one assignment missed or done poorly is not the end of the world. Just don't let 
things pile up. 
•Think about your priorities. Most kids barely actually play sports outside the school age. But, 
your high school grades can be a factor of your life's career.
10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart 
By Therese J. Borchard 
Associate Editor 
Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is 
simply awful.” Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. 
Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick way to stop your heart from 
hurting so much. 
To stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love 
deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not 
hold you back from loving deeply. 
The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.” 
But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 10 tips I’ve gathered from experts 
and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, 
ever so gradually, to move on.
1. Go through it, not around it. 
I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that 
is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple 
fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my 
therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of 
the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just 
like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced 
as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me. 
2. Detach and revel in your independence again. 
Attempting to fill the void yourself — without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win 
your lover back — is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that 
leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. In his book, Eastern 
Wisdom for Western Minds, Victor M. Para chin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who 
sought advice from a monk. Writes Para chin: 
“Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied: “Who tied you up?” 
This old gardener answered: “Nobody tied me up.” The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek 
liberation?” 
One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: I 
don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is 
so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over 
again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it… creatively, and with the 
help of my higher power. 
3. List your strengths. 
As I wrote in my “12 Ways to Keep Going” post, a technique that helps me when I feel raw and defeated 
to try anymore is to list my strengths. I say to myself, “Self, you have been sober for 20 years!! 
Weaklings can’t pull off that! And here you are, alive, after those 18 months of intense suicidal thoughts. 
Plus you haven’t smoked a cigarette since that funeral back in December of last year!” I say all of that 
while listening to the “Rocky” soundtrack, and by the last line, I’m ready to tackle my next challenge: 
move on from this sadness and try to be a productive individual in this world. If you can’t list your 
strengths, start a self-esteem file. Click here to learn how you build one.
4. Allow some fantasizing. 
Grief wouldn’t be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost. Dr. Christine 
Whelan, who writes the “Pure Sex, Pure Column” on BustedHalo.com, explains the logic of allowing a bit of fantasy. 
She writes: 
If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her” or “I 
won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might 
make it worse… In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything 
but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about? [A 
white bear.] 
5. Help someone else. 
When I’m in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try 
to find a use for them. That’s why writing Beyond Blue contributes a big chunk to my recovery, why moderating Group 
Beyond Blue has me excited to wake up every day. When you turn your attention to another person — especially 
someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain — you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let’s face it 
that, on some days, feels like a miracle. 
6. Laugh. And cry. 
Laughter heals on many levels as I explain in my “9 Ways Humor Heals” post, and so does crying. You think it’s just a 
coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute 
to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 
years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tear (as compared to tears of 
irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic 
substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away. 
7. Make a good and bad list. 
You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your 
ex-lover’s home (or apartment). You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying 
things, but I suspect that things like checking out his wall on Facebook and seeing that he has just posted a photo 
of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel good, so put that on the “don’t attempt” list, along 
with e-mails and phone calls to his buddies fishing for information about him. On the “feels peachy” list might be 
found such ventures as: deleting all of his e-mails and voicemails, pawning off the jewelry he gave you (using the 
cash for a much-needed massage?), laughing over coffee with a new friend who doesn’t know him from Adam (to 
ensure his name won’t come up).
8. Work it out. 
Working out your grief quite literally — by running, swimming, exercising, walking, or kick-boxing 
— is going to give you immediate relief. On a physiological level — because exercise 
increases the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals that 
foster growth of nerve cells — but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge 
and becoming the master of your mind and body. Plus you can visualize the fellow who is 
responsible for your pain and you can kick him in the face. Now doesn’t that feel good? 
9. Create a new world. 
This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends 
who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe 
world — full of new friends who wouldn’t recognize him in a crowd and don’t know how to 
spell his name — where he is not allowed to drop by for a figurative or literal surprise visit. 
Take this opportunity to try something new — scuba diving lessons, an art class, a book club, 
a blog — so to program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning… without him (or 
her). 
10. Find hope. 
There’s a powerful quote in the movie The Tale of Despereaux that I’ve been thinking about 
ever since I heard it: “There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is 
forgiveness.” I suppose that’s why, at my father’s deathbed, the moment of reconciliation 
between us made me less scared to lose him. But forgiveness requires hope: believing that 
a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won’t be 
with you forever, that one day you’ll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a 
movie with friends. Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate, that if you try like hell 
to move on with your life, your smile won’t always be forced. Therefore in order to forgive 
and to move past fear, you need to find hope.
And remember to love again… 
Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that 
ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart 
so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can 
again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. Henri Nouwen urges to 
love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour 
forth. He writes: 
The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of 
your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. 
When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not 
leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, 
absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground 
of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the 
abundance of the fruit it will bear.
 how to cope up challenges as a students and teenager?with 10 tips about mend a broken heart
 how to cope up challenges as a students and teenager?with 10 tips about mend a broken heart

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how to cope up challenges as a students and teenager?with 10 tips about mend a broken heart

  • 1.  Nowadays, student’s major problem is how to cope with their lessons especially to those who are in top where in they join lot of activities. September and October is considered as a busiest month of the year, it is because most of activities in school like contests in different levels fall in this month. Some students are crazy on the things that they are going to work on because at this point they need to learn all their missed lessons in academic area. After winning on the competitions they are joining they are obliged to practice well in order to bring home the bacon, so it means that they have to leave and never mind their academic requirements to focus well. Another factor why students cannot concentrate on their lessons is that are the one who represents the school indifferent competitions.
  • 2. To those who are not joining in any activity they find hard on their studies for the following reasons: They have to adjust more to the K to 12 where in there are lot of projects, activities and performances that students are going to compile, submit and perform which are required by the subject teachers. The lack of financial support from parents is the reason why students cannot submit their projects on time because most of the lesson today comes from internet.
  • 3. As a student what should we do to cope these challenges? Got a problem? Who doesn’t? It might help to know there are eight ways, and only eight ways, to solve it. Isn’t that reassuring? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Run through these eight alternatives and you can take care of any problem that comes your way. 1Make a revision timetable. Spend a good amount of time on this. You can do it with a parent, friend or best of all, a brother or sister who has been in the same position. Firstly list your subjects that you have exams in. Split your day up. You can try and split your day into three 'units'; Morning, afternoon, evening. And you can even split these up further into 'early' and late' sessions. Always be sure to have some time off though, at least 6 units off is recommended. See 'Tips' for an example. Get organized! Go out and buy a large notepad, some folders and plenty or writing utensils. Also, make sure you know what exam board you have for each subject so you can use the materials on their website. If you are unsure, make sure you ask your teacher. Get in to a good routine. Try and wake up at not such a drastically different time as you would for school. Be nice and fresh and eat well for breakfast. Regular breaks are essential and don't do more than a 1 hour session. Revision can be fun...sort of! Invite some pals over for an afternoon of studying. You may get distracted easier but at least you will have someone to talk to and you can test each other. Friends can also be great motivators. Also, make sure you keep your revision techniques fresh and interesting- use bullet points for one thing. Keep yourself motivated! As mentioned, friends can be great motivators. But if you're on your own, keep thinking about what you want to achieve at the end of this. If you ever have a 'low' moment where you feel that you simply can't carry on, keep telling yourself 'All this revision and hard work WILL pay off, I CAN get an A and WILL get an A if I keep revising' Give yourself treats and rewards. After an hours revision allow yourself thirty minutes on a game or watching television. Again, another good motivator. At the end of the day, 'review' everything you have done. Take pride in what you have done and look at your timetable to prepare for tomorrow. Got a problem? Who doesn’t? It might help to know there are eight ways, and only eight ways, to Got a problem? Who doesn’t? It might help to know there are eight ways, and only eight ways, to solve it. Isn’t that reassuring? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Run through these eight solve it. Isn’t that reassuring? Aren’t you glad you’re reading this? Run through these eight alternatives and you can take care of any problem that comes your way. alternatives and you can take care of any problem that comes your way.
  • 4. How to Manage Your Time Wisely As a High School Student High school, especially during your senior year, can be frustrating. This is the time of your life that you're preparing yourself for college and the real world. So how do you manage your time doing all of your current activities without being overly stressed? Steps 1. Sort your life as a teenager. Are friends important to be around at this time? Do you find yourself on the internet a lot? Are you someone who goes to the library to study in a quiet environment? Are your parents around to assist you or prefer to ask for teachers' help?
  • 5. 2. Prioritize your weekly schedule as a student. Any educational/academic studies must come first, then extra curriculum activities, and then social life. Friends will want to hang out with you on the weekends, but they will understand if you explain to them that you need to study or catch up on college-related work. 3. List the exact due dates for events, projects, essays, and other homework. This will greatly help you to alert you when things need to be done by. Next, sort extracurricular activities. Any activity dealing with scholarships should be placed before the Elective or After School ones. Then, input non-educational events, such as babysitting, miscellaneous jobs, etc, with team events, such as sports, coming first. Finally, treat yourself for a night out with friends.
  • 6. 4. Set a time limit on how long you study for each class. Don't go overboard on one subject and forget that you have several others to catch up on before going to bed. Also, don't rush through studying; take your time and concentrate. You may want to set an alarm clock at a certain hour, so when it rings, go to another subject, and reset the alarm. 5. Get at least 6-9 hours of sleep. If you have more or less sleep than you should have, you may start lacking in your coursework and become lazy because of the urge or want to sleep.
  • 7. 6. Try to take showers before going to school. You'll be more refreshed, alert, and relaxed as you start the day. Night showers are sometimes "missed" if you have your face covered in books and realize that it's time to go to sleep. This is also a start of procrastination. 7. Go over your scholarship essays and college applications with your parents. It's always a positive action to get parents involved in students' lives by sharing opinions about futures and careers. If this is not possible, share it with a school counselor. Not only that they will give their opinions, but they have the ability to search what college classes or majors is within your preferred goal.
  • 8. 8. Think of how non-educational activities are affecting your schedule. If you are babysitting, compromise with the mother on set days and times that goes around your academic life. If you cannot commit to your studies because of football practice, then you must take action. When something gets in the way, you need to drop it, even if it's temporarily. 9. Don't neglect your health. Just because you're short of time doesn't mean you should live on junk food. Try to get your fruits and vegetables every day. Remember to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. Doing these things will support mental, physical and emotional function. 10. Try to have a fixed timetable.
  • 9. Tips: •Don't stress! In high school, stress can be a big factor when faced with a variety of things that they need to take care of, but don't know how to complete everything at once. •High school is not a time to slack, so before you hit the couch with a bag of chips and a movie, make sure you take care of everything you need to. There is nothing worse than late and crappy work. It causes you to appear as if you don't care, which you don't want. •Do all of your work first, then go over it after to see if you have made any mistakes. Not everything can or must be perfect. •Make the best out of your high school years. When graduation comes, the excitement will be greater because the hard work and commitment has paid off. •Realize that one assignment missed or done poorly is not the end of the world. Just don't let things pile up. •Think about your priorities. Most kids barely actually play sports outside the school age. But, your high school grades can be a factor of your life's career.
  • 10. 10 Tips to Mend a Broken Heart By Therese J. Borchard Associate Editor Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” Especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. Mending a broken heart is never easy. There is no quick way to stop your heart from hurting so much. To stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.” But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 10 tips I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.
  • 11. 1. Go through it, not around it. I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me. 2. Detach and revel in your independence again. Attempting to fill the void yourself — without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back — is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. In his book, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds, Victor M. Para chin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. Writes Para chin: “Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied: “Who tied you up?” This old gardener answered: “Nobody tied me up.” The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek liberation?” One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it… creatively, and with the help of my higher power. 3. List your strengths. As I wrote in my “12 Ways to Keep Going” post, a technique that helps me when I feel raw and defeated to try anymore is to list my strengths. I say to myself, “Self, you have been sober for 20 years!! Weaklings can’t pull off that! And here you are, alive, after those 18 months of intense suicidal thoughts. Plus you haven’t smoked a cigarette since that funeral back in December of last year!” I say all of that while listening to the “Rocky” soundtrack, and by the last line, I’m ready to tackle my next challenge: move on from this sadness and try to be a productive individual in this world. If you can’t list your strengths, start a self-esteem file. Click here to learn how you build one.
  • 12. 4. Allow some fantasizing. Grief wouldn’t be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost. Dr. Christine Whelan, who writes the “Pure Sex, Pure Column” on BustedHalo.com, explains the logic of allowing a bit of fantasy. She writes: If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her” or “I won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might make it worse… In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about? [A white bear.] 5. Help someone else. When I’m in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them. That’s why writing Beyond Blue contributes a big chunk to my recovery, why moderating Group Beyond Blue has me excited to wake up every day. When you turn your attention to another person — especially someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain — you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let’s face it that, on some days, feels like a miracle. 6. Laugh. And cry. Laughter heals on many levels as I explain in my “9 Ways Humor Heals” post, and so does crying. You think it’s just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tear (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away. 7. Make a good and bad list. You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover’s home (or apartment). You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things, but I suspect that things like checking out his wall on Facebook and seeing that he has just posted a photo of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel good, so put that on the “don’t attempt” list, along with e-mails and phone calls to his buddies fishing for information about him. On the “feels peachy” list might be found such ventures as: deleting all of his e-mails and voicemails, pawning off the jewelry he gave you (using the cash for a much-needed massage?), laughing over coffee with a new friend who doesn’t know him from Adam (to ensure his name won’t come up).
  • 13. 8. Work it out. Working out your grief quite literally — by running, swimming, exercising, walking, or kick-boxing — is going to give you immediate relief. On a physiological level — because exercise increases the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals that foster growth of nerve cells — but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge and becoming the master of your mind and body. Plus you can visualize the fellow who is responsible for your pain and you can kick him in the face. Now doesn’t that feel good? 9. Create a new world. This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe world — full of new friends who wouldn’t recognize him in a crowd and don’t know how to spell his name — where he is not allowed to drop by for a figurative or literal surprise visit. Take this opportunity to try something new — scuba diving lessons, an art class, a book club, a blog — so to program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning… without him (or her). 10. Find hope. There’s a powerful quote in the movie The Tale of Despereaux that I’ve been thinking about ever since I heard it: “There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness.” I suppose that’s why, at my father’s deathbed, the moment of reconciliation between us made me less scared to lose him. But forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won’t be with you forever, that one day you’ll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a movie with friends. Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate, that if you try like hell to move on with your life, your smile won’t always be forced. Therefore in order to forgive and to move past fear, you need to find hope.
  • 14. And remember to love again… Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. Henri Nouwen urges to love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour forth. He writes: The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.