Knights today 1


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Knights today 1

  1. 1. Knights Today free and independent gets conceived and brought to parchment in the Order of The Merovingian founded on D4 on the first day First Edition July, 15. 2012
  2. 2. Content Forword of the Publisher Editorial - Attack of the free press e Knightly Comic: Bob the Barbarian Summit - North America1 Medicus Freud at Work Breaking News (Caution Hoax!) Interviews Spirit of the Lords & Knights Press: Journalism In Tenessyee (North America) e Knightly Limerick e Played Sketch: "Amfortas and the ungracious Earl" (first part) e Knightly Poem Impressum
  3. 3. forword of the publisher Dear readers from Australia, North America and UK! Life on English worlds, especially on United Kingdom, is really not easy. It‘s raining all the time, the flocks of sheep clog the approach for the troops, the beer is too warm and the soup is cold. In opposite of that, the German worlds are bigger, have nicer weather, are better developed and you get this terrific beer in every tavern! And on top of that, those Krauts also have this amazing newspaper, which is made professionally and maintains the wonderful german humour. Of course you ask yourself: Why is this not on the English worlds? e answer is simple: Because nothing happens here! ere is nothing to report about! Or has been! Because something did happen: e neutral agency abroad of the newspaper “Knights Today“ on UK1 has been attacked by a knight from “Knights and Shields“ and conquered. Until further notice each and every member of “Knights and Shields“ is excluded from receiving “Knights Today“! It is prohibited for all alliances to hand down editions which have “fallen off the oxcart“ to the alliance Knights and Shields is is also the topic, which the editorial article deals with. Besides that, we have prepared interviews, literature and a sketch for you. Now you ask yourself: Why the Germans again? Why is no local, who knows the traditions and customs of the natives and this curious language, doing it? Once again, the answer is very simple: Because we can! Which is why we will do structure assistance and help you by making your own newspaper! is is why we need your help! Become a freelance writer or reporter! Send us reports, interviews or articles and we will publish them: Help us translating and proof-reading. Our special service for you: with immediate effect it will give the new-sticker in English: Send us little stories and short news and they get published immediately. Every contribution is able to be commented by you! and now enjoy the reading! Your Graf Augstein
  4. 4. Editorial Attack of the free press Since „Knights Today“ has settled in the English worlds, there is no day that passes without getting attacked, spied, or threatened. We got used to it quickly. We knew what would expect us here. Of course those worlds aren‘t as culturally developed as our homeland is, where a simple message including our neutral status is enough, and every hostile activity gets canceled. But friendly people also live here! We say:“ Hi, we are the newspaper and we are working on the first edition!“ Oen, people are understanding, ask what a newspaper is and how they can help. en we make a little interview and everything is fine! Not happened with knight „Mkeats“ from Knights and Shields! He didn‘t respond to our warnings and meant to not speak a word to us. e note, that he would become the main topic of our first edition didn‘t show a reaction either. A weak, defenceless castle, which only exist for making a newspaper, was conquered mercilessly aer a 4 hour battle! We ask ourselves: What kind of knight is that and what is that for an alliance, which is so desperate to become part in the newspaper, that it drops its good manners, in case they ever had such? Already during the first researches, we hit upon interesting information about this knight (nickname: „the clumsy fellow“) and his alliance. ere are many funny anecdotes which deal with his clumsiness. He‘s said to send his troops the wrong way, because his enemies have flipped the signposts. Another time he cut of his right thumb with his sword, to remind himself which side the right side is. His troops oen cared for confusion because they were not able to march on the right side of the rode. at he attacks castles without silver every now and then, because he drank away everything in the tavern the night before or has lost it, playing dices, has become to a dictum on UK: I ate all my silver last night! Also, there were many funny stories about his alliance: You usually like to remember the night before a great attack. A few buffoons have painted black all the sheep of the Knight and Shields. Because they looked like bulls, the troops were confused so much, they actually thought they had been teleported to the spanish server. And not only this attack had been cancelled.
  5. 5. When its raining, the Knights and Shields are backing out immediately! Due to their chronically lack of silver, their troops got equipped only with cheap metal armament, which rust in just a few minutes. On the other hand, the Knights and Shields took over many funny customs from their forefathers. When they are bored or the weather is too hot, they like to through droppings from their horses at each other. e knight who is not able to be recognised any longer, gets processed to a tasty soup in a big pot, which has its best taste eaten cold. is beautiful example of knightly humour shows us that this alliance, even though it has a lot of weaknesses, also has its likeable sides. Now, aer we had so much fun with the “Knights and Shields“ we like to forget this little incident and look forward to additional meetings! Greeting from the Graf The Knightly Comic Bob the Barbarian specially for those worlds; our new comic figur: ” bob the barbarian” (hope you enjoy it)!
  6. 6. Report Summit - North America 1 Summit at the United Soap Confederation Is the world of North America ready for new and fresh players?! New  and small alliances have to deal with getting reset, and reset. Suzie from the Untied Soap Confederation wants to draw a line. She invited to a summit to talk about this huge lack of developing new competition. ey invited the leaders of those smaller alliances helping with any thinkable tips and tricks. e goal is, to become strong and independent. Merging is a word they can not here anymore.  Question being, is it easier to attack little helpless players, robbing them the chance of becoming big and respectable, just because they are not part of the mighty ones yet? Surely, yes it is, but is it as honorable as attacking others on the same level? Baron Gibbs, Leader of „e Templars“  and on ranglist 14 has another opinion: "Some alliances are not very organized and do not have a vision. I started the Templars and navigated the growth. It is tricky and not easy. at is why this game is so cool. It is a challenge and you must be sharp and have good players in your alliance. I am very proud of the players in the Templars." Also, I have asked Diplomat RedVan from the Alliance „Leaders of Men“, Ranglist 7. "New and yet small alliances are complaining about getting reset all the time, or being forced to merge, because the mighty ones take the chance of development from them. What is your opinion about that topic?" Lords and Knights is a war game. It revolves around people creating alliances, and dominating. If a player chooses to either go it solo, or join a small alliance, it's a risk they are going to have to weigh.  Being a small alliance doesn't mean you are doomed to fail, however. e alliance I'm in (Leaders of Men l+k://alliance?3715&1 ) was very small when I first joined. I think around rank 26-30 or so. e most interesting aspect of this game, to me at least, is the diplomacy aspect. If you're a small alliance and have people able to create ties, you can rise to the top 10. Certainly not impossible. We'll keep an eye on it and wish everyone good luck on their journey to the TOP alliances! Susan
  7. 7. Medicus Freud at Work Profile of an attacker On UK2, the castle of our charming Susan got attacked, just recently. As always in such cases the attacker received the the following message: Are you sure?! If you are really that desperate to take my castle, then do so! Your name will be listed first on the English edition of our knight journal. e following text will nicely work: "Member attacks the Free Press!!! (Your link and all of your castle links will be listed....for everyone too see!) Visitors are welcome at anytime!" You want that?! - Your decision! Kiss your castles goodbye. A little unexpected, Susan received this as an answer: "Haha anyone who has the time to be sad and read a journal about a game is well just sad!! Not as sad as those who actually write the journal, get a life it's a game you take some and lose some, live with it and play this as a game and stop wasting time writing a crap journal where no one who actually has a life gives a crap. Play the game and stop being a sad person." Irritated from this, even for the english language, unusual rough statement, Susan did not want to be impolite with not answering and let him know: „I‘m wont be the sad one here, trust me.“ e second message she received was even harder and it reveals the profile of a distraught and misunderstood soul: "You already are sad, you're doing a journal for a game, that's just sad/lame/pathetic. Do you really think someone is going to start a war with the alliance I'm in because you think I'm gonna take your castle, why the heck would they start a war when you are the one who lost a castle. Stop being stupid and play the game not waste your time on a journal no one is going to take any notice and have no impact on anything. Seriously."
  8. 8. By the way, this person is: Raul (13 Castles, 3412 Points) from the Alliance of the "Kings" (Place 3 on the rang list with a point average of 1248 and 334 players. Now what can these lines tell us? at Raul is a little backwoodsman from the south-west of UK2, who can not have a clue about what impact a professional led newspaper like „Knights Today“ on the really important worlds of Lords & Knights has got? Who does not know that thousands of educated knights and castle ladys wait and long for the latest edition of „Knights Today“? Who does not know the the mighty ones of the worlds are trembling when it comes to our reports, because they do know „e feather is more powerful than the sword!“ But of course he can‘t! On his world the newspaper is just released today! But there is much more! His words are a mirror to his personality. We will unveil his replaced sites in a sensitive analysis! Its sticking out that Raul uses the terms „sad“, „pathetic“, „lame“, and „Life“ very oen. Secret cries for help are hiding behind these words, which we can only understand when we take a look at his personal situation: In his alliance he is placed in the upper field, but is far away from the best. How is he dealing with the feeling of just being average? He insults other players, that have less points than him! With 13 castles he must have spent a little time to play this game, but he is not what we can call an experienced knight. Is it the lack of ambition to play this game intensive and in the right way? Can he not decide between phantasy and real life? He is just taking a lame part in the game and likes to attack weaker players, just like, in this case, the castle of a neutral newspaper! And then even forgets to keep his silver together, so that he had to travel home sad, without a new castle! On those deeds he sure can not be proud; this pathetic behavior makes him sad!
  9. 9. Another thing sticks out: Raul finds many derogatory words for people who write newspapers or read it! What does this tell us about him? A disturbed relation to literature? Didn‘t he got read aloud little stories about brave knights who fight on top of noble alliances? Is he trying to make up his great lost back in childhood in a game and must sadly learn that this pathetic feeling doesn‘t fill up the emptiness? And every time he meets something related to literature this anger of his lost childhood comes back? And the thought of an lame and thrown away life? On the other hand: Maybe this is nonsense and the explanation is so easy: Raul is dyslexic! Reading and writing is torture to him! Everyone else who can do it and have fun with it, are his natural enemies! ats why he uses the same and little words in his messages. Words which don‘t need to be hardly memorized to not reveal his weakness! Nobody knows how many knights on the worlds have to hide such problems before their buddies! But this is over now! "Knight Today" can help the Rauls in these worlds! We‘ll bring light into the darkness of ignorance in the English speaking worlds! -Texts, which everyone is able to read and understand! - In really hard cases we recommend our „EDUCATION WITH THE MALLET“ program - just 100 gold coins! -Construction- and strategy help for everyone who long for the Top 10 of their alliance, but to whom the game is just too complicated! -Our special offer: "Learning from pros“ the secret tips of the best knights from the German worlds - just 200 gold coins! -psychological support for everyone who feels lame, pathetic and sad (Raul´s first session with our druid Psychotherapix has allready proofed miracles! For him for free, everyone else 25 gold coins per session)! We are glad to help! Also next time!
  10. 10. Breaking News (Caution Hoax!) We received a message anonymously, the honerd "Mkeats" known for his complicated relationship to the female sex, shall be a diligant consumer of inferior literature: Here is an excerpt from his "favorite" book: Elizabethan Pornography Smugglers SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'THE LIFE OF SIR PHILIP SIDNEY' (Mix through to a Tudor dining room. At the table a group of Tudor gentry are sitting listening to Gaskell. Evidence of a banquet, and two minstrels in attendance. Gaskell has obviously just finished a story. Applause and laughter.) Gaskell (Michael Palin): ...then did we bust the Harry Tony mob, who did seek to import Scandinavian filth via Germany. For six years they cleaned up a packet - the day I got whiff of them through a squealer and within one week did a mop-up right good. ey're now languishing doing five years bird in Parkhurst. (Applause. ey are all very impressed. Cut to exterior. A messenger on a horse rides full pelt straight towards the camera. It is dusk. He stops outside the Elizabethan house, leaps off and dashes into the house. Cut to interior again. ey are still all laughing from his last story. e messenger bursts into room.) Messenger: Sir Philip. e Spaniards have landed in the Netherlands. My Lord Walsingham needs you there forthwith. Gaskell: Let's go. (Cut to exterior. Gaskell is seated on the back of the messenger's horse and they gallop off. e dinner crowd are standing waving on the doorstep.) Dinner Crowd: Good luck, Sir Philip! (Cut to a British standard fluttering in the breeze against the blue sky. Fanfare. Two Elizabethan gentlemen, and four men dressed as Elizabethan soldiers are standing on a cliff top. Gaskell strides up to them, and.takes up position on topmost point of the knoll.)
  11. 11. Gaskell: Where are the Spaniards? Elizabethan Gent (Eric Idle): Down below Sir Philip, their first boats are landing even now. (Shot of a sailing-galley seen from above.) Gaskell: Right, you stay here, I'll go and get them. Elizabethan Gent: Sir Philip! Not alone! (Cut to the beach. Suspense music. Gaskell strides up to the camera, until he is towering over it. e music reaches crescendo.) Gaskell: Allo allo! What's going on here? (Cut to beached rowing boat piled high with bundles of dirty magazines. Two Spaniards are unloading it.) Spaniard: Ees nothing, Senor, ees just some literature. Gaskell: I know what literature is, you dago dustbin. I also know what porn is. (pulls out a loose magazine and brandishes it) What's this then eh? Spaniard: It is one of Lope De Vega's latest plays, Senor. Gaskell: 'Toledo Tit Parade'? What sort of play's that? Spaniard: It's very visual, Senor. Gaskell: Right. I'm taking this lot in in the name of Her Gracious Majesty Queen Elizabeth. Spaniard: Oh, but Senor. Gaskell: Don't give me any trouble. Just pile up these baskets of filth and come with me. (e second Spaniard leaps out of the boat with a drawn sword and they both engage Gaskell in a fight. en we start to draw away from them, leaving them tiny dots in the distance fighting. Fight music over all this and voice over.)
  12. 12. Voice Over (Terry Jones): e battle raged long and hard, but as night fell Sidney overcame the Spaniards. 6,000 copies of 'Tits and Bums' and 4,000 copies of 'Shower Sheila' were seized that day. e tide of Spanish porn was stemmed. Sir Philip Sidney returned to London in triumph. (Cut to stock film m of Elizabethan London street during celebrations.) SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'LONDON 1583' (Cut to side on close up of Gaskell riding hard through woodland) Voice Over: Covered in glory, Sir Philip rode home to Penshurst to see his beloved wife, but all was not well. (Gaskell runs up outside another Tudor house and strides in. Cut to intenior of an Elizabethan room - panelled walls, log fire, latticed windows, etc. Sir Philip's wife is sitting reading. Gaskell enters.) Gaskell: Good evening all, my love. I have returned safe from the Low Countries. (she hurriedly hides the book she is reading under some knitting and starts whistling) What are thou reading, fair one? Wife: Oh, 'tis nothing, husband. Gaskell: I can see 'tis something. Wife: 'Tis one of Shakespeare's latest works. (Gaskell picks up the book and reads the title.) Gaskell: Oh... 'Gay Boys in Bondage' What, is't - tragedy? Comedy? Wife: 'Tis a... er... 'tis a story of a man's great love for his... fellow men. Gaskell: How fortunate we are indeed to have such a poet on these shores. Wife: Indeed. How was the war, my lord? Gaskell: e Spaniards were defeated thrice. Six dozen chests of hardcore captured.
  13. 13. Wife: (trying to look innocent) Hast brought home any spoils of war? Gaskell: Yes, good my wife, this fair coat trimmed with ermine. Wife: (without enthusiasm) Oh, lovely, naught else? Gaskell: No, no fair lady. e rest was too smutty. (He settles himself down in front of his lady's feet and the fire.) Gaskell: Now, my good wife. Whilst I rest, read to me a while from Shakespeare's 'Gay Boys in Bondage'. (e wife looks a trifle taken aback but reluctantly opens the book and starts to read with a resigned air.) Wife: Yes my lord. 'Gay Boys in Bondage'... Ken, 25, is a mounted policeman with a difference, and what a difference. Even Roger is surprised and he's... (she looks slightly, sick with guilt) he's used to real men... Gaskell: 'Tis like 'Hamlet'. What a genius! Wife: 'But who's going to do the cooking tonight? Roddy's got a mouthful...' (Enter Maddox - a modern-day plain-clothed policeman.) Maddox gc: All right, this is a raid. (e wife screams, Gaskell leaps to his feet.) Wife: Oh! We are disgraced! Gaskell: ere you are, Maddox! Maddox: Cut the chat and get in the van. Gaskell: Maddox! You recognize me. Maddox: Indeed I do, Sir Philip Sidney, and sad I am to see you caught up in this morass of filth, (he picks up the book) ooh - that's a long one.
  14. 14. Wife: Oh oh... the glorious name of Sidney is besmirched, all is lost. Oh alas the day. Gaskell: Shut up! I know this man - this is my old mate Sergeant Maddox. Maddox: You'll do time for this. Gaskell: Oh Maddox - it's me - Gaskell. 'F' division down at Acton, Inspector Arthur Frodwell... Maddox: Come on Sidney. (he bundles them both out) And you, miss. Gaskell: I'm not Sir Philip bleedin' Sidney... and where were you? We could have mopped up that Tudor shop... (ey are bundled out. Maddox pauses only to pick a book from the bookcase near the door.) Maddox: Ooh, that's a good one! (Cut to outside a modern theatre stage-door Gaskell, still protesting, and wife are bundled out and into a police van. As it drives off, it reveals on the side of the theatre a poster saying: 'e Aldwych eatre, e Royal Shakespeare Company Presents 'Gay Boys In Bondage' By William Shakespeare'.) (text from Monty Python) Because we are a serious newspaper and because we know from a trustworthy source that the honerable "Mkeats" can not read nor write, we wont publish this message. If you should be able to read it at this point, you are not in habit of the original edition. e counterfeit got in circulation from an adversary of the not so honorable "Earl of Ducks", who coudn‘t get over getting defeated at the world championchip of the village idiots...
  15. 15. Interview with RedVan - Diplomat of the Alliance „Leaders of Men“ / North America1 Before the battle I ... ...make a spreadsheet in Excel with travel times for each type of troop from each castle. It takes a while, but is well worth having that info at your fingers when you need it! Aer the battle .... ...I get my troop and silver levels back up for the next :). And probably drink a beer or something.  My biggest victory: All the attacks I've warded off through diplomacy in effort to protect LoM members My greatest loss: War has not reached my walls yet, but I'm sure my time will come ;) Enemies, I try to ... ...Give them a diplomatic chance before getting swept up ;) I love to conquer:.. ...Indeed I do :D. If diplomacy fails, the fun begins! NAPs are.... ...A way to establish just penalties to those who transgress. If you're not NAP with an alliance attacking you, that's expected. If a NAP attacks you, you can expect more compensation ;) For my alliance, I would.... I can't really call LoM "my" alliance, as I am not a founder, but what I try to do for LoM as a leader and diplomat is protect our members and give them the opportunity to grow.  My favorite weapon/soldier: All of them :). Armored Horses are very handy for sending resources from castle to castle, so if I had to choose one, it would be the AH. 
  16. 16. Name 3 alliances you have the greatest respect for and why e Awakening (l+k://alliance?5037&1 ). We've been allied with them since I began playing. Many very helpful players have come through their doors.  Seal Team Six (l+k://alliance?2288&1 ). Just before I joined LoM, they were at war with Korea alliance. Beast of STS, from what I've heard, was highly supportive of LoM during that war. Any other alliance that respects our peaceful nature.  What is the best thing about your alliance?  We are quite different from the majority of alliances. We started as a peaceful alliance, and continue to adhere to that even now that we are top 10. Our policy, in short, is: if you're active, we won't bother you. Of course, we get drawn in to wars too, generally when an alliance attacks us, or an ally of ours, and is unwilling to resolve it diplomatically. LoM is a great place for players that want to grow in peace, but are willing and ready to war.   What makes you very proud? e leaders of LoM and how well we all work together. We all trust each other enough to not have to worry about giving our input on every little detail.  Also this castle:  l+k://coordinates?16590,16328&1  We recently formed a NATO alliance with the top 15 alliances to set up a mass mail for ease of communication between us all. e castle linked was agreed upon by all in NATO to protect until that player has returned home from military duty in Afghanistan. I'm proud to be playing on this server that shows such support to someone serving in real life.  And let me tell you, there is a lot of support there ;) Where do you see your alliance in the future? Top 10. We're not here to be ranked #1 in the server.  We just want to maintain the ability to  protect our members.  So long as we maintain our peaceful policy, our goal has been met :)
  17. 17. Interview with Lady Jamilia aka Cleopatra / Northern Knights Uk1 Before battle I coordinate with my alliance and decide on who will get the corresponding castle Aer battle I celebrate in the alliance pub thread where virtual drinks are served :) My biggest victory is seeing younger members that I have helped succeed and get to the 1000 points that the alliance celebrates My greatest loss is when people leave especially a few that were from my original alliance of cyplsm (Latin for shield if spelt correctly) that disbanded Enemies I try to reason with first if not it will be an alliance that fights not just me I love to conquer many castles in one area in several areas to help as many people as I can as my alliance wishes to be widespread. NAPs are many and if you want me to list them all I could be here all day but they range from low rankers to high rankers and I can if you wish For my alliance I would cancel social engagements for if my presence was needed My favourite weapons is armoured horses as they are fast and get resources sent faster than handcarts on here A good defence is a great offence e rebellion as they have the most experienced player e knights of night as they are helpful and good allies An the assassins as they are the top of the leader board and the intimate force to be reckoned with I would say Biscuit is the knight on my side as he has been from the very beginning and he supported me through voting and I for him :) 
  18. 18. Best thing about my alliance is that it has joke forums and we can socialise and help each other with resources and general advice Very proud when we go up in the leader board Still together whether we have all been reset or fighting at the top of the leader board l+k://player?53785&6 Inkash / Uprising UK 1 Before the battle I always spy on castle. No matter what other say. Always be sure the number off troops. Aer the battle I always check reports. To see if my battle calculate is correct or not. My biggest victory: 3 castle in one day. Use 144 k silver from 15 different castle. Minimal casualty. My greatest lost: Lost 38 k silver cause i miss the time frame 2 sec. Enemies, I try to be friend, but turn around and backstap me. I love to conquer: Spy and trader e Castle Lady on my side is too conquer. NAPs are respected friend thats not bullying other For my alliance, I would protect and die for. My favorite weapon: Lance Horce, fast and powerfull. Name 3 alliances you have the greatest respect for and why: 1. Uprising , great leader team. 2. e Art of killing, good supporting team. 3. e last outlaws, good plp with good hearts.
  19. 19. What is the best thing about your alliance? ey always teach u to be bether. What makes you very proud? Im Top 1 player in UK2. Where do you see your alliance in the future? Always at the top. l+k://player?1126&24 Baron Gibbs - Leader of „e Templars“ / North America1 Before the battle I... ...double check the timing of troops and have reserves ready to support attack Aer the battle ... ...I pound a cold one My biggest victory: defending a castle early in the history of the Templars from a top player My greatest lost: losing a member when we only had 10 total Enemies, I try to ... ...Isolate and take the parts I want I love to conquer:.. ...when it was a good long battle that was a challenge NAPs are.... ...dangerous and use them wisely For my alliance, I would.. ...sacrifice all my castles to ensure its survival My favorite weapon/soldier: archers
  20. 20. What is the best thing about your alliance? we are still standing aer so many have fallen What makes you very proud? We are still true to the idea and culture we created Final Comment: It is a team game. You need strong players to be leaders. I want to thank Lord Borin, usley, Backno, Nmurray, Layton, Luckdogg, Azz, Lady Meesh and all the other leaders and great players in the Templars for making this such a great group to be part of. I could go listing players but we have over 300 players in the Templars and Templars 2. “der deutsch eroberer” Leader of the „Shadow Warriors“ – North America 1   Before the battle I... …prepare my members defensively and tell them to be ready to counter attack.   Aer the battle I... … rebuild troops and congratulate everyone on the victory.   My biggest victory: 2 successful merges with Only Fun and Knights of SIN   My greatest lost: losing members to allies   Enemies, I try to… … keep them close.   I love to conquer: Players who are racist or have inappropriate names   NAPs are... …a great way to eventually gain an ally
  21. 21. For my alliance, I would... ... like to see us raise to the top 10   My favorite weapon: diplomacy    Name 3 alliances you have the greatest respect for and why   1)     Sts- they became our allies back when we weren't very strong and have been loyal the entire time  2)     Royal Gaurds- they are very reliable and we have built a strong relationship with them  3)     Invisible- we have a good relationship w them. ey have been very supportive any time we needed assistance   What is the best thing about your alliance?  Our alliance if full of strong loyal members. Our forums are fun and appropriate for players of all ages. Everyone here are great people and make the game fun; they make me want to get on every day just to see whats going on.    What makes you very proud? e members who have been with us from the beginning make me the most proud. Members who have merged with us to help us become the alliance we are today also play a very big part in our alliance.    Where do you see your alliance in the future? Top 10. Sooner rather then later  Blabbers / Australia Before the battle ... ...I make sure I have as many troops as possible. Aer the battle ... ...I celebrate and reap the rewards. My biggest victory was... ... climbing uluru here in Australia. My greatest loss was ... ...when my dog Marly died. I love to conquer ... fears.
  22. 22. Enemies, I try to… ...I couldn't get a girlfriend if I tried. NAPs are... Our NAP is with the gods of war. For my alliance... ... I would take on valerian himself, not that I'd win. My favorite weapon, I would ... ...use a sword in my hand, a dog by my side, and the courage in my heart. Name of 3 alliances you have the greatest respect for and why: Respect 1 Armor of god. ey aren't like the other alliances, they don't allow their members to take smaller players castles. Which saved my hide once. Respect 2 e united soap confederation If their goal is to get rid of the disgusting names from this server, than they have my support. Respect 3 Gods of war Despite the name, the gods of war are friendly and are willing to lend a hand to smaller alliances like mine. What is the best thing about your alliance? e best thing about my alliance is that it stands up for the little guys and yearns to stop large alliances like sorcerers apprentice from taking the hard- earned castles of smaller players. What makes you very proud? What makes me very proud is that people are willing to stand up to the strong players and join alliances like mine. Where do you see your alliance in the future? I see it in the top ten. A large alliance, but one that helps smaller ones to expand and grow.
  23. 23. Earl Eason / UK2 Aer the battle I PARTY...then prepare for the next My biggest victory: do free castles count? We're a peaceful alliance with no intrest in war. My greatest lost: no such thing...don't plan on losing either. Enemies, I try to silence in diplomatic negotiation first as we're a completely peaceful alliance. But we are well connected and prepared for war if it's unavoidable. I love to conquer: free castles but I must say some arsey alliances (won't name them here) are skating on thin ice some days. e Castle Lady on my side..... (don't get the question sorry) NAPs are... Rather not disclose my diplomatic statuses to everyone on the server but they are all brilliant and I respect them and with them all the best of luck For my alliance, I would...(rather depends on circumstance) My favourite weapon: words, what's better than reaching a peaceful solution? Name 3 alliances you have the greatest respect for and why: at's a tough question as I respect most alliances (excluding one or two) but I have a lot of respect for alliances who reach the top 5 without bullying or belittling other alliances, if you can make it into the top 5 fairly my hat goes off to you. But I must say personaly i have found uprising academy and imperial guard are a fantastic bunch.
  24. 24. What is the best thing about your alliance? We might not be the biggest or the best but we are a great bunch for getting along, everyone has a chance to make something of themselves with us and everyone is treated with respect providing they don't use some people in the past have. What makes you very proud? e members of my alliance are a brilliant bunch who truly work together and support each other. ey make me and my colleagues proud. Where do you see your alliance in the future? Hopefully in the top 10 somewhere aer fair and well developed growth. l+k://player?36210&24 Spirit of the Lords & Knights Press e Life as an editor can be very dangerous, too: Our new employee from the real worlds, Clemens from Long Horn, can tell an outstanding story about it: Journalism In Tennessee (North America) e editor of the Memphis Avalanche swoops thus mildly down upon a correspondent who posted him as a Radical:-- "While he was writing the first word, the middle, dotting his i's, crossing his t's, and punching his period, he knew he was concocting a sentence that was saturated with infamy and reeking with falsehood."--Exchange.
  25. 25. I was told by the physician that a Southern climate would improve my health, and so I went down to Tennessee, and got a berth on the Morning Glory and Johnson County War-Whoop as associate editor. When I went on duty I found the chief editor sitting tilted back in a three-legged chair with his feet on a pine table. ere was another pine table in the room and another afflicted chair, and both were half buried under newspapers and scraps and sheets of manuscript. ere was a wooden box of sand, sprinkled with cigar stubs and "old soldiers," and a stove with a door hanging by its upper hinge. e chief editor had a long-tailed black cloth frock-coat on, and white linen pants. His boots were small and neatly blacked. He pattern, and a checkered neckerchief with the ends hanging down. Date of costume about 1848. He was smoking a cigar, and trying to think of a word, and in pawing his hair he had rumpled his locks a good deal. He was scowling fearfully, and I judged that he was concocting a particularly knotty editorial. He told me to take the exchanges and skim through them and write up the "Spirit of the Tennessee Press," condensing into the article all of their contents that seemed of interest. I wrote as follows: SPIRIT OF THE TENNESSEE PRESS e editors of the Semi-Weekly Earthquake evidently labor under a misapprehension with regard to the Dallyhack railroad. It is not the object of the company to leave Buzzardville off to one side. On the contrary, they consider it one of the most important points along the line, and consequently can have no desire to slight it. e gentlemen of the Earthquake will, of course, take pleasure in making the correction. wore a ruffled shirt, a large seal-ring, a standing collar of obsolete John W. Blossom, Esq., the able editor of the Higginsville underbolt and Battle Cry of Freedom, arrived in the city yesterday. He is stopping at the Van Buren House. We observe that our contemporary of the Mud Springs Morning Howl has fallen into the error of supposing that the election of Van Werter is not an established fact, but he will have discovered his mistake before this reminder reaches him, no doubt. He was doubtless misled by incomplete election returns. It is pleasant to note that the city of Blathersville is endeavoring to contract with some New York gentlemen to pave its well-nigh impassable streets with the Nicholson pavement. e Daily Hurrah urges the measure with ability, and seems confident of ultimate success. I passed my manuscript over to the chief editor for acceptance, alteration, or destruction. He glanced at it and his face clouded He ran his eye down the pages, and his countenance grew portentous. It was easy to see that something was wrong. Presently he sprang up and said:
  26. 26. "under and lightning! Do you suppose I am going to speak of those cattle that way? Do you suppose my subscribers are going to stand such gruel as that? Give me the pen!" I never saw a pen scrape and scratch its way so viciously, or plow through another man's verbs and adjectives so relentlessly. While he was in the midst of his work, somebody shot at him through the open window, and marred the symmetry of my ear. "Ah," said he, "that is that scoundrel Smith, of the Moral Volcano--he was due yesterday." And he snatched a navy revolver from his belt and fired--Smith dropped, shot in the thigh. e shot spoiled Smith's aim, who was just taking a second chance and he crippled a stranger. It was me. Merely a finger shot off. en the chief editor went on with his erasure; and interlineations. Just as he finished them a hand grenade came down the stove-pipe, and the explosion shivered the stove into a thousand fragments. However, it did no further damage, except that a vagrant piece knocked a couple of my teeth out. "at stove is utterly ruined," said the chief editor. I said I believed it was. "Well, no matter--don't want it this kind of weather. I know the man hat did it. I'll get him. Now, here is the way this stuff ought to be written." I took the manuscript. It was scarred with erasures and interlineations till its mother wouldn't have known it if it had had one. It now read as follows: SPIRIT OF THE TENNESSEE PRESS e inveterate liars of the Semi-Weekly Earthquake are evidently endeavoring to palm off upon a noble and chivalrous people another of their vile and brutal falsehoods with regard to that regard to that most glorious conception of the nineteenth century, the Ballyhack railroad. e idea that Buzzardville was to be le off at one side originated in their own fulsome brains--or rather in the settlings which they regard as brains. ey had better, swallow this lie if they want to save their abandoned reptile carcasses the cowhiding they so richly deserve. at ass, Blossom, of the Higginsville underbolt and Battle Cry of Freedom, is down here again sponging a sponging at the Van Buren. We observe that the besotted blackguard of the Mud Springs Morning Howl is giving out, with his usual propensity for lying, that Van Werter is not elected. e heaven-born mission of journalism is to disseminate truth; to eradicate error; to educate, refine, and elevate the tone of public morals and manners, and make all men more gentle, more virtuous, more charitable, and in all ways better, and holier, and happier; and yet this blackhearted scoundrel scoundrel degrades his great office persistently to the dissemination of falsehood, calumny, vituperation, and vulgarity. Blathersville wants a Nicholson pavement--it wants a jail and a poorhouse more. e idea of a pavement in a one-horse town composed of two gin-mills, a blacksmith shop, and that mustard-plaster of a newspaper, the Daily Hurrah!
  27. 27. e crawling insect, Buckner, who edits the Hurrah, is braying about his business with his customary imbecility, and imagining that he is talking sense. "Now that is the way to write--peppery and to the point. Mush-and-milk journalism gives me the fan-tods." About this time a brick came through the window with a splintering crash, and gave me a considerable of a jolt in the back. I moved out of range --I began to feel in the way. e chief said, "at was the Colonel, likely. I've been expecting him for two days. He will be up now right away." He was correct. e Colonel appeared in the door a moment aerward with a dragoon revolver in his hand. He said, "Sir, have I the honor of addressing the poltroon who edits this mangy sheet?" "You have. Be seated, sir. Be careful of the chair, one of its legs is gone. I believe I have the honor of addressing the putrid liar, Colonel Blatherskite Tecumseh?" "Right, Sir. I have a little account to settle with you. If you are at leisure we will begin." "I have an article on the 'Encouraging Progress of Moral and Intellectual Development in America' to finish, but there is no hurry. Begin." Both pistols rang out their fierce clamor at the same instant. e chief lost a lock of his hair, and the Colonel's bullet ended its career in the fleshy part of my thigh. e Colonel's le shoulder was clipped a little. ey fired again. Both missed their men this time, but I got my share, a shot in the arm. At the third fire both gentlemen were wounded slightly, and I had a knuckle chipped. I then said, I believed I would go out and take a walk, as this was a private matter, and I had a delicacy about participating in it further. But both gentlemen begged me to keep my seat, and assured me that I was not in the way. ey then talked about the elections and the crops while they reloaded, and I fell to tying up my wounds. But presently they opened fire again with animation, and every shot took effect--but it is proper to remark that five out of the six fell to my share. e sixth one mortally wounded the Colonel, who remarked, with fine humor, that he would have to say good morning now, as he had business uptown. He then inquired the way to the undertaker's and le. e chief turned to me and said, "I am expecting company to dinner, and shall have to get ready. It will be a favor to me if you will read proof and attend to the customers." I winced a little at the idea of attending to the customers, but I was too bewildered by the fusillade that was still ringing in my ears to think of anything to say. He continued, "Jones will be here at three--cowhide him. Gillespie will call earlier, perhaps--throw him out of the window. Ferguson will be along about four--kill him. at is all for today, I believe. If you have any odd time, you may write a blistering article on the police--give the chief inspector rats.
  28. 28. e cowhides are under the table; weapons in the drawer--ammunition there in the corner--lint and bandages up there in the pigeonholes. In case of accident, go to Lancet, the surgeon, down- stairs. He advertises--we take it out in trade." He was gone. I shuddered. At the end of the next three hours I had been through perils so awful that all peace of mind and all cheerfulness were gone from me. Gillespie had called and thrown me out of the window. Jones arrived promptly, and when I got ready to do the cowhiding he took the job off my hands. In an encounter with a stranger, not in the bill of fare, I had lost my scalp. Another stranger, by the name of ompson, le me a mere wreck and ruin of chaotic rags. And at last, at bay in the corner, and beset by an infuriated mob of editors, blacklegs, politicians, and desperadoes, who raved and swore and flourished their weapons about my head till the air shimmered with glancing flashes of steel, I was in the act of resigning my berth on the paper when the chief arrived, and with him a rabble of charmed and enthusiastic riends. en ensued a scene of riot and carnage such as no human pen, or steel one either, could describe. People were shot, probed, dismembered, blown up, thrown out of the window. ere was a brief tornado of murky blasphemy, with a confused and frantic war- dance glimmering through it, and then all was over. In five minutes there was silence, and the gory chief and I sat alone and surveyed the sanguinary ruin that strewed the floor around us. He said, "You'll like this place when you get used to it." I said, "I'll have to get you to excuse me; Tennesseean journalism is too stirring for me." Aer which we parted with mutual regret, and I took apartments at the hospital. -THE END- (Mark Twain) e Knightly Limerick (from the rich collection of the brave Valiant, captured in numerous campaings, oen read from the lips of the dying enemies during their last breath...) ere was a Castle Lady whose eyes, Were unique as to colour and size; When she opened them wide, People all turned aside, And started away in surprise.
  29. 29. The played Sketch Amfortas and the ungracious Earl A usual morning in the house of the publisher of a knightly Postile. In the castle kitchen, reading the latest crossword puzzle with dampened act urge, sits the earl. Earl (in a bit of a bad mood): …horizontal…eight steps of knowledge… Who comes up with such a bullshit. It’s time for heading to the editors and get those writers… Castle Lady:(from the bath) Charmingly! Your roman bath. You must have paid a fortune for all those stone things, Earlie. Earl: Marble sweetheart, italian marble taking it precisely. Know, in my position I get to travel the world… Castle Lady: Could you reach me the towel, Earlie! Earl: Here you go! Your welcome! But please…I beg you, don’t call me “earlie” all the time. Not in public. I’m a publisher! Of a magazine, which… Castle Lady:… reports from all german worlds and Helvetica, I know I know. Your are very eloquent, and know such odd words! Total opposite of the robber barons, who visited me until then,..and were….doesn’t matter! Which matter is of your desire today? Earl: Well, I'm brooding about a dark, diabolically delicious master plan, to became the master of the universe. The only thing that I'm still missing is someone who translates it to reality. For the possibility that it doesn't work out. But who could be such a fool.... Castle Lady: Why don't you take Amfortas.... Earl: My Dear. You're reading my thoughts! If he would just come. I bet, yesterday he... (loud noise, together with some evil cusses) A reckless shape of man appears, having a handle of a very valuable vase in his hands. Black Knight: Whats up guys! Haven't seen this pot here at all! Can't put soup in here no more. Castle Lady: (in another room) Did Amfortas come, Earlie? Earl: (self-restraint) Nnnnno. Just one of those dark guys, whose names are forbidden to be called! Excuse me, weird stranger, this was a Mingvase from one of my campaings through the land of the rising sun! A valuable sweet thing! Explain yourself right now! Black Knight: Cool down, dude. Imagine this pingdathing didn't fell down on purpose. Where I go, thing use to fall. Or burn down. Whole castles, too. Accept, you are reasonably and come along with some of your treasures! Nice house you have here, whats that ting on the wall? Earl: know.. I guess you are one dishonorable villian, who needs to learn a lesson! Choose your weapon! As I am the ungracious Earl, this act won't stay unpun... Black Knight: For real? The Earl? The one with this piece of cheese? The
  30. 30. Earl: (feeling flattered) Well, I didn't said it in that way, but yes! The same! Black Knight: Why don't you say that in the first place! There are some rumors about you! Well then... no hard feelings! For you, our protection is for free. And the thing with the vase... Earl: Forget this little mistake! Someone like you, having such a work, can not always... Black Knight: The sluggish Gandalf has always paid his dues. Here, a little present of attention from my shopping tour today. As a way of reparation.. Earl: A drinking service of shrunken heads! Your a shaming me! Castle Lady: (from the fitting room) But you already have a whole set of cocktails of them Earlie, Ask him if he has something needier; Jewels or gold! Earl: (struggling to behave) Don't call me Earlie! Black Knight: Boss, gotta go. There a still a few business partners on my list. See you later! Castle Lady: (fully dressed now, walking through the room) I'll ride the market. Do you guys want something? Those whining North Men are pretty cheap at the time and don't lose their worth that fast. And they are muscular... Earl: (pressed) I had them Honey. Terrible people. Always in the wince celler and permanent dissatisfaction... Castle Lady: As you wish. I'll take you centimes. See you Earlie! (Runs out, slight horse noises) Earl: (calming down) Finally alone! Ahhh....This quietness! Now a little sorrow breaker.. what is the best I can fill in such a Shrunk Head.. (hesitantly knocking) Earl: (imperious) Come in! Amfortas: (carefully) The Earl has called me? Earl: (ominously) Ha! Faithless servant! Has he finally find his way out of his bed? Amfortas: (innocent) Noble Earl , yesterday was a long day. A little bit of rest, should be allowed to a unprejudiced knight! Earl: (in sudden activeness) The word unprejudiced from his mouth! Have you delivered the letter, addressed to the ruler of the world, because of the castle which can not be defeated? Amfortas: (panic) Almost! Nearly! Something came in between! Let me explain... Earl: (completely beside himself) Pathetic creature! I will teach you! Say hello to my rifing crop!!! Amfortas: But my lord! Please calm down.... Earl: (gasping) Stay! Or run at least slower! Amfortas: My Earl! Your blood pressure.... to be continued
  31. 31. The Knightly Poem What happens with the souls of knights, which have fallen in a battle? e honorable Edgar Allen Poe knows the answer: Spirits Of e Dead y soul shall find itself alone 'Mid dark thoughts of the grey tomb-stone - Not one, of all the crowd, to pry Into thine hour of secrecy: Be silent in that solitude Which is not loneliness - for then e spirits of the dead who stood In life before thee are again In death around thee - and their will Shall then overshadow thee: be still. For the night - tho' clear - shall frown - And the stars shall look not down, From their high thrones in the Heaven, With light like Hope to mortals given - But their red orbs, without beam, To thy weariness shall seem As a burning and a fever Which would cling to thee for ever : Now are thoughts thou shalt not banish - Now are visions ne'er to vanish - From thy spirit shall they pass No more - like dew-drop from the grass: e breeze - the breath of God - is still - And the mist upon the hill Shadowy - shadowy - yet unbroken, Is a symbol and a token - How it hangs upon the trees, A mystery of mysteries! -
  32. 32. Impressum You are not a ususal knight? After the daily massacre you like to have a little distraction? After the lonlyness on the battlefield you are craving for inspiring reading? Instead of slaughter noise and the screaming of the massacred you rather listen to the sound of lute? You are thirsty for news from other worlds: Read: Knights Today Available as PDF on many worlds and Helvetica Website: Newsticker: Knights Today gets conceived and brought to parchment in the Order of the Merovingian, the bundle of fine arts on this worlds: Send us your articles, give interviews and help us translating! eMail: Publisher: Graf Augstein (on Australia, North America, Uk 1 & 2)