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Why Not Do a Startup
1. Why NOT To Do a Startup
… because You Will FAIL, Loser.
Dave McClure
500startups.com
FailCon India
Bangalore – Feb 2013
@DaveMcClure
2. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:
You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup
You want to make LOTS of Money.
You have Teh Awesome Technology Solution.
The Right Reasons:
You Live in Fear.
You Can’t Get Laid.
Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
3. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.
You Live in a Big House.
You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.
You Want to Kiss The Kids Goodnight.
You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
4. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,
But No Product and No Customers.
Bullshit Revenue
Projection ----->
(up & to the right)
See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”
5. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#4: Your Idea SUCKS
(and even your Mom thinks so)
You Don’t Have a
Working Prototype.
Worse: Have Prototype,
But No One Uses It.
It Sucks a Lot More than
the Competition.
See: “Lean Startup (Ries) &
Customer Development (Blank)”
6. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…
to a PROBLEM that does not exist.
See: “Your Solution
Is Not My Problem”
7. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#6: You’re a LOSER, not a
LEADER.
You Procrastinate. A Lot.
You’re not Charismatic.
You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
Your Vision is usually Wrong.
You’re Scared of Change.
When Other People Tell You That
You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.
…and you’re Ugly too, bitch.
Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”
8. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money
(or SuperAngels Collude to Screw You Over)
50 slides in your deck
Technical Jargon
Demo FAIL
Clueless Investors
EVIL Investors
See: “How To Pitch a VC”
9. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have
No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
No Technical Founders / Coders
No Design / UX / Usability
No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
No Mobile expertise
No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.
10. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#9: CoFounders & Employees = Whiners.
You WILL miss a payroll.
Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
There WILL be Office Politics.
People WILL discover and compare
salary & stock options.
Someone WILL sue yer ass:
Sexual Harassment
Wrongful Termination
Unhappy Customer
Jealous Competitor
11. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.
You Don’t Know Marketing.
You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.
You Think SEM = SEO.
You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms
(Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone
App, or a Social Game.
You’ve never sent an email
See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)” campaign, written a blog post, or run
an affiliate marketing campaign.
12. DON’T DO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL.
#11: You’d Rather Change the Channel
Than Change The World.
Wouldn’t you rather watch
Dabangg or T-20?
Sure you would, Loser.
Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
Fuck.
That.
Noise.