Not long ago, my best friend called me at 1 a.m. I was still awake, but already in bed and just about to turn out the light. I contemplated not answering, as I'd had a super long day and I knew a call would re-energize me (not at all desirable at this time of day), but I had a missed call from her earlier, so I picked up.

1. The Art of Listening
Not long ago, my best friend called me at 1 a.m. I was still awake, but
already in bed and just about to turn out the light. I contemplated not
answering, as I'd had a super long day and I knew a call would re-energize
me (not at all desirable at this time of day), but I had a missed call from her
earlier, so I picked up.
After some small chitchat, she began to tell me about an incident with her
boss that day. As she went into very specific detail about the story, I just sat
back (literally) and listened. She spoke for about five straight minutes
without me uttering a word.
I had attended a Buddhist lecture earlier that evening. I think my
exhaustion, coupled with the very Zen feeling I had post-lecture, put me in
some sort of meditative state where I was able to be present and hear her
without the need to interrupt or interject.

2. When she finally paused and asked, "What do you think?" I was able to
offer my advice in a clear and thoughtful way. Rather than the usual "Yeah,
your boss sucks," I brought up the possibility that her boss actually had a
point and it was just poorly delivered. I then suggested that her boss was
very likely overtired, having just returned from maternity leave, which
undoubtedly affected her mood.
What was super interesting was that my friend in turn was actually
listening to me.
Now, I admit, we are both "chatty Cathy's." So a conversation between us is
usually like two squawking chickens both vying to get a word in. But that
night was different.
In the end we decided that her was boss was in fact exhausted and
probably conflicted about leaving her new baby, so my friend's best course
of action would be to go to work early and help make her boss's life easier.
We both felt good about this resolution, and I think something actually
changed in our relationship.
We HEARD each other.
In this crazy, busy, self-absorbed life we lead, listening falls by the wayside.
I recently spoke with my sister on the phone, and after talking for a long
while she said, "You know, you just talked about yourself for 20 minutes.
You haven't once asked about me."
F–k, I hadn't.
I have another friend, whom I love, but who does not have the ability to
conduct an face-to-face conversation without simultaneously checking her
phone. It's infuriating, it's rude, and it kind of says "I don't care what you
have to say. It's not important to me."

3. The great thinker and religious teacher Krishnamurti said that love is
ATTENTION.
And the best way to practice attention and cultivate listening is to
mindfully do so throughout your day. Listen to your colleague at work
when you ask her what she did last night, don't just nod and say "Hmm"
while you text and browse. Listen to your boyfriend at dinner instead of
mentally recapping your day.
Cultivating the art of listening will help you profoundly in ways both big
and small, from improving relationships with your family to deciding to
leave a job or a lover, to putting down that gorgeous cashmere sweater at
the mall, because even though it's on sale, you have 20 others just like it at
home.
Listening brings us into the moment at-hand; it takes us out of our own
heads (and egos) and makes us present to what is there in front of us. And
what is there in front of us is life and the opportunity to participate fully by
being fully present. This is best gift that we can give to others and to
ourselves. This is love.
This article originally appeared on Sonage Skincare Blog.