CTJT web editing course student, Julie Clayton, has produced an outstanding piece of coursework.

1. CTJT web editing course – by Julie Clayton
ASSIGNMENT
Please find a piece of copy of around 200 words from the web – anything at all.
Improve it in every way you can – look at the length, the writing style, the language
used, the presentation.
MY COMMENTS
I didn’t choose a challenging piece of copy. I chose it because I had used the
website to make a booking and found the layout of the information a little confusing,
so I thought it would be interesting to have a go at it. Yes, a very good reason, and
challenge enough
Although my layout takes a few more lines, I think it would still fit. Yes, luckily word
or character number hasn’t been stipulated in this exercise, but it’s good to see
you’ve kept this in mind as it’s normally very important, especially in web editing I
would also need to check whether the adult rate starts at 16 or 17 as it’s not clear
from the website. Good I have included a screenshot of the webpage at the bottom
of this document, but please let me know if this is unnecessary. This is very helpful if
you are trying to indicate layout issues, where you could insert arrows and text to
show what you mean, but if you’re just dealing with text, then there is no need.
THIS IS THE ORIGINAL COPY, from:
http://forgewoodcamping.co.uk/bookings.html
Make a Booking
Camping Unplugged is our bespoke booking system covering all our campsites.
You have to register with us before you can make a booking, but yu can check availability across all
the sites using the availability app.
You can pay your deposit as soon as you have made the booking using a Credit/Debit Card or
PayPal. The paymnets are handled by PayPal and no card details are held by Camping Unplugged
Please pay your deposit as soon as possible as we will not normally be able to hold bookings until
they have been confirmed with payment of the deposit
Our policy is to charge by the person per night to keep it simple. However if you want
to spend the whole of Saturday with us, please come or book Friday night. We will
do our best to accommodate big groups and your various configurations; Gazebo’s,
VW Camper Vans

2. For bookings made and a deposit paid before the end of January we are holding the 2013 fee which
is that for adults we charge £12.50 per night. We offer a reduction for families which is £10.00 per
adult and £5.00 for each child 3 and over. Adults are classed as all those over 16.
From 1st February 2014 the change will be £15.00 per night for adults only and the family rate of
£12.50 for adults and £7 for children of 3 and over.
THIS IS MY VERSION
Make a Booking
Camping Unplugged is our bespoke booking system covering all our campsites. or You can make a
booking at any of our campsites through Camping Unplugged (talk directly to the user, especially
since the rest of the text does)
This is how you do it: (introduce the following points and make it seem super helpful)

Use the Availability App to check availability across all our sites. You must then register with
us to make a booking. good
 You can pay your deposit when you book, using a credit/debit card or PayPal. Payments are
handled by PayPal and no card details are held by Camping Unplugged. good
 Please pay your deposit as soon as possible. This will confirm the booking. We cannot
normally hold bookings until the deposit is paid. good – nice short easy sentences
(great use of bullet list, Julie)
Charges
We charge per person per night to keep it simple. However, if you would like to spend the whole of
Saturday with us please book – or come along - for the Friday night too. Yes, much better
Here is how we make it even easier for you:
 We will do our best to accommodate big groups and your varied configurations, including
gazebos and VW camper vans.

We charge a reduced rate for families.(to keep it the same as the previous one and it sounds
more friendly saying ‘we’ than ‘there is’)
For bookings made and deposit paid by 31st January, we are holding the 2013 fee
Rate per night
Adults
£12.50
Family rate:
Adults
£10.00
Child
£5.00
Very good use of tables, Julie – so much easier to read than the original
Bookings made from 1st February 2014
Rate per night
Note:
Adults
£15.00
Adult rates apply to age 17 and over
Family rate:
Child rates apply to age 3 and over
Adults
£12.50
Children under 3 are free good
Child
£7.00

3. SCREENSHOT OF ORIGINAL WEB PAGE thank you
CTJT web editing course – by Julie Clayton