I invite you to participate in a unique endeavor that calls upon you (or to extend an invitation to others who are divorced) to reflect on and share your experiences/feelings relating to your marriage, divorce and what has followed. Through the introspective process of writing a letter to your ex-spouse - a letter not sent through the mail but rather arranged into a research book intended to provide insight and understanding from your unique vantage point to professionals (judges/attorneys, clergy/therapists) and laypeople alike (including those considering marriage, remarriage or divorce). Those who have participated thus far tell me that the experience has been tremendously cathartic and meaningful. Thank you for you consideration!

1. Dear Family, Friends, and Colleagues – Many thanks for all your efforts in passing the following along so
that this potential book can become a reality. I have learned so much from all of you - - and want to share
the wealth.
Kindest regards – Vicki L. Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW
____________________________________________________________________________
“…AND I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW”
Dear Prospective Book Participant:
I write to invite you to participate in a unique educational opportunity. I am writing a book that will be a
collection of actual letters to ex-spouses from individuals such as yourself. These are not necessarily
copies of letters that were ever sent to your ex-spouse, but are more likely to be letters you would be
writing now - for the first time (which you may choose never to send), expressing to your ex-spouse
what you “just wanted them to know” as you reflect back upon your marriage, divorce, and all that has
followed.
My hope is that engaging in the actual introspection and writing of this anonymous letter will not only
prove cathartic to you, but will serve as a tremendous contribution to the professions of psychology, law,
theology and medicine - as therapists, family lawyers, clergy and psychiatrists have much to learn from
the vantage point of your experience.
There is no page length, no direction you “should” take – other than to write from the heart. Although the
letters will be published anonymously, it is impossible to guarantee that someone will not recognize your
letter or claim to recognize your letter; therefore, you may wish to modify certain distinguishing factors
(e.g., any geographical locales identified; any names used or professions referenced; or, number/gender
of any children mentioned). That said, I am requesting that, along with your letter, you complete a survey:
for purposes of the survey, please be 100% accurate and honest in your responses since this part of the
book will be used for educational purposes. More specifically, I intend to subcategorize the letters into
various chapters based on interesting variables such as how long couples had been married, whether
they had children together, and whether either ex-spouse subsequently remarried.
Here is how to proceed:
1. Please note that all letters MUST start the same way: “…and I just wanted you to know”
2. Please feel free to write your letter on any stationery or via any medium you
prefer (be it handwritten, via email, fax, online, etc.). [Please note that one option
is to write the letter as part of the surveymonkey itself in question #14.]
3. Please complete the surveymonkey found at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/XC89FQ9
4. Here is the tricky part: I need to be able to connect your “surveymonkey” research responses
to your letter! So, here are the options:
a. Take the surveymonkey online, write your letter as part of the surveymonkey (question
#14), press “send” – and you are all set! You’re done!
b. Take the surveymonkey online and then simply print out the completed survey and
transmit it to me - along with your separately written letter - via email, fax, or U.S. mail.
c. If you opt out of “a” or “b” and are unable to print out a copy of the survey to return
with your letter, then when you send me your letter, please tell me the exact time and date
you transmitted the surveymonkey and tell me some “identifying” information about one of your
survey answers that will help me connect your letter and the survey. [For example: “Vicki - I sent
you the surveymonkey on December 21, 2014 at 8:42 p.m. and replied in #10 of the survey that

2. ‘my ex- spouse’s a wonderful woman who loved her job more than she ever could’ve loved
me.’”]
d. Here is how to get BOTH the LETTER & THE SURVEY back to me (via email, fax, or
U.S. mail) if you are not doing both via surveymonkey (that is, option “a,” above):
Vicki L. Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW
c/o Boston Law Collaborative, LLC
99 Summer Street, Suite 1600
Boston, MA 02110
Tel: (617) 439-4700 ext. 210
Fax: (617) 439-0700
VShemin@BostonLawCollaborative.com
* Please remember: If you do not send both your letter and survey to me together, then please let me
know via separate communication that your letter and your survey are uniquely linked by some
identifying information so that I can connect them for research purposes.
Please feel free to let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
MANY THANKS FOR YOUR MOST VALUABLE CONTRIBUTION!
BEST, VICKI L. SHEMIN
Vicki L. Shemin, J.D., LICSW, ACSW | Boston Law Collaborative, LLC
99 Summer Street, Suite 1600|Boston, MA 02110 |Telephone: 617-439-4700 ext. 210 |Fax: 617-439-0700
VShemin@BostonLawCollaborative.com | www.BostonLawCollaborative.com