12Fundamentals Of “Must Do’s” of Every Relationship 12 F’s
Marriage in Islam ..they have taken from you a solemn covenant.4:21 In Islam, marriage is a social and legal contract between a man and a woman to dwell in peace and love. Established according to Islamic guidelines Intended to strengthen and extend family relationships. It begins with a search for an appropriate partner, and ends with an agreement of marriage, the contract, and the wedding party. It is also a form of Ibadah(Worship) because it is obeying Allah(SWT) and his messenger(SAW) To spend ones wealth upon ones family with the intention of reward is also charitable
Objectives of Islamic Marriage And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21).
12 Fundamentals of a Happy Marriage 2-Be 1- Be 3-Be 4-Be Willing toForgiving Flexible Faithful forget 6-Be 7-Be 8-Be a5-Be Fair Flirtatious Frank Facilitator 11-Be 9-Be 10- 12-Be aware ofFlattering Fallible Fond feelings
1-Be ForgivingWhen the Prophet Mohammad (SAW) asked hiscompanions, “Do you wish that Allah shouldforgive you?” they said, “Of course O Prophet ofAllah.” He responded, “Then forgive eachother.”
Hold to forgiveness; command what is right; butturn away from the ignorant (Araaf,7.199)
Be Forgiving Spouses must be able to forgive one another Must not hold grudges Must not be judgmental towards each other Situations will arise where we say or do things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive. If we hope for Allah to forgive us then we must learn to forgive.
2-Be Willing to Forget When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they have let us down or hurt us, we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free.
3-Be Flexible Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little. We should not expect our spouses to be extensions of ourselves; they are their own person, with their own personalities and likes and dislikes. We must respect their right to be themselves as long as it does not compromise their deen. Being inflexible and not accommodating for individual differences leads to a very stressful and tense home atmosphere.
4-Be Faithful It is commanded by Allah (swt) that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a crime in Islam that is punishable by death. Maintaining friendships with the opposite sex beyond the boundaries set by Islam is being unfaithful to spouse. The latest trend of Internet relationships is also contrary to Islamic adab and is causing serious problems between couples. Once a sense of betrayal sets in repairing that relationship is difficult. Betrayal of confidences. This is a trust issue and when compromised, that eats away at the heart of a marriage.
5-Be Fair Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is OK to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah (SWT) states in the Quran, do not be unjust under any circumstances, even to your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as “never” and “always” when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on defensive.
6-Be Flirtatious A sure way to keep romance in a marriage is to flirt with your spouse. Many successful marriages have maintained a youthful demeanor by adopting special names for each other and secret communication styles. It is essential that your spouse always feel special and desired.
7-Be Frank Misunderstandings happen when couples are not honest with each other. Partners must feel safe to speak their mind with due consideration to the other’s feeling, but without compromising their own views. When the communication is not frank it hinders the development of closeness and deep understanding of each other’s inner self.
8-Be a When choosing our life partner, we must as the Prophet (SAW) advised look for a pious Muslim. The reason is that, their first and foremost goal is the pleasure of Allah (SWT). This commitment to Allah(SWT) makes them an excellent facilitator for enhancing their partner’s spiritual development. In essence the couple facilitates their family’s commitment to Allah (SWT)) and His deen.
9-Be Flattering Paying compliments and indulging in honest flattery is a very inexpensive way to win your spouse’s heart. Every one likes to be appreciated and noticed. So being miserly about compliments is actually depriving one self of being appreciated in return.
10-Fallible It often happens that our expectations sometimes are so high that we lose sight of the fact that we are fallible beings. When couples start to nitpick and demand the impossible they must remind themselves that only Allah (SWT)) is perfect.
11-Be Aware of Feelings Prophet Mohammad (SAW) stated that Allah(SWT) forgives all sins if we repent but not those we have committed against others, i.e. hurt their feelings, unless the person we have hurt forgives first. Couples are sometimes very careless when it comes to their spouse’s feelings; They take them for granted and assume that the other knows what they mean. It is surprising that people are more sensitive and courteous to strangers than they are to their loved ones. One must be ever vigilant and careful that they do not hurt the feelings of their spouses If they do they should apologize as soon as possible. Since one does not know when someone they love will leave this world, is it not better to make amends when we have the time?
12-Be Fond ofEach Other So many times couples fail to work on developing fondness for each other They ignore to see their spouses as people through the eyes of their respective friends. Spending quality time alone doing and sharing activities are ways in which one can develop fondness.
And those who pray "Our Lord! grant unto us wivesand offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes andgive us (the grace) to lead the righteousFurqan,25:74
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