A paper I wrote for my Comp I class about being self-conscious.

1. How to Be Self-Conscious
At one point in your life you will come across a person that is a little self-conscious. You
aren’t really sure how they got that way, or why in the world they would ever be that way; it will
seem that no matter how many times you compliment them they still feel as if they aren’t good
enough to be human. Is self-consciousness important in our lives, or just a huge waste of time?
Ken Sobel, Assistant Professor of Psychology at the University of Central Arkansas, thinks that
self-consciousness is important because it is a tool that we use in order to get people to share the
resources they have with us. His belief says that people are self-conscious because they want to
present the best possible persona to other people. Do you want to present your best possible
persona? If so, take a look at the following steps:
First you should go to your closet and pick out your best outfit. The one in your closet
that just makes you the prettiest you’ve ever been. Don’t get too comfortable though, because
you will be pulling at it all day.
After you’ve put on your best dress/outfit pick out your accessories. Spend a little time on
these, especially any arm or neck jewelry (because you will use these throughout the day as you
become nervous with what other people think of you.)
Second leave your house/dorm and begin to process slowly what other people are
thinking about you. Adjust your outfit a little, and think:
Is my dress too short? Does my shirt cover everything up? Does my hair look a mess? Should I
have worn this outfit at all? What was I thinking? Look at everyone in their casual clothes. Why
was I stupid enough to wear this dressy outfit? I don’t feel pretty in this. Why can’t I take it off?
The most awesome time of the day is when you start to get compliments on your outfit and how
nice you look...then what do you do? Do you take the compliment and believe it? No…self-

2. conscious people never do that. You politely say thanks but take nothing to heart because you
know without a shadow of a doubt that no one could ever be telling the truth for once.
When you sit down for classes, play with your jewelry a lot, as you begin to think about
what your outfit looks like when you sit down. During this time you can also begin to
contemplate what it will look like when you stand up again. You can also look around your
classroom and compare the way you look to the people around you. You may find that your
outfit seems a bit more professional than the people around you, that the colors of your outfit
don’t really match those of your other classmates, you might even find that your weight is a lot
different from the weight of your classmates. If you catch eyes with someone you can pretty
much guarantee that they are judging you in their head. They are probably analyzing your entire
outfit, and laughing at you in their head as they say:
Wow, what a horrid outfit. Why on earth would she leave the house with her hair like that? Why
is she all dressed up? It’s class not a job interview. She looks so stupid with that jewelry on. Is
that a tattoo? Why on earth would she get one of those? She always has the worst clothes on. She
doesn’t even look nice in that, she is too big for it. Her whole appearance is just uck.
Now class is starting. Just because you are self-conscious doesn’t mean you have to be
shy about something you may or may not be good at. If you really dislike people staring at you,
you can refrain from speaking up in class, but if you like the satisfaction of speaking up about
something you are good at—go for it. Being conscious of yourself in relation to others doesn’t
mean that you have to be quiet all the time.
After class you may want to hang out with your friends, which you can have by the way.
You don’t always have to feel like you belong with them, because sometimes you won’t.
Sometimes you’d rather not hang out with them, or you may take something they say way out of

3. proportion. Maybe they said “You are so dumb sometimes,” but you interpreted it as They think I
am the dumbest thing on earth, they hate me, why do I have those friends? Remember that
friends are important. They are the people you know you can be your complete self around.
You can repeat these steps throughout the day by constantly taking in data about what
you think people think about when they see you. I know this sounds like a long process, but I
promise that it will become so natural it will just become a part of you. Then you can do all of
this without even thinking about it!
The only problem is why exactly we think about it. Self-consciousness exists, but why
does it? When I pass a person, even if they do something slightly embarrassing I forget about it
within a few minutes, so why does it seem that every time I pass someone I think they are taking
in data about me and keeping it in their permanent memory bank? It’s very possible that they are
just dumping any information about me, like I do to them.
Ken Sobel says, “Given the fact that we are such thoroughly social creatures, it is natural
for each of us to wonder how we are seen by others, and to try to present the best possible
identity to the world. If other people enjoy and appreciate our public persona, then it is likely that
we will be socially accepted and thus can expect that others will be willing to share their
resources with us.” According to Ken Sobel, our humanness allows us to survive. Without our
social acceptance our lives as human beings wouldn’t differ much from that of any other animal
in the world. Social acceptance leads to the sharing of resources such as food, blankets, and
shelter. We all want to fit in, so we use self-consciousness as a way to judge ourselves so we can
see ourselves in the eyes of others. Although the self-concept we build from this is not always
correct.

4. When asked if he could give reasons why we shouldn’t be self-conscious, Ken Sobel,
replied, “I think that it is reasonable to become self-conscious, so I haven't an answer to your
second question, because I don't think that people should refrain from becoming self-conscious.”
Self-consciousness definitely has its upsides. You are more aware of how you are portrayed to
the world, and while some people go to the extreme—is caring what others think of you really
that bad?
When you are self-conscious it seems as if the world is a stage—and you are the leading
character. It feels as if everyone is looking at you and constantly judging you—but if Ken Sobel
is correct we want to be conscious of what people think about us. In life there is always that one
friend who doesn’t care about what people think about them—and the friend that cares too much.
So who is right? Should we all be doomed to at least a little bit of self-consciousness, or should
we all just not care about what other people think about us?
The reality of it is certain people’s opinions do matter more than others. If a person is just
walking on the sidewalk when going to class, opinions of that person might not matter as much
as if that person were going to a job interview or looking for a mate. Given that information I
believe that we should have different self-consciousness levels for different occasions. Not every
person’s opinion of you should matter, so why give every person you see the same amount of
self-consciousness?
It definitely helps to be aware of what other people might think of you—at least a little
bit. You don’t want to completely shake up the world’s view of how things should be just
because you have no concern for what other people think of you. You also don’t want to care so
much that you can’t leave your house for fear you won’t be accepted by other people. In my
opinion it is okay to be just a little self-conscious as long as you don’t let it take over your life.