Orange Peel Believer

1. ORANGE
PEEL
BELIEVER
LUKE RATHBORNE
ART BY: ANDREW GUENTHER

2. I.

3. I stood by the phone
for hours trying to see
what you were saying

5. you said that the cops
were trying to release me
from what I had done

7. I didn’t believe
in anything that she said
how can you be sure?

9. were you far away
to have really forgotten
just what had happened?

11. once ten years ago
I had to tell you something
you’d never take back

13. that the road was gone
go behind the sliding doors
and you could see it

15. a swiss army knife
at the bottom of the pool
was still sitting there

17. then you didn’t speak
until you heard me speaking
to him on the phone

19. why did you say it?
is it what you really mean
“never coming back”?

21. “some roads are too long,”
he said through the speaker phone
beside us there’s rain

23. the cord on my arm
she had to interrupt me,
“please let me talk too”

25. I shut the screen door
and walked out onto the yard
look it’s not the same

27. I’m the guilty man
it happens over again
except now I’m sad

29. I swore I was free
that you were half-lying too
that ten years was wrong

31. just because time flies
doesn’t mean that I’m crazy
I am barely here

33. I switched off the light
and went back into dreaming
where no one saw me

35. is that a fair place?
can it hide without control
everything from me?

37. take this place I’ve gone
is it anything to you?
you who’s been adored

39. lying on my bed
I take out my cigarette,
“I don’t want to change.”

41. can’t people just stay the same?
I guessed it’s still possible
“I’m not sure,” she said to me

43. I looked at your face
you seemed like you weren’t lying
almost above it

45. holy in a way
I handled you carefully
when you were still mine

47. I wish that you cared
all about softly leaving
but there have been none

49. I can’t keep thinking
about when we were just kids
get back to your work

51. stop calling me here
I’m going to leave
when you are sleeping tonight

53. still I remember
how you used to call my name
the moment I left

55. II.

56. people called me moon
that was what I didn’t like
why won’t they get off?

58. I didn’t like it
to be stuck all of the time
but life was just glue

60. I’m not scared of it
leaving those kids in the pool
ten years ago now

62. but you think I’m soft
you are wrong on each level
trying to predict

64. I admit I hid
inside the parking garage
I probably died

66. but I still came back
that’s saying more than for you
sitting in your car

68. it will take awhile
for you to rebuild this place
watching your T.V.

70. I’ve got no reason
living in this cheap motel
to believe again

72. that you would come down
from outside of space somewhere
and turn on the light

74. nothing really comes
to me when I’m waiting here
just another girl

76. there’s been enough time
to try forgetting what’s there
I’m just pretending

78. I yelled on the phone
“I’m gonna turn myself in!”
you were just laughing

80. lying in the field
I thought about only you
a sweet piece of gold

82. What a quiet thing
to be alone in the night
and looking at the stars

84. I knew they’d take me
that I can never be free
but still it felt good

86. riding in my car
and then lying there alone
met by seas of light

88. tinker by the sink
kick off sleep for a day here
and go back to dreams

90. III.

92. I have stood by you
you who has always had time
to burn the moon down

94. I didn’t kill them
I just got lost underwater
now I’m behind bars

96. I got your letter
today your Orange Peels came
they still smell so sweet

98. back in Florida
I couldn’t tell what was right
it’s real nice here, though

100. when I see Ms. Price
I’ll tell her I’m sorry
it wasn’t me there

102. I guess I don’t want
like the meanness of the world
for a kid like that

104. But I felt okay
I just wish my Dad was there
to tell me to go

106. he’s up in heaven
since the Seventh grade
still wish I’d gone straight

108. but I ain’t no good
went and told the judge myself
said, “I’m a lost cause.”

110. I wish I was Huck
floating in that big river
up into Heaven

112. heard some hollering
that I can’t be forgiven
said my soul was doomed

114. but me and the Lord
we got an understanding
since I was a kid

116. so I’m on the chair
looking straight at Ms. Mill’s face
holding orange peels

118. feeling awful sorry
like I deserved what was coming
and ready to go

120. I felt Pop’s in there
calming and cooling me down
looking through the window

122. they told me some stuff
that I could have some last words
I thought long and hard

124. “Jesus isn’t here”
“I can’t bring back what’s been done
by devil’s mistake”

126. then the lights gone up
electric shot straight through me
like a tesla coil

128. I saw my momma
saw what I can’t reckon say
and Lord, the colors!

130. Miss Price she was pleased
the professionalism
was the finest seen

132. but can you believe?
them Orange peels was still there
shut tight in my hands

134. it took two grown men
both trying their damn hardest
just to get them out

136. when they took me down
and they laid me down to rest
beside my Daddy

138. Uncle Hank was there
said he’d smelled sweetness miles ‘round
floatin’ through the air

140. he’d swore to the Lord
that a plane flew overhead
the same Daddy flew

142. was a fit service
even Aunt Lemay said so
the most fit she’d seen

144. and there on my grave
it read a line he’d once read
somewhere off a book

146. “A boy’s will’s the wind
thoughts of youth is long, long thoughts”
he liked that line best

148. me I’m in heaven
cause I didn’t mean what’s done
and just like God said

150. them Angels said too,
“ain’t one body as good as two,
two’s no good neither”

152. but I’m doing fine
maybe be seein’ you soon
when that day comes ‘round