This presentation is a semi-serious exploration of the dramatically evolving balance of power between the sexes. It contains strong language, but not strong enough to replace caffeine, so please grab a cup of coffee. It is intended for a mature audience, but it’s okay, you can stay this time. (Just kidding and testing your sense of humour…)
This presentation is my best thinking on the subject of “romantic competition.”
For those who are new to romantic gamesmanship, understand this : this game is never talked about yet it is going on ALL THE TIME. All men and all women WANT (desperately) to win at this game, and they think about it ALL THE TIME.
This is why we always see beautiful babes in all kinds of ads, especially beer commercials: the babes are there to remind men to KEEP FOCUSED on playing the romantic game of life, and to remember that “he who ends up with the most beautiful woman wins.”
Women, too, are reminded all the time that they must play the romantic game. L’Oreal’s killer slogan, “Because you’re worth it,” contains the subliminal message that the woman (yes, you!) is worth it and that men in the vicinity will compete for her, therefore she must LOOK GOOD . The message, more bluntly, is: “Put that makeup on and get back into the game, girl!”
However, men and women compete differently. Men compete frontally and have a sense of fair play: Imagine two cowboys facing each other in a shootout finale (with Ennio Morricone playing in the background, of course). Or imagine a duel at dawn, where they walk away from each other, then suddenly turn around and shoot the one bullet from their hand pistol.
Women, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about such “theatrics.” A woman who wants a male for herself, has no trouble at all stabbing other female contenders in the back (any time, any day, before or after breakfast). Oh, and women can happily stab away (a la Hitchcock) while flashing the most innocent and beautiful smile!
You know what? I’m VERY, VERY glad and happy that I compete against guys! At least, I don’t have to grow eyeballs in the back of my head!!
Isn’t it funny that the movie The Godfather , which is more popular with guys than with girls, provides the key piece of advice to win in romantic competition, yet women follow this advice more than men? The advice is…
Keep your friends close, but keep you enemies closer.
This presentation, however, is not just about unexpected stabbing and duels at dawn. It is also about the super-important issue of how men and women relate to one another.
Indeed, no matter what you currently know about how to compete for the attention and affection of a significant member of the opposite sex, your thinking will change AFTER this presentation.
But first, an interesting finding from a multi-continent scientific study involving 10,000 respondents, reported in GQ magazine …
According to the study, men view women as sex objects (woohoo!) whereas women view men as success objects (huh?). (Note: the woohoo and huh were not part of the scientific study)
In other words, women attain success THROUGH their men’s success, whereas men attain… well, you know.
Okay, I’m not telling you anything new, but wait, WAIT!! Let go of that mouse!
Fact is, no matter WHAT men and women are looking for when they compete romantically, the truth is that …
Romantic competition is the ULTIMATE competition!
Career competition, business competition, even political competition, are only means enabling players to PREPARE and PRACTICE for the real game, which is Romantic Competition .
No matter how well you are doing in all other competitions, if you do badly in romantic competition, you will not be happy. Failure in one’s love life can severely cripple a person emotionally and leave him scarred for life.
Anyways, enough about my past experiences… :-P
So if romantic competition is the ultimate competition, then what is it all about?
What do men and women compete for, and HOW do they compete?
Obviously, men compete for the “trophy” wife (I hope mine will fit on the rather small shelf I have… maybe if I make her lie down…)
Women compete for Mr Right, commonly (yet mistakenly) understood as the gentleman who’s the right fit for the woman in question.
In reality, there is a Universal Mr Right, who will pretty much fit ANY woman’s definition of Mr Right and who will fulfill every single female requirement for a life overflowing with bliss and happiness.
Brad Pitt is a good example of the Universal Mr Right (although I must stress that my French is better than his, and I master calligraphy techniques better than him. Just for the record.)
What’s happening today is that because women are fast gaining power in social, professional and economic spheres, it changes their concept of WHAT is Mr Right. It also changes their concept of WHO is Mr Right.
The WHAT of Mr Right is just a collection of traits that he MUST have. The WHO of Mr Right is the personality, identifiable by name and address, which brings all these traits into a coherent package worthy of pursuit by all interested females.
So while women are scrambling to get all the things that previous generations of women could NOT get (a great family life AND a great career or business), men must act preemptively and determine, as best they can, what kind of man will be wanted by a great majority of women .
This determination is critical for it constitutes the very foundation of all dating strategies, and all subsequent attempts to satisfy the woman skillfully captured.
Since seduction is essentially selling oneself, the romantically skillful male must divine, ascertain and direct to his own advantage the “sales parameters” being used during courtship.
“ Sales parameters” is an expression used in business to refer to the set of criteria used by buyers in evaluating offerings from suppliers.
Basically, it means that as a guy, you should study how women are changing and try to determine what parameters they will use to evaluate potential romantic partners. Without such parameters, you would be irrelevant to her romantic choices.
This means she will look at you and say something like: “John, I like you, but … as a friend .” (Never in the history of mankind has such a great and noble word been so perversely twisted and completely distorted to mean something so anathema to its original definition!)
To avoid such a tragic fate, you MUST, I repeat, you MUST try to divine, ascertain and direct to your own advantage her “romantic parameters.”
How do you determine such “romantic parameters”?
The first question to ask yourself is, “What does she want every day, 9 to 5?”
In other words, how does she define an “ideal career”?
This is not easy. It’s not easy at all. In fact, even women’s magazines dedicated to career success DO NOT have a clear framework for helping women define their ideal careers.
I didn’t see any framework in Pink Magazine, for instance. (However, I do think it’s a good magazine that inspires and empowers women).
Yet, it is becoming clear to anyone who studies women (and I’ve been studying women since I was 7 years old) that professional happiness is becoming a MAJOR element determining a woman’s overall happiness in life.
Given this new state of affairs, women will want to partner with men who support their career aims and especially men who respect their distinctly feminine definition of success.
Does this mean that to learn more about women, you should, as a guy, start watching Oprah?
No! Absolutely not! (However, I recommend watching Dr Phil. I religiously watch his show while comfortably lying in my sofa. He helped me resolve a lot of sensitive issues. For example, I finally found the child within me. The only bad thing is that now, I’m stuck babysitting that kid!)
However, you should grow aware of what it is that women are looking for in their professional lives.
You should realize that women do not define career success the way that YOU, as a male person, define it.
The way that we men define “career success” is more or less the same way that society and companies define career success: money, reward, recognition, status, etc. all of which should fit nicely into the big corner office.
You probably realize, by now, that this presentation is not just about career success or romantic competition.
It’s about romantic happiness. It’s about how men can better understand women.
It’s important for men to make an effort in trying to understand women. Why?
I will let the following stat speak for itself: Trendsight.com did research and found out that only 10% of men believe they understand women, whereas 65% of women believe they understand men.
So by their own admission, men admit that only one man out of 10 really understands women.
Understanding the evolving female psyche is important because if you don’t understand women, you cannot make YOUR woman happy. (And women are SO FASCINATING that once you start studying them, you won’t want to stop!)
Understanding her in order to make her happy, will turn out to be the greatest investment, because in return, she will make YOU happy.
Indeed, nobody in their right mind would deny that the single biggest factor determining happiness in life is your SPOUSE.
Having a spouse is important. This is why wise men have always encouraged young men to get married.
“ By all means, marry a woman. If she turns out to be a good wife, you will be a happy man. If she turns out to be a bad wife, you will become a philosopher.”
Ladies, sorry… just a guy joke. Guys, you owe me a beer!
In the old days, men dedicated a huge part of their intellect, energy and ingenuity to achieving success in their career or in business, because THAT’S what women wanted: a male who is professionally and especially publicly successful.
Today, however, women are aiming for the same professional and business success that men are aiming at. So what the dickens is a man supposed to do to impress a woman?
By the way, that’s why men prefer to approach a non-professional woman. The professional woman might 1. be too intimidating and 2. be too hard to impress.
Well, okay, suppose I am wrong. Suppose men would rather approach and seduce a professional woman who obviously is succeeding in her career or business.
Then they decide to go out, they grab a drink, and soon enough, they grab each other.
But what happens after all that gratuitous sex which, for the life of me, NEVER happens in my own life?
In the ensuing relationship, he will feel that he is in competition with his woman!
Indeed, how would it look if a man’s wife were more successful than him?
However, as mentioned before (Hey! You’re not paying attention!), women define success DIFFERENTLY from men.
There WILL be areas where men compete against women, but it won’t be within a romantic relationship. That’s because competition involves playing games and all sorts of deception which, of course, should NOT occur in a true, intimate and authentic relationship.
So let’s get back on track: How do you compete against other males, in a highly turbulent and unpredictable world where it is not easy to guess what the emerging female ethos expects from men, especially THE man of her life?
In the old days, a man competed romantically by competing professionally. Today, men have to compete romantically by competing romantically. (I know, it sounds like I forgot to run SpellCheck, but wait, here’s what I mean…)
In other words, in the old days, if you did well at the office, you normally would do well in the romantic game. Women wanted men like you. Today, you have to do well at the office but ALSO do well romantically, when you’re with her.
Okay, what I mean, in plain English, is… (And this is an amazing insight!)
As a man, you have to compete romantically by helping women compete professionally.
The following letter might be evidence that a man “gets it” and that he will be for her the kind of person that she wants to be with.
Honey, I know what you’re trying to achieve in pursuing your ideal career. I can read your heart: you want to feel PASSION every day, you want your work to be MEANINGFUL , you want to fully develop your unique TALENT and you want to make a lot of $$$ to buy all the things that your heart desires. I’m here for you, and I support you wholeheartedly, without hesitation, and I will protect you against all fears, all doubts and all the things that stand in the way of your achieving your dream in this life. I will support you every day and every night for the rest of my mortal existence. I will fight for you and watch your back as you pursue your dream courageously, because there is nothing I want more on Earth than to make you happy every single day of your sweet life.
I suspect most ambitious women will want to be with the kind of man who “gets it,” who understands that his woman can do everything she wants but that she just needs a little support.
Imagine that you have a girlfriend, but you don’t understand what she’s trying to achieve in her career. You offer the typical advice: “Hey, I’m there for you! Let me know if you need my feedback on your resume.” Compare that with the following, which is an email that a male co-worker sent her, and which you intercepted by accident while browsing through her laptop files looking for her resume…
Dear Stephanie, Thanks for lunch, we should do that more often! By the way, I attended Peter’s Ideal Career seminar too! The guy’s truly brilliant! Stef, I know what you’re trying to achieve in pursuing your ideal career. You want to feel PASSION every day, you want your work to be MEANINGFUL , you want to fully develop your unique TALENT and you want to make a lot of $$$ to buy all the best things in life. Well, if I can do anything for you, let me know! I really admire courageous and ambitious women like you! You’re such an inspiration to me! Anyways, we see each other at the office every day, so it’s great, we can bounce ideas on our individual ideal careers!
Question: In this particular romantic competition, which male do you think will win her heart?
Peter is CEO & co-founder of Talentelle, the company for successful women. He totally understands why Dr. Phil loves to serve women. They are great! He has been writing about beautiful, talented and exceptional women for 14 years, as feature writer for a newspaper called Asian Leader. He sincerely hopes his future wife will let him continue his work. To this day, he still has the bad habit of writing about himself in the third person. He can be reached at [email_address]