improve readibility with quick-fix tips

1. zest
your
writing
tips to flavor
bland writing

2. lesson 1
cutting to the chase

3. remember. . .
people crave action

4. Rank Title Genre Worldwide Box Office
Titanic (1997) Romance/Drama $1,835,300,000
1
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) Action/Adventure $1,129,219,252
2
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006) Action/Adventure $1,060,332,628
3
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001) Adventure/Family $968,657,891
4
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999) Action/Adventure $922,379,000
5
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) Action/Adventure $921,600,000
6
Jurassic Park (1993) Action/Adventure $919,700,000
7
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) Adventure/Family $892,194,397
8
Shrek 2 (2004) Adventure/Comedy $880,871,036
9
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) Adventure/Family $866,300,000
10
Finding Nemo (2003) Adventure/Comedy $865,000,000
11
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) Action/Adventure $860,700,000
12
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005) Action/Adventure $848,462,555
13
Independence Day (1996) Action/Adventure $811,200,000
14
Spider-Man (2002) Action/Adventure $806,700,000
15
Star Wars (1977) Action/Adventure $797,900,000
16
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) Adventure/Family $789,458,727
17
Spider-Man 2 (2004) Action/Adventure $783,577,893
18
The Lion King (1994) Family Animation $783,400,000
19
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) Adventure/Drama $756,700,000
20
action movies
own over half of the spots in the
Top 20 All-time Grossing Movie List

5. to spice up bland writing,
give readers action;
avoid writing’s
action killers. . .

6. action-killer #1:
the wordy start

7. eradicate wordy starts:
At this point in time Now
In the neighborhood of About
Had an effect upon Influenced
Just
Due to the fact that Because
Say
In order to To
For the purpose of For
It
It is important that Must
Until such time as While
With the possible exception of Except
It is my opinion that (Just say it)

8. action-killer #2:
passive voice

9. passive voice:
subject comes after verb
verb
subject
The girl was kissed by the boy
The research will be presented by William at the conference
Unknown Actor
Experiments were conducted to test the hypothesis

10. passive voice:
usually has “be”-style verb
= “be” verb
(be, is, are, verb
was, were)
subject
The girl was kissed by the boy
The research will be presented by William at the conference
Unknown Actor
Experiments were conducted to test the hypothesis

11. A lesson will be taught by this slide by having every one
of the sentences be written in passive voice. This passive-
sentence style of writing is not preferred by most writers
because of its naturally slower reading pace. Slower
reading pace is a signal to the reader that the story is
slowing down, that the actor isn’t the focus of the
sentence, or that the actor is altogether unknown. A
passively-written sentence could be portrayed as a
breathe of air for a reader to take to gather thoughts
and feelings. However, when passive voice is used too
often, these once-natural breaths of air in a narrative
quickly become yawns for the reader. This paragraph is
an elongated attempt to visually show how readers’
minds are affected when passive voice is frequently used
by a writer; just as this paragraph is visually un-stimulating
and un-engaging for you, so also is a predominately
passive-sentence style writing to a reader’s mind—boring
and stale. There is a better way. . .

12. A lesson will be taught by this slide by having every one
of the sentences be written in passive voice. This passive-
sentence style of writing is not preferred by most writers
because of its naturally slower reading pace. Slower
reading pace is a signal to the reader that the story is
slowing down, that the actor isn’t the focus of the
sentence, or that the actor is altogether unknown. A
passively-written sentence could be portrayed as a
14 “be” style verbs slow
breathe of air for a reader to take to gather thoughts
and feelings. However, when passive voice is used too
often, these once-natural breaths of air in a narrative
this passage to a crawl
quickly become yawns for the reader. This paragraph is
an elongated attempt to visually show how readers’
minds are affected when passive voice is frequently used
by a writer; just as this paragraph is visually un-stimulating
and un-engaging for you, so also is a predominately
passive-sentence style writing to a reader’s mind—boring
and stale. There is a better way. . .

13. be
strong
use active voice

14. active voice:
subject comes before verb
verb
subject
The boy kissed the girl
William will present the research at the conference
Scientists conducted experiments to test the hypothesis

15. action-killer #3:
prepositional
phrase-mania

16. Prepositions:
a sentence’s word-linkers
about by outside according to
above down over because of
across during since by way of
after except through in addition to
against for throughout in front of
around from till in place of
at in to in regard to
before inside toward in spite of
behind into under instead of
below like until on account of
beneath near up out of
beside of upon
besides off with
but. . .
between on without
beyond out

17. too many
prepositions
shackle
the reader:
2
1
“One of the goals in the policy
3 4
statement of the workers of our
5 6
company is that of the importance of
7 8
fairness in the treatment of employees”
eight prepositions make this sentence a reader’s prison

18. 2
1
“One of the goals in the policy
3 4
statement of the workers of our
5 6
company is that of the importance of
7 8
fairness in the treatment of employees”
removing prepositions UNLOCKS the action for the reader
“Our company policy promotes fair
1
treatment to all employees”
prepositions: 8 to 1
words: 26 to 9 (65% fewer)

19. let’s apply the rules using this
example

20. Yawner
example #1
“The fact of the matter is
that it is important for
employees to be faced
with such situations
before they are actually
put into a situation where
they will be pressed into
making an unethical
decision.”
--Reader-less Writer

21. drafting board. . .
back to the

22. tip one:
cut wordy
beginnings
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

23. tip one: cut wordy beginnings:
The fact of the matter is that it is
MUST
important for employees to be faced
with such situations before they are
actually put into a situation where they
will be pressed into making an unethical
decision.
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

24. tip two:
be”
circle “be” style
verbs
(we want active voice, active verbs)
verbs)
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

25. tip three:
underline
prepositions
more than 3 in a sentence = trouble
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

26. be”
tip two: circle “be” style verbs,
underline prepositions
1
Employees must be faced with such
2
situations before they are actually put
3
into a situation where they will be
4
pressed into making an unethical
decision. *** too many “be” verbs,
be”
too many prepositions
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

27. what is this writer really
trying to say? what type of
situations?
this be adds nothing
1
Employees must be faced with such
2
situations before they are actually put
3
into a situation where they will be
4
pressed into making an unethical
what is
decision. used twice--
situation pressing
twice-- them?
wordy
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

28. revision:
before:
The fact of the matter is that it is important for
employees to be faced with such situations before
they are actually put into a situation where they will be
pressed into making an unethical decision.
after:
decision-
Employees must face hypothetical ethical decision-making
situations before they actually arise.
word count before and after:
36 to 12 (72% fewer words)
cutting to the chase
lesson 1 zest your w r i t i n g

29. remember . . .
wordy starts
always slow
readers down
prepositional
phrases often
trip readers up

30. bringing it all together
cutting to the chase
1
eradicate wordy starts
2
use active voice
3
limit prepositions

31. for more tips,
email
ebasamoht@hotmail.com
references: Lanham, Richard. Revising Prose.