Wisdom for Life: Wise Words | Louis Kotze | 28 August 2016
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The book of Proverbs warns us not to stray to the left or the right from the path of wisdom. Let’s look at how we can avoid veering off course.
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Wisdom for Life: Wise Words | Louis Kotze | 28 August 2016
- 2. Wise words
- 3. Louis Kotze
- 4. Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May
- 5. Desired Speech 1) Honest 2) Gentle 3) Apt 4) Direct 5) Economical
- 6. Pro 16:23 NASB The heart of the wise instructs his mouth and adds persuasiveness to his lips.
Editor's Notes
- Teaser: It is through communication that a community is built and correct speech is at the center of the maturing body of Christ Eph 4:15) Quotes: Without communication there is no community. As God speaks to you with honesty, gentleness, aptness, in a direct way and by being economical so you should speak to others.
- Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing. Rollo May The Huichol Indians have a beautiful ceremony to restore harmony into their community. Every year, all of the members of the tribe come together. They form a circle and build a bon-fire in the center. Then, one by one, they go around the circle, facing each community member. The one going around the circle, tells the one who he is facing all of the wrongs that he caused him during that year. The other one listens in silence. For each wrong brought into the open, the healer of the tribe makes a knot on a rope. The ceremony is complete when the last member of the circle completes his circle. Then, all of them take the rope and throw it to the fire. With the sunrise a new day begins. Each heart is clean, the whole community is renewed. Communication is at the center of community building. Without communication there is no community. Being real is the foundation of our communication; for if our true Self is not the source of our communication, it doesn’t matter which vehicle of communication we use there is no life in it. And without life, how can there be any relation? As we build community, we are confronted with the challenge of finding our own voice and opening our own eyes to the world. That is why life has given me these eyes. That is why life has also given me this voice. To be in the world, and to relate to others. If I deny myself how can I see you or talk to you? And If I deny you, how in the world can I communicate with you? I am, and you are. That is the foundation of my communication. Being me is up to me. And that is what I will do in order to participate in meaningful communication with others. For us to communicate we first of all must be “present.” If we are not present in the process of communication all interaction is frivolous.
- When we value each other and value our relationships within community we want to know how do we best communicate. We want to learn to self censor and here are some parameters set out by the book of proverbs. 1) Truthful and Honest – Eph 4:15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love. So we will grow up in every way to become the body of Christ. Christ is the head of the body. These words are spoken in the context of dealing with doctrinal issues but it establishes that a community cannot mature if we are unable to speak the truth and be honest with each other in a loving way. How do we speak the truth in love? Yesterday we read in Proverbs 27 that it says, “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” It is hard to speak truth to others especially if you don’t want to compromise the relationship. Whether it is in family or at work we all often get it wrong on either the side of being dishonest and untruthful or being unkind and not helping. Admonish - Rom 15:14 And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another. To admonish is to “reprove or scold, especially in a mild and good-willed manner.” I think of the phrased originally coined by Susan Thomson in writing about reconciliation in Rwanda and used by our public protector; “whispering truth to power”. We want to speak the truth in a way that helps. Admonishing one another is not judging one another. Judging is when I see something in your life that disagrees with my opinion. Admonishing is when I see something in your life, or you see something in my life, that doesn’t align with Scripture and I come to you or you come to me and we honestly speak the truth because we care that you get the very best, that you become all God wants you to become. Colin Brown, in his dictionary of the New Testament, I summarized it this way, “It consists, admonishing consists of reminding, warning, counseling, correcting, reproving, and rebuking a person with the intention that he or she will carry it out.” See, it’s caring enough to confront. It is not: Judging another according to your standards or preference. It is helping someone see how their lives measure up to the absolutes of scripture. It is not a superior talking down to an inferior. It is equals talking to each other. Proverbs 24:26 “He kisses the lips Who gives a right answer.” Herodotus said of the Persians “When they meet each other in the streets, you may know if the persons meeting are of equal rank by the following token: if they are, instead of speaking, they kiss each other on the lips. In the case where one is a little inferior to the other, the kiss is given on the cheek; where the difference of rank is great, the inferior prostrates himself upon the ground.” (New International Commentary on the Old Testament by Bruce K. Waltke page 293.) Prov 8:9 only the discerning appreciates strait talk. It is not generalizing and just putting things out there in the bundle. It is speaking to the relevant people with a specific focus on the issue and doing it with grace. It is not dropping a heavy on someone and then just leaving them with it and washing your hands if they don’t receive it. It is to be delivered in an understandable and receivable manner that is measured to the issue (not using a cannon to kill a fly). You start as gentle as possible and increase intensity if no response comes. This is a biggy and I know you may be tempted to put it in the category of how others should deal with you but you have no intention to do it with others. But do you want to grow up in Christ? Do you wish for this to be an effective community that loves each other and reaches our objectives? I tell you I would rather be admonished here on earth while I have time to correct things than one day when I stand before Jesus. 2) Kind and Gentle - Gentleness is the quality of being kind and careful. Your gentleness with a frightened stray dog will eventually convince her to let you feed and pet her. The noun gentleness is perfect for describing the way someone acts when they are soft and calm and sweet to other people. I remember that every person is special to God and that we all carry hurts and often we do things because we are broken people. My heart for a person is that they can be the best person they can be. I speak not merely to bring correctness but to help the person correct themselves. Pro 16:24 Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body. Honey is both pleasant (sweet) and a remedy (healing), kind words are not only nice to hear they also heal. When you encounter difficulties and contradictions, do not try to break them, but bend them with gentleness and time. Saint Francis de Sales. 3) Wise and Apt: Aptness is the quality of being appropriate or suitable. Pro 10:32 The lips of the righteous bring forth what is acceptable, But the mouth of the wicked what is perverted. It is when you adapt your words to the sensibility of the hearer. Timing is everything said Tommy Shaw. 4) Forthright and direct: Speaking directly about the issue not dealing with an issue by making as if it is about something else. In church we won’t say to someone your time is done we say we feel God is leading you to something different. It is a fine line between being gentle and apt and being untruthful. Pro 28:23 He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor Than he who flatters with the tongue. 5) Economical and Concise: Pro 17:27 He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Do you recognize how God speaks to you with honesty, gentleness, aptness, directly and economical.