Was It Something I Said?
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The document discusses improving communication during interactions. It provides an example where someone was blamed for a bug found in production. They responded angrily by saying "We couldn't have found that bug in test". The document advises to check your feelings before responding, ask clarifying questions instead of making assumptions, and consider different interpretations of what was said. It also notes that debugging interactions can be difficult and you shouldn't respond if you're not okay with your feelings.
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Was It Something I Said?
- 1. Was It Something I Said? Duncan Nisbet @DuncNisbet
- 5. “Why wasn’t that bug found in test?” I was getting the blame for a bug found in production I felt the blame was unjustified so I was angry I said “We couldn’t have found that bug in test”
- 6. Intake “Why wasn’t that bug found in test?” I heard […] is that what you said?
- 7. We interpret the wrong message Meaning My interpretation is […] that what you meant?
- 9. We are not OK with our feelings Check feelings before responding Response
- 10. “Why wasn’t that bug found in test?” I was getting the blame for a bug found in production I know more about testing now “Why did you put that bug in the code?”
- 11. • Ask questions to improve your assumptions • 3 interpretations • Debugging here is tough • Don’t respond if not OK with feelings
- 12. An example for you to take away…
- 14. Resources • ieee-stc.org/proceedings/2008/pdfs/JB1978b.pdf • stevenmsmith.com/AONW/Satir%20Interaction%20Model.pdf • dhemery.com/articles/untangling_communication/ • Practical Tools For Playing Well With Others : https://vimeo.com/78917211 • The Satir Model - Family Therapy & Beyond (book) • Managing Yourself & Others - Weinberg (book) • Becoming a Technical Leader - Weinberg (book)
Editor's Notes
- name that tune - tap test is a good example of curse of knowledge like tap test, communication is incomplete we rely on receiver filling in gaps as receiver we fill in the missing gaps with what we assume to be the correct details assumptions based on message + extras in other words, you are unlikely to hear my message as I intended it to be heard Fear not!
- I’m Duncan Nisbet & today I’d like to share with you VS Interaction Model Her model can be used to understand our communication & provides practical advice on how to bring derailed conversations back on track I learned about the model a couple of years ago
- series of feedback loops - ask questions - fill gaps in our knowledge - hear message as intended interactions flow from intake through to response & normally are lightening fast meaning, significance & part of response internal Let’s walkthrough the model with an example familiar to us all
- intake - what we see & hear meaning - interpretation of message. where we use those assumptions to fill in missing gaps significance - our feelings about our interpretation response - based on above, also filters Context: Development team had been working overtime to meet a deadline I believed we had done the best testing possible given the time/people/resources The guy asking the question knew this I was in ass covering mode
- we miss part or all of the message I didn't see the person asking the question importance of body language - i missed a big chunk of the message 1st feedback loop turn around & as the question
- we interpret the wrong message different definitions - e.g. TDD, Unit 2nd feedback loop let sender know what interpretation you’ve made Think of 3 different interpretations
- murky - internal feedback loop we hang on to emotions from previous / upcoming situations check your feelings are relevant to the situation If not relevant, don’t respond Was my anger justified?
- Significance to response is hardcoded Responses in heated situations are hard, if not impossible, to debug If possible, try to pause & check if OK with your feelings If not OK, don’t respond
- Context: Development team had been running too fast all month Programmers not checking their code before handing it over to Testers. Testers were picking up the pieces Everyone stressed No one in the team pushing back on new features/changes EDIT: This is another example of failing to debug a conversation (should have an example of successful debug)
- Easier to debug the message &/or your interpretation Think of 3 different interpretations Don’t try & debug significance &/or response Try to get to being OK with your feelings before responding Don’t respond if not OK with feelings, or feelings are not relevant (if you can!) Thank you for your time, resources at the end of the slide deck I’d like to leave you with one classic example of misinterpretation…