Warped Minds

WARPED MINDS
A Collection of Short Stories

Author: Henry M. Nasilele
A Zambian Electrical Engineer living on the Copperbelt.
An advocate for the use of ICT for national development.
Has a passion for self development and interacting with others.
Believes that humanity can change the course of its destiny by having a
critical analysis of issues affecting it.

1

1.0

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES

There are some people in society, who walk with their heads high in pomp
pretending to the whole world that all is well is with them.
One might have come across some individuals who are always clad in
immaculate suits and driving posh cars. However, on visiting their homes,
one is greeted by squalor and want.
There is a story of a man who was holding a senior position in one of the
private companies.
He invited a very close friend to him for lunch at his home.
After nourishing to a king-size meal, the visitor was told to take a seat on
one of the Sofas.
It was time to go away, when the visitor was in the process of standing up,
when one leg of his trousers was caught up in a protruding spring. The
trousers was torn by the spring which had dislodged from its position due to
wear and tear. At the time of sitting on the Sofa , he was not aware of this
state of affairs.
On realising what had happened, the man vehemently apologised to his
friend. He blamed his wife for not buying new furniture as she was allegedly
given money to do so recently.
After a year, the man visited the same family, to his surprise he noticed that
the same Sofa was still in their living room, in the same state it was before !
Another man, who was living in a similar style, collapsed suddenly at his
home.
He was rushed to the Hospital casualty section. He was taken to the
resuscitation room. In order to attend to him, the nurses had to remove his
clothing, which included his under garments.
After removing his immaculate suit, shirt and trousers, the nurses had a
tough time to remove his underpants.
It was only after sometime that they realized the underwear’s elastic had
elongated, and in order to prevent it from falling off the man’s waist, it was
secured with a safety pin used by mothers for baby napkins.
This safety pin had been part of the napkin set for the man's first born son,
who was born some twelve years old back !
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During hospital visiting hours, his wife was very embarrassed when she was
given the worn out underpants by one of the nurses. She requested her to
bring the husband a new pair at the next visit.
These two stories may sound funny, but we have people in our society, who
would rather show to the outside world that they lead very high standards of
living in their homes . They do this at the expense of depriving their families
of the essential needs of their lives. Some children have been known to
starve, whilst their parents are always dining out.
Living beyond one's means of life in order to maintain the "status quo" has
lead some people to be in great debt and some have even been involved in
criminal activities which have landed them in jail.

3

2.0 - YOU WILL BE SUFFER!
It was a requirement in the early 1970s for Secondary School Leavers and
Under Graduates at the University of Zambia to undergo military training at
the National Service Camps.
There was military training at one of the camps on the Zambian Copper belt.
There about 1,000 recruits who comprised some 300 University students and
700 volunteers. They were drafted into the service because of the tension
which was in Southern African region then due the liberation wars which
were raging in Rhodesia ( now Zimbabwe ) , Angola , Mozambique , South
West Africa ( now Namibia) and South Africa.
Most of the volunteers were Grade 7 school leavers who opted for a career
with the military.
Some of the instructors were of humble education. The official language of
instruction was English since the recruits were coming from all corners of
Zambia where there are some 72 dialects.
The instructors of humble education had a tough time to communicate in the
English language.
At one time one recruit fell sick due to dysentery. When he went to the clinic
the nurse tried to communicate with him in Bemba which is widely spoken on
the Copper belt. The sick University student’s understanding of the Bemba
language was very little. He was familiar with Nyanja which is spoken in
Lusaka where they were attending University.
After a struggle of conversing in English, Nyanja and a bit of Bemba with her,
He was amused when she finally asked him: “Are you a University? “. He
could not laugh as that would have been tantamount to insubordination
which was to see him taken to the Guard Room later, He just agreed “Yes,
Madam!”.
Another episode was when they were queuing up for their meals. It was
tough as they used to surge forward in an uncontrolled manner in order to
get their share. The queue could be up to five people thick and there was a
lot of pushing and hustling. One instructor who was controlling them at one
time, shouted at them: “Form up properly and don’t show animals !” .
They were sure he meant “Queue in an orderly manner and don’t behave like
animals! “

4

One of the most amusing incidents is when they went for an endurance
exercise which started around 4.00 am and finished around 20.00 hrs.
When they came back from this exercise they were extremely tired. They had
to leave the rifles at the armoury before they went for meals. Thereafter they
went to their tents to rest.
At about 22.30 hrs., they were called back to parade.
At the parade one instructor shouted “I want ,only one rifle is missing!”.
They could not hold their laughter at this poor English. “Ooh! You are
laughing you think I am joking. Attention!” . They all stood at attention
as commanded.
“Now look here recruits. If you play and do not want to listen, I will
be going to sleep and leave you here alone. I’ll also make sure I
leave you at attention until early morning tomorrow morning, and
YOU WILL BE SUFFER!” At this time it was not only a few of them who
burst out laughing but the entire parade.
They were only saved from further amusement when one female recruit from
the University came running at the double to join us at the parade. She had
the missing rifle with her!
They were told to fall out of the parade and the little girl was left at the
mercy of female instructors who punished her the military way.

5

3.0 - BARMAN, GIVE US FOUR BEERS!
The relationship between the law enforcement uniformed police personnel
and law abiding civilians has always been very cordial in the town where one
young university graduate started his career.
The Senior Police Club opened its doors to Mine Officials who were getting a
salary equivalent to that of an officer who was eligible to be a member of the
Club.
He became a member of the Senior Police Club by default after being
introduced to the place by a friend who had been a member for some years.
One of the advantages of being a member at the Club was that no criminal
elements would dare to go near the place. In addition to that, one was
always brushing shoulders with senior law enforcement officers, which gave
one a sense of protection.
The price of beer at the Senior Police Club was also reasonable. There was a
civilian barman who was employed. On his off days one police constable
would act as a barman for the evening. One condition was for him to be in
uniform but he had to take off his headdress.
On a typical Saturday, which was the day which was allocated for merry
making at the social clubs , one would first go to the Pubs in the high density
areas of town and then come to the Senior Police Club. If one happened to
chance a police vehicle going in the direction of the Police Station one could
ask for a lift from the officers. This was of course not officially sanctioned but
they used to assist the officers with their own transport , especially where a
marked Police vehicle would give away the officers who were on some
clandestine operation to arrest some elusive criminals.
One weekend the young graduate was with three of his friends at the high
density Pubs . At about 20:00 hrs. ,a group of armed police officers burst
into the Pub and led two suspects to a Police vehicle which was parked
outside. One of the friends suddenly thought of getting a free ride in the
Police vehicle. They jumped into the vehicle with the two handcuffed
suspects.
When they reached the Police Station inquiries desk, the officer who was
there was surprised to see them walk in with the suspects. They explained to
him how they came there. He said “The four of you go out to the toilet
outside”. The four of the men walked out of the police station and three of
them headed for the Club which was some 50 metres away.

6

One of their colleagues was so drunk that he mistook the Police enquiries
desk for the Police Club bar. He went back into the station and ordered the
Police constable whom he found there “Barman, give us four beers!”
The officer was so incensed by this demand that he decided to lock up this
man for drunken behaviour. The charge read “Drunk, idle and disorderly
“when they came to pay for his admission of guilt fine the following day.
Asked later why he ordered the unformed officer he said he mistook him for
a constable who was supposed to be at the Police Club selling beers! He took
about six months without coming to the Senior Police Club!

7

4.0 - MISTAKEN IDENTITY
Cattle’s rustling is one of the biggest headaches that local peasant farmers
face. In Zambia this crime now attracts a minimum of seven years behind
the bars.
The cattle rustlers usually strike at night when the cattle is kept in kraals or
sometimes taken away after attacking the herdsmen.
Some criminals have been caught red handed, and have received the wrath
of the owners, which in some incidents has resulted in the deaths of the
culprits at the hands of “instant justice” mobs.
In some communities of Africa, cattle is form of wealth, which is comparable
to that of millionaires in Western societies. A man’s status would be
determined by how many herds of cattle one has and not necessarily how
much money he has in the Bank.
Cattle has been used as a means for payment for various services rendered ,
which include dowry settlement and payment for being treated of an ailment
by a witchdoctor.
With the development of the countries from a traditional to urban setting,
cattle has become an input in the Butchery industry found in urban areas.
The cattle for the Butchers are either purchased from commercial ranches of
from the traditional herdsmen found in rural areas.
Due to increased population in urban areas the demand for cattle has
outstripped their supply.
This has resulted in some criminal elements taking advantage of the situation
by involving themselves in cattle rustling. In some instances as many as
thirty herds of cattle would be stolen in a single time.
This new development has resulted in cattle owners to take some drastic
measures to stop this scourge.
One of the methods is for one man armed with a shot gun to spend a night in
the cattle kraal to wade off any would be attackers. Alternatively, the cattle
herd would be kept very near the village, this however, is not often done due
to the strong stench of the dung of the animals.
After taking these measures the number of incidents reduced drastically. The
rustlers had to go to out flung areas where they were not known.

8

In one of their missions they travelled a very long distance deep into the
bush to look for cattle.
After crossings a number of isolated grassy plains they were informed that
across one stream there were some "cattle, which apparently was just
roaming about, without herdsmen around.
They got a shock of their lives when the "herd of cattle" they were told about
turned out to be wild buffalo.
The men had not seen buffalo before. As they approached the animals they
realised that the cattle was not what they had seen before.
The animals were not amused to be disturbed by the men. They charged at
them and in the process two of the men were impaled to death by the sharp
horns of the male buffalo. Three others managed to escape by climbing up a
tall tree.
The story of the men's death spread very widely across the neighbourhood.
Castle rustling activities in the area were thwarted for sometime.

9

5.0 - BURNING HUT BRINGS COMMOTION
It is very common in an African village setting to have social gatherings
which involve dancing and beating of drums and drinking traditional beer.
This would be done to celebrate a good harvest, the coming of age of a
young woman., etc.
There was a celebration a good harvest in one village.
The village headman had arranged for such a ceremony and surrounding
village heads and their subjects were invited to participate.
Such ceremonies usually begin around 20:00 hrs up to the following
morning. It is one of those ceremonies where one would really have a good
time.
The function is usually characteristic with heavy alcohol consumption and
promiscuity among the villagers.
It was all well until after midnight when suddenly there was a puff of smoke
from the end of the village. This was followed by a bright yellow light which
was as result of a burning hut.
All activity of the ceremony suddenly came to a halt as everybody’s attention
was attracted by the burning hut.
What led to the fire was that a man from a neighboring village had an
extramarital affair with a married woman of the village where the ceremony
was taking place. The couple decided to leave the village square where the
function was taking place and sneaked to the hut of the woman’s female
cousin to accommodate her lover for the rest of the night. The husband of
the flirting woman was very busy drumming at the square and was not aware
of the nocturnal activities of his wife.
As a group of young men were rushing towards the burning hut with water
buckets, sand and branches to quench the fire, they were shocked to see the
married woman and her lover bolting out of the hut stack naked !
The woman, on realizing what was unfolding, turned the attention of the
approaching mob by shouting “Thief! Thief “as she was pointing to the fleeing
man in front of her. The mob was not fooled by the trick, they instead
descended on her and beat her very badly until she was unconscious.

10

The fleeing man managed to outrun the mob as he was athletic, and was not
initially identified until the married woman was brought to the village council
for case hearing.
The man was fined four heads of cattle for committing adultery with the
married woman.

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6.0 - CAR DAMAGED AT THE CEMETERY
When one is involved in an illicit relationship there is a tendency to
believe that one has taken all measures to ensure that this will never
come to light.
Tom Kabusu was a senior official working at the council in Kitwe.
He used to patronize the public bars in the Mine townships which were
always jam packed with revelers at the weekends.
He was a very respected man in that he was not a very talkative man
when he was drunk. A lot of his colleagues were always entertained by
his many jokes he used to crack whilst they were socializing.
Wherever he went he had a good following of admirers who relished on
his jokes. As a result of this , the table where he was drinking from was
always full of beers from donors who wanted him to stay in the public
house longer than his pocket could permit.
Tom was a married man with three children and he loved his wife and
children very much. He was an elder at one of the churches in town and
was a very respected man in society. He was not known to be
interested in flirting with women he met whilst he socialized.
There was a young lady named Mercy Lundaka who used to patronize
the club where Tom liked to be at weekends. Nobody in the club had
suspected any relationship between Tom and Mercy. The two were
never seen seated close to each other in the club house. Mercy would
be in a group of men at the club who seemed to be more intimated to
her.
What was not known to all except for a younger man called Charles
Mpondo who was in the group of men who were with Mercy. Charles
was a paid pimp for Tom to look after Mercy whilst she was in the club.
Many people were of the conception that Charles was the boyfriend to
Mercy because of they always interacted within the club premises.
Charles would be given some $30 before bringing Mercy to the club.
Tom would then walk into the club and greet all people there including
Mercy and would then go to sit at his favorable table where he would
start dishing out his jokes.
When it was time for Tom to leave the club he would arrange for
Charles to take out Mercy prior to his departure. The time between
them would be exactly ten minutes. This would be done so that
there was no suspicion created.

12

Charles , who was not married , would then take her to his home and
Leave her there for Tom to join her later. Charles would then be given
some money to go and enjoy himself in a bar which was near his
home. The two lovers would then be together for over one hour i
at Charles' home.
One weekend Charles had a visitor , an uncle , who came from the
village. The arrangement with Tom could not therefore be done this
time. After Charles left the club house he took Mercy to a junction of
the road leading to the council cemetery.
Charles picked Mercy from this junction and drove his Fiat 127 car to
The cemetery where he was very certain nobody would dare to come to
at night. The time was around 20:30 hrs and Tom was very
certain he would be home by 21:00 hrs.
At the council workshop the security officer was surprised when he was
told by the senior mechanic , Henry who came to pick he 7ton truck
with a 1.5 ton Hiab lift at around 21:30 hrs. He told the security man
that one council vehicle which was sent to Lusaka had broken down
some ten kilometers from Kitwe. The truck was to be used to take off
some of the items from the broken down vehicle to another vehicle
using the Hiab lift and the broken down vehicle would then be towed
by the 7 ton truck.
The time was approaching 22:00 hrs and Tom had had not arrived at
his home. His wife Mary was getting worried as she knew that her
husband was drinking beers he never used to come home not later
than 21:00 hrs since they got married some ten years back. She had
no way of checking where the husband could be since she never went
out with her husband for any social gatherings except for weddings
and church functions. Mary had never taken alcohol in her life and she
had no reason to go to any of the public bars. Mary respected her
husband such that she never minded when he went out without her.
She knew that Tom was holding a senior post in church and would
not go out with other women. Tom was not a heavy beer drinker and
he spent most the time in the club house cracking jokes instead of
beer drinking. This is the trick he used so that by the time he met
Mercy he would not be very drunk.
It had rained quite heavily the previous night and the muddy roads
around the cemetery were still wet and boggy.
After Tom and his secret lover had finished their business they were
shocked to find out that the small car would not drive out from where
it was parked. What Tom did not realize when he drove into one of the
roads which was leading away from the burial grounds was still
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very wet and hence the front wheels of the car sunk in the mud as he
was parking it.
When he realized that the car would not come out of the mud , he and
Mercy walked to the main road and got into a Taxi which first dropped
her at her home and then proceeded to Henry's home. Henry was a
man of sober manners and liked to be with his family after work. Tom
was sure of finding him at his home even at 21:45 hrs. He instructed
Henry to pick the truck from the council workshop and go to the
cemetery to help him to get the car out of the mud.
When they reached the cemetery they hooked a sling on the towing
hook of the vehicle and lifted it off the road. They would then swing the
Hiab lift away from the place where it was stuck. They managed to do
this twice and were about to get it away from the muddy portion. On
the third maneuver the Hiab lift's hydraulic pipe burst whilst the vehicle
was lifted off the ground.
The bursting of the pipe brought down the car with a thud to the
ground where it had been lifted some 1.5 meters off the ground.
They impact of the fall of the car resulted in the chassis to be
deformed. This deformation resulted in that the engine bonnet to
open up and could not be closed anymore.
Tom and Henry managed to tow the vehicle to Tom's home where they
found the anxious wife almost in tears The time was then 1:00 hrs.
Tom explained to the wife that he was involved in a road traffic
accident and had to be towed by Henry using his own truck.
When Tom reported for work on Monday minus his car he had a lot of
explanation to do to his bosses who learnt that the Hiab truck got
damaged when it went to retrieve a so called council vehicle which
supposedly broken down ! When the truth came to light he was put on
final warning and suspended for two weeks.
The wife only came to know of the truth when the story was splashed
as a front page story in one of the tabloid papers.
"Council official suspended for misusing an institutional vehicle."
The reporter put the story in such a way that it left no
doubt as to what exactly happened. Tom was devastated by the story
and vowed never to go out again.

14

7.0 - COST SAVING BEER DRINKING STATEGY TURNS SOUR
Most University students’ “Pocket Power” during the 1970s for socializing
was very limited, this was more so for Government sponsored students who
got a meager $37 per Semester. Their colleagues who were sponsored by
private organizations such as the Mines used to get $150 per month. For
most of the Government sponsored students, it was survival of the fittest as
their parents and relatives could not meet all their needs.
One way of recreation was to have some cold beers at the Students’ Canteen
which was situated on the Campus. This, however, was not always fun as
there was not very much happening there.
What they used to do on a typical Saturday, was to go into the compounds
surrounding Lusaka and visit the Council Taverns where cheap local beer
called “Chibuku” was sold.
Chibuku is a brown opaque African beer which is brewed from maize. The
beer has a pungent smell which is unmistakable once one had taken a lot of
it. The smell could be sensed many hours after the hangover from its
intoxication was over. It was sold from dispensers in one litre and two litre
plastic mugs at 10cents and 20 cents respectively. Once a mug is bought it
would be shared by a group of merry makers in groups of say 4 to 5 people.
All drank from the same mug alternatively without regard to hygiene!
One Saturday afternoon there were four of who went for their usual Chibuku
“starters” at the Council Tavern. On this particular day each one took about
two of the 2 litre mugs of Chibuku. They then proceeded to the
Intercontinental Hotel’s Public Bar where bottled beer was selling at 40 cents
per 300ml bottle.
Their usual starter for each individual used to be a 2 litre mug , so on this
particular day they had taken twice their usual allocation.
When they came to the Inters (nickname for Intercontinental Hotel) they
were nearly intoxicated, all it required was to drink a few bottles of the
European type beer and the job would have been done.
Amongst the popular Pub talks were political issues. At that time the country
was under the so called “One Party Participatory Democracy”.
Whilst they were drinking, a hot debate ensued regarding the merits and
demerits of this system of Government. One of their colleagues from the
Campus started to exchange bitter words with one man who seemed to be a
strong supporter of the ruling Party. The student called him a “sufferer” who
was benefitting from the undemocratic system.
15

The man was so incensed by this remark that he threw a very powerful
punch which landed on the chest of their friend. The result was the man
started to vomit out the contents of his stomach. This included beans, dried
fish and Chibuku! On seeing the contents of his vomit, the assailant shouted
“Look at what this idiot who was calling me a sufferer is vomiting out!” Their
colleague was taken out by Hotel Security who handed him over to the state
Police.
The following day when they went to release him from police custody they
found out that he was charged for being “idle, disorderly and exhibiting
behaviour which was likely to lead to the breach of public peace”.
They never went to Inters since that day until after graduation!

16

8.0 - CRUEL SCHOOLMASTER TAUGHT A LESSON
Corporal punishment during the 1960s was quite rampant in schools , this
was made worse by the colonial authorities who saw it as a way of
subjugation of the indigenous African population.
At the primary school where one boy attended his sixth grade they had a
Schoolmaster who was very rough to us.
He was the school timekeeper who was assigned to sound the bell at break
time.It was nearly time for the 10:00hrs break. The timekeeper was in the
process of walking out to the bell for the break. The Schoolmaster, who was
then taking their class advised him to hold on a few minutes because he
wanted to finish the lesson.
Some ten minutes passed without the bell sounding. The other classes were
dismissed by their teachers for the break.
When the class teacher finally remembered that it was time for the break ,
he approached him stealthily and pinch my right cheek and violently twisted
it before giving him a slap “Wake up dull Boy ! Why are you not sounding the
bell for the break!”
The boy was really annoyed at the way he was treated because the teacher
was the one who suggested that he delays the sounding of the alarm.
In their class they had a boy who used to beat them in mental arithmetic by
getting ten out of ten most of the times. One day, for some reason, he got
zero out of ten! The Schoolmaster was not happy with him when he
explained to him that the low marks were as a result of bad luck.
He called him to come to his desk at the front of class. He then meted the
same punishment that was given to the time keeper boy , who did not mind
the time alarm.
He told the rest of the class thus, “Maybe he has started flirting with sluts
from surrounding villages!” He was given a very heavy slap and the poor boy
cried out loudly in agony.
When they were in Grade Seven they had a different teacher , who was more
jovial and was kind to us. He was also an excellent teacher.
One day their class teacher fell sick. The cruel teacher took them for some of
the lessons in the morning. He was such a lousy teacher that most of the
class started to doze.
17

In the afternoon he decided that they go for Gardening. They used to do this
practical class once every two weeks. That week Gardening was not on their
schedule. One of the pupils challenged him that it was not time for Gardening
but he insisted that they do so without question.
After collecting hoes , shovels and picks from the tool shed , they reluctantly
headed for the school garden which by then only partially dug.
As fate would be, they found a colon of the vicious African red ants in one
corner of the garden. They quickly mooted a plan to teach the “monster”
teacher a lesson.
After only working for some twenty minutes, they had done the job of
preparing the garden.
He was very incensed with them when he was told that they had finished the
job in less than the 90 minutes which they were expected to finish.
When he came to the garden, to inspect their work ,the only place which was
not muddy was where the red ants had assembled.
Without realizing the presence of the red ants he shouted to them at the top
of his voice , “ You little idiots , is this the way your uneducated parents had
taught you how to prepare gardens?”. He was stamping the ground with his
right foot. “You have to redo the job and you won’t leave school until after
two hours “pause “..Aar! Ouch! Ouch” He suddenly cried out.
He bolted from the garden towards his office which was some two hundred
meters away.
When red ants attack you they don’t normal bite at the point of climbing.
They would travel up your trousers until they reach the under wear . They
would start biting the soft tissue of the privates such as the scrotum. It is a
very painful experience. The only way to get rid of them is to take off the
trousers and underwear and picking them out one by one from one’s body.
This is not an easy task.
After this drama they quickly gathered their garden tools and put the back in
the tool shed.
They went home knowing that they were in for a big hiding on Monday
morning.
To their surprise the Schoolmaster never mentioned the incident to anyone
else. He only came to address them after a few days on the need to respect
elders in society.
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No grade seven pupil was ever harassed by the teacher for the rest of the
end of the year until when they graduated to secondary school.

19

9.0 - DIGGING WITH BARE HANDS
John Hapezu was working as a Shift Boss at one of the open pits on the
Zambian Copper belt.
Hapezu was a polygamist who lived above his means. His life style was the
talk at his working place as it was not understood how he could live such
effluence when he was just a middle management official in the Company he
was working for.
Hapezu used to tell his colleagues that he was a prince for one of the tribes
in the country which was renowned for keeping large herds of cattle. He had
to be a polygamist as per his tradition.
Hapezu had one secret which was not known to his work mates until fate
turned against him.
He was doing afternoon shift and the weather was very showery. He took
advantage of the rainy weather to carry out his plan. He was driving his
official four by four Landcruiser when he loaded four 210 liter drums of
SAE40 engine oil into the vehicle.
Three drums were required to be offloaded at one at the Filling Stations at
the northern end of the open pit which was some five kilometers away. He
managed to organize with the store man at the main Filling Station to add
one extra 210 liter drum for Hapezu's use.
There was a small bush on the eastern perimeter of the pit where the extra
drum was offloaded .
After delivering the other three drums at the destination Hapezu continued to
do his work. The Landcruiser was equipped with a mobile Motorola radio by
which communication with the rest of operations at the pit.
His radio call sign was “Omega 55”.
He was due to knock of at 22:30 hrs. Just before that time he drove to the
place where he offloaded the drum which he had planned to drive to the edge
of the pit and roll the drum so that it would drop off some twenty metres into
the bush below. The drum would then be picked by some accomplices using
some bush passes which led into a shanty compound which was notorious for
being a haven of criminals.
As he was driving through the bush towards the pit rim where he was to
offload the drum the Landcruiser got stuck in the muddy ground. Despite

20

attempting to engage the four wheel drive of the vehicle it could not come
out of the mud.
His shift relief who reported at the Control Room waited for him to bring the
vehicle. By 23:00 hrs. he has not come despite several promises when he
was called on the Radio “Omega 55 what is your location?” He kept on
answering “Close by , just stand by”.
By midnight Hapezu's whereabouts were not known. In the meantime he had
commandeered a Bulldozer to try to pull his Landcruiser from the mud. As
fate would have it , the Bulldozer got stuck in the mud as well. At 1:00 hrs.
the Mine Security were alerted about the missing vehicles .
The driver of the Bulldozer abandoned it after a fruitless attempt to assist
Hapezu to get the Landcruiser out of the mud.
Hapezu spent all night trying to free the vehicles but to no avail.
Meanwhile the Mine Security combed the area where Hapezu could have
been to but he could not be located.
By daybreak the Mine Security made a discovery of tracks of two vehicles
leading into the bush where Hapezu was marooned with the stuck vehicles
and the contraband he wanted to take out of the pit.
He was found digging the ground around the wheels of the Landcruiser with
his bare hands. He had put some branches beneath the wheels which he
hoped would free the vehicle.
His body was covered with mud such that he was hardly recognizable.
After being arrested and handcuffed he was put at the back of the Police
vehicle.
On arrival at the change house he was told to go and take a shower and
change into his casual wear clothing. One Policeman was assigned to wait for
him outside the change house.
The policeman waited for 15 minutes or Hapezu to come out of the shower.
What he did not know is that he pretended to go into the shower and opened
the water tap and left it running. He then slipped away from the change
house by using a separate door which the policeman was not aware of.
After 20 minutes it was known that Hapezu had escaped.

21

After he left the plant area he went to his home and told his two wives that
he had to leave for his village suddenly because his uncle died last night.
When the police came to his home they were told he has left for the village.
However , an informer told the police that Hapezu was seen drinking at one
of the Pubs in the Site and Service area of the mine town.
He was so intoxicated by the time of his arrest that he could hardly walk on
his own.
He kept shouting to the Security men. “ I am a prince . I won't suffer in my
life!”
A week later he was summarily dismissed from employment for attempting
to steal the drum of oil and misuse of two Mine vehicles.
Those who met him a year after his dismissal attested that the man was not
a prince after all and he was living in squalor !

22

10.0 - DON’T WORRY, NOTHING WILL COME OUT!
When one boy was doing his ninth grade at Sefula secondary school
they had a very good mathematics teacher who made the subject
enjoyable. He is the teacher , who turned around his preference of a
future career of Engineering which requires a good knowledge of
mathematics.
The teacher used to give them very good hints of how to go about
solving mathematical problems. He made the subject so interesting that
the average class mark rose from 30 to 60%.
Mr. Bharnage was so entertaining that no one could afford to doze off
during his class sessions. He used to keep them in some sort of a trance
which was spell bound such that they really liked his subject.
One weakness with Mr. “B” , as they used to call him , was he was a
scruffy fellow who never bothered on how he was dressed.
Their school was coeducational with a 60-40 ratio between boys and
girls. It was customary therefore for one to say " May I be excused? " to
which the teacher would reply "Well excused" whenever one to go out
of class to attend to the call of nature.
One morning Mr. Bharnage walked into class in his usual jovial mood.
Something was amiss in his dressing. His zipper was wide open ! One
male pupil stood up and asked to be excused from class. As he was
leaving class he whispered into the ear of the teacher "Excuse me sir ,
would you mind your zipper . It is wide open!"
Mr. Bharnage replied in a loud voiced "Is this what worrying you when
you said you wanted to be excused?" He pulled his zipper in full view of
all ! He continued " Class I want you to concentrate on what I am
teaching you not the zipper. In any case even if it is open , I can assure
you that nothing will come out !".

23

11.0 - EVEN BACKWARDS I CAN DO!
A tourist who visited Zambia for the first time managed to get himself some
female Zambian company.
After entering his hotel room the woman was surprised to see the man sitting
on a mat in a meditative posture.
He closed his eyes and crossed the fingers of both hands except for the two
thumbs which he span forward away from his
body.
This went on for some ten minutes. The lady got fed up and burst out " Why
are you doing this ? You invite me to your room
, you sit on that mat and start spinning your thumbs forward whilst your
eyes are closed. What is wrong with your hands ?"
The man responds " The hands? nothing wrong with them my dear ! See ,
even backwards I can spin my thumbs !”
The woman quickly grabbed her handbag and storms out of the room in
anger.
The man finally opens his eyes and finds the woman gone !

24

12.0 - EXPLOSIVES FISHERMAN

MEETS HIS WATERLOO

There are several methods used for catching fish in Zambia. Fishing nets
or baskets are usually used. However, some greedy people who want to
kill as many fish as possible, have started using illegal means of kiling
the fish. These include the use of mosquito nets and explosives.
Edwin Kamwo used to work for the mines in Chingola for thirty years as
an underground blasting chargehand. Just before his retirement he
stole some Nonel explosive charges with which he thought to use for
fishing.
He would go to the river bank at night and light up a fuse on the
explosive charge and throw it some fifty metres onto the water surface.
The explosive fuse had a time lag of ten minutes. This would give him
enough time to ride his bicycle and be away from the river bank and
take cover some eight hundred metres away.
After the explosive had gone off he would then cycle back to the river
to pick the dead fish killed by the explosive.
One night in full moonlight he travelled to the river bank with his
hunting dog which could not be persuaded to remain home.
After he threw the explosive charge onto the water surface the dog ,
which was a retriver , jumped into the water towards the explosive. He
shouted at the dog to swim back to him instead of going for the
explosive. This did not yield the desired result. The dog went for the
expolsive and retived it from the river and it swam back to the river
bank.
When Edwin realized what peril he was in he jumped on his bicycle and
fled. The dog which was then almost coming out of the water followed
its master in hot pursuit.
Edwin thought that he had outran the dog when he jumped off the
bicycle at his usual safe hiding place , when he saw a figure coming
towards him. By the time he could do anything there was a big bang !
Edwin's body and that of the dog were discovered by a group of people
who were coming to the river to draw out some water in the morning.

25

13.0 - H AMMER MILL

TURNS OUT TO BE A

TRANSFORMER!

Grabbing of property by relatives of a man who has died from widows is
quite rampant in their society.
What is worrying is that this is usually done before the tears of the widow
dries up. Sadly the majority of the property is usually undertaken by female
relatives of the deceased man.
A lot of widows have been a victim of this vice for a long time. This is despite
the fact that the country has a law on intestate cases.
Most of the victims of the property grabbing do not report the crime to law
enforcement agencies. This is for fear of witchcraft.
It is also sad that most of the men do not make any wills whilst they are still
alive. This again is associated with the fear of dying soon after the will has
been done.
Mary Kunga has just lost her husband who was a chief engineer at one of the
mines on the Copper belt.
Relatives of her husband Martin gathered for the funeral from all parts of the
country.
Soon after the funeral an uncle of the deceased man announced to all that he
is not interested to take any of the property from the house.
During funeral functions, men usually spend the night outside the house
within the courtyard whilst the women would be inside the house to console
the widow.
The uncle took notice of a machine which was giving out a humming noise
throughout the night. He made sure that that non of the relatives would have
access to the machine by constantly referring to it as not working properly.
On the day of sharing the property a young brother to the deceased
announced that he will take away the car of his late brother so that he could
convert it into a taxi which would bring in some money with which he could
financially assist the two children left behind. He was shocked when the
vehicle was taken away by one official from the company saying that the car
was bought via a company loan which was only paid half way through. The
car would be sold so that the money paid back by the deceased would be
given back to the widow and herb children.

26

As for the uncle who thought the "machine" he used hear humming at night
was actually a power supply transformer belonging to the electricity utility
company. All along he had been thinking it was a hammer mill !

27

14.0 - H ARDWARE SHOPS

CONNED OVER LONG WEEKEND

Non Government Organizations (NGOs) are renowned for doing a very
commendable job of supplementing Government efforts in undertaking
development projects in the country. This is more so in rural areas
where they are involved in projects such as building orphanages,
schools and healthy centers.
NGOs are known to be well funded by the foreign countries that sponsor
them and if any supply company is approached to provide some goods
they are usually assured that the payment will be prompt. This is unlike
other institutions who take months to make payment for services
rendered.
It was in 2007 during the Heroes and Unity holiday which extends from
Sunday up to Tuesday when a group of four young men came to the
city of Kitwe.
The day was a Saturday at around midday; one group went to a
computer hardware shop and presented a Bank Certified Check to the
manager of the shop worth $5,000 for the purchase of five Computers
for an orphanage in the Northern Province.
Meanwhile another group went to the industrial area and approached a
hardware shop with anther check for $2,500 for the purchase of some
electrical cables for the same orphanage.
At the computer hardware shop they did not encounter any problems.
However, at the other shop they were told that there were only cables
worth $1,500 in stock and the rest could be collected from their
warehouse which was a few kilometers from the shop.
The owner of the shop selling cables saw an opportunity to make a good
profit. He organized to purchase the remaining cable from nearby
hardware shops at $850 which he sold to the unsuspecting NGO
officials.
Whilst the men were waiting for the other cable to be delivered, they
were feted by the shop owner who was glad to make such a big sale a
few minutes before the shop closed at 12:45 hrs. Up to this time the
day has been bad for business as $150 worth of sales were realized
from 8:00 hrs when the shop opened.
In order not to raise any suspicious activity the men at the cable shop
made telephone calls using their mobile phones to the other group who
were purchasing computers for the orphanage. The three men were clad
in expensive looking three-piece suits and were wearing expensive
28

perfume which is normally used by the affluent in society. They had
hired a 3 ton Mitsubishi Canter light truck which was painted with the
logo of the purported orphanage. The greedy shop keeper could
therefore not suspect anything strange with the three men.
The computer shopkeeper took his check to the Bank before close of
business where it bounced and referred to the owner of the check.
This information about the conmen did not filter to the cable shop
owner at the time he was busy organizing for more cables. The
conversation by mobile phones was actually fort to warning the other
group to remain calm as police were alerted of the bounced $5,000
check.
The three men at the cable shop managed to keep calm until the cable
was delivered at 13:30 hrs, some forty five minutes after the official
closure time for shops on Saturdays.
During the long weekend the cable supplier heard a story that a group
of men got away with five computers using a forged check. This did not
worry him at all because the ones who came to his shop looked very
genuine young men.
When the long weekend holiday was over the cable shop businessman
took the check to the Bank. He was shocked when he was told that the
check was not genuine. For starters a bank certified check is never hand
written except for the signature of the Bank manager. They are usually
machine printed with the figures written in perforation on the check.
Secondly the name of the Bank was no longer The Peoples Bank Ltd.
but the Peoples Bank Plc!
The man soon started to sweat profusely when he realized that he was
also duped in a similar fashion to the computer shop. He was admitted
in hospital with a life threatening BP of 200/130 mm HG.
When he recovered he was given a $200 bill for medical treatment from
the hospital.
His only consolation was that he was tricked out of $2,500 worth of
goods which was half of the amount stolen from the computer shop. He
shivered when the thought came to him if the situation was vice versa!

29

15.0 - I

AM A RANK OF PARAFFIN!

When one boy was doing his ninth grade at Sefula secondary school, he was
given a duty to be a librarian.
His job entitled him to sort out the books which have been borrowed by other
students according to the filling system of the school library.
This gave him an opportunity to look up at very good reference books in
order to enhance his aptitude in all the subjects he was doing in class.
Other students were given duties of class monitors and school prefects and
so on.
At the time they had no electricity at the school , and as such they depended
used paraffin operated hurricane lamps.
One pupil was given the task of issuing the paraffin to class monitors who
were tasked to look after the lamps.
That year the President of the Republic of Zambia was attending the
traditional ceremony of the Lozi people of the western province called
Kuomboka. This is the time when the paramount Chief (Litunga) was
migrating from his Barotse flood plain palace to the dry land palace.
The President was attending as a guest of honour to the Litunga. He flew in
from the Capital City of Zambia Lusaka which is some 600 kilometres, to the
east of Mongu town, the provincial capital of western province.
From Mongu he was to travel to join the Litunga at his flood season palace at
Lealui by an engine powerboat.
It is traditional for the head of state to attend this ceremony which is an
annual event.
It is one of the most celebrated traditional ceremonies in Zambia which
attracts thousands of people from all over the country and worldwide.
The Litunga is transported by a boat paddled by some fifty men across the
flood plain for a distance of over fifteen kilometers.
As part of the ceremony the school children around Mongu were directed to
send their pupils to the air strip to welcome the republican president. The
pupils and local people would line up the route from the airport up to the
harbor where he was to board the engine powerboat on route to join the
Litunga at Lealui.
30

Sefula secondary school is some sixteen kilometers south of Mongu.
They had to board a bus from the school to Mongu as early as 4 am in order
to be in Mongu early enough to wait for the president who was expected to
land at about 8 am.
They had to have their breakfast before 4 am and it was usually a very hectic
task as they had no chance to have it in the usual way. They used to have
porridge of maize meal or rice for breakfast. This was dispensed to them on
deep bore plates. When you were given this food to eat in less than five
minutes was not an easy task. The boy left almost three quarters of the rice
in his locker with the notion that he would have it later in the day.
Since the space in the school hired bus was limited priority was given to
pupils who had some rank such as a school monitor, prefect or librarian.
They had a very humorous moment when their paraffin man was almost left
out because he had no known “rank” at the school. He managed to get on
board when he told the school master who was seeing us off. “I am a rank of
paraffin” !
They waited for the president to arrive in Mongu from 6 am up to 10 am. It
just took each one of them a few seconds to wave at him as his presidential
motorcade went past the group of people who had line up the airport to
harbor route!

31

16.0 - I DON’T CARE I HAVE A CONDOM!
A group of young men hijacked an Airline which was carry a group of rich
businessmen.
The hijackers had planned to parachute from the plane into a group of
Islands in the Indian Ocean where they would escape.
Four out of the five businessmen on board handed over their briefcases
where some cash totaling $200,000 was stashed.
When they approached the fifth businessman , he refused to hand over his
money. He told them . “ You ca not fool me those pistols you are carrying are
toys. I sell them in my shops back in India !”
Having realized that the hijacking was not going to be successful , the
hijackers thought of a plan to scare the businessman into submission.
One of them produced a syringe and needle and drew out blood from one of
the veins of his arm. “ Look here oldie twit , I am HIV positive and I am
going to inject you with my blood and you will die from Aids. Handover the
brief case, now !”.
The businessman was not daunted by this latest threat from the hijackers.
“ Look here young man . I am not scared of your HIV and I don’t care about
it”
“Why not? “ asked the young hijacker.
“ I don’t care I have a condom !”
The hijackers were overpowered by the rest of the passengers and handed
over to authorities at Mumbai airport .
The businessman had $500,000 stashed in his briefcase he refused to
handover to the hijackers !

32

17.0 - LION HUNTING ADVENTURES
This story was narrated to me by my father, the late Eleazar Nasilele .
It was time to go and hunt for a male Lion for the King of the Lozi people.
The mane of the Lion was and is still being used for the tradition attire used
by the Royal paddlers during the Kuomboka Ceremony.
A prince of the Lozi Royal family was going to hunt for the Lion. He was
accompanied by a group of villagers who were his aides.
It was a privilege to be chosen to accompany the Royal hunter. The aides
totaled eight and had to carry the luggage of the prince.
They had to travel from the Barotse Flood Plain where the Royal village
was located to some thicket which was located some 50 kilometers to the
east of the Royal village. The only means of transport in the 1940s was on
foot.
The hunting team spent the first day by traveling about half of the journey
before resting at evening time.
The team made a temporary camp in the bush for the night.
Since the forest was infested with dangerous wild animals they had to cut
some dried logs in order to make a very big camp fire to keep the wild
animals at bay. The camp fire was fed by eight logs assigned in a circular
pattern. Each of the aides was assigned to man one log to feed the fire
throughout the night. The men therefore slept alongside their logs which they
inched into the fire as it slowly consumed them. The fire therefore provided
both warmth and protection to the men.
The prince slept on a camp bed which was located a few metres from the
Camp fire. He had his loaded 303 Rifle perched near him.
Once in while the growling of a Lion or the laugh of the hyena would be
heard in a distance. This encouraged the group to increase the intensity of
the fire. One phenomenon of a growling Lion is one can not tell how far the
Lion is from one’s location as the whole forest reverberates with the sound of
the Lion.
By daybreak each man would have pushed at least two logs into the fire.
Except for the Prince, each man in the hunting team had no continuous sleep
throughout the night. The maximum number of minutes one could sleep
continuously was about 40 to 50 minutes.

33

Apart from the Prince’s hunting guns which included a 303 Rifle , a double
barrel shot gun and a muzzle loader the aides were armed with Bows, Arrows
, Pangas and Knives.
The following morning the group proceeded with their journey. They went
further and further thicker bush.
By evening they reached a lagoon which was a drinking point for animals.
The Lions which also came to drink from the same lagoon took advantage of
this situation to pick their prey.
This particular evening the wild hunters were going to be hunted by human
hunters.
The Royal hunting team hid themselves with branches of trees so as not to
make their presence known to the animals.
As the animals were proceeding to the drinking spot a pride of Lions followed
them silently behind. The male Lion with the mane does not always take part
in the chasing of a chosen prey. It is very lazy and usually comes at a slower
pace behind the female lions.
The Royal hunting team took advantage of this to select the male Lion.
As the lions were approaching the lagoon the prince loaded his 303 rifle and
took aim at the male Lion. He fired at the Lion and hit it on the left arm
missing its head by a good six inches. The other lions scattered in fear at the
unexpected boom of the rifle.
The wounded Lion soon recognized the direction where the wounding bullet
came from. It was some hundred metres from where the hunting team was.
It came charging on its three good legs towards the Royal hunting team.
On seeing the charging Lion most of the aides except for two took off in
panic.
One man managed to climb a tree which was not very mature and hence its
stem could not hold his weight and it bent down leaving the man’s trunk only
three metres off the ground.
Meanwhile the prince remained calm and managed to reload his rifle. As the
Lion was some twenty meters from him he took aim and shot it in the face
blowing off its brains. The Lion kept on coming towards him and it died right
on top of him.
Some of the men who were watching this drama had loose bladders which
watered their pants. The man up the bending tree could not help it by
defecating in his pants in addition to urinating.
34

18.0 - LIVE BUTCHERY BEEF MYSTERY
Mr. Mosange original hailed from the Southern Province of Zambia which
has the largest stock of cattle in the country.
He had decided to settle on the Copperbelt Province at a farm he
developed over ten years before his retirement. He used to travel to his
original village in Southern Province where he would arrange to purchase
some calves. These would then be taken to his farm for growing up and
fattened for slaughter at a Butchery he built in the city of Kitwe.
By the time he retired as a train driver , he had established his butchery
business which was the envy of his competitors.
The beef from his Butcheries was very tasty because of being a
combination of traditional cattle grown using commercial farming methods.
Of late there has been a spate of thefts of beef from his butcheries which
could not be explained as there were no breaking in into the premises.
What was noticed is that after closing the butchery after business , a
certain amount of beef of known weight would be left in the butchery but
the following day some beef weighing up to twenty kilos would be missing.
Mr. Mosange suspected that the theft could only be an inside job , as no
one could have access to the butchery without having keys of the doors.
Despite several warnings to his employees and reporting the thefts to
police , the thefts continued and no one was arrested.
Mr. Mosange even paid a private security firm to patrol the area where the
butchery was at night but no arrests were made.
He even went to the extent of employing an African juju man to eliminate
the thieves using black magic but this never brought any results as well.
One evening as he was cooling his throat at a local club , he came across
an electrician working in the Mines to whom he narrated his predicament .
The electrician offered him very a very unusual solution. “Have you tried
electrifying the beef ?” , Mr. Mosange was intrigued by this proposal and he
made a deal with the electrician to go ahead with the plan.
Moses , the electrician , requested the Businessman to supply him with two
, 550 volts to 110V , transformers and a 150 kilo ohms resistor. After
getting these , the electrician connected the 110V side of the two
transformers in series and the 550V side of the transformers were
connected in series as well. When 220 volts mains supply was connected
across the two 110 volt sides of the two transformers , 1,110volts was
produced across the two 550V output sides. This voltage is high enough to
electrocute a man instantly. To prevent the electrocution , the 150 kilo
35

ohm resistor was connected in series with the 1,100volts output from the
two transformers. Even if a short circuit was put across this voltage and
resistor combination , only 7 milliamps would flow to the connected load.
As you maybe aware , for a man to be electrocuted a minimum of 9
milliamps is required to pass through his heart which results in cardiac
arrest (stopping of the heart) which results in death if the source of current
is not removed and the victim is resuscitated. 7 milliamps would give a
man an excruciating pain to the affected part of the body.
The Live part of the 1,100 volt circuit was connected to the hooks from
where the beef was hanging from . The neutral of the circuit was earthed
and connected to a metallic bench from where the meat could be accessed
from the floor.
After setting up this trap , no incident occurred on the first and second
nights. Mr. Mosange was now desperate that his plan to catch the thieves
was not going to work. He suspected that the electrician might have leaked
the information to his workers whom he had been suspecting all along. The
electrician told him to be patient as the thieves were about to be exposed
sooner or later.
During the morning preceding the third night Mr. Mosange was greeted by
a very spectacular scenery as he opened the front door of the butchery.
Chucks of beef ,which were left hanging on the hooks the day before , were
splattered all over the floor and some bloody foot prints were noticed
coming out of the butchery through the front door he had just opened !
There was some remnants of blood on the door handles as well.
At 8:30 hrs. two detectives from the state police approached him to
enquire on why he was using illegal means of electrifying his butchery. Mr.
Mosange was incensed by this allegation since the two police detectives
had no proof of the so called “illegal” wirings , which were by then removed
by Moses.
Two of his workers never reported for work again. These were the same
people who had made duplicate keys for the butchery and were in good
books with the police detectives whom they used to supply a good number
of cold beers at the junior police club. After being shocked by the beef,
they reported their boss for the illegal electrification to the two police
detectives.
Mr. Mosange complained to the police chief about the behavior of two
policemen. The two were subsequently discharged from the police service.
It was learnt , during investigations, that they connived with the security
guards from the private security company not to arrest the two butchery
employees as they were getting the beef out of the butchery as night.

36

No further thefts of beef ever occurred afterwards !

19.0 - LUCKY ESCAPE FROM LIONS
When he was doing his fifth to seventh grades one boy used to stay with
his Grandparents at the Village which is found on the perimeter of the
Barotse flood plain. He was then attending a school which was some four
kilometers from the village.
His parents were then working at Namachaha primary school which went
up to Grade four. The school was then located on the flood plain which
used to shift to dry land annually during the flood season which is between
April and July.
The Barotse flood plain is very rich in fish and milk during the dry season ,
hence it was always a pleasure for him and one of his cousins to visit the
parents at Namachaha school during long weekend holidays.
The journey to the school was some fifteen kilometers across a mainly
grassy and sandy piece of land.
Because of the danger of being attacked by bandits in areas which were
not populated, they used to travel in groups of between ten to fifteen
children. This was mainly done on a Friday afternoon before a long
weekend holiday.
After crossing the Zambezi River they were now in populated villages
where it was now safe to travel in smaller groups.
On one particular trip the boy and his relative were the last ones to head
towards their destination.
It was then getting very dark such that they were only guided by footpaths
and silhouettes of trees and lights from fires which marked the presence of
oncoming villages.
At one time they drifted westwards until they reached very thick vegetation
which was near a tributary of the Zambezi River. They were very scared
and had to run towards a village which they could figure out in a distance.
When they reached that village the residents there were surprised to see
them. They had just travelled through some unmarked landscape, without
a foot path.

37

The two boys told the amazed villagers that they were going to Namachaha
School. They told them that they were almost there. However, they
advised them to spend the night in the village.
As children they were advised not to spend nights in strange villages for
fear of being bewitched and thus they turned down the offer. They were
then advised to be rush as it was already very late in the evening.
Due a large number of school children travelling to the school on a regular
basis, the footpath to the school was fairly wide. They could therefore
manage to run on it without difficulty.
When they reached the school it was close to midnight. Their parents were
dumfounded to see them. They lamented of how they struggled to reach
the place under very difficulty conditions.
The following morning, they were informed that there were some lions that
came in the area and had killed a number of cattle in the neighbouring
villages.
On hearing this, they trembled at the thought of what could have
happened to them if they had come in contact with the beasts!
On the return journey they took a shorter route back to the village which
was safer to travel during the day. Due to fear of the animals, they had to
run most the way.
When he was at the University he had another lucky escape of the lions in
a similar fashion just narrated. This time his parents were working at
Situnga primary school which is situated in the forest some fifty kilometres
to the East. The first forty kilometres was travelled by bus and thereafter
on foot. Since he had not been to the school before, one of his young
sisters who had been there escorted him.
On arrival at the school they were told that there was a lion in the forest
which they had travelled through the previous day.

38

20.0 - MUSIC ALBUMS ALMOST TAKEN OUT OF CAMPUS!
One “Mojo” got the shock of his life when Campus Security brought in an
elderly female suspect for him to confirm whether he knew her.
At the time he was attending a lecture on “Social problems brought about
poverty in Zambia” at Lecture Theatre One, which was biggest at the
Campus.
The Mojo denied knowledge of the woman, until he saw a collection of his
best Albums with her. He admitted that she had come to visit him at his
room over the weekend.
The woman showered him with unpalatable tirade for not honouring his side
of their “agreement” for her visit to his room the previous night. The deal
was for him to pay $2.00 for the services rendered.
In the morning he left her still sleeping and headed for LTO (Lecture Theatre
One).
He has banked on the theory that since Security men always harassed
uninvited visitors by throwing them out of the Campus.
In this case the “Import”, as such women were popularly known refused to
be give in to the officers’ attempt to get her out of Campus. They could not
believe that no young man in his right mind would “import” such a woman.
After a heated discussion with the woman, one good Samaritan gave her the
$2.00 fee on condition that the Albums , which included Jim Hendrix , Isaac
Hayes , should be given back to the owner. She insisted that the money
should come from the Mojo’s pocket instead. This new development annoyed
the rest of the students who now wanted to physically remove the Import
from the Campus.
After an exchange of insults with her, she finally agreed to take the money.
On exchanging the Albums for the $2.00, she suddenly slapped the young
man in the face and told him “Next time pick on girls of your size you stupid
idiot”. This brought some laughter, especially to the young female students
who had abandoned the lecture to come and watch this free drama.
One Student Tabloid came with this headline “Sexually Starved Monk Bailed
Out!“
This drama was very good practical demonstration of what the interrupted
lecture was all about. It became a very good case study for the students !
39

21.0 - NARROW

ESCAPE FROM CROCODILE ’S

TEETH!

When he was doing his lower primary school the parents of the boy was
working with a couple that had not lived on the Barotse flood plain before.
To stay on the plain, one has to get used to certain survival instincts such as
knowing when to escape from an approaching crocodile which is about to
strike.
During on flood season the water level was getting higher and higher on a
daily basis and approaching the school buildings which were on a higher
ground. With this scenario, the washing of clothing was done at the edge of
the approaching flood waters.
One morning Mrs. Njuku , the wife of the teacher his father was working with
was washing some clothes some hundred metres from his father’s house
which was nearer the floods. A group of pupils were repairing a pit latrine
which was some fifty metres form where Mrs. Njuku was.
Suddenly there was a whistling sound which sounded like it was coming from
the sky. This is the trick a crocodile uses by passing water at high velocity
through some small openings near its nostrils. When the subject of an attack
hears this “sound from the sky”, she or he will look up to see where the
strange sound was coming from. At this stage the crocodile will stealthily
come out of the water and hit the subject with its powerful tail. The impact of
the hitting is enough to throw the subject into the nearby water. Once in the
waters the crocodile would then grab the subject with its sharp teeth which
are locked by its powerful jaws. The victim would then have no chance of
escaping from the beast, since it is a very good swimmer. The victim would
die within minutes from loss of blood and asphyxia due to drowning.
The pupils who were working on the latrine shouted to Mrs. Njuku to run
away from the water as soon as possible. At first she did not realize the
danger she was in until when the pupils came running down the slanting
landscape shouting at the top of their lungs” Mrs. Njuku, run! You are about
to be caught by a crocodile! Run! Run!” At this stage she managed to turn
around and ran a few steps before she collapsed. By that time the pupils who
were armed with sticks and axes came to her rescue by lifting her up and
carried to a safer place where the crocodile could do no harm to her.
They are told that when a crocodile misses to catch its prey it would go not
very far from the place where this happened and stay solemn and cry. The
crocodile would be so sorry for itself that even small children could kill it. I
presume this is where the term “shedding crocodile tears” came from.
40

The crocodile in the case of Mrs. Njuku’s lucky escape was not seen except
for some high waves of water which came forwards and backwards on the
water’s edge.
From that time until when they moved to the dry land school no person was
allowed to go near the water alone. One would be escorted by a group of
people who would hit the water with sticks and make a lot of noise to scare
the crocodiles away. The other measure was to cal a witchdoctor to come to
the school and install a charm that would keep the crocodiles away. I wonder
whether the latter method really worked ?

41

22.0 - NEXT TIME DON'T THOUGHT --- THINK .. THINK!!
A University student who was short of cash walked into a retail shop to
purchase a pair of trousers.
He saw a pair in the children section of the shop and chose one pair he
thought was a good bargain. The Student was short in stature.
The Shop Keeper requested the student to go and try the Trousers in the
Fitting Room. He declined saying that he was very convinced the Trousers
would fit him.
When he reached Campus he tried the Trousers and to his shock he
discovered that it would not go above his knees. It was a weekend and the
shop would not open until the next Monday.
On Monday he went back to the shop to return the trousers. The Shop
Keeper initially refused that the trousers was purchased from the shop. Since
he was not given a receipt for the purchase it took some discussion with the
shop keeper before he recalled that it was actually bought from the shop.
Shop Keeper whose command of the English Language was not good said
"Oooh! I now remember my friend you bought this pair of
trousers from my shop and I told you to go and try it in the Fitting Room.
The question is .. vhay did you refuse and only
took it with you itself ?"
Student" I took it because I thought it would fit me since it looked my size"
Shop keeper " You took it because you thought it was your size ? Vhay then
do you itself bring it back ?"
Student " I thought it was my size"
After a long dialogue in the same fashion of question and answer from the
two parties the Shop Keeper finally agreed to
give the student a refund.
He had the final word. " Ok my friend , I'll give you a refund but next time
don't Thought but Think ! Think !" He said this as he was repeatedly pointing
to his head with his right index finger emphasizing on the Think ! Think!

42

23.0 - UNDERPANTS USED TO "PAY" FOR A FAVOUR
When they were attending University in Lusaka between 1972 and 1977 it
was common for guys “Mojos” to sleep out of Campus in search of female
company.
Most of the girls “ Mommas” at Campus were either “booked” by what
they used to call “Absentee Landlords” or were just too busy with studies
to have any relationships with “Mojos”. The latter were nicknamed “Nuns”.
One Mojo went out one Saturday afternoon to have a good time in one of
the Pubs in town which was called “Africa Bar”. By evening he managed to
catch an elderly woman of about 40 who stayed in a shanty compound
which was nearby the Lusaka City Centre.
Elderly ladies were “good catches” in that they demanded very little in
terms of services rendered compared to the younger ones. All they wanted
was to have a good time with young men . They were either married ,
widowed or divorced.
For this particular Mojo the agreed price was $2 for the night. A younger
lady would have charged $5 . He got so excited that he spent a lot of
money to buy the good lady bottle upon bottle of the popular “Mosi” lager.
When they reached her place he was shocked to find that he had only
$1.50 left with him. This money would be enough for his transport by taxi
back to Campus the following morning.
He thought of a plan of how he could evade paying for services rendered.
The ablution block where the toilets were found was communal to some ten
shacks in the area.
As dawn was drawing near , he found an excuse of getting out of the shack
by saying that he was going to the toilet. The lady agreed on condition that
he leaves his trousers behind as surety that he would come back and pay
the fee.
The young man reasoned with her that it would not be practical for him to
walk outside stack naked without his trousers on as it was already bright
outside. He agreed to leave his underpants instead . The woman could not
accompany him outside as she was married and this would compromise her
sincerity to the husband. The husband was out to a fishing camp some 300
kilometres away where he would normally stay for up to three months
before coming back to Lusaka.
The Mojo initially pretended to be heading for the communal toilet but was
soon on the double to the nearest taxi rank.
43

The young man never went back to Africa Bar until after his graduation !

24.0 - PARTY CRASHING ADVENTURES
One of the thrills they had when they were at Campus was the daring
activities they used to undertake just for fun.
As students they were always very bored at weekends after heavy sessions
of lectures and homework during the week.
One way of recreation was to have some cold beers at the Students’
Canteen which was situated on the Campus. This, however, was not always
fun as there was not very much happening there. Their “pocket power” for
buying drinks was also limited more especially for the Government
sponsored students who got a meager $37 per Semester. Their friends who
were sponsored by private organizations like the Mines used to get $150
per month.
For most of them it was survival of the fittest as their parents and
relatives could not meet all their needs for socializing.
What they used to do on a typical Saturday was to go into the compounds
surrounding Lusaka and visit the Council Taverns where cheap local beer
called “Chibuku” was sold.
Chibuku is a brown opaque African beer which is brewed from maize. The
beer has a pungent smell which is unmistakable once one had taken a lot
of it. The smell could be sensed many hours after the hangover from its
intoxication was over. It was sold from a dispensers in one liter and two
liter plastic mugs at 10cents and 20 cents respectively. Once a mug is
bought it would be shared by a group of merry makers in groups of say 4
to 5 people. All drank from the same mug !
The price of bottled beer sold in European style Public Bars was 40 cents
for a 300ml bottle.
What they used to do was to start with the Chibuku beer. They would each
drink an equivalent of a two liter mug form the Council Tavern and
thereafter brush their teeth with Colgate to supposedly conceal the
offending Chibuku smell. After that they would then proceed to the
Intercontinental or Ridgeway Hotels where they had public bars which sold
beers at 40 cents per bottle. If one did not visit the Hotel public bars the
44

pubs in town or to the outskirts of town were an alternative.
One Saturday night as they walked back from Intercontinental Hotel they
bumped into a residential area where there seemed to be a party going on.
One trick they used to do was to come out of Inters ( nickname for
Intercontinental Hotel) with a half empty bottle of beer which was
concealed in one of the jacket pockets. On arrival at any function, like a
party in the residential areas , they would pretend to the bouncer that they
were part of the group by showing him the bottles from Inters. Most of
them fell in for this trick.
On this particular Saturday night they were not so luck as it turned out the
gathering was not a merrymaking party but a funeral of an individual. At
funeral gatherings the amount of beer consumed is very limited due to the
somber nature of the function. After realizing their mistake they proceeded
to Campus.
One night they crashed at a party of Nigerian nationals using the “half
empty bottle trick”. To their astonishment they found that they were using
the a Nigerian dialect. which they were not familiar with. Later on they had
to admit to them that they had actually crashed at their party. They allowed
us to stay on as long as they behaved.
They had a good time and only arrive at Campus at dawn !
At some functions like Disco dances all the paying patrons had to be stamped
on their arms with an inked stamp before entering the Dancing Room. One
trick they used was that one of us in the crashing group would pay the entry
fee at the door. After being stamped he would come out and give us the
design of the stamp. They would then copy the general impression of the
stamp and write it on their arms. There was one friend who very artistic that
it was not possible to distinguish between the real and the drawn stamp.
Then they would sneak into the Disco one at a time without attracting the
attention of the bouncer at the door. One of the advantages of Discos was ,
once one managed to go into it , beer used to flow freely from the patrons
who were generally very well to do people.

45

25.0 - PORTABLE GENERATOR THEFT BACKFIRES!
Albert Mwenyi has worked as an Electrical Artisan at one of the Copper
Mines on the Zambian Copper belt for close to ten years.
He was always emanating a strong stench of alcohol when he reported for
work in the morning. This earned him several reprimands from his
immediate supervisor Robby Mwalanga.
Despite his weakness of reporting for work with hangovers Albert was very
hard working and dependable Artisan. He was especially strong at fault
finding on electrical faults. This made him the blue eyed boy to his
superiors.
Albert never seemed to run out of cash and his colleagues who had smaller
families could not have cash from pay check to pay check.
Albert was so affluent that he could even lend cash to his friends who were
always broke by the middle of the month.
No one could figure out how Albert managed to have cash all the time.
His secret was that he used to pilfer electrical spares from his working
place and sell them to suppliers of spares to the Mines. He could for
example steal a box of fuses , sell them to a supplier who will later resell
the same fuses to the unsuspecting Mines. This is what was called recycling
supply of spares. One item could be recycled a number of times before it
could be usefully be used by the Mines.
Albert became so friendly to a number of influential people around town.
These included the local Police Chief , the Magistrate and a Bank Manager.
These people never suspected him to be involved in any shoddy deals. In
order to camouflage his dirty activities he was running a pirate Taxi
business which was purported to give him extra income. He was so
influential that he even played Golf with top Mining Officials.
He was so popular to the Mine Police because he gave them some leads
which resulted in the arrest of some mine employees who were stealing
from the Mines. What he was doing in fact was to get rid of his rivals who
were a threat to his well being.
One weekend as he was having his beer he learnt that one Farmer who
was staying some 10 Kilometres from the Mining Town was in need of a
Portable Generator for his farm. The Farmer , Mr. Jacobs was assured that
Albert could organise one Generator for him. He told him that he had a
friend who imported spare parts for the Mines.
Through his connections he managed to remove a brand new Generator
from the Mine Stores. In order not to raise suspicion he kept the Generator
46

in a secret place for three weeks before selling it. He told Mr. Jacobs that it
will be delivered in three weeks time.
After three weeks Albert wrapped the Generator in a sack and he boarded
a private vehicle which dropped him by the gate of the farm and proceceed
to its destination some 100Km from the Farm. Albert was accompanied by
his brother in law who assisted him to carry the Generator from the road to
the Farm House , a distance of 200 meters from the main road.
Mr. Jacobs was astounded to see two young men struggling with some load
coming towards his house. As Albert was approaching Mr. Jacobs
recognised him as the gentleman who was always glad in an immaculate
suit whenever they met at the Golf Club! What surprised him was why he
came to his farm wearing tatters !
Mr.Jacobs welcomed Albert and his companion . He asked how much the
Generator was selling at. He was told it was going for an equivalent of
$1,500 in the local currency the Zambian Kwacha. After some negotiations
the price was reduced to $1,250.
Mr. Jacobs told his visitors to wait whilst he went into the house to get the
money. As he closed the door behind him he opened the window of the
house which was nearest to where Albert and his Brother in Law were.
He picked up his telephone receiver and pretended that he was ringing the
Police.
“ Hello ! Is that Central Police ? Please connect me to the CID section.. I
have two criminals here who are trying to sell me some property which I
strongly believe has been stolen.. You have no transport ? What a shame !
Ooh there is a patrol car in this area Please divert it to my farm quickly! “
When Albert and his in law heard this one sided conversation they bolted
from the Farm at great speed. In the process they left the contraband
behind as it was not practical to escape with a 100Kg load as they were
fleeing ! To add misery to their agony they saw what looked like a Police
Vehicle speeding towards the Farm from a distance. The motivation to flee
even faster was enhanced by this new development !

47

26.0 - RESCUE

OPERATION TURNS SOUR

In one story narrated earlier , we heard of how one drunken member of the
Senior Police Club mistook a police enquiries desk for a bar at the club.
The Club was not without drama from time to time.
One weekend they were having a good time with senior police officers at the
Club. On such occasions the closing time for the bar could be extended to
early hours of the morning. The only requirement is for each participating
civilian member to contribute 50 cents towards payment of the Barman’s
overtime and was to be dropped off at his home by one member after closure
of the bar.
They had a very jolly time until at about 1.00 hrs , when one member who
had earlier told them that he was retiring home, came back to the club only
after a few minutes. He whispered to a friend to arrange for civilian members
of the club to assist him to push his car that was stuck outside.
When he approached a friend called Billy and his friend ,they told him that
they were unable to assist him since he never bought them any beers that
evening.
He organized some five volunteers who went outside to give him a hand.
As they continued in their merrymaking they were disturbed by cries of a
man who yelled at the top of his voice that he was about to die.
They all left their beers and rushed outside the club house to see what has
transpired.
They were shocked to find one of the volunteers who were with us in the club
recently crushed by the same vehicle he had gone to assist in pushing.
What had happened is that the owner of the vehicle was so drunk that he did
not see a two meter trench that was recently dug near the club by the
municipal council workmen to accommodate some new sewer pipes for the
club.
The front tires of the car went into the ditch and its rear ones were lifted off
the ground. Since the vehicle is was a rear puller it was stuck in the trench.
Realizing that that if the senior police officers would learn of the accident he
was going to be charged by the traffic police for drunken driving.

48

His plan was therefore to remove the car out of the trench without attracting
the attention of the police officers. When his friends came out to assist one of
them went into the ditch to lift it by the front bumper whilst the others
helped to lower the rear wheels so that they got in contact with solid ground.
At this moment the driver was told to go into the car and put it in reverse
gear so that it would come out of the trench whilst the front wheel were
supported by the man in front with the help of others who lifted the side of
the car .
The drunken man put the vehicle in a forward gear instead and ran over the
man in front breaking both legs just above the knees!
Traffic police were called in to charge the man for causing injury by drunken
driving.
The victim was admitted in hospital for three months and it took him nearly a
year before he walked properly on his two legs !

49

27.0 - MINER LOSES LONG-SERVICE AWARD WRISTWATCH !
The mining Companies on the Zambian Copper belt had had a tradition of
awarding its long serving employees with some gifts.
Those who had 20 years of unbroken service are often given a token which
included a 21 carat Omega wrist watch , an engraved copper badge with
$200 cash and just cash at 30years service.
The Omega wrist watches were an envy of those who were still to serve the
required 20 years.
Some Miners were often targets of thieves who stole the watches from them.
This was more so for those who decided to celebrate the award by passing
through Pubs for some cold Mosi Lagers.
One Miner had his watch grabbed from him in very unusual circumstances.
After the award ceremony at the Mine Recreation Club, the Miner decided to
go and enjoy himself at the Single Quarters Compound where cheaper
traditional opaque beer was sold at a Tavern which was found in the
Compound.
The toilets found at the Single Quarters were communal.
As a result of vandals all the doors to the toilets were stolen such that those
wanting to answer the call of nature had to find some crude way of
preserving their privacy . One method was to find a piece of a 2 metre long
cloth called Chitenge which the women folk use to wrap around their waist as
a traditional garment.
The Miner managed to organize a Chitenge to cover the door of the toilet he
was using. Little did he expect that someone who had seen him heading for
the loo was following him.
As soon as he started to relieve himself the stranger suddenly appeared from
nowhere. To add to his shock the stranger sprayed some irritating powder in
his eyes. In the confusion the Miner’s newly awarded Omega was grabbed

50

from him. He had no chance of resisting as he had not completed his mission
and the irritating powder temporarily blinded him !

28.0 – SAY SOMETHIG
In July 2008 year I travelled to Tanzania to pick a car which I had
purchased for the family from a Japanese company .

Since it was my first time to go there I requested a friend who had been to
the Tanzanian port of Dar-es-Salaam before to accompany me.
In order to cut down on travelling time on the 4,000Km round trip to Dar ,
they flew from Lusaka . This takes just over two hours.
When we arrived in Tanzania They were amazed at the crowding in the city
of Dar-es-Salaam which was characterized by heavy traffic.
Wey spent two nights in Dar before the car could be cleared at the port.
Due to heavy traffic within Dar we hired a local driver to escort us some
ten kilometres from the port.
All vehicles that are imported via the Dar port are given a specific route to
follow whilst driving to the border with Zambia which is some 998
Kilometres away. There are four check points through which the car's
documentation is checked.
After the local driver left us my friend took to the steering as he was now
very certain of the route to follow.
We travelled some ten kilometres when we came across some traffic lights
junction. After the traffic lights we saw a Tanzanian police patrol car behind
us who instructed us to stop. My friend vouched that he had gone through
the traffic lights when they were on "Green".
When the two policemen approached us one of them, who could speak
some English ( Swahili is the official language in Tanzania) asked us where
we were heading to ? We told him that wew were going to Zambia. He told
us that they have gone off course the authorised route by two kilometres
and he was arresting us under their law.
We apologised to the policemen that we were not aware that we had gone
out of the official route. He told us that wey have to pay twenty thousand
51

Tanzanian shillings (about US $12) for the offence or the vehicle would be
impounded and wey were to appear before a Magistrates Court. The charge
was to be “Attempted theft of a vehicle destined to go to Zambia and
legally brought in their country”. He said that there was a gang of thieves
who were notorious for bringing vehicles which were supposedly going to
Zambia but diverted into Tanzanian. This was so that the Tanzanian
government is deprived of import duty revenue.
After a protracted discussion with the English speaking policeman, he came
into the back seat of the vehicle and closed the door behind him. He said "
Now my friends , say something!". W could not understand what he meant
by "say something".
After a few moments we realised that he wanted us to give him some
money so that he could release us. I took out a ten thousand Tanzanian
note and gave it to him. He quickly put it in his pocket and was all smiles.
"Thank you my friends ,greet people in Zambia and make sure you do not
get lost again!"
From that day onwards wey have used the acronym of "say something"
whenever we want somebody to do us a favour !

52

29.0 - WITCHCRAFT MYTHS BLOWN - RAIN MAKER DIES AT THE
WRONG TIME!
When I was young, there was one man living near my village who was known
to be a very dangerous wizard. He was feared for his “rain making” and
snake charms.
As children we were very much intimidated by his witchcraft.
In the middle of our school garden there was a Mango tree which used to
produce very sweet fruits. The wizard claimed ownership of the tree because
his village used to be where the tree was. He put up a charm for lightning so
that whoever ate any fruit from the tree would be struck dead by lightning.
One theory that they came to know about charms for rain makers is that if
one takes the charm from where it was put and submerge it in a water
stream it would not work.
One day they decided to use this “trick” so that they could help their selves
to the sweet fruits without getting permission from the wizard.
They were five of us staying in the same village who took part in this
experiment.
Three days passed without any incident. On the third day there came a very
harsh thunderstorm with very frightening lightning flashes. All who ate the
mangoes were very terrified. Four of the boys involved decided to brave the
heavy rain and lightning and run some two kilometres to the wizard’s village
to report themselves.
I did not join them because I reasoned that it was more dangerous to run
whilst exposed in the middle of a fierce thunderstorm. I decided to meet my
fate in the shelter of the hut They were in.
The other boys managed to reach the village of the rain maker without any
harm. After reporting themselves to the wizard of their mischievous
behavior, they were given a concoction of very bitter herbs to take. In my
case They were sent a message that I should also use the herbs in order to
prevent lightning to strike me in future.
When my colleagues brought the herbs to me I refused to use them but I
kept them in case of need. From that day up to today I have never used
them.
Their rain maker used to boast that when he dies they were to experience
the mother of all thunderstorms which was going to be remembered for
years to come.

53

As fate would have it, he died on 15 June when there was no rain as they
were in the middle of the cold season when it does not rain in Zambia. That
day was particularly very cold at 4 Degrees Celsius. Those who believed in
witchcraft said the cold spell they experienced that day was due the death of
the wizard. Had it been during the rainy season they were going to have the
promised mother of all thunder storms. They said when the rainy season
comes they shall still see the promised thunderstorm. Come November they
had the quiet storms ever experienced!

54

30.0 - YOU CAN NEVER STEAL FROM YOURSELF

Hubert Sweto was a married man who frequented Public Bars in search of
extramarital pleasure.
He frequented Pubs in the high population density and poor areas of the town
he was living in. He was a civil servant employed by the Government in the
Ministry of Labor and Social Services. He was therefore earning a monthly
salary which was above the average man in town.
He had several “Pub” girl friends whom he could ditch every so often as he
found more beautiful ones as time went by.
He befriended Mary Kundo who was a very jovial person. The friendship
between the two lasted longer than any other Hubert had before.
One problem with Hubert is that when he got more drunk he became more
generous by buying free beers to the public . This was to show that his
pocket was never empty. It was rumored that he was embezzling some
money from the Government.
Mary took advantage of this by stealing some money from him after they had
enjoyed them selves at her shack which was found near a popular Pub.
Hubert would usually spend the night at her place at the weekends when he
was not reporting for work the following day.
Hubert was getting worried because he thought Mary was stealing from him.
One weekend he thought of a plan of how to catch Mary. He pretended to be
very drunk when in fact he was relatively sober.
Once the reached the shack which was Mary’s home he ensured that he did
not go to sleep earlier than her. After ensuring that she was fast asleep he
took the remaining money he had about $50 and hid it in Mary's Sneakers
and only left a dollar in his own Trouser pockets. He then went to sleep
knowing very well that he won't be robbed tonight.
At about 2 a.m. Mary woke and stared searching Hubert's pockets for her
usual “loot”. To her disappointment she only found a dollar bill. She cursed
Hubert for having squandered all his money and not leaving some thing for
her. At this moment Hubert who was pretending to snore "woke up" and told
her " I had hidden my money in your sneakers for safe keeping , since the
thieves always stole from me !"
55

Mary was very embarrassed by this new development and her "friendship"
with Hubert came to an end that very morning !
Has anyone ever stolen from themselves ?

56

31.0 - YOU CANNOT BE IDENTIFIED WITHOUT YOUR HEAD ON !
This is a gruesome story . If you are light hearted skip reading it.
A group of thieves met their waterloo when fate turned against them.
A group of men were involved in the thefts of electric cables from an Open
Cast Mine.
All efforts to arrest them proved to be a big headache for the Mine Security
as the group seemed to be smarter than them.
They stole cables from live overhead lines which were found on the outskirts
of the Open Cast Mine. They would first set fire to the cable they intended to
steal and once the cable shorted the Breaker at the Sub station it would cut
off the power as a result of the burning cable. Once they saw that the
floodlights which were supplied from the cable were off they would move in
quickly to cut off the length of the cable they intended to steal.
On the fateful night they noticed that the floodlights were not on. They then
presumed that the cable was not live and this would save them time to burn
the cable. One of the thieves wrapped a piece of mutton cloth on the handle
of the hacksaw blade he was to use to cut the cable. This was for the cloth to
act as an insulator to protect him in case the cable was live.
The cable was charged with 3,300 volts of electrical power as the hacksaw
went through it....Bang and Flash was the result. The hacksaw blade was
melted as a result of the short circuit and the man was electrocuted
instantly.
A group of Mine Security officials who were patrolling the area in a Four
Wheel Drive vehicle were attracted by the big flash which could be seen from
about a kilometre from the scene. They drove towards the place to find out
what had happened.
When the surviving four men saw the headlights of the oncoming vehicle
they realized that their identity would be given away by the body of their
dead colleague. The idea of running away with an 80 Kg body was not
feasible. They had about five minutes before the Police could catch up with
them. One of them quickly thought of a plan to escape without leaving any
clue of who they were. A new hacksaw blade was used to cut off the head of
their deceased friend. This was easier to carry.
The police were shocked to find a headless corpse with its right hand charred
by the burning from the 3,300 volts. The cable was intact except for the cut
which has just caused the fatality of one man.

57

To this date the identity of the thieves has not been established since there
were no other clues that were left with the body. Despite several media
appeals for the relatives of the deceased to claim the body from the local
Hospital no family came forward to claim the body. The Council was then
forced to bury the body of the “unknown” man after three months as per
local bylaws.

58

32.0 SERIAL CONMAN!
A Lusaka man who pretended that he was going to be a new tenant of a
house in Lusaka has turned up to be a Conman !
The owner of the house stays on the Copperbelt.
The house required some renovations to be done before it was to be
occupied. It was agreed that the tenant would do the renovations and the
amount spent would be deductible from the rental fee.
The owner of the house was to be paid about K21 million in rentals in
advance for 3 months. This was less the renovation cost.
He was made to check his Bank account on the Copperbelt, for the
"transferred" rental payment , on more than ten occasions from mid May
2010.
At the end of May the owner of the house decided to travel to Lusaka to find
out what was happening.
A Bank receipt was shown to the owner of the house on 1 June 2010 by the
man. This was to assure him that a payment of over K100 million was made
to the man from a parastatal Company in Lusaka.
The receipt turned up to be fake and the matter was reported to police for
investigation.
The man has since been evicted from the house.
A Suzuki 4WD vehicle he was using, during the time of renovations of the
house, was hired from a certain lady.
The hiring was at K1 million per week for a "Project" in Kafue. She is still
waiting to be paid some K6 million!
A businessman is reported to have been swindled of pockets of cement worth
about K3 million. He was told the cement was to be used for the house
renovations, which the man claimed to be his.
A man working at a Lusaka Lodge had introduced the man to the owner of
the Suzuki vehicle. He told her that the man was one of their guests for
nearly a month.
The Lodge is owed some K5 million in unsettled bills by the same the man!
Men who were employed to work as Caretaker and Cleaners, etc at the house
from about 13 May 2010 are still waiting for payment from the same the
59

man!
There is a report of an expatriate man and a Zambian lady who paid the man
K4.8 million for rental of the Cottage part of the house for four months. The
lady was about to shift into it on 4 June 2010, when the truth prevailed to
them. They have since reported the matter to police.
At the time of writing, it is not known how many other people have been
victim to this crafty man, who is yet to be arrested by the Police and answer
several criminal charges!

60

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