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U.S.M. (Unauthorized Story Of Mark)
Told by Jan Bak
IT’S THE GUY WHO CAN’T STAND
THAT AN “IMMIGRANT” COULD
POSSIBLY BE OUTEARNING AND
OUTPERFORMING HIM
There’s a Mark in every company
F*ck this political buffoonery though,
there’s only two kinds of Americans
1. Dumbass Americans
A literary meme
If Reagan was
still president…
my dad would still
be an alcoholic
2. Those who can’t stand Dumbass Americans
For a second, I thought Mark had
gotten the short end of the stick in life
 From pushing lawnmowers around the age of 10…
 …to playing with the hearts of naïve girls in college
 …to living like a pretentious Yuppie in the Yuppie part
of Chicago while simultaneously labeling the city of
Chicago as being pretentious
HE HAD THIS OBSESSION WITH
MAKING PEOPLE’S LIVES BETTER BY USING SCIENCE,
BUT HAD YET TO MAKE HIS OWN LIFE
BETTER BY USING SCIENCE
…Eventually I realized Mark was just being a spoiled child
“Obviously Boston is
better to live in
because the scientific
statistics said so!”
Half the fools hatin’ on me used to be homies/
I don't trust 'em when they smile or when they frown ‘cause they’re phony
 I showed Mark what being urban
in America is all about, but he
kept trying to be “so scientific”
with his slick provincial accounting
 Let me just say once and
for all…there’s a good reason
why the serious banks are
concentrated deep in
New York City and not in
gadamn Whitesville, USA
Don’t even for a second think I’m hating though
I love urban rap tunes just as much as I love country rap tunes
The same way I love urban girls just as much as I love country girls
Whether Taiwan or Texas or a One-Horse Town, I’m all about that FREEDOM
But Back
To The Story
Mark was always
bragging with how
his life is about
Seeing In 3-D
We only ever got the
2-D Prints though
This is the same guy who said he
didn’t need a 401k because he
planned to get really rich
*He might have meant 401(k) without the k
Results:
To Be Determined
‘Merica!
U.S.M. (Unauthorized Story of Mark)

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U.S.M. (Unauthorized Story of Mark)

  • 1. U.S.M. (Unauthorized Story Of Mark) Told by Jan Bak
  • 2. IT’S THE GUY WHO CAN’T STAND THAT AN “IMMIGRANT” COULD POSSIBLY BE OUTEARNING AND OUTPERFORMING HIM There’s a Mark in every company
  • 3. F*ck this political buffoonery though, there’s only two kinds of Americans 1. Dumbass Americans A literary meme If Reagan was still president… my dad would still be an alcoholic 2. Those who can’t stand Dumbass Americans
  • 4. For a second, I thought Mark had gotten the short end of the stick in life  From pushing lawnmowers around the age of 10…  …to playing with the hearts of naïve girls in college  …to living like a pretentious Yuppie in the Yuppie part of Chicago while simultaneously labeling the city of Chicago as being pretentious
  • 5. HE HAD THIS OBSESSION WITH MAKING PEOPLE’S LIVES BETTER BY USING SCIENCE, BUT HAD YET TO MAKE HIS OWN LIFE BETTER BY USING SCIENCE …Eventually I realized Mark was just being a spoiled child “Obviously Boston is better to live in because the scientific statistics said so!”
  • 6. Half the fools hatin’ on me used to be homies/ I don't trust 'em when they smile or when they frown ‘cause they’re phony  I showed Mark what being urban in America is all about, but he kept trying to be “so scientific” with his slick provincial accounting  Let me just say once and for all…there’s a good reason why the serious banks are concentrated deep in New York City and not in gadamn Whitesville, USA
  • 7. Don’t even for a second think I’m hating though I love urban rap tunes just as much as I love country rap tunes
  • 8. The same way I love urban girls just as much as I love country girls Whether Taiwan or Texas or a One-Horse Town, I’m all about that FREEDOM
  • 9. But Back To The Story Mark was always bragging with how his life is about Seeing In 3-D We only ever got the 2-D Prints though
  • 10. This is the same guy who said he didn’t need a 401k because he planned to get really rich *He might have meant 401(k) without the k Results: To Be Determined