Unerdwear conducted a 3-month research study involving 256 fake stock photo nerds, a dinosaur, and a cat to test their new softwear product. They measured variables like code quality, productivity, social status, and Hackernews karma. After data analysis, they developed a theory that widespread use of Unerdwear could solve all problems faced by nerds and eventually reduce entropy in the universe. They are continuing research and product development to support these theories.

1. Unerdwear Research Sheet
Spring 2013 Findings

2. At Unerdwear we are exceptionally metrics-driven. Being
data nerds at heart, we could not imagine launching a new
developer product without making sure we have a set of
clearly defined performance indicators and that we measure
everything. It has been our top priority that upon release our
proprietary softwear is thoroughly tested--both in terms of
usability, security and its overall performance.

4. We have designed and conducted a 3-month-long undercover
research on a group of carefully pre-selected 256 fake stock
photo nerds, one authentic stock photo dinosaur and one
authentic stock photo fake stock photo nerd’s cat. We have
chosen 256 nerds as our sample size not only because it’s
2 to the power of 8 and a perfect square--which is so freaking
cool already--but also because we’ve seen it so many times
before it just kind of made sense. 200 (constituting 78.125%
of that group) were fake stock photo nerdy men, while 56
(21.875% accordingly) of the interviewed sample group were
fake stock photo nerdy women. Yes, we did include the cat
and the dinosaur in the research for no particular reason and
we do want to make transparent that what we’ve learned from
them was a representation of a fairly limited data set and
might not be of sufficient statistical significance.

6. The research method applied was a sophisticated patent-
pending variation of A/B testing which focuses heavily on
subjectively reported perceived change over time. We defined
state “A” as “Before” and state “B” as “After” which really
made no sense and caused some confusion as of which state
(B=After or A=Before) study participants were referring to...
Luckily, among the 256+2 study participants we did include
a placebo group of people who were unknowingly NOT
wearing Unerdwear during the time of research. And placebo
groups are believed to always make research findings more
conclusive.

8. We have targeted our research to get hard data on the
correlations between wearing Unerdwear and multiple aspects
of nerds’ overall well-being that randomly appeared to us
as “important”. The set of variables included: code quality,
whatever they thought they meant by “productivity”, social
status, condition of their beloved electronic devices (including
peripherals). Finally, their Hacker News karma. Measuring
Pearson product-moment correlation coefficient also sounded
cool but we failed to understand what we can make of it.

10. After the 90 days of thorough testing followed by 90 days
of data mining and machine learning, we have developed
a theory that Unerdwear can likely solve every single
problem a nerd can face. While the Higgs boson is already
discovered and there is not much we can do about it, we
have firm reasons to believe that widespread promotion and
global application of Unerdwear will eventually lower the
level of entropy in the Universe. Upon that realization it was
consequently concluded that--to put it in scientific terms--”way
before” the humanity faces technological singularity in 2045,
Unerdwear will be able to solve all first world problems for
non-nerds, too.

12. We’ve never hacked textiles before but the stakes seemed
so high that on the spur of the moment we recently ordered
some cotton and talked to people who know people who
actually know people in the textile industry. We want to keep
collecting big data to support our theories and so that our
machines can learn even more about Unerdwear patterns and
human-Unerdwear interaction. If you want to help us save the
humanity or at least make the world a better place, consider
contributing to the research.

14. Sign up to get your pair of nerdies and at unerdwear.com
or just casually email us at unerdwear@gmail.com.