Top20 #3 Check It Out
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This document discusses a communication technique called "checking it out" as a way to defuse potentially confrontational situations. It encourages making the switch from assuming you know what is happening to assuming you don't know and checking it out by asking questions. Some examples of checking it out include asking "is there a problem?", "what seems to be the problem?", and making statements like "that feels like a threat." By checking it out instead of making assumptions, you can have a more constructive discussion and prevent escalation. The technique is presented as one of the top 20 communication tools.
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Top20 #3 Check It Out
- 1. #3 CHECK it Out Sue-maree McEnearney © 2009 suemaree.me
- 2. This presentation is one in the series... © 2009 suemaree.me
- 3. Top 20 Communication Tools Sue-maree McEnearney © 2009 suemaree.me
- 4. You'll find links to the other 19 (and more!) at the end of this presentation. © 2009 suemaree.me
- 5. #3 CHECK it out Sue-maree McEnearney © 2009 suemaree.me
- 6. when you get the sense... there's something going on that; * You don't like, or * doesn't "feel right"... © 2009 suemaree.me
- 7. when you get the sense... that people; * aren't being straight with you * are trying to take advantage of you * are upset about something * Are taking that something out on you... © 2009 suemaree.me
- 8. Rather than taking it personally and; * striking out - which 'punishes' them, or * bottling it up - which 'punishes' you... © 2009 suemaree.me
- 9. Here's a magic strategy you can use to; * defuse a situation that could easily blow up, & * find out what's really going on. © 2009 suemaree.me
- 10. It's all about ASsumptions (And you probably know what 'they' say about assumptions making an "ass" out of "you" and "me"!) © 2009 suemaree.me
- 11. It helps to first consider what can happen to inflame a situation and what you can do about it. © 2009 suemaree.me
- 12. When you have an intuition about something, or even see, or hear something unfolding right in front of you... It's easy to create problems for ourselves by making assumptions and drawing conclusions about what's going on. © 2009 suemaree.me
- 13. Thinking back to our own experiences, we can probably recall times people have; * made assumptions about us, and * drawn their own conclusions about us ...which were completely off base! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 14. Their "intuitions & observations" morph into "assumptions & conclusions" which morph into "judgements" which affect how they relate to you! ... eek! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 15. Let's make sure we don't fall into the same trap! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 16. Here's the magic! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 17. Rather than "ASSUME YOU KNOW" © 2009 suemaree.me
- 18. Rather than "ASSUME YOU KNOW" make the Switch: "Assume you don't know" © 2009 suemaree.me
- 19. Rather than "ASSUME YOU KNOW" make the Switch: "Assume you don't know" & "check it out!" © 2009 suemaree.me
- 20. to "check it out" works brilliantly because; * it interrupts deterioration towards trouble * there's no blame * You're not getting angry, upset, or defensive * you're taking positive, cooperative action! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 21. regardless of who you're talking with, and what you're talking about... and whether they're losing it, or you are... here's some examples of how to: "check it out" © 2009 suemaree.me
- 22. "Check it out" in general terms with questions like: © 2009 suemaree.me
- 23. is there a problem? © 2009 suemaree.me
- 24. what seems to be the problem? © 2009 suemaree.me
- 25. "check it out" in more detAiL for example: if you perceive a threat © 2009 suemaree.me
- 26. "check it out" AS A question © 2009 suemaree.me
- 27. Is that a threat?! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 28. are you threatening me?! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 29. are you trying to threaten me?! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 30. "Check it out" AS A statement of observation © 2009 suemaree.me
- 31. that sounds like a threat?! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 32. this looks like a threat?! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 33. "check it out" AS A statement of feeling © 2009 suemaree.me
- 34. that feels like a threat?! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 35. This is feeling like a threat! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 36. This feels like a threat, to me! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 37. Simple! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 38. apply exactly the same format to whatever you think, suspect, or intuit is going on: Discounting, Judging, Dictating, evaluating, Manipulating, confusing, Avoiding, deceiving, intimidating... Denying, distracting, distorting, defending, Generalizing, rationalizing... ...Got the idea? © 2009 suemaree.me
- 39. Congratulations! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 40. Congratulations! You didn't take it personally You didn't get upset You took positive, constructive steps to communicate with class... © 2009 suemaree.me
- 41. Congratulations! You didn't take it personally You didn't get upset You took positive, constructive steps to communicate with class... Even if other people DIDn't! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 43. this one technique is not going to do the Trick in every difficult communication situation... But then, it's only 1 of the top 20 communication tools! Another one is headed your way next week. If you need the others more urgently put the following link in your browser to see how you can get them sooner rather than later... suemaree.com/top20 © 2009 suemaree.me
- 44. In the meantime... © 2009 suemaree.me
- 45. I think we'd all be a lot less stressed if we were all a little better at communicating! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 46. What do you think? © 2009 suemaree.me
- 47. I hope this helps! © 2009 suemaree.me
- 48. For more communication skills and anti-bullying strategies, visit suemaree.me © 2009 suemaree.me
- 49. If you'd like help with any difficult communication situations you're facing - professional &/or personal - email me with the details and I'll do what I can to help you out. Confidentiality guaranteed! Look forward to hearing from you... Sue-maree hspot@suemaree.com suemaree.com suemaree.me © 2009 suemaree.me
- 51. © 2009 Sue-maree McEnearney, h-spot Pty Ltd Published by h-spot Pty Ltd, Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia, 2009 Blog www.suemaree.me Website www.suemaree.com Email hspot@suemaree.com Phone +61 7 5536 7675 Mobile +61 416 187 834 POST PO Box 1414, Coolangatta, Q 4225 Australia © 2009 suemaree.me