The national football team of the Island of Mayonnaise is playing an exhibition match against the team of the island's dictator, Michael DeFranco Moraes. The national team takes an early lead, scoring three unanswered goals. However, during the match, DeFranco calls the head of the island's central bank and orders him to drastically increase interest rates in the coming year, suggesting he aims to exert political control over the economy. The national team ultimately wins the match, much to the delight of fans, but DeFranco's call foreshadows future economic turmoil on the island under his rule.

1. 1
The Football Match
A Short Story
By
Ajay Pratap
...
The Island Republic of Mayonnaise was afire. Their demagogue, dictator,
Michael DeFranco Moraes, with his wife Esmeralda DeFranco Moraes
seated next to him, was busy adding further fuel to the fires he himself
had had created.
"Hah. These western countries, including China, Taiwan, and Formosa,
and dey tell us that "the days of the innumerate are indeed numbered". So
far so good. But, I will tell you, and am doing so, that if indeed these
western countries were such good at numbers demselves, den why in the
heaven did they have dis recesshon? I do naat buy it. How may you be
good at de number-game, dey caal dis da number-crunchin, for which
dem using de supercomputor, and yet de demselves loose de trak of dare
dem numbers, so daat de dare own economies come a down craashing.
Friends, Romans, and countrymen, I say, da proof of da puddin lies in da

2. 2
eatin. a tumultuous and a very thunderous applause here follows from the
citizens of the island republic of Mayonnaise.
"Llang live Michael. Laan Libe Esmeralda. Laang Libe Mayonnaise."
And then very suddenly, the assembled crowd broke into an very sudden
and very explosive laughter, like ha ha ha ha, for DeFranco Moraes was
indeed a son of the soil, and, quite one of dem.
................
As this meeting was taking place in the one and only football-stadium
owned by the Island of Mayonnaise, which is to say by DeFranco Moraes,
who is the leader, as well as by the audience, dey den adjourned, but
remained seated in in their seats; for the next item on the agenda, for that
lovely December morning - was a football match between the National
Team and DeFranco Team. The national team was dressed in all deep
navy blue attire: boots, stockings, shorts and vests; whereas, the
DeFranco Team in all reds. The national team grouped themselves up put
their hands around each others shoulders then linked their heads cropped
clean of tousled hair and such things and gave a spine chilling and

3. 3
blood-curdling roar as black panthers of the forest are wont to do before
they go in for a kill.
And then the commentator Johannes Rumbles took to the mike, "Michael
DeFranco's teams, the Reds, quite predictably are attired all in red. Dem
all are standin quite still, jus lookin an lookin...as de national team are
flex dere, muscles huff an puff on this December mornin....De krowd dem
aal jus cheerin an cheerin an cheerin...and that is just very well as we are
abowt to see the final match of this years Mayonnaise Memorial Match
for which we have been waiting this full-year. Both the teams present
here have slagged their way up a very difficult and very competitive
ladder...hello, hello…one, two, three, four, testing testing...what de
problem with dis Mike, I say...One two three four testing, testing...Can
you aal here me?"
The crowd on that December morning are all in a very jovial mood and
hence clap, shout and wave their answer in the positive.
"Right. then we are baak in da game...as I was sayin...The Match Referee
Peter Dimbleby has given the whistle and aall da players are now
gathering at the frontline...aall stretching dere
limbs...excited...nervous...the white and black, football, has been placed
at the center of the field...the referee has caalled the two captains of the
two sides for the toss....hey Maan Cecil...dis fruitcake is really cool...pass

4. 4
me some more coffee...the captains are shivering...a little...no doubt due
to this December cold...and a little bit of de excitement...Peter, da great,
tosses the coin...random chance, game theory, some western experts
say...let's see who gets the kick-off. Peter shows the card...and it is indeed
the Reds dat get the kick-off." Den dis one and only stadium of the Island
of Da Mayonnaise erupts...into a mega-maad explosion of da cheers.
Hooting and whatchamacaalit…The dem strange flute-music…From da
Hill of da flutes....penpe, penpe, penpe. Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and
Girls, Da Yung and Da Old, The Shy and Da Bold...Da Footbaall Game is
On. Hip, Hip, Hurray."
The people of the Island of Mayonnaise rose up in support of their
favourite commentator Johannes Rumbles, and began again to clamour
and cheer thus: "Laang Libe Franco. Laang Libe Moraes. Laang Libe
Mayonnaise." And then, very suddenly Clifton Hendricks, Captain, of the
Red Team, the center-forward, used his right leg to slice the football
laterally, to his left-side, to another forward player, Tim Silverspoon.
Here the commentator Johannes Rumbles takes over the stadium again
using the loudspeaker over there. "De baal is off its mark Hendricks has
passed it to Silver. Silver has stopped it with his left. He moves forward,
dribbles past John Hacmeyer, and passes it to to the right-out Peter
Richards. Richards has the baal now and he is moving towards the D.
Will he take a kick from this distance or will he? Yes, indeed, he does do

5. 5
dat. Peter has slammed his right into the baal and awaaaaaaaaaay she
goes curving in the air right over the mid-field players, the backs, the D,
and from above the goalee's outstretched and flailing hands right into the
goal-post, What a superb goal..."
Kaboom. The only football stadium on the Isle of Mayonnaise erupted
with thunderous cheering and booing from the fans of the respective sides.
For a goal to be scored so early-on in the game was indeed a welcome
surprise and the spectators cut-loose with all their decibels, trumpets,
whistles, drums and what have you. The National Team goalie Mac
Dermot was already on the grass writhing and rolling and clutching at his
head with both his hands not at all hiding his gross disappointment at his
own performance of letting that goal go.
........
Johannes Rumbles takes the mike again.
"Da krowd is some what quieter now. The black and white checked ball
has been returned to da match referee Peter Dimbleby. He puts it down
onto the center of da field. The center and other forwards of the two

6. 6
teams now move forward and take their position next to the ball, wiping
away the memory of just a few minutes ago. Peter takes just a few
minutes to look arownd and ascertain that all players are in their playing
positions. And then again, he blows the whistle for the kick-off. Dis time
the Reds flounder with the very first pass, the ball is intercepted rapidly
by the Nationals center forward Jack Aguilar, a very seasoned player, and
he passes it very rapidly to his left-out Joni Mitchel. Joni is the fastest
runner on the national side, and he is surely very fleet-footed. He races
swiftly and takes the ball parallel to the D on the left-flank, and with a
slicing kick, he shoots the ball to the National right winger Billy Potomak.
My word. What a move. I've never seen such Foot Ball... Billy Potomak
stops the ball nicely with his right-foot...moves aggressively into the D
area, dribbles past aal the defenders, the full and half-backs; he shifts the
ball from his right to the left foot. Oh he has a clear line into the goal post!
Will he shoot? Yes, Indeed. He has shot the ball straight into the goal post.
No chance there for the goalee at all, as the ball remains lowish,
bounces-off the right goal post, and straight into the nets. The goalie of
the Reds, Mobotu Gunsaleh, is down on the ground, now groaning in pain.
He is holding his stomach, pumping his legs. He must have hurt himself
as he dived-down to save that goal."
Kaboom.

7. 7
The only football stadium on the Isle of Mayonnaise erupted with
thunderous cheering and booing from the fans of the respective sides. For
a goal to be scored so early-on in the game was indeed a welcome
surprise and the spectators cut-loose with all their decibels, trumpets,
whistles, drums and what have you.
Then Johannes Rumbles takes to the Mike again. "And now the ball is
placed in the mid-field by the match referee again. tremendous
excitement in the krowd. We can see people running to kiosks to buy cold
drinks or waving to the vendors of knick-knacks. And now de ball is once
again placed in its position. Da krowd is still, a hush falls over de stadium.
What will happen next..."
President Michael DeFranco Moraes and his wife Esmeralda DeFranco
Moraes are chit-chatting among demselves, and with all the dignitaries
seated next to dem. Da sports minister, the minister for youth, culture,
and education, the minister for the environment, The Minister for the
public works department. And their wives are all laughing and chatting
feeling absolutely merry on dis very cool and chilly December
morning..."
.................

8. 8
The ball is now returned to the center-forward position. All the players of
the two sides return to their positions. A little bit sweaty now, and their
adrenalin flowing freely. However, it is the fans who are sweating even
more profusely. I have always wondered why the fans get het up more
about da game than the players. Some no doubt on account of punting.
Others for pure loyalty. Yet the game is played by the players and not the
fans. I hope that should be abundantly clear. Vicarious thrills provided by
the media apart.
....................
A thunderous roar gripped the stadium as Peter Dimbleby blew the
whistle for the kick-off and the Nationals center-forward Jack Aguilar
passes the ball to his left of center forwards, Jeremy Leach. Leach stops
the ball skillfully, moves forward and rapidly shoots the ball to Anthony
Goody, Goody moves rapidly towards the D and slams the baal directly
into the goal-post. Ah! No effort there at all. The most effortless goal I
have ever seen. Kaboom. The only football stadium on the Isle of
Mayonnaise erupted with thunderous cheering and booing from the fans

9. 9
of the respective sides. For a goal to be scored so early-on in the game
was indeed a welcome surprise and the spectators cut-loose with all their
decibels, trumpets, whistles, drums and what have you. And now a legend
in his own time the great match-referee Peter Dimbleby signals for the
mourning in the Red Team to stop and that the baal should be returned to
the center of the field. Never saw a bead of sweat on his sizeable brows
nor does him losing his temper in aal his career, that man pack a mean
head on his shoulders. The fans also enjoy his firm but joyful even
humorous demeanour greatly...the excitement is as great as the game,
almost palpable, the reds are down two goals to one. The Ball is now in
position, all players at full alert, the reds probably more so, as they are the
president's own team, and have much more to lose than the national side.
The krowd they are baying for more blood for it is not even half-time and
the tension and excitement has already mounted tremendous pressure
upon the players. The kick-off goes to the national side Jack Aguilar
again assisted by Jeremy Leach and Anthony Goody. There is silence
now in the stadium as Peter blows the whistle and this time Jack has
thought of quite another move and he shoots the ball to Leach, Leach
overawed by the thrust of the reds forwards shoots it to the half-back
David Downwater. Another mean player, he sure is,
Downwater...Downwater has de baal now, he moves forward and dribbles
past the reds center-forwards, he is moving diagonally left across the field,

10. 10
looking left and now right, dribbles past the half and then the full backs,
but always keepin da baal to himself. What on earth has he got in his
mind, the way he is moving he would have to bend it like Beckham to get
it into the goal, now he swerves with the baal and moving it to his right
leg, oh he has just one back to dribble past, the krowd they are cheering,
he does do it, and now he is going for the kick, the baal leaves the ground
like a bullet, curves in the air and bang into the goal post... My word.
Unbelievable. David Downwater is the King for he has bent it like
Beckham in every sense of the term. What a champion."
Kaboom. The only football stadium on the Isle of Mayonnaise erupted
with thunderous cheering and booing from the fans of the respective sides.
For such a fantabulous goal to be scored so early-on in the game was
indeed a welcome surprise and the spectators cut-loose with all their
decibels, trumpets, whistles, drums and what have you.
...............
Then the match referee Peter Dimbleby blows the whistle at full volume
again indicating for the play to resume. On the Isle of Mayonnaise the
game of football was learnt from the British Army Officers posted there

11. 11
during the last Great War. However, with the difference that the Islanders
here did not think it necessary at all that such an exciting game be
hindered by such trivialities like the half-time and so on. Then Johannes
Rumbles take to the Mike again. "Now again da krowd is perspiring, a
little less than the players, aal of whom are waving arownd like
punch-drunk boxers, imagine their lungs going like furious bellows, dem
are surely feeling the dull thuds of their quickened heartbeats pounding
against their ribcage. Now on the Island of Da Mayonnaise it is this
critical point in dis game of da football which decides da men from the
boys...The Reds and the National Teams are lined up again near the
center line, Peter Dimbleby takes a close look at the forwards and the
wingers, a swift three hundred and sixty degree look around the field and
then the entire stadium, and then gives his characteristic flag-off for the
remainder of this final match..."
The kick-off takes place and then the Nationals grab the ball and then
swiftly pass it to the left-winger who surges ahead and then takes a kick
which sends the ball right across this field to the right winger of the
nationals. The right winger takes the ball into the D area and then does a
slow pass to the Nationals center forward, who takes an easy as hell but a
very swift kick which sends the ball sailing past the goalie right into the
goal." Kaboom. The only football stadium on the Isle of Mayonnaise
erupted with thunderous cheering and booing from the fans of the

12. 12
respective sides. For such a fantabulous goal to be scored nearly at the
end of the game was indeed a welcome surprise and the spectators
cut-loose with all their decibels, trumpets, whistles, drums and what have
you.
Then Johannes Rumbles takes to the Mike again: And now the stadium is
heating up again on this cold winter mornin as a hush falls over the crowd
the stadium's clock is rapidly ticking away to..."
And now, suddenly matters take a turn. DeFranco Moraes from where he
was sitting in the Dress Circle of this stadium, quickly and quite slyly
pulled-out his very posh mobile phone, quickly recalled a number from
his directory and paused just for a fraction of a second at the name next to
it, The Governor Reserve Bank of the Isle of Mayonnaise, and then
pressed the green key to make a swift call, to Mr. Meryl Stanley, who
was indeed the current Governor of this most central of all banks on the
Isle of the Mayonnaise.
DeFranco, "Good morning Stanley. And how are we today?"
Stanley, "Good good, me Lord. Never felt better."
DeFranco, 'You have not been watching football again in your office,
have you?"

13. 13
Stanley, "No. For heaven's sake no, Sire. I was..."
DeFranco, 'Hold it. I have something to tell you, and, listen up good."
Stanley, “Yes, Sire."
DeFranco, "I want you to hike the repo rates about 13 times in the
forthcoming financial year."
Stanley, “Whatever...”
DeFranco, “I said listen Stanley. I have heard that another financial
meltdown is headed our way, to the Isle of Mayonnaise. Don't query me
about my sources. The prices should be hiked before we are hit. Activate
the first repo rate increase now. Got it?'
Stanley, “Yes, Sire. That should take about fifteen minutes and then we
shall have it flashed on the television in another fifteen, and that would
certainly make the newspaper headlines by this evening."
DeFranco, “then I should consider that done? Eh?"
Stanley, “As sure as the Christmas Snow, me Lord."
Thereafter and quite clandestinely as he had made the call DeFranco
Moraes shut his phone down and slipped it into the pocket of his Navy
Blue Blazer.

14. 14
Esmeralda, his ever patient and forgiving wife, then said: "Michael. Is
everything alright? Shall I ask for some Pop-Cornfor you?"
"Pop-Corn? Pop-Corn. Oh, yes! Pop-corn it should be. How very wise,
timely and how very considerate of you, Dear Esmeralda. Yes. Indeed I
should love some pop-cornabout now."
"Michael. How about some Soda-Pop to go with it?"
"Soda-pop? Yes, that would be fine too. Tell me Esmeralda, how is it that
everything that you are ordering about now is pop of one sort or
another?"
"You wouldn't want to know, Michael. Would you?" said Esmeralda
DeFranco Moraes, even as she beckoned the vendor of the pops in
question.
That is exactly when Johannes Rumbles took to the Mike again: "And
now Dear Friends we are pushing into the very last lap...not much left
here in dis game, nothing short of a miracle may save the Reds Team
from an utterly crushing and a most certain and extremely humiliating
defeat at the legs of the National...Ahem, so to speak...Da Krowd....dem
dey are very very tense...in a game whose future seems already
fore-written..."

15. 15
.....................
Suddenly, the very big television screens fixed all around the stadium in a
departure from previous practice suddenly flashed the news about the
increase in Repo Rates, for a crowd, that is of this Isle of Mayonnaise,
which was as ever, always, as it is said: Penny-Wise and Pound-Foolish.
The very well known news reader Janice Merle-Ponty as ever gave an
all-round and genial evening-news type of grin welcoming the audience.
"Just in. The Reserve Bank of the Isle of Mayonnaise has just announced
a tremendous hike in the Repo Rates from 0.15 per cent to 2.25 per
cent...And continuing with this same story...we have Paul Golson on
location at the RBIM...Paul, Paul...Can you hear me?...Paul, Paul...are
you there. A visibly rattled Paul Golson appeared standing and shivering
clutching his mike, his tweed-coat collar turned-up against the enormous
cold he was experiencing standing on the broad-walk beside the premier
bank of the Isle of Mayonnaise which was also its most central bank...Yes,
yes. He said adjusting his earphones...I'm here. Thanks, Janice. The
broad-walk is, as you may see, crowded with very anxious investors and
non-investors who will both be very badly hit by the increase in the
RBIM Repo rates....Paul, interrupted Janice, what about the Reverse

16. 16
Repo rates? Have you the latest on that? "Yes, yes. Just now it may all be
hearsay and a figment of my imagination, but I have interviewed all sorts
of people in sorts of walks of life and their message is but one and very
loud and clear. The same dispatch in which the RBIM has hiked the Repo
Rates to 2.25 % it has also suggested that the Reverse Repo Rate may be
stabilized at around 4.00%. Janice, Janice. Is that getting through to you?
Can you hear me?"
.................
Kaboom. The only football stadium on the Isle of Mayonnaise erupted
with thunderous cheering from all the fans of both the respective sides.
For such a fantabulous reverse repo rate meant greater dividends and
interest rates from their local banks. This newscast was indeed a welcome
surprise and the spectators cut-loose with all their decibels, trumpets,
whistles, drums and what have you.
................

17. 17
Michael DeFranco Moraes signalled Esmeralda by gesticulating at his
watch-dial, which she could see clearly, that it was time they were
moving to their next engagement.
...............
And this is when Johannes Rumbles took to the Mike again: "Now Da
Krowd Dey Are really makin a din...so much money in da banks for aal
of us...let us now see what end this game comes to...the time is nearly
over, save the interruption from the television broadcast, which is most
certainly an unprecedented sort of broadcasting intervention, but for
which I feel sure that our Honourable Members of the Isle of Mayonnaise
Sports Board must have a very good reason, but then that is neither here
nor there, so coming back to the game...I see Peter, that is Peter
Dimbleby...Hah! Unbelievable. I mean the unbelievable has happened,
the match referee has given the game-up whistle, I am certain that there
were left a few further minutes of this game...logically, and quite
defensibly the Reds Team members have gheraoed Peter...dey are awl
shaking and waving dere arms this way and dat...but I think...Peter has a
point dere...you can't have your cake and eat it too...if the two teams had
played right through the half-time...then despite that the Nationals win dis
game, without a shade of doubt...Methinks, Peter should be penalizing

18. 18
both da sides for having played quite a longer while dan dey was
supposed to...however, it would be safe to wait for a final verdict...the
three referees are now moving in toward Peter, the Match Referee, they
are conferring...and dere goes the final whistle indicating that da game is
indeed over..."
..............
Kaboom. The only football stadium on the Isle of Mayonnaise erupted
with thunderous cheering and booing from the fans of the respective sides.
For although they were already laughing their way to their respective
banks to re-organize their portfolios, for a much nationally-prized, and
much-awaited game to have to come to such an end, a few hackles had
been raised, Repo rates or no Repo rates. The spectators cut-loose with all
their decibels, trumpets, whistles, drums and what have you.
...................
Michael and Esmeralda were escorted to their waiting vehicles by a fleet
of security persons shielding them from a crowd gone berserk with joy
and disappointment. However, once both of them were shovelled through

19. 19
the crowds into their waiting and very luxurious Limousine, at last they
had some time, before the next appointment of theirs, to discuss the just
concluded game once again. Michael De Franco Morais, “Johnny. Johnny
Rumbles, my man! Just rev up the car, and get us out of here as fast as
you will, will you?" Johnny Rumbles, "Right away, Massa!" Esmeralda,
"What? Johannes Rumbles...! He's your driver too! I do not believe this!
Ha. ha. ha. Now then, Michael...?"
The End
...
Thank you.
Ajay