Social media and relationships don't always work as one. But can social media ruin relationships? Are we really a nation of social media addicts? Find out what the research says.

1. Social Media and Your Relationships: Caution Alert
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Do social media and relationships work well together?
Facebook burst into our lives in 2004, followed by the likes of Twitter
and Instagram.
Lately Facebook growth has slowed down, but the amount of time we
spend glued to our screens hasn’t.
And for good reason too!
The rise of social media has allowed us to stay connected in ways we
could never have imagined.
Millions of us use social media to stay in touch, plan events and form
new relationships.
One of our favorite pastimes is filling our social feeds with pictures full
of our ‘perfect’ lives.
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2. But do social media and relationships work well together?, or is there a
dark side that affects our relationships?
Let’s explore further and find out what the research says….
The green-eyed monster named jealousy
Let’s start with the most common and perhaps most ugly issue;
jealousy.
You can be in the most stable marriage, but if a woman who looks like
she stepped out of a perfume ad tags your husband, or if a double of
Tom Hardy; insists on ‘liking’ pictures of your wife, those paranoia
nerves can spiral.
Even with constant reassurance from your partner that they’re an old
friend from school, it’s difficult to take a step back.
To add gasoline to the fire, social media can make keen detectives, i.e.
‘stalkers’ – of us all.
You can’t access your new rival’s profile.
Damn!
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3. So you borrow your partner’s laptop and log in as them. Next, you’re
looking through their profile pictures, hoping to expose a secret
relationship.
You don’t!
But before you know it, it’s 4 am.
You’re chomping down on pizza, scrolling through ancient pictures of
them together, ready to throw out your spouse and blow your life
savings on plastic surgery.
It’s a trap that can fool us all, and here’s the thing; once jealousy takes
hold, it can spread in all directions, leaving you with a broken marriage.
Some might say social media can only affect ‘weak marriages,’. Maybe
that’s the case in some situations. But if you’re even a little sensitive to
jealousy, social media isn’t a friend of your relationship.
Not to mention, a lack of access and jealousy is a fatal mix. With only
part of the picture, your over-active mind will fill the rest with your worst
fears.
Worst of all, your rival’s photos will always show them at their best,
which leads on to our next point.
The truth behind the ‘self-love’ social feeds
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4. “You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself,”.
That’s because low self-esteem can cause many issues in a
relationship: neediness, anger and resentment to name a few.
Scrolling through Instagram with the endless selfies; #loveyoself,
#beyou and #blessed hashtags, you’d think we live in a world full of
self-love.
But research suggests the opposite.
A study by Ethan Kross in 2013 looked at how Facebook influences
happiness: how people feel moment-to-moment, and how satisfied they
feel with their lives.
Researchers contacted 500 Facebook users 5 times per day for 2
weeks and found Facebook use reduced happiness on both levels.
The more people used Facebook at one time point, the worse they felt
at the next. After two weeks participants reported feeling dissatisfied
with their lives.
Yet, interacting with people away from social media didn’t have the
same effect.
Another study carried out in 2013 assessed 5208 subjects to see if
there was a link between Facebook use and well-being.
The study concluded:
‘Our results showed that overall, the use of Facebook was negatively
associated with well-being,’.
To sum up, the research shows extreme use of social media can leave
your relationship in ruin. It can cause anxiety, loneliness and even leave
you trapped in a sexless marriage.
Social media and your state of mind
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5. I’m sure most of you know an excess of anything, be it alcohol or social
media is harmful to your health. But with social media you also need to
consider the mindset behind your actions.
Are you sharing content with the expectation your friends will like, share
and comment on it? If you are that is the wrong mindset and can leave
you feeling resentful and envious of your friends.
Not only can this behavior ruin friendships, it isn’t good for your well-
being. Sitting glued to your screen, refreshing your feed every 10
seconds to see who liked or commented on your post isn’t healthy.
In summary, finding the right balance and mindset is the key to enjoying
the likes of Facebook and Instagram. Find the right balance with zero
expectations and both you and your relationship can stay happy.
Rise of the marriage superheroes
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6. You might feel content in your marriage until you notice your married
friends sharing pictures of their luxury holiday, dining at fancy
restaurants and posting videos of their synchronized gym sessions.
It’s tempting to think your own relationship is a dull failure compared to
these ‘marriage superheroes’.
But don’t go sulking in a corner, just yet!
First thing to remember is, many of these couples stage, edit and filter
their pictures. Some might even takes hours to perfect, so how much
time are they spending together?
Also, consider that we display only the best aspects of our lives on
social media.
How many pictures have you seen of your friends in nightwear, doing
household chores, without styling or makeup?
So, instead of feeling miserable, remind yourself that routine marriage
moments like dealing with bills and tidying up after children never make
it onto our glossy screens.
Are we a nation of social media addicts?
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7. The impact of social media on our relationships is the subject of many
studies.
One such study carried out by the Asst. Prof. Wilhelm Hofmann for the
University of Chicago, Booth School of Business looked at desire
control.
In this study, 205 adults were contacted 7 times a day for 7 days. At
each point of contact, participants replied if they were experiencing or
had experienced a desire within the last 30 minutes.
The type and strength of the desire was also recorded. In total there
were 10,558 responses with 7,827 reports of desires. According to this
study:
Social media is more addictive than alcohol and tobacco!
The study also found our desires for food, sleep and sex were stronger,
but our resistance to social media is weaker than all these things.
Speaking to the Guardian, Asst. Prof. Wilhelm Hofmann explains why:
“Desires for media are harder to resist because of easy access and
because it doesn’t ‘cost much’ to engage in these activities”.
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8. The bad news for married couples is that this inability to resist is
strongest right before bed.
Hoffman found that willpower was more likely to fail later in the day:
“The more people resist a desire, the less successful they will be at
resisting further desires. Thus, as a day wears on, self-control efforts
are more likely to fail.”
How can you repel this social media invasion?
Whether it’s down to jealousy, self-esteem, or comparing our marriages
to more ‘successful’ ones; it’s clear social media and relationships don’t
always work well together.
If you find yourself reaching for your phone more often than your
partner, it’s possible social media is to blame. Your marriage isn’t
exempt either, social media can cause or worsen marriage problems.
But there are steps you can take to avoid these issues:
⦁ Classify your bedroom as a ‘phone-free zone’
⦁ Consider using a free social site blocker like StayFocusd
⦁ Choose one social media network and delete the rest
⦁ Delete social media app shortcuts from your home screen
⦁ Come to an agreement where friending exes is off-limits
It’s not all bad news though, social media and relationships can work if
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9. you find the right balance.
What is a healthy social media to relationship balance?
Well, if your partner calls you to bed and you spend an hour on
Facebook before hopping in, your balance need work!
Summary:
There’s no denying social media plays a huge role in our daily lives.
For some it’s a way to keep in touch, for others a way to waste idle time,
regardless of what we’re doing, our use of social media is ever
increasing.
Most of us have no problem balancing social media with our
relationships. The cracks only appear when life at home isn’t perfect.
Social media has this great ability to plant seeds of envy into our hearts
and minds. Everyone’s lives seem so perfect, how can you possibly
measure up?
You can’t, because there’s nothing to measure up to. Remember “All
that glitters is not gold”.
On the other hand, social media addiction is real and can ruin
relationships.
Addiction to social media can seem minor compared to vices like
alcohol and gambling. The signs are not as easy to spot but left
unchecked social media addiction can ‘steal’ a lot more than time.
All said and done balancing social media and relationships can be tricky
but clear rules for acceptable social media behavior can help.
Establishing rules with the help of your partner like ‘not friending exes’
and ‘no phones in the bedroom’, are a great way to spend quality time
together.
Signing Off!
If you enjoyed reading this post, I’d be grateful if you could help it
spread by sharing on Facebook or Twitter. Thank you!
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10. Now it’s over to you.
Are you active on social media?, and has it affected your relationship?
Let me know in the comments below.
Resources:
Happy Together is my free book that will better your marriage in 30
minutes or less. This book contains case studies of real marriages, and
practical advice you can use today.
The 2018 edition of my 8-part email course, ‘Marriage Matters‘ is now
live. This is a free 21 day course for couples who need a more intensive
solution. Download the book below to get started.
Mary Holmes – As a former marriage counselor, I’ve helped over 250
couples rebuild their marriage.
How Healthy is Your Marriage – Take the marriage quiz to help
assess your relationship. Passion Flames Marriage Quiz
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