This is a tongue in cheek guide to you getting to finally start meditating. It is a summation of the best parts of the numerous ways outlined by various authors over the years.

1. SIMPLE
MEDITATION
Don’t Fuss guide for the Novice
By Sebastian Livaracci

2. START

3. FIND A PLACE TO SIT- COME ON.
NO NEED FOR ANY THEATRICS, OKAY?
YOU WANNA CROSS YOUR LEGS? FINE!

4. PUT PHONE ON SILENT-NO NEED FOR
GRANDMA TO INTERFERE WITH THE
PROCESS-ASKING WHERE HER CAT IS

5. TIME YOURSELF- DON’T BE COCKY, START AT 5
MINUTES GODDAMIT! NEXT WEEK YOU CAN SET
IT AT 10 MINUTES AND THE OTHER WEEK AT 30

6. NOW GO AHEAD AND CLOSE YOUR
EYES :NO PEEPING. NO PEEPING.

8. THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING. NOW, IF YOU LIKE
YOU CAN SAY A MANTRA LIKE ‘OHM’ WHATEVER THAT
MEANS OR SOME OTHER STUFF. MAYBE YOU WANT TO
MAKE A STATEMENT LIKE, I DUNNO ‘I AM SPECTACULAR’.
WHATEVER ROCKS YOUR BOAT MATE. WHATEVER ROCKS
YOUR BOAT. THIS IS OUTSIDE MY JURISDICTION.

9. NOW, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF LOSING THE PLOT...
THINKING ABOUT THAT ELEPHANT SKATING IN THE ICE
RINK
DON’T STRESS
COME BACK TO YOUR BLOODY MANTRA
OH, AND THE BREATHING

10. AFTER WHAT SEEMS LIKE EXCRUCIATING GOD FORSAKEN
MINUTES, THE TIMER WILL GO OFF. NOW, LISTEN, YOU ARE
NOT GETTING OFF A BUS HERE. SLOWLY AND SIMPLY COME
BACK TO THE REST OF THE WORLD. LIFT YOUR PINKY,
WIGGLE YOUR TOES. EASE YOURSELF OUT OF MEDITATION.

11. OPEN YOUR EYES MATE. WHERE DID YOU GO?
I THOUGHT I LOST YOU THERE

12. GET OUT OF HERE! GO WASH DISHES OR
GO WATCH THE ELEPHANT SKATE OR STH

13. SAME TIME SAME PLACE
TOMORROW

14. Gumroad.com/livaracci
AND YOU ARE
MUCH WELCOME