This chapter describes a meeting between a man and a famous actress from his past. He waits at the railroad station where they first met decades ago. When she arrives, they find a place to sit and talk. They discuss their lives since they last saw each other, their relationships, and their feelings for each other in the past. The man asks if she loved him when they were young, and she replies cryptically. They share a tender moment before she leaves abruptly to return to her current life, leaving the man full of emotion reconnecting with his former love.

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SANCTUARY-[NOVEL]
CHAPTER-36
MADATHIL NARAYANAN RAJKUMAR
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HE was anticipating at the railroad terminal for
several breaths when he noticed a bright matron at
the opposite head of the platform, in black goggles
and unwaveringly advancing with a slight halt here
and then and her right hand moving unusually
amassing momentum to advance as if something tried
to withdraw her steps towards the back . He knew
that it was her.
This is a principal and bustling halt of the electric
train in the times of his boyhood. Later the town
discovered numerous expansions, adding fresh
operations on travel, luxury and further, metro
subways and even quicker means of transportation.
However, in those primes, it was a dominant stop.
And he picked this special point for that impending
meeting he had been yearning for long.

2. He was born here. K-----M. In the state clinic only
half a mile from this spot. His daddy was an operator
in a publishing firm governed by an assortment of
academics and artisans defending the freedom
struggle. His mother was in government service. In
this metropolis that claimed a culture of 1500 years
or further. Not indisputable. The centre switched its
name according to the rulers who owned and it was a
major port for goods, in an ancient map of voyage,
enterprise and cultural exchange. The modern name
is according to the postulate of the novel regulatory
body that has a majority in the contemporary times.
but he knew the place very well. He had sat on the
same concrete benches[perhaps] with his cousins,
and quite recently in his last visit for the funeral of his
uncle, his cousin brought him to this particular
station, to catch the connecting train. In the days of
his college, whenever he visited this city with his
parents to see their old friends and relatives, he got
down and caught the train from this particular
station. Because his father had his dearest old friend,
staying just close to the railroad station, in a
one-room apartment on the upper floor before he
married a wealthy lady and moved to a bigger place.
His father's friend was good to him and a good friend
to his father too, but a different man of different
values. He married for wealth and status. But his
father married for love. Just that. And that was all and
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3. enough for which every living thing is after in every
heartbeat of the day.
So he chose this scene, this station, this platform,
which is moderately crowded with electric trains
going to both sides. He doubted whether she would
appear, but she came.
After arriving at this city, he had phoned from his
mobile to her number and though he did not expect,
she picked his call. She recognised him. She is a star,
has been so for many prior years, and the papers
carry the features of her itinerary. What was he? Not
a headliner. For he played well often, but abhorred
trophies and at the terminal moment, quit the show
and the spotlight, That made him a very private
person, to make him unfettered to enjoy his sunset at
will. He cared more about the excitement of living,
Yes sheer living than any of the prizes that people
offer you for their own private ends.
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She stood before him and he looked at her face and
requested her to remove her sunglasses which she
might have used to avoid the sun and also to filter the
fans to give more room for herself. This is what
stardom status is finally. You cannot walk alone on
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4. the highways without answering people's
questions.you have become what they strive to be,
those folks who deem success in this world as the
absolute end. She removed the lorgnette and he saw
her eyes, though less fiery as in her youth, still
glowing and retaining some of the fire. For a second,
he could not help thinking about that. The fact that
she was the woman he wanted to marry in his college
and could not and his senior married and she agreed.
They were classmates and she had that
'Vellarankannu',[vella=white;
Kannu=eye.--Malayalam],the rarest of eyes, the
blackish white one, similar to a precious stone.
He asked her about her private life and also, if she is
what she trumpets to be. For that she gave a
roundabout reply.
‘You see we are meeting after many years. And I am
not conscious of all your changes so far and I cannot
all on a sudden divulge my private sides. Who knows
that some reporter bribes you and you reveal my
story to him for money?'.
This response devastated him so much. Here is
perhaps another one of that Lappwing, who ”flyeth
with a false cry farre from their nestes, making those
that looke for them seeke where they are
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5. not”.(Lyly).....What a pitiable closure to a zealous
utopian lass of twenties with whose joint
stewardship, he conducted the organ donation camp
three decades ago. And also with whom he sojourned
in a motel room together as best friends, near a
Children's Hospital and collecting money and
medicines for cancer affected kids.
Seeing his dismay she tried to console him with an
ardent smile.
‘You see ...Times have changed less to our whims,
though we have every right to expect the right
outcome. My whole life has turned out to be a
business. A give and take.Expectation and
fulfilment.As an actor,what the audience expects of
me. And I have not found anybody who loved me just
for the pure act of loving’.
'Me, your husband, and maybe.....', he paused, so that
she could fill up the vacuum.
'You, maybe --though I am not sure..... My husband,
he is caring and generous, and more so after my
ailment, attending me as if I were his daughter-and
since there is a family around, the topic of love is
always shrouded in responsibilities and common
goals that every family has, and though it is divine
setup, we cannot expect the best always. The best
results come inadvertently, and many times, we only
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6. know the motifs much later, misunderstanding the
good intentions as bad and gullibly accepting the bad
as good ones, giving place to self-regrets and aching
afterthoughts. But in my case, it worked well and that
is how I am here’, she concluded her lengthy
outburst.
'Did you tell your wife that you are meeting me
today', she asked in a hurried tone.
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He said, ‘No, but I will tell her when I go to my
hometown,’ he said.
'Out of responsibility?', she asked.
'No', he said, ‘Out of selfishness, 'If not, I will miss my
sleep.'
'Oh’, she said in a glum fashion, but smiled heartily
later,and was trying to fathom the good man who was
all and everything in her life for many youthful
years,and the days and evenings they spent amidst
fishing boats and shrimping nets near the harbour,
and the matinees at Shenoy’s ‘Vistarama’(theatre) and
Chinese snacks and how he vomited after drinking his
first Chinese soup that tasted like the feather of a
bird.
'Did you tell your husband?', he asked.
'His car is waiting at the station parking bay down’,
she said, 'In fact, he told me to convey his regards to
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7. you, though he is not much interested in meeting
you'.
He thought with a slight sore, how that senior at the
Institute had conquered him in love-He probed
further- No, there is no jealousy.
Who said that - ‘All is fair in love and war’. John Lyly?
However, he did not know that in those years of
innocence of youth. If it were, everything would have
changed in life - Yes, Everything.
But he thought that it was for good, for his wife is
quite unlike her, though less attractive, capable of
great sacrifices, though not fair like her, she has the
most ardent smile ever.
But who is this matron after all, whom he trusted
once and finally who deserted him and married
another man whose father had ten fishing boats
whereas his father had only three?
She told him- ‘ I am sorry dear for whatever has
happened,'
He had heard that old story from many sources.
Her father warned her that she would have to stamp
over the old sire's corpse before marrying him.It
ought to be true, for his close confreres would not lie
to him, and they were all happy idealists, the most
romantic of the folks, who had many illusions of the
world before some of them turned opportunists and
later diving into the world of big cash and power. Not
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8. for the power to help each other but power to build
their solitary empire and enjoy this tale that only lasts
a few days or leap years.
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‘We will sit somewhere’, he said and she agreed, and
they made a place at the end of a concrete bench, the
other part of it occupied by a college girl with a heavy
satchel, who was in her churidar and white shoes and
reading from the thick notebook and her lips slightly
quivering while doing so.
He remembered now, how his father used to coach
him to read without moving lips and once bought
him a book on speed reading and taught him how to
scan long divisions of profound thoughts quicker with
a few shifts of the orb.
He viewed her body very closely now, this once upon
a time damsel, with an artificial protrusion on her left
bosom, after that malignancy that has been chasing
her in recent years.
‘This conference, I wanted badly’, he said, because I
am not sure if we will meet during the rest of our
lives'.
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9. 'Yes’, she said almost supporting him. And added,
‘There is no certainty of life. We don't, in fact, choose
anything as such, we are all receivers even when we
are making great choices in life. every coin has
another side. Few people on earth can see both sides
in a single look. Those blessed lot, unlike me’, she
said. Finally, he wanted to hear that coming from her
own mouth and he felt a great pity and subdued love
for this unlucky woman, a star of the masses, seeing
before his eyes less fortunate than him.
‘ I wanted to ask you this - but could not- Still, I think
this is the best time ever-Did you love me then? ...In
those days --’, he ​asked.
'See,' She said, ‘If a man likes a woman, there are
several ways of expressing it, and words are the best
means -But, if a woman likes a man, though there are
several ways of expressing it, words are the meanest
ones- the silliest of ways of telling that feeling.’
She continued, ' If I had not liked you then, do you
think, I would have come now?', she continued, 'In
spite of everything'.
'In spite of what?', he asked, in agitation.
She said-unequivocally,’In spite of my ill health’, and
pointed feebly to the left side of her bosom, which he
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10. knew was a big hollow, and she had made it all for the
viewers.
He felt sad. Immensely sad.Never before he was so
sad in his whole life,except at his mother's funeral.--
Then he said something, that nobody heard.
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'Can I hug and kiss you?’, he asked her in a frightful
tone.
'No', she said. 'You were in the West, you might be
used to that', she said. here as you know well, is
against the norm, 'she said, 'if you do so, a crowd will
throng around you, and we will not be able to get out.
'However, you can kiss my hand’, she said and offered
him his her right hand, and he kissed it fervidly, as if
it were the most darling present offered to him in this
entire life and will be taken away any moment,
because it is most treasured , a living presence with
hopes and vibrant with a lot of covert horsepowers, a
small slice of the universe itself with all its mysteries
and kick. She stood up and in a flash caught his right
shoulder and pressed so obdurately that it brassed
him off and he knew that she was giving vent to an
unsung sentiment that crossed her. Then she walked
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11. past him, past others and past everybody, and he
hoped that she will look back but she did not and
vanished in the last group at the exit. ‘A real princess,’
he told himself in emotion, and the last part of his
utterance escaped him, ‘But of another kingdom’. It
was loud with a great rush of waft from his mouth
and the porter who passed with a bulky luggage on
his occiput gave a gyration and gawked back at him
in curiosity.
................................
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