The document discusses a family living in a traditional house that has preserved their culture and way of life for centuries. In 1990, the mother gave birth to her third daughter, upsetting the father who wanted a son to carry on the family legacy. Their eldest daughter Soraya, now 18, feels sad at the new disruption in the home. Soraya is shy and avoids male attention, envied by her younger sister for her beauty. Unrest has also entered the soul of their oldest child as changes come to their household and community.

1. Never curse the faithNever curse the faith
byby
RIJALDA DIZDAREVICRIJALDA DIZDAREVIC

2. .... A man is just a fine thread........ A man is just a fine thread....
He knew it perfectly but still was angryHe knew it perfectly but still was angry
with Him...with Him...
I want a male child not a ....I want a male child not a ....

3.  Nikad ne proklinji sudbinu, ono stoNikad ne proklinji sudbinu, ono sto
te zadesi. Ako je nevolja, podnesite zadesi. Ako je nevolja, podnesi
je. Iskusenje, savladaj ga. Slusaj ije. Iskusenje, savladaj ga. Slusaj i
uci od prirode. Na kisi je da pada,uci od prirode. Na kisi je da pada,
na zemlji da je upija. Uzdigni se,na zemlji da je upija. Uzdigni se,
ponizi, ali uvijek postuj sveto! I nijeponizi, ali uvijek postuj sveto! I nije
tacno da covjek u potpunosti krojitacno da covjek u potpunosti kroji
svoju sudbinu. Nije. On je samosvoju sudbinu. Nije. On je samo
tanka nit, bice koje svoju jadnutanka nit, bice koje svoju jadnu
sujetu hrani pobjedama drugih, asujetu hrani pobjedama drugih, a
ne sebe, bice koje uziva dokne sebe, bice koje uziva dok
ponizava, unistava, gazi, nameceponizava, unistava, gazi, namece
svoju volju drugome, ili... ili sesvoju volju drugome, ili... ili se
pokorava jacem i nadmocnijem, nepokorava jacem i nadmocnijem, ne
bi li se okoristio bez imalo ulozenogbi li se okoristio bez imalo ulozenog
truda, pa makar i po cijenutruda, pa makar i po cijenu
ponizenja svoga ljudskogaponizenja svoga ljudskoga
dostojanstva. Ili, ne bi li podmitiodostojanstva. Ili, ne bi li podmitio
svoje niske strasti koje ga poputsvoje niske strasti koje ga poput
utvare proganjaju, dok se on njimautvare proganjaju, dok se on njima
bori, zauvijek, od rodjenja grcajucibori, zauvijek, od rodjenja grcajuci
u mukama.u mukama.
 Never curse the faith, the thingNever curse the faith, the thing
that befalls you. If it is a trouble,that befalls you. If it is a trouble,
bear it. Temptation, cope with it.bear it. Temptation, cope with it.
Let nature be your teacher. RainLet nature be your teacher. Rain
drops must fall and ground mustdrops must fall and ground must
soak it up. Rise yourself,soak it up. Rise yourself,
humilate, but always respect thehumilate, but always respect the
holiness! And it is not true that aholiness! And it is not true that a
man tailors his destiny. No, it isman tailors his destiny. No, it is
not. A man is just a fine thread,not. A man is just a fine thread,
creature who feeds his vanitycreature who feeds his vanity
winning others, not himself, awinning others, not himself, a
creature who enjoys whencreature who enjoys when
humilating, destroying, crushing,humilating, destroying, crushing,
imposing his will on others...imposing his will on others...
or... or he just submits himself toor... or he just submits himself to
the much more superior orthe much more superior or
powerful individual than he is, inpowerful individual than he is, in
order to profit without takingorder to profit without taking
great pains over something. Hegreat pains over something. He
humilates himself at all costhumilates himself at all cost
even at cost of humilating hiseven at cost of humilating his
dignity or in order to barb hisdignity or in order to barb his
vices, which he is being followedvices, which he is being followed
by as an ghost figthing with themby as an ghost figthing with them
and cringing in tortures from theand cringing in tortures from the
birth.birth.

4.  Zivot tada postaje pozornica saZivot tada postaje pozornica sa
mnostvom glumaca, njihovih djelamnostvom glumaca, njihovih djela
i uloga... a pobjednici su oni kojii uloga... a pobjednici su oni koji
uspiju da zamijene uloge, te dobijuuspiju da zamijene uloge, te dobiju
dio koji najbolje odgovara njihovimdio koji najbolje odgovara njihovim
sposobnostima, mogucnostima isposobnostima, mogucnostima i
htijenju. Rijetki su oni koji sehtijenju. Rijetki su oni koji se
uzdizu do polja nauke, koji uce,uzdizu do polja nauke, koji uce,
poucavaju i bivaju pouceni. Rijetkipoucavaju i bivaju pouceni. Rijetki
su takvi. On je sve to znao. Ali,su takvi. On je sve to znao. Ali,
ipak, ljutio se na Njega.ipak, ljutio se na Njega.
 Life then becomes a stageLife then becomes a stage
with a lot of actors, theirwith a lot of actors, their
acting plays and parts...acting plays and parts...
and the winners are thoseand the winners are those
who contrieve in replacingwho contrieve in replacing
the roles and get the partsthe roles and get the parts
which most suit to theirwhich most suit to their
abilities, possibilities andabilities, possibilities and
will. Those who raisewill. Those who raise
themselves in the heightsthemselves in the heights
of the science field (whoof the science field (who
reach the heights ofreach the heights of
science), who learn, teachscience), who learn, teach
and are being taught areand are being taught are
rare. Those are really rare.rare. Those are really rare.
He knew it perfectly.He knew it perfectly.
However, he was stillHowever, he was still
angry with him.angry with him.

5.  U sobi je bio potpuni mrak. Tisina.U sobi je bio potpuni mrak. Tisina.
Posljednje zrake sunca su umorno padalePosljednje zrake sunca su umorno padale
na drvene prozore ne bi li se probile ina drvene prozore ne bi li se probile i
istjerale tminu i ustajali vazduh iz coskovaistjerale tminu i ustajali vazduh iz coskova
prostorije. Brsljan je vec podosta bioprostorije. Brsljan je vec podosta bio
obujmio stara okna, ispleo se oko stareobujmio stara okna, ispleo se oko stare
zeljezne ograde te polako ali sigurno poceozeljezne ograde te polako ali sigurno poceo
svoj pohod ka krovu. Ova stara kuca vecsvoj pohod ka krovu. Ova stara kuca vec
stoljecima predstavlja olicenje trdicije istoljecima predstavlja olicenje trdicije i
proslosti, istog takvog nacina zivota, teproslosti, istog takvog nacina zivota, te
zivotne radosti i poleta. No medjutim,zivotne radosti i poleta. No medjutim,
godina 1990. je bila drugacija. Te istegodina 1990. je bila drugacija. Te iste
godine, tuga, bijes i zaljenje su zauzeligodine, tuga, bijes i zaljenje su zauzeli
mjesto, ustanivsi se u ovoj oazi mira. Temjesto, ustanivsi se u ovoj oazi mira. Te
godine je majka po treci put rodila kcerkicu,godine je majka po treci put rodila kcerkicu,
malu, prelijepu krecavicu, kojoj otac nijemalu, prelijepu krecavicu, kojoj otac nije
mogao podnijeti glas. Zar da po treci putmogao podnijeti glas. Zar da po treci put
slusam plac jedne ceravice – govorio je, josslusam plac jedne ceravice – govorio je, jos
jedne koja ce me ostaviti dok napunijedne koja ce me ostaviti dok napuni
punoljetstvo, ja zelim nasljednika, stasito ipunoljetstvo, ja zelim nasljednika, stasito i
hrabro musko dijete koje ce prenijetihrabro musko dijete koje ce prenijeti
tekovinu starijih narastaja i nasih predaka,tekovinu starijih narastaja i nasih predaka,
njihovu zaostavstinu – ostro je klimaonjihovu zaostavstinu – ostro je klimao
glavom i govorio ljuljajuci se u svojoj fotelji,glavom i govorio ljuljajuci se u svojoj fotelji,
puseci lulu, srdeci se na zlu sudbinu koja gapuseci lulu, srdeci se na zlu sudbinu koja ga
je zadesila. Njegova najstarija kcerka, poje zadesila. Njegova najstarija kcerka, po
imenu Soraya je 1990. navrsila punih 18imenu Soraya je 1990. navrsila punih 18
godina, upravo na dan kada se rodila njenagodina, upravo na dan kada se rodila njena
najmladja sestrica. Radosna zbog dobitka,najmladja sestrica. Radosna zbog dobitka,
no, ipak, pomalo tuzna jer ce, znala je ona,no, ipak, pomalo tuzna jer ce, znala je ona,
mala Merjem donijeti pomutnju u njihovumala Merjem donijeti pomutnju u njihovu
kucu.kucu.
 The latest sunbeams were fallingThe latest sunbeams were falling
lazily onto wood windows to chaselazily onto wood windows to chase
the darkness and stagnant air fromthe darkness and stagnant air from
the corners. The ivy coveredthe corners. The ivy covered
windowpane and interwined with thewindowpane and interwined with the
old iron fence on the terrace startingold iron fence on the terrace starting
its trip towards the roof of the houseits trip towards the roof of the house
slowly but safely. This house hasslowly but safely. This house has
been preserving (cherishing) thebeen preserving (cherishing) the
spirit of the past and tradition forspirit of the past and tradition for
centuries, the same way of life, ascenturies, the same way of life, as
well as life happiness andwell as life happiness and
enthusiasm. The year 1990 wasenthusiasm. The year 1990 was
completely different. At this timecompletely different. At this time
sadness, rage and regret took placesadness, rage and regret took place
settling down in the oasis ofsettling down in the oasis of
calmness. During this year mothercalmness. During this year mother
for the third time gave birth to a girl,for the third time gave birth to a girl,
little sloppy female child, whoselittle sloppy female child, whose
voice her father couldn`t standvoice her father couldn`t stand
hearing. Will I have to listen tohearing. Will I have to listen to
crying of that girl, another one whocrying of that girl, another one who
will leave me when she is about towill leave me when she is about to
reach her adulthood, he was saying –reach her adulthood, he was saying –
I want a brave and strong male childI want a brave and strong male child
who will pass cultural heritage downwho will pass cultural heritage down
from our ancestry – nodding with hisfrom our ancestry – nodding with his
head, smoking a pipe and wobblinghead, smoking a pipe and wobbling
in the armchair he was complainigin the armchair he was complainig
about bad destiny which he wasabout bad destiny which he was
doomed to now. Soraya, his eldestdoomed to now. Soraya, his eldest
daughter, was 18 years the day whendaughter, was 18 years the day when
her youngest sister was born. Inher youngest sister was born. In
spite of being happy she still feltspite of being happy she still felt
really deflated because she knewreally deflated because she knew
this would cause a confusion in theirthis would cause a confusion in their
home.home.

6.  Soraya je bila od onihSoraya je bila od onih
djevojaka koje su sjedile uvijekdjevojaka koje su sjedile uvijek
u blizini nekog starijeg ili izau blizini nekog starijeg ili iza
svoje majke, kako bi jesvoje majke, kako bi je
mimoisli pohlepni pogledimimoisli pohlepni pogledi
momaka koji su u njoj vidjelimomaka koji su u njoj vidjeli
olicenje iskonske ljepote iolicenje iskonske ljepote i
zenstvenosti. Asya joj je uvijekzenstvenosti. Asya joj je uvijek
zavidjela. Iako mladja i uvijekzavidjela. Iako mladja i uvijek
vise darovana paznjom, ona jevise darovana paznjom, ona je
zajedljivo pricala sa svimazajedljivo pricala sa svima
onima koji bi pokusavali da seonima koji bi pokusavali da se
preko nje priblize Sorayi.preko nje priblize Sorayi.
 Soraya was one of thoseSoraya was one of those
shy girls who usually satshy girls who usually sat
behind their mother inbehind their mother in
order to avoid greedyorder to avoid greedy
looks of men to whom shelooks of men to whom she
was the embodiment ofwas the embodiment of
true beauty andtrue beauty and
femininity. Her sisterfemininity. Her sister
envied her that beauty.envied her that beauty.
Although younger andAlthough younger and
given more attention shegiven more attention she
used sarcasm whenused sarcasm when
talking with those whotalking with those who
wanted to become closewanted to become close
firstly with her and thenfirstly with her and then
with Soraya.with Soraya.

7.  Nemiri su se takodjer bili uvukli i uNemiri su se takodjer bili uvukli i u
dusu njihova najstarijeg djeteta. Svidusu njihova najstarijeg djeteta. Svi
su vec bili primijetili kako se Sorayinosu vec bili primijetili kako se Sorayino
vitko tijelo najednom zaoblilo. Sada jevitko tijelo najednom zaoblilo. Sada je
iza sebe ostavljala ne samo muske,iza sebe ostavljala ne samo muske,
vec i zenske nepomicne statue nijemihvec i zenske nepomicne statue nijemih
otrgnutih lica, isklesanih figura stootrgnutih lica, isklesanih figura sto
poput vjernog roba ljepote bivajupoput vjernog roba ljepote bivaju
zatocene u mramorni prah, iz kojeg sezatocene u mramorni prah, iz kojeg se
samo kao po kazni, promaljaju njihovisamo kao po kazni, promaljaju njihovi
zli dusi, velicajuci savrsenstvozli dusi, velicajuci savrsenstvo
utjelovljeno u liku jednog mladog,utjelovljeno u liku jednog mladog,
poletnog i skromnog andjelcica, malepoletnog i skromnog andjelcica, male
Soraye. Nikad prekorena od straneSoraye. Nikad prekorena od strane
svojih roditelja kao sto to uglavnomsvojih roditelja kao sto to uglavnom
bivaju mladici i djevojke njene dobi,bivaju mladici i djevojke njene dobi,
pa cak i njene mladje sestre zbogpa cak i njene mladje sestre zbog
nestasluka koje su cinile uprkosnestasluka koje su cinile uprkos
roditeljskim zaprekama, i ona se samaroditeljskim zaprekama, i ona se sama
cudila strpljenju kojim je vladala, vrelucudila strpljenju kojim je vladala, vrelu
svoje blagosti, njeznosti, a da ni samasvoje blagosti, njeznosti, a da ni sama
nije znala odakle izviru, gdje jenije znala odakle izviru, gdje je
nepresusno vrelo koje isplovljavanepresusno vrelo koje isplovljava
tolike vrednote i manire koji plovetolike vrednote i manire koji plove
cijelim njenim produhovljenim bicem,cijelim njenim produhovljenim bicem,
svako malo izviru na povrsinu prisvako malo izviru na povrsinu pri
ophodjenju s drugima, a vjestoophodjenju s drugima, a vjesto
izbjegavaju mlazove zamucivanja?!izbjegavaju mlazove zamucivanja?!
 The angst entered the soul of theirThe angst entered the soul of their
eldest child, Soraya. They alleldest child, Soraya. They all
noticed the changes in hernoticed the changes in her
physical appearance. Not only didphysical appearance. Not only did
she now leave the men’s but alsoshe now leave the men’s but also
women’s motionless figures ofwomen’s motionless figures of
mute and lost faces with theirmute and lost faces with their
eyes glued to her as well as clean-eyes glued to her as well as clean-
out statues which being captivatedout statues which being captivated
like true servant of beauty in thelike true servant of beauty in the
dust showed up from time to timedust showed up from time to time
as evil spirits glorifying theas evil spirits glorifying the
perfection emodied in theperfection emodied in the
peronality of young, enthusiasticperonality of young, enthusiastic
and humble angel, little Soraya.and humble angel, little Soraya.
Never criticized by her parents asNever criticized by her parents as
it is usual for young people of herit is usual for young people of her
age even for her younger sistersage even for her younger sisters
to misbehave although warned byto misbehave although warned by
the adults against doingthe adults against doing
miscievous acts, she herself wasmiscievous acts, she herself was
surprised by patience shesurprised by patience she
possessed, the source of herpossessed, the source of her
gentleness, and tenderness forgentleness, and tenderness for
which she herself didn’t knowwhich she herself didn’t know
where they are coming from,where they are coming from,
where is the bottomless wellwhere is the bottomless well
which produces so many valueswhich produces so many values
and manners that float throughand manners that float through
her spiritual being coming up toher spiritual being coming up to
the surface each time shethe surface each time she
interacts with others, but avoidinteracts with others, but avoid
spurts of blurring?!spurts of blurring?!

8.  I nije dugo cekala. Zadnji voz zaI nije dugo cekala. Zadnji voz za
Carigrad kretao je poslije ponoci,Carigrad kretao je poslije ponoci,
a ona se vec spakovala dva danaa ona se vec spakovala dva dana
prije kako bi bila sigurna da jeprije kako bi bila sigurna da je
sve uspomene i sjecanja strpala usve uspomene i sjecanja strpala u
kofer, cvrsto zatvorila i ponijelakofer, cvrsto zatvorila i ponijela
sa sobom u grad u kojem cesa sobom u grad u kojem ce
pokusati naci svoje drugo ja,pokusati naci svoje drugo ja,
ondje gdje ce postati obrazovana,ondje gdje ce postati obrazovana,
postovana, uspjesna te naucenapostovana, uspjesna te naucena
navikama savremenijeg zivota inavikama savremenijeg zivota i
svijeta. Rastanak sa svojima nijesvijeta. Rastanak sa svojima nije
tesko pao, samo, bilo je jakotesko pao, samo, bilo je jako
bolno otrgnuti se iz zagrljaja malebolno otrgnuti se iz zagrljaja male
Nur, skinuti tanke rucice ispleteneNur, skinuti tanke rucice ispletene
oko vrata te pogledati suzne ocioko vrata te pogledati suzne oci
koje nisu razumjele bilo kakvekoje nisu razumjele bilo kakve
razloge ili opravdanost odlaska. Orazloge ili opravdanost odlaska. O
majcinoj tuzi da se i ne govori.majcinoj tuzi da se i ne govori.
Svaka majka uzdahom placa tuguSvaka majka uzdahom placa tugu
odlaska svoga djeteta, istim onimodlaska svoga djeteta, istim onim
uzdahom i izdahom kojim ga jeuzdahom i izdahom kojim ga je
donijela na svijet, podarivsi mudonijela na svijet, podarivsi mu
zivot.zivot.
 And she didn’t waited too long. AtAnd she didn’t waited too long. At
midnight there was the last trainmidnight there was the last train
going to Istanbul but she hadgoing to Istanbul but she had
packed her suitcase long beforepacked her suitcase long before
just in order to be sure for certainjust in order to be sure for certain
that she had put all of thethat she had put all of the
memories and remmebrance, to bememories and remmebrance, to be
sure that everything inside issure that everything inside is
locked, because she will bring itlocked, because she will bring it
with her in new city where shewith her in new city where she
hoped would find the otherhoped would find the other
Soraya, in place where she willSoraya, in place where she will
become educated person andbecome educated person and
respected by others, successfulrespected by others, successful
and accustomed to the habbits andand accustomed to the habbits and
ways of modern life and world.ways of modern life and world.
The farewell wasn’t too sad, but itThe farewell wasn’t too sad, but it
was really difficult to pull out fromwas really difficult to pull out from
the embrace of little Meryem, herthe embrace of little Meryem, her
small hands, fingers aroundsmall hands, fingers around
Soraya’s neck and to look at herSoraya’s neck and to look at her
eyes which couldn’t understandeyes which couldn’t understand
any kind of reason or execuse forany kind of reason or execuse for
departure. The sadness of herdeparture. The sadness of her
mother could’t even be described.mother could’t even be described.
EEveryvery mother undergoes themother undergoes the
sadness when her child leavessadness when her child leaves
home and heave a sigh, the samehome and heave a sigh, the same
sigh with which she gave him asigh with which she gave him a
birth, endowing him with life.birth, endowing him with life.

9.  Soraya je sada imala svogaSoraya je sada imala svoga
heroja koji joj je pomogao daheroja koji joj je pomogao da
zaboravi sve grozote i da uziva uzaboravi sve grozote i da uziva u
ovom trnutku, punom ljubavi kojuovom trnutku, punom ljubavi koju
joj je poklanjao. Njihova veza jejoj je poklanjao. Njihova veza je
bila svakim danom sve jaca i jaca,bila svakim danom sve jaca i jaca,
sa svakim novim danom isa svakim novim danom i
rijesenim problemom. Ne samorijesenim problemom. Ne samo
da se udala za njega, vecda se udala za njega, vec
takodjer rodila malog sincica, stotakodjer rodila malog sincica, sto
je njen otac oduvijek prizeljkivao.je njen otac oduvijek prizeljkivao.
Sve ju je ovo podsjecalo naSve ju je ovo podsjecalo na
situaciju kod kuce, osobito ondasituaciju kod kuce, osobito onda
kada je mala Meryem dosla nakada je mala Meryem dosla na
svijet a otac napravio takav izrazsvijet a otac napravio takav izraz
lica da se odmah vidjelo da ne zelilica da se odmah vidjelo da ne zeli
zensko dijete. Kad bi mu samozensko dijete. Kad bi mu samo
sad mogla reci da su se njegovisad mogla reci da su se njegovi
snovi ispunili, nakon mnogosnovi ispunili, nakon mnogo
godina provedenih u ocaju igodina provedenih u ocaju i
ljutnji, da je sada mogaoljutnji, da je sada mogao
napokon osjetiti i cuti placnapokon osjetiti i cuti plac
snaznog muskog djeteta.snaznog muskog djeteta.
 Soraya now had her hero whoSoraya now had her hero who
helped her to forget about allhelped her to forget about all
bad things and to enjoy in thebad things and to enjoy in the
new moment, moment full of lovenew moment, moment full of love
he was giving to her. Theirhe was giving to her. Their
relationship was stronger andrelationship was stronger and
stronger with each new daystronger with each new day
passed and problem solved, sopassed and problem solved, so
not only did she marry him butnot only did she marry him but
also gave a birth to their littlealso gave a birth to their little
child, son, as her father alwayschild, son, as her father always
wished. It reminded her of thewished. It reminded her of the
situation at home, especiallysituation at home, especially
when Meryem, her youngerwhen Meryem, her younger
sister, was born and her fathersister, was born and her father
made such grimamade such grimacce that it wase that it was
obvious he did not want femaleobvious he did not want female
child. If only she could now tellchild. If only she could now tell
him that after so many years ofhim that after so many years of
living in despair and anger, heliving in despair and anger, he
could now see his dreamscould now see his dreams
fulfilled and feel and hear thefulfilled and feel and hear the
crying of a strong male child.crying of a strong male child.


10.  Mummy please, loveMummy please, love
me because of me!me because of me!
 Daddy please, loveDaddy please, love
me because of myme because of my
sistersister
 Mummy, daddy,Mummy, daddy,
sorry, because of mysorry, because of my
pantspants ))))