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Biological basisof love
From Wikipedia,the free encyclopedia
The theoryof a biological basis of love hasbeenexploredbysuch biologicalsciencesas evolutionary
psychology,evolutionarybiology,anthropology andneuroscience.Specificchemical substancessuch
as oxytocin are studiedinthe contextof theirrolesinproducinghumanexperiencesandbehaviorsthat
are associatedwithlove.
Evolutionarypsychology hasproposedseveral explanationsforlove.Humaninfantsandchildrenare for
a verylongtime dependentonparental help.Love hasthereforebeenseenas amechanismtopromote
mutual parental supportof childrenforanextendedtime period.Anotheristhat sexuallytransmitted
diseases maycause,amongothereffects,permanentlyreduced fertility,injurytothe fetus,andincrease
risksduringchildbirth.Thiswouldfavorexclusivelong-termrelationshipsreducingthe riskof contracting
an STD.[1]
From the perspectiveof evolutionarypsychologythe experiencesand behaviorsassociatedwithlove
can be investigatedintermsof howtheyhave beenshapedbyhumanevolution.[2]
Forexample,ithas
beensuggestedthathumanlanguage hasbeenselectedduringevolutionasa type of "matingsignal"
that allowspotentialmatestojudge reproductive fitness.[3]
Millerdescribedevolutionarypsychologyas
a startingplace for furtherresearch:"Cognitiveneuroscience couldtrytolocalize courtshipadaptations
inthe brain.Most importantly,we needmuchbetterobservationsconcerningreal-lifehumancourtship,
includingthe measurable aspectsof courtship thatinfluence mate choice,the reproductive(oratleast
sexual) consequencesof individual variationinthose aspects,andthe social-cognitive andemotional
mechanismsof fallinginlove."Since Darwin'stime there have beensimilarspeculationsabout
the evolution of humaninterestinmusicalsoasa potential signalingsystemforattractingandjudging
the fitnessof potential mates.[4]
Ithasbeensuggestedthatthe humancapacityto experience love has
beenevolvedasa signal topotential matesthatthe partnerwill be agood parentand be likelytohelp
pass genestofuture generations.[5]
BiologistJeremyGriffith definesloveas'unconditional
selflessness',[6]
suggestingutterlycooperativeinstinctsdevelopedinmodernhumans'
ancestor, Australopithecus.Studiesof bonobos (agreatape previouslyreferredtoas a pygmy
chimpanzee) are frequentlycitedinsupportof acooperative pastinhumans.[7]
Neurochemistry[edit]
Simplifiedoverviewof the chemical basisof love.
The conventional viewin biologyisthatthere are three majordrivesinlove – sex drive, attachment,
and partnerpreference.[8][9]
The primaryneurochemicals(neurotransmitters,sex hormones,
and neuropeptides) thatgovernthese drivesaretestosterone,estrogen,dopamine,oxytocin,
and vasopressin.[8][10]

Central dopamine pathways mediatepartnerpreferencebehavior,while vasopressininthe ventral
pallidumandoxytocininthe nucleusaccumbens andparaventricularhypothalamicnucleus mediate
partnerpreference andattachmentbehaviors.[8][11]
Sex drive ismodulatedprimarilybyactivityin
the mesolimbicdopaminepathway (ventral tegmental areaandnucleusaccumbens).[8]
Trace
amines(e.g., phenethylamine andtyramine) playacritical role inregulatingdopaminergicactivityinthe
central nervoussystem,andconsequentlyinthese pathways.[12]
Testosterone andestrogencontribute tothese drivesbymodulatingactivitywithindopamine
pathways.[8]
Adequatebrainlevelsof testosterone seemimportantforbothhumanmale andfemale
sexual behavior.[13]
Norepinephrine andserotonin have alesssignificant, contributingrole through
theirneuromodulatory effectsupondopamine andoxytocinrelease incertainpathways.[8]
The chemicalstriggeredthatare responsibleforpassionatelove andlong-termattachmentloveseemto
be more particulartothe activitiesinwhichbothpersonsparticipate ratherthantothe nature of the
specificpeopleinvolved.[9]
Individualswhohave recentlyfalleninlove show higherlevelsof cortisol.[14]
Role of the limbicsystem[edit]
In A General Theory of Love,three professorsof psychiatryfrom UCSFprovide anoverview of the
scientifictheoriesandfindingsrelatingtothe role of the limbicsysteminlove,attachmentandsocial
bonding.Theyadvance the hypothesisthatournervoussystemsare notself-contained,butrather
demonstrablyattunedtothose aroundusandthose withwhomwe are mostclose.Thisempathy,which
theycall limbicresonance,isacapacitywhichwe share,alongwiththe anatomical characteristicsof the
limbicareasof the brain,withall othermammals.[15]
Theirworkbuildsonpreviousstudiesof the
importance of physical contactand affectioninsocial andcognitivedevelopment,suchasthe
experimentsconductedbyHarryHarlow onrhesusmonkeys,whichfirstestablishedthe biological
consequencesof isolation.
Brain imaging[edit]
Brain scanningtechniquessuchas Functional magneticresonanceimaging have beenusedtoinvestigate
brainregionsthatseemto be involvedin producingthe humanexperience of love.[16]
In 2000, a studyledby SemirZeki andAndreas Bartelsof UniversityCollegeLondon concludedthatat
leasttwoareas of the brain become more active wheninlove.Thesewere foci inthe mediainsula,
whichthe brainassociateswith instinct,andpartof the anteriorcingulate cortex,whichisassociated
withfeelingsof euphoria.[17]
Ortigue etal.foundthat an unconsciousprime of the name of a romanticpartneractivatedsimilarbrain
regionsaswhensubjectswere consciouslyaware of seeingpartners'faces.[18]
Subliminal primingwith
eitherabeloved'sname ora favorite hobbyactivatedemotionandmotivational brainregions:caudate
nucleus,insula,bilateral fusiformregions,parahippocampal gyrus,rightangulargyrus,occipital cortex,
and cerebellum.However,the love prime evokedmore activationinbilateral angulargyri andbilateral
fusiformregionsthanthe hobbyprime.Theseregionsare associatedwithintegratingabstract

representations,andthe angulargyrus inparticularisinvolvedwithabstractrepresentationsof the self.
The authors alsofounda correlation(r=0.496, p=0.002) betweenactivationof aregionof the angular
gyruswitha passionate-love scale measuringsubjectivefeelingsof love.[18]
Love and motivation[edit]
Consciousthoughtsabouta romanticpartneractivate brainregionsrelatedtorewardandmotivation.
Ortigue etal.investigatedwhether unconscious primingbyapartner'sname couldalso affect
motivation.Theyfoundthatprimingbyeitherabelovedora favorite hobbyimprovedreaction timesin
identifyingwhetherastringof letterswasaword or not comparedagainstprimingbya neutral friend.
The authors suggestthiseffecthappensbecause abeloved'sname "maycall fora goal-directedstate"
and produce "dopaminergic-drivenfacilitationeffects."[18]
See also[edit]
 Biologyandsexual orientation
 Interpersonal attraction
 Religiousviewsonlove
 Lovesickness
 Neuroanatomyof intimacy
References[edit]
1. Jump up^
How to Find True Love
By Tina SuPublished in relationships
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PHOTO BY STOCK
PHOTO
While “How to Get Over a Breakup” was the number one requested article topic I’ve
written on, it’s not surprising that a close second is the topic of How to Find True Love.
Here’s an email from one reader:
“I’ve realized that one of my main goals is to find a worthwhile and long term
relationship. I noticed you have entries on how to keep a relationship and on how to end
a relationship so would you consider writing an entry on what you perceive to be the
best way to find a worthwhile relationship. How to avoid making the same mistakes,
overcoming fears, keeping up motivation after failure etc.”
– Gary (Dublin, Ireland)
Regardless of our culture, our level of education or economic status, at the depth of all
of us are the same desires- to love, to be loved, and to be happy.
Of course we could add other desires to this list, like money and wealth and fancy
things, but when you drill into these things, the reason for wanting them is so that we
can appear more desirable, and will hopefully be loved and accepted.
If love is something so fundamentally important to us, then why is it that we have so
many issues and misunderstandings in the area of finding it? I think the answer is
simple, that most of us have never been educated in this fundamental area of our
development. Chances are, you didn’t grow up with parents who were relationship
experts, and we certainly didn’t study relationships in our high school curriculums. For
most of us, it’s been an adventure in trial and error and learning through pain and heart-
break. But is there an easier way?
In light of Valentine’s Day approaching this week, I am going to touch on one of my
favorite topics of all time: finding love.
Personal Story
I spent most of my time in my late teens and early twenties on finding love, or so I
thought at the time. In actuality I was seeking self-acceptance, approval and identity. I
was deeply insecure and had a great fear of being alone. I jumped from relationship to
relationship, all the while searching for myself. But the act of seeking self-worth through
my external relationships took me further from that which I longed.
I’ve always been an ambitious person and in addition to my job, I’ve often worked on
side projects and other interests. But whenever I found myself in a relationship, I would
drop everything that was important to me and would focus exclusively on the person I
was dating. You see, I didn’t respect myself, and I thought that finding someone to love
me was more important than anything else. During these time-consuming romantic

courtships, I was distancing myself further from my passions, my purpose and my true
self.
Looking back, I had entered many of these relationships out of infatuation or loneliness.
It was the fear of abandonment or the guilt of obligation that kept me in these
relationships. I often got into and remained involved in relationships for the wrong
reasons. I would convince myself that no one else out there would love me, and so I
settled. Despite my surface appearance, I was deeply unhappy.
My freedom day came roughly two years ago. In a state of deep depression over
unsatisfied relationships and through a growing despise of my gross dependencies on
them, a miraculous understanding came to me and I experienced a moment of clarity.
At that moment I made a vow to end the pain. (Read my detailed journal entry from that
day here.)
I started to devour as much material and wisdom as I could find on the topic of
relationships, and studied (and continue to study) with relationship expert Alison
Armstrong. I have come a long way from being that insecure little girl, and have learned
much about myself in the process. Most importantly I discovered that once I started to
truly love myself, and to focus on my own inner peace and wellness, true love came
looking for me.
Problematic Relationship Patterns
Let’s first look at some common relationship problems and why many romantic
partnerships do not work out.
1. Ego, Fear, & Emotional Insecurities
As with material possessions or professional achievements, relationships give our ego a
method by which to identify who we are to the outside world. The problem is that we
attach so much of our identity to the external appearance of our relationships that we
lose touch with the parts of ourselves that are wise and conscious. The attachment to
this false identity leads to a feeling of desperation rather than fulfillment. After all,
without the relationship, or the job, or whichever other false identity we have chosen,
who would we be?
Besides the ego identification, it’s easy to develop a dependency on companionship.
That independent person that we once were starts to evaporate. Our mind becomes
fogged and as our self-identification begins to attach itself to the other person,
unconsciously or consciously, we become afraid to lose that person. We become
dependent on that person and fearful of loneliness.
Out of our emotional insecurities, we start to become needy and to seek out validation
from our partner. So, instead of focusing on the celebration of love and partnership, it
becomes a game of how to protect ourselves from loss.
2. Communication of Needs
Out of a desire to avoid appearing needy and out of a fear of losing our partner, we start
to filter what we say. In doing so, we do not communicate our needs clearly, openly or
bravely. We somehow become convinced that our partner willmagically know what to do
to fulfill our needs. When our needs are not met, we secretly blame the other person
and begin to resent them. When we are unhappy, our partner will pick up on the cues,
and in turn, secretly resent us, thus starting a vicious cycle in the silent destruction of a
romantic partnership.

So much of what needed to be said was not said, and bad feelings are bottled up and
start to accumulate for both parties. Have you ever had a friend come to you and
complain about all of the things they are unhappy about with their partner? Those are
the kinds of things they should be telling their partner, if they actually want a change.
Worse yet is when one partner openly communicates their needs only to find that the
other party is simply not listening, or does not fully acknowledge what was said, or
makes them feel guilty for having those needs.
3. Bad Fit and Settling by Default
Deep down, we are all really good people. But this doesn’t mean that any combination
of two good people will make a good partnership. There is such thing as a bad fit, and it
is okay to admit it.
The best fits are ones where the most important values for both people are met. They
must have life goals that align with one another and have a mutual attraction,
understanding, and level of respect for each other. Both people must be committed to
making the partnership their top priority.
Sometimes, even when we realize that our relationship isn’t a good fit, we justify staying
in it with what seem like logical reasons. We may feel that we won’t find another person
who accepts and loves us as much as the current partner. Or we may be afraid to be
alone, so we simply settle by default. Each time we are reminded of the bad fit, we
brush it under the rug and distract ourselves with some other thought.
We may feel that we are doing a service to the other person by staying in the
relationship, but in reality, we are hurting them by not being honest with them and
ourselves. And we are accumulating bad feelings and bad energy in our inner space.
Who Is Your Ideal Mate?
We all have a rough idea of what our perfect partner is like: beautiful, or smart, or rich,
or educated, or tall, or petite, or pale, or dark, or handsome, or fit, with this car, or with
that house or whatever else that strikes our fancy.
PHOTO: EMILY HELEN, THE BEST KAUAI WEDDING PHOTOGRAPHER
The problem comes when we find ourselves in a relationship and we are constantly
comparing our partners with this conjured-up ‘perfect’ person. When that happens, we
stop appreciating our partner for all the beautiful qualities they do possess.
The truth is this perfect person does not exist. More importantly, we may not
actually need all of these qualities in a partner to be extraordinarily happy.
What we need is to identify the most important qualities that we must have in order to
feel satisfied and fulfilled (more on creating a must-have list below). By not having
identified the must-have qualities in our chosen life partner, we end up settling, and
since the person cannot give us the things we truly need, we start to resent them. This
will snowball into larger issues.
For example, if height is something that is really important to you, and your partner does
not meet that height requirement, regardless of how much they try, they will never grow
taller or shrink shorter, and this will bug you and affect your union.
In life, we will get random results if we have not specified what we want. Identifying and
understanding what it is that we need in a relationship, allows us to set clear intentions,
and in doing so, moves us closer to realizing our intended desires.

Identifying Must-Haves
Here’s a very affective exercise that I picked up from Alison Armstrong that will help you
discover and identify the must-have qualities in your partner. I highly recommend taking
at least 10 minutes to go through this, even if you are presently in a relationship.
Grab a pen and some paper. Find a place where you won’t be interrupted. Turn off the
phone, the TV, the computer.
Ready? Here we go:
Step 1. The Perfect Image
On a blank piece of paper, list out all the qualities that your ideal partner will have. What
kind of characteristics and qualities do you truly desire? Be creative and open. Use a
bullet pointed list, not sentences. List out as many as possible, and use as many pieces
of paper as needed.
Be as specific as you can. Get into details like physical attributes, values, lifestyle, views
on money, spiritual beliefs, personality traits, hobbies, abilities, age, habits, profession,
tastes, etc.
For physical attributes, include things like height, weight, body type, hair color, ethnicity,
or anything that you would want if you had your choice in creating your ideal partner.
Step 2. Minimum Requirements (MR)
Minimum requirements are qualities you need from your partner, and without them, you
will feel unwell or unsatisfied.
Go through each quality from step 1 and test it with this question:
“Would I rather be alone than be with a person who wasn’t [insert quality]?”
If the answer is yes, mark MR next to the quality, otherwise, leave it blank.
Don’t worry if your list sounds superficial or ridiculous. One MR item on my list is “Great
dancer with rhythm and groove”, which may seem like a trivial or petty quality for some
people, but is a deal breaker for me.
Step 3. Screening MRs
Now, filter through the MR list, for each item with the MR label, ask the following
question:
“If a person had all the other qualities on my MR list, am I willing to let this quality go?”
If the answer is yes, cross out that MR.
The Selection Process
I believe it is crucial to identify and clearly communicate our relationship expectations
and personal timelines early on in the dating phase. So often, we get into relationships
with silent expectations of a future event that is important to us, thinking that our partner
will come around to it when the time is right, only to find out several years later that
things will never work out the way we expected. Some common unspoken issues of this
nature revolve around marriage, children, financial goals, and even which city you settle
down in.
First, be clear with yourself on these types of issues. Understand what kind of
commitment you are looking for in a relationship, how you feel about children and where
you plan to live. There are no wrong answers, but be honest and specific about what
you are looking for in the current stage of your life.

Next, tell yourself that on all of your first dates, you will be clear with people about your
relationship expectations and timeline, if any. It can be a scary and awkward experience
at first, but it will become less of a nerve racking experience over time. And just think of
all the time and emotional energy you are saving by being open from the get-go, instead
of setting silent expectations that can lead to disappointment.
PHOTO BY MIKE BG
On my first dates with any guy, I found that telling them my expectations was pretty
nerve-racking, especially for men I was really attracted to, since they could potentially
run the other way. I would begin to tell myself that this would be too much of a shocking
conversation for most people to handle on a first date. Why not just wait until date 5 or
6, when I know that he really likes me? The answer is that by then I would have
emotionally attached myself to this person and would then be in a situation where I
would either have to settle for less than what I wanted, or break it off. It would have
been much better to have learned on the first date whether or not we were a good fit.
Personally, I was looking for a husband and to start a family. I would tell them that I
wanted to get married before I turned 30 and to start making babies within two years of
getting married. Oh, and I would also like to have two children. “Are you okay with that
timeline?” I would ask them. The men who were okay with my timeline stayed and the
ones who weren’t went away. No hurt feelings and everyone wins.
Many of us have latched onto this concept of finding “the one” person out there for us,
and so we linger in every relationship that pops up, fearing that we might miss out on
“the one”. Think about the fact that there are 6.8 billion people on the planet. Doesn’t it
make more sense that “the one” is more likely to be “the one-hundred-thousand”? I
genuinely believe that there are a countless number of people out there who will be
great fits for us, and it’s just a matter of filtering through potential partners until we find
one of them.
As such, communicating your desires, needs and expectations, ahead of time,becomes
crucial. For example, if having children is of utmost importance to you and your partner
is set against having kids, then likely the relationship will not last and both parties are
wasting time in the process.
Dating shouldn’t be about settling out of a fear that a better fit might not come along. I
believe that dating is about identifying the qualities you need in a person and in a
relationship, and then “filtering” through as many people as it takes until you find
someone who possesses all the important qualities that you need.
Have you ever had the experience of shopping for a car, and found that once you
targeted in on the exact make, model, and color you wanted, you began to see that car
everywhere? From my personal experience, I found that once I became clear with what
I needed and expected in a partner and in a relationship, more eligible bachelors who
had those qualities started showing up in my life.
Love Yourself First
As I mentioned in the article How to Overcome Breakups, the art of loving yourself is not
only important in the healing process from love lost, but also in finding love. I believe
that we cannot truly allow others to love us, until we first love ourselves.
Another way of looking at this is to imagine each person in a relationship as a wooden
stick. If one person is independent and the other is dependent, it’s like one stick is

standing perfectly vertical and the second stick is leaning against the vertical stick. If the
vertical stick moves horizontally, the leaning stick will fall. When two people are both
independent and joined together through love, it’s like two sticks standing vertically.
When they join together, they become a larger and stronger stick and they become
interdependent and stronger. If one stick moves horizontally, the other stick will move
with it.
Practice loving yourself: take yourself on a date, do things that please and relax you,
spend quality time with yourself, write love letters to yourself, practice saying and feeling
“I love you” in the mirror.
PHOTO: NATHIYA PRATHNADI
Additionally, the practice of loving yourself makes you a more attractive person to the
outside world.
When you truly love yourself, you will exude and spread a magnetic energy to those
around you. Before you know it, you will be surrounded by those attracted to you for
who you really are.
Forgiving Our Ex’s
When we hold onto unresolved issues from previous relationships, they become
emotional baggage in our future relationships. I’ve found forgiving your ex’s to be a
liberating exercise that contributes to the wellbeing of yourself and your future
relationships.
A few years ago I sat down with, or phoned, several of my ex-boyfriends, and
apologized for hurt feelings I may have caused, and expressed and forgave them for my
own hurt feelings from the relationship. This experience brought closure to those
relationships, removed the baggage, and allowed new friendships to develop.
A Few Words On Sex
For those of us who are sexually active, I would like to point out one thing. When you
have an orgasm, there is a chemical change that takes place in your body. In particular,
your body releases a hormone called oxytocin that binds you emotionally to the other
person. For a man, the effects of this hormone last for 48 hours. For a woman, the
effects last for 14 days.
This explains why, after having sex with someone who is clearly a bad fit for us, we can
end up in a relationship with them, even if it’s for a short amount of time. Far too often,
these relationships can turn into long term relationships that ultimately end badly.
It is recommended by relationship experts to not have sex during your dating and
selection process unless you are okay with being emotionally bound to that person or
having that person be emotionally bound to you for 14 days. Alison recommends not
having sex with someone unless they fit all the qualities on your MR list.
For more information on this topic, read chapter four of “The Female Brain“, by Dr.
Louann Brizendine.
Parting Words
People often ask, “Where should I go to find this person?” The logical answer provided
by most is to go to places where such a person would hang out, but this practice can
often lead to disappointment. My suggestion is to go through the exercises above to
gain clarity on what you need and the types of relationships you want. Then spend time

practicing the art of self-loving, while being open to the idea of your ideal mate entering
your life. I would not actively seek it. Instead spend your efforts on self development.
As with all things of the heart, there is an ingredient of magic in finding love. There are
no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason. Love is beautiful and unpredictable.
The best thing we can do is to start to become the most outstanding person possible.
The universe will know when we are ready, and when we are, true love will happen,
unexpectedly.
* Got a love story you
 Love is real
I have had a taste and it is real. I lost my love but now that I know it, i know it. Love is amazing and can
set the heart free. My love is lost because he had to do the right thing and be with his wife. But what I
felt was very real.
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 True love exists because God brings two people together to for the purpose of marrying one another
and that relationship provides the opportunity for true love to happen.

True love exists because the Bible says that God brings people together for the purpose of marrying one
another. When God brings that perfect match into a persons life the opportunity for true love to occur
becomes possible. One reason that people do not think true love exists is because they just marry
anybody that comes into their lives without consulting God or even thinking whether this is the right
person that He desires them to marry.
Posted by: TasticBran
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 I know that true love exists, because I have been married for almost 50 years, and my husband and I
love each other as much as we did when we married.
I am positive that true love exists. I have experienced it myself. My husband and I met when we were
nineteen. We fell in love with each other almost immediately, and were married two years later. There
has never been a day in the almost 50 years that we have been married that I have not loved my
husband, and known that he loved me also.
Posted by: R0d0Ferdy
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 True love does exist and is epitomised in agape love or self-sacrificing love that exists among a few
people.
True love exists, but it is not the romantic garbage so often displayed on TV. That is not love, but lust.
True love is when a person truly seeks what is best for another person. It is not destroyed by the loved
one's actions. It forgives, understands and is patient. The definition of true love is found in the Bible, 1
Corinthians 13 for those who are interested. If it can be combined with romantic love in a married couple,
then that makes it even better. True love is a choice. It is not selfish.
Posted by: IindsM3II0w
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 Yes, it does since I've felt myself.
I recall when I didn't believe in true love, but when I met my dream and fell in love, it changed my
viewpoint. What would you call it when you can't live without someone? When you want to give without

expecting anything in return? Or, when you believe in someone in all circumstances and stand by
him/her? If it's not true love, then what it is?
Posted by: TownMaso
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 If there is no true love, then how do we even have the word?
Whether love is a biochemical hormonal rush or a psychological state of bonding to a person, the state of
love does exist. The word exists in every language, in every culture, and in every known civilization. Love
exists except for very few psychopaths, making it one of the few true human norms. Because love is
universal, it can be true for everyone. It may be between parents and children, spouses, friends, or other
family, but it can be true for everyone.
Posted by: Pir4And
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 I believe that true love exists, but people may disagree on the definition of true love.
For as many definitions of "true love" that I know of, I believe they are all possible. In terms of loving
another person, I believe that true love is really the acceptance of another human being. This definition
can be expanded to the rest of the world and to the self. True love and acceptance are almost the same
thing. So, yes, I do believe that true love exists.
Posted by: Iewie2cute
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 True love exists for those who chose it.
If you're just waiting for true love to show up and take care of you, you'll likely look for a long time. If
you are looking for someone to love, then you may well have better luck. It's more likely that your love
will be returned than that you will merit love without showing it first. None of us are deserving of love all
the time and sometimes this love will be returned in kind for a while and then the other person will fail
dismally and betray us. That doesn't mean the love was never real. It does mean that it wasn't enough.
If both partners are willing to practice loving even when they don't feel like it, then true love can only
grow.

Posted by: SayNic3
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 Yes, it exists if only in the heart of the lover.
True love exists and what's more, it only takes one! The truest love of all is often unrequited; it's true
because it is pure and unadulterated by reality! True love exists between a mother and child, between an
artist and art, between a child and his first puppy. Anywhere that passionate feeling is not tainted by
selfish desire, true love exists and thrives.
Posted by: Th4Fire
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 But you need faith and commitment to sustain it.
When two people love each other, it is a wonderful thing. The longer you can sustain the initial romantic
part of your young relationship, the better. When two people really have the chance to get to know each
other and to consummate after a long drawn out romantic phase, this is a wonderful thing.
This serves as wonderful memories for you. For although life is bitter sweet, there is nothing like looking
back over the ocean of your life and being able to see the beauty of the moments.
The important thing to realize is that different people get together for different reasons. A success in a
marriage can serve as an example of success generally. In the same way someone might commit to
mastering a skill in their life, a successful marriage is built on working out the daily process of having a
successful marriage in the long term.
The yearning many of us have to be in love with someone else is indicative of a deeper yearning for a
relationship and connection to 'life' and the mystery of eternity.
People have phases in life. If a young couple fall in love and commit, within a decade they both will be in
a different phase within their lives. If they marry in their 20's, they are in a sense still adolescents
working out how to live.
The important thing is not to worship your partner and not to make them the center of your life. This is
particular important for the 16 - 21 year old's. If you can help it please do not spend this critical phase of
your life fussing and worrying over a relationship. It is important for you to realize your personal life
goals and to study for your adult life.
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

 Love is an illusion
I am 17 years old. I am agree that I am pretty young, but since I was born I have never seen true love.
People do date and they do marry each other , but they do that because of their selfish reasons. I have
been in relationships a few times, but that was enough for me to understand that true love doesn't exist.
Once I loved a man older than I am, and I was desperate about him, I allowed him to be really close to
me, but all he wanted was sex so he left me in a year. He said he loved me more than life itself but
would he go away if it was truth? I don't believe in love; my parents never loved each other, they never
told each other they love one another, never hugged or kissed. I tried to love someone too, but I am not
capable, I am not capable to get attached to a person, I never loved someone first, I really tried..... But I
wish love existed.
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5
 Let me tap my heels together, and wave my magic wand.
Let's be realistic here, love has to be one of the worst ideas ever invented. It doesn't make sense, but the
supporters of love say that it proves itself. I have yet to see a bad idea fall from the sky, and land in my
lap. I have been trying to convince the world around me that it is a delusional form of reality based upon
the notion that everything is 'happily ever after.' It's an age old lie that was created by poetic minds, and
embedded in religious doctrines such as the Bible. When I looked at what love is, I thought it resembled
the last work of Dr. Seuss. "Love is this, Love is That, and a Little Bit of Everything.'
Posted by: bullseye2014
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4
 Its just lust... No love....
These days all guys just want quick sex nothing else. I mean all guys are players. They use a girl and
throw her away like used tissue. Now I am not against the idea of love. Yes, there was love 50 years ago.
But its the 21st century. Men just need objects to satisfy their needs. They want pleasure not love. They'll
use the sexy women and then not remember their names. Kids and teens are losing their virginity so
young. This world has come to greed and lust only. It is impossible to find love. In the end there will be
heartbreak. I mean even if they say they love you, put a sexy woman in front of him and he will jump
her. They will cheat. Go to clubs and see people making out or just hooking up and one night stands is all
there is today. I so hope to be proved wrong in the future but sadly that is not possible.
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4
 There is no love..SORRY
Sorry, but it is all a fight for dominance and power! Seduction is the strongest weapon ever invented!
Cleopatra used it and succeeded! I dont think there is true love in this world! Only lust combined with
insecurity, both of which we interpret as "love." Maybe there is only instinct and we act in love just to
satisfy it.
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3
 Real love does not exist
You think you love someone? You can't love someone for who they are, because people can never know
each other 100%. When you think you're in love, it's your mind who plays with reality, and makes your
"lover" perfect for you (perfect does not exist, nor does love). Maybe you think you love someone, but I
bet that one of you will love the other one more, and the one who loves most, will be used in this evil
game called love. BE with someone you trust, respect and admire. Not love like a fool.
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3
 True love or lust
The definition of love is having a deep affection for someone. I believe that true love occurs over time.
You invest your time into someone which causes you to love them. When people say "It was love at first
sight", it causes me to wonder if it was really a deep affection sparked by looking at each other. In my
opinion, it was "lust at first sight". The relationship was based solely on looks, and not on any character
traits. If you look at the story of Romeo and Juliet, Romeo was madly in love with Rosaline in the
beginning because she was so beautiful. He became dangerously depressed when he found he couldn't
be with her. When he saw Juliet at a party one night, he completely forgot about Rosaline because Juliet
was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. This goes to show that you can not truly love
someone because of how pretty they are, you fall in love based on their personality.
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2

 I hate that
Because I love one person but he is younger than me so only I feel that love is not true. I love him truly
but I cant able to marry him. Because he is younger than how it possible to marry him if god makes me
marry him I will be the happiest person in the world.
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1
 Always goes bad in the end
I have seen a lot of relationships in my lifetime, and ALL have failed. Even if it did last all your life,
eventually it would end, because people die, you know. I also have never experienced true love, not even
toward family, friends, lovers, no one. Love is just a lie people tell themselves so they aren't lonely, but
sooner or later, you will be FORCED to accept it.
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1
 No, because men are created to genetically procreate with as many females as possible
If you believe in Darwinism, then you should know that a man who creates the most children succeeds in
securing his genes will be passed on continuously. People confuse emotions with chemical reactions in
their brain based on a code that has been inherited. Men may truly believe they are in love when in
reality their brains are just fooling them to ensure fornication. It's a viscous cycle that never ends of
creating more and more unfaithful men that add to our genetic pool. We may think we can transcend our
biology with intelligence, yet humans are still animals last time I checked. Proof of that would be hiccups
and goose bumps as they are genes we've evolved past yet still have.
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1
 Ideally yes, but arguably no.
In the context of 'romantic' true love, I believe that two people will feel highly attracted to each other
based on a combination of hormones (e.g. oxytocin) and neurotransmitters that activate their 'reward'
centers of their brain, leading to feelings of attachment to each other. The level of oxytocin released is

proportional to the levels of attachment they have for each other.
That said, I'm happy to be proved wrong. I would love to fall in love with someone and grow old with
them. I admire people that sit next to their partner when they are ill/going through a tough time, and
give them the support, love and encouragement.
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1
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Comments (3)
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(Maximum 900 words)
Bullish saysMay 12 2013 01:49 AM
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Define it.
Anonymous saysJuly 22 2013 09:26 PM
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So let me get this straight. People who are for love are people who've been through it and those who're
against love are people who have ideally had their hearts broken or never had love. I think true love is
opinion based, perception being the case then it is you destroying or making yourself. Isn't it?
carelove595 saysJuly 6 2015 08:05 PM
Report Post
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Does Love Really Exist, or Is It Only a
Fantasy?
Every human heart longs to find love, to live in love, and to die having felt loved.
As much as we may denigrate love or deny its existence, we always seem to
dream about that place where we can find it.
Man cannot live without believing in love, and our constant search for it has led
us to seek evidence of its existence and to ask others to give us irrefutable
evidence of its reality. Love not an illusion, nor a fleeting intestinal emotion that
time knows how to finish. But unfortunately, we often search in others that which
we should be nourishing within ourselves.
That’s the first big mistake: looking for love in others but not inside oneself or in
one’s own conviction. We believe that it is up to others to convince us that this is
not a fantasy, and only when they make this tangible do we come to the
conclusion that we are not just living in some wonderful fairy tale. We often deny
a very simple truth: love exists in everyone who believes in it, because that in
itself a sign of its presence. Formation, guidance, and the onset of emotional
maturity are needed in order to turn an exaltation of the senses and emotions
into a conscious decision to seek the good of another – a decision which nothing
or nobody can change in one’s heart. When you truly love, and when that love is
the product of conviction, there is no human power that can make us regress into
seeking only what we want for ourselves. In that sense, love cannot be
conditional (“If you’ll love me, I’ll love you” or “I’ll treat you as you treat me”).
Regardless of the sorrow that exists to some extent within each person, when
true love blossoms, it is able to remain in spite of adversity; he who loves does
not allow external factors to affect the quality of that which he offers.
But what of those who, in their desire to test the power of a love given to them,
demand “evidence” of it? A few points:
1. There are no such things as tests of love, for what one can do for somebody
today might not be repeatable tomorrow.
2. Any requested “test” of love is nothing more than a veiled form of
manipulation.

3. “If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to ask for a glass of milk.” There will
always be more and more demands for shows of love. It’s never enough.
4. When the requested test is sexual in nature, women should remember that
ease of her response comes at the expense of becoming an “easy girl.” The
same “test of love” becomes a test of your integrity.
5. Even within the context of true love, one can say “yes or no” and not feel
obliged to acquiesce to immoral or unreasonable demands. In this, sincerity and
a desire for the good of the other is what counts.
To love is the vocation of every human being, and it is for love that we are
created; it is our beginning, our middle, and our end, but because of that endless
desire to experience love, we can fall into the trap of believing that anything is
valid in order to attain it, including trampling on others. One does not build a life
on the ashes of another. Whoever denies others the right to love denies himself,
for love does not exist in a vacuum.
It is essential to understand that love consists of the mutual buildup of one
person to another, and each becomes a means to reach the purpose of their
existence (the other half is not mine; I am a medium for him). It is no longer just
about not doing to others what we would not want them to do to us, but rather,
“do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In order to exist, love must
go beyond pure sentiment and emotion; it must rise above the challenges and
upsets we face each day.
Only love can give orientation to our lives, spare us from a sterile existence, fulfill
our inmost being, and eternalize us in time. Whoever wishes to be must love, for
he who loves becomes a reflection of God
Why We Fall in Love: The Science of
Love

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Have you ever stopped for a second to think about the science and psychology of falling in love or
why you are falling in love with that special someone? Did you ever notice love is sort of a
mysterious yet natural emotion in us and it must have to do something with our chemistry to one
another? Or, have you ever concluded love could be a beautiful feeling helping species remain
alive? If not, it is the time to be mindful because it will definitely help you envision and live a fuller
life.
We simply call this mysterious feeling “love” but believe it or not, there is a complexity behind the
wheel driving us to cogitate our involvement in this feeling—some sort of devoted and passionate
feeling. Science has sought long to detect the basic phenomenon behind amity and has concluded
at many stages that love is the most alluring feeling in our life aiding us to thrive. Fidelity compels us
to accelerate the process of reproduction. Staying over the rainbow and in love with the world is not
a casual nexus.
An article in Psychopharmacology (2012) concluded when compared to behavioral addiction, social
attachment is similar—individuals become addicted to other because of the returned reward. There
is a chemical chain of reaction triggered in our bodies ultimately instigating the feeling of love to
strike our minds. Actually, falling in love is getting into a beautiful trap set up by nature, a natural
occurrence we cannot fight. According to a science-based study by Arthur Arun, on average, the
mind of a person takes between 90 seconds to 4 minutes to determine whether it is struck by love or
not.
Some of the highlighted points of the study are as follows:
• 55% of the role is played by body language; this means a brain detects the activities of body
movement and decides whether it has received the signals of love or not
• 38% of the decision to be in love is contributed by the voice—its tone and change in frequency
• 7% is the reaction to a lover’s statement or choice of words
The 3 Stages Involved in Falling in Love

A recent study based on the topic “science behind the love” is conducted at Rutgers University
located in United States, revealed there are 3 stages involved with falling in love—namely lust,
attraction, and attachment. Each stage involves different types of chemical reactions within the body
(specifically the brain). Along with that, there are different hormones present in the body helping to
excite all these three stages (lust, attraction, and attachment) separately as well as collectively.
Stage 1: Lust
Lust is said to be the initial stage of getting involved with love. The feel of lust is basically backed up
or instigated by the sexual hormones within the body.
Oestrogen and Testosterone are the two basic types of hormones present equally in men and
women’s body that excites the feeling of lust within the brain. Limbic processes in the brain in
response to lust have health-promoting and stress-reducing potential. In addition, lust, love, and
pleasure ensure the endurance of mankind through mating. The mating process is a discrete
interrelated process initiating attraction.
Stage 2: Attraction
Second stage of acquiring love is attraction. This phase is said to be one of the beautiful moments of
life. This is the phase when a person actually starts to feel the love. His or her impatience for
attracting somebody leads to excitement, and the individual is left with no other option but to only
think about that specific person. Scientifically, it has been concluded in the study that there are
three more sub-stages of attraction that portray drastic changes over the individual’s
personality. The three sub-stages of attraction are adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin.
Adrenaline
Scientists have elaborated that initial symptoms of attraction toward someone involves:
• Stress response
• Increase in adrenalin and cortisol
• Attitude reaction
It has been specified in the study that any person who falls in love will acquire a slight or drastic
change in the above stated three factors. Furthermore, attraction is one of the charming effects of
life and slight changes in personality are not only natural but are also positive. For this reason,
whenever you bump into your crush, your senses decline, your heart beats like a drum, and your
mouth is so dry your tongue feels like sandpaper.
Dopamine
To follow the theoretical research, a physical experiment was also conducted to prove the veracity of
physical evidence. The brains of a new couple struck with love were observed using functional
magnetic resonance imaging (fMRIs). It was genuinely shocking to discover the minds of both male
and female have large spikes of neurotransmitter dopamine, a chemical that stimulates the feeling of
pleasure within the body.

After discovering this, scientists described both the male and female minds are equally high as if
they had taken cocaine or somewhat similar drug! Dopamine is a natural stimulant providing you
with ecstasy. The couple furthermore revealed the following facts about themselves from the time
they feel in love until the date they were examined:
• Surge of energy
• Observed a significant decrease in feeling hungry
• Found to have slept less compared to before falling in love
• Attention has been more focused than ever before
Serotonin
Last but not the least, serotonin has been found as one of the important chemicals involved for
exciting the feeling of love. Serotonin basically diverts your mind and bounds you to think about your
lover and nothing else. It becomes a path for the mind. Sandra Langeslag and colleagues (2012)
report serotonin levels are different in men and women when in love. The men in love had lower
levels of serotonin, while the women reveal the opposite. The participants in love reported
engrossing in thought about their beloved 65% of their day.
Stage 3: Attachment
When a couple passes through the above two stages of love successfully, the time of bonding with
each other becomes powerful. Attachment is a bond helping the couple to take their relationship to
advanced levels. It instigates the feeling of bearing children and falling in love with them
wholeheartedly.
While investigating the “attachment factor,” scientists discovered two sub-stages involved. The two
sub-stages are hormones in the body that attract an individual to retaining the feeling of love with his
or her partner. The two hormones, namely, oxytocin and vasopressin are discussed below.
Oxytocin
Oxytocin, also known as “the cuddle hormone,” is one of the most powerful hormones released
equally by men and women, especially during orgasm. Oxytocin (OT) formulates the depth of love
and forges the attachment the partner. The study was second by another research based on “sexual
activities between a couple and the out-comes.” The more a couple opts for sex, the more
substantial the bond of attachment is. OT plays a key role in affiliation and attachments in humans.
Similarly, oxytocin helps build a strong bond between a mother and an infant during the time of birth.
In addition, it is such a sensitive hormone that it automatically signals the breast to release the milk
upon the baby’s sound or touch. OT mediates specific female behaviors such as lactation and
parturition. Social interaction with your loved one requires affective “mind reading,” or interpreting
faint cues from your partner. Humans infer internal feelings of people from external expressions to
predict the other person’s behavior. In a double-blind study of 30 healthy volunteers the
administered oxytocin caused a substantial boost in the ability of the individuals to interpret cues
from the region of the other person’s eyes. OT improves the interaction between couples by
improving this social connection.

Vasopressin
Vasopressin, known as an anti-diuretic, it performs its operation along with the kidney, therefore
controlling thirst. This hormone is released in major quantity quickly after sex. Although the brains of
women and men are structurally different, they both secrete vasopressin from the pituitary gland.
This is a vital role in copulation and partner preference (Hiller, 2004).
Vasopressin is termed as an important hormone to promote long-lasting relationships. A study
inBiological Psychology (2012) assessed 37 couples by measuring neuropeptide blood levels.
Results reveal vasopressin levels were in relation to the following:
• Interpersonal functioning
• Larger social network
• Greater spousal support
• More attachment security
• Relationship maintenance
• Less negative communication
The Bottom Line on The Science and Psychology of
Love
It can be said conclusively that love is one of the most delightful feelings of our lives. It is quite true
about the saying “love is blind” because you never know when your brain will encounter love. A
significant number of chemical reactions are involved in instigating lust, attraction, attachment, and
love between couples. Science has yet discovered the exact bodily reactions behind the complexity
of love. However, based upon the above studies it is clearly said that falling in love involves
many mechanisms and chemicals within the brain . You simply cannot avoid the sensual reaction of
love. The partner doesn’t need to be sublime, sexy, or handsome—the feeling is deeper than a
physical tactility. Love is a natural muse; you will puzzle over it, dream about it, and be lost in
thought.
References:
Click to see references
Leadership Development and Strategic Planning
The effectiveness of your organization is directly dependent on the effectiveness of your leaders. Strategic planning is vital in
clarifying where your organization is going and how you are going to get there. Moreoften than not, leaders are theones who
make strategic plans for the future. Therefore, thesetwo topics and the relationship they share are of vital importance to the
success of your company.

Leadership development can take a number of different forms, from an executive retreat to one-on-one coaching. Similarly,
strategic planning is highly individualized to each organization and cannot be addressed with just one approach. Because of the
variety of these topics, COHREcarefully customizes our approach to fit the specific skills and needs of your organization.
COHRE facilitates building a strategic plan for an organization by using an approach that has been proven effective and tailoring
it to fit theunique characteristics of your company. Specialized leadership development is created by researching a competency
model tailored to meet your company's employment niche, then uses individualized assessments for each participating leader.
These assessments enable us to customize theleadership development even further, to address particular styles of management or
personality typethat an individual espouses. All of this is designed to create the highest possible application of material learned
to real-life settings.
Do you know what your organization will be doing in a year? How about three or five years? Developing a strategic plan will
help you to stay on track for the future. A good plan states a goal, but a great plan also includes action steps on how to reach that
goal. Whether you are facing theneed for a transformation and improvement or you just want to be sure your organization is
heading in the right direction, COHRE can help you to create an effective strategic plan.
We will work with your organizational leaders to develop future goals, and then we will help to create more detailed steps that
will help you to make progress toward your goal within the desired timeframe. We offer different formats for developing a
strategic plan to make it easier for you to meet the demands of your organization, including a leadership retreat or focus groups.
The end result of developing a strategic plan for your organization is a detailed blueprint on how to be successful.
Leaders steer organizations toward meeting future goals - are they steering your company theright way?Strategic planning and
leadership development combine to create thebest possiblepath to your success. A great leader and a great planner will greatly
affect your organization's outcomes
EXECUTING THE STRATEGIC PLAN: A MID-LEVEL
LEADERSHIP RESPONSIBILITY
5 fundamental actions mid-level leadership can take responsibility for in order to
facilitate the execution of the strategicplan.
Posted:September 12, 2013
Article Author:
Lorri Freifeld
By Dr. Daniel Jensen, Professor, Harrisburg University of Science and Technology
Strategic planning is a disciplined effort to producefundamental decisions and actions that shape and guide what an organization
is, what it does, and why it does it (John M. Bryson, Strategic Planning for Public and Nonprofit Organizations). In short, a
strategic plan should be thedriving force for actions at all levels of an organization. This effort consists of much more than
conducting an annual offsiteto determine an organizational philosophy (i.e., vision, mission, values, core competencies, and
priorities). If the strategic plan is properly executed, it will facilitate a way of thinking, acting, and learning that is necessary to
achieve organizational success. Without strategic planning, an organization may continuously react to near-term issues with

membersof the organization notunderstandingwhy their work is important. Strategic planninglinks and synchronizes actions at all
levels of the organization,resulting in leaders and followers who understand where they are heading and why their day -to-day
actions matter. Because resources arenormallylimited, strategic planning must occur to ensure thatresources are not expended
unnecessarily because of a lack of strategic and operational focus.
Sometimes, however, synchronization of actions and organizational focus at all levels does not happen, even if a strategic plan
exists. Unfortunately, in some organizations, the annual strategic planning offsite is viewed as an intrusion into day -to-day
priorities and tasks—a“check-the-box” activity that does not translateinto actionable objectives and tasks. The strategic plan
often is dismissed as esoteric and theresponsibility of senior leaders, not those in mid- and lower-level leadership positions.
Consequently, the execution of the strategic plan does not occur.
While senior leaders may be responsiblefor developing thestrategic plan, it is the responsibility of mid-level leaders to translate
this strategy into operational-level plans and actions that will result in execution throughout the organization. Without mid-level
leadership buy-in and emphasis, thestrategic plan cannot be cascaded throughout the organization. Here are five fundamental
actions mid-level leadership can take responsibility for in order to facilitate the execution of thestrategic plan.
1. Supporting Goals and Objectives—Fixing Responsibility
The organizational philosophy is thefoundation of the strategic plan; however, strategic goals with supportingobjectives must be
developed. Goals describe a futurecondition that theorganization needs to attain in order to achieve its vision. Objectives are
statements of what must be done to achieve a goal. Effective Objectives are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and
Timely (SMART). As goals and supportingobjectives are developed, it is important to identify what individual or organization
has primary responsibility for their achievement. Also, identify other individuals or organizations that need to assist thep rimary
in accomplishing the goals and objectives. Fixing primary and assist responsibilities for achieving goals and objectives is
imperative in order to develop action plans.
2. DetailedAction Planning—Where the “Rubber Meets the Road”
Each objective should have an action plan. An action plan describes specific tasks that are necessary to achieve the supported
objective. This level of planning is where “therubber meets the road” and ultimately determines the success or failure of
achieving objectives, goals and, ultimately, theorganizational vision. Actions plans detail milestones, activities, timeframes,
resources, and team members required to achieve an objective. Action plan development varies from using butcher paper and
markers to the use of softwareprograms. Develop action plans in a manner that best meets theneeds of thoseinvolved in
executing theplans.
3. Measurements—Understanding Progress
It is necessary to measure specific tasks in order to understand progress against expected results. Measures are a standard to
evaluate and communicate performance. They should be developed to give leadership a current view of the progress of goals,
objectives, and action plan achievement. Mark Graham Brown, in his book, “Keeping Score: Using theRight Metrics to Drive
World-Class Performance,”offers the following suggestions on how to approach organizational measurement:
 Concentrate on measuring the vital few key variables rather than the trivial many.
 Measures should be linked to thefactors needed for success: key business drivers.
 Measures should be a mix of past, present, and futureto ensure that the organization is concerned with all three perspectives.
 Measures should be based around the needs of customers, shareholders, and other key stakeholders.
 Measures should start at the top and flow down to all levels of employees in the organization.
 Multipleindices can be combined into a single index to give a better overall assessment of performance.
 Measures need to have targets or goals established that are based on research rather than arbitrary numbers.
 Measures should be changed or at least adjusted as the environment and your strategy changes.
4. Environmental Scanning—Assessing Opportunities andThreats
A strategic plan is a living document. Changes and updates to the plan are driven by the strategic environment—those factors
outside theorganization that are potentialopportunities or threats. Thestrategic environment must be scanned and assessed in
order to make appropriateadjustments to thestrategic plan. One method to undertake this scan is by using a Strengths,
Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats (SWOT) Analysis. The SWOT analysis is a methodology many organizations use to
determine the strengths and weakness that are inherent to theorganization (internal focus) and the opportunities and threats that
are outsidethe organization (external focus). Strengths and weakness normally are focused on thepresent stateof the

organization, while opportunities and threats are future oriented. To identify internal strengths and weaknesses, the organization
must monitor resources, strategies, and performance. Monitoring external forces and trends (e.g., political, economic, social,
educational, technological, informational, environmental) can helpidentifyopportunities and threats. It is imperative that the
leadership of an organization dedicate theappropriateresources to properly scan and assess the strategic environment.
5. Leadership Emphasis—A StrategicPlanning Imperative
Employees pay attention to what is important to the boss. In order for thestrategic plan to be effectively executed, it must be a
top priority of leadership at all levels. Leaders can emphasize theimportance of strategic plan execution in several ways.
 Meeting with subordinate leadership to explain intent and expectations
 Displaying posters in work areas showing the organizational philosophy
 Posting the strategic plan on the organizational homepage
 Promoting thestrategic plan on social media
 Addressing thestrategic plan during media events and visits to subordinate organizations
 Developing and presenting supportingplans
 Hosting “town hall meetings” to express the significance of the strategic plan
 Evaluating employees based on accomplishment of strategic planning products (goals, objectives, action plans, metrics)
A strategic plan provides the framework for an organizationto prioritizeand synchronizeorganizational and individual actions in
order to achieve the goals and vision of an organization. However, having a plan on the shelf is not enough. Mid-level leaders,
supported by senior leadership, must accept strategic planexecution responsibilities by developing goals and objectives, creating
and implementing actions plans, measuring progress, scanning theenvironment, and providing leadership emphasis.
Leadership—particularly mid-level leadership—is the foundation of success.
Dan Jensen is a consultant, educator, and retired military officer specializing in strategic planning, leadership, and
organizational development. He teaches organizational leadership at Harrisburg University of Science and Technology. For
more information, contact him at danieljjensen@comcast.net
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HOW TO ANSWER: Why Should We Hire
You?
Posted by Pamela Skillings on Apr 18, 2013
Interview Questions & Answers Interviewing

Today, we teach you how to close the deal in any job interview.
After all, the whole interview process is about answering this question: Why should
we hire you instead of one of the many other well-qualified applicants?
Every interview question is an attempt to gather information to inform thishiring
decision. Many interviewers will also specifically ask you to make your case with one of
these questions:

 Why should we hire you?
 Why are you the best candidate for the job?
 Why are you the right fit for the position?
 What would you bring to the position?
To close the deal on a job offer, you MUST be prepared with a concise summary of the
top reasons to choose you. Even if your interviewer doesn’t ask one of these question in so
many words, you should have an answer prepared and be looking for ways to communicate
your top reasons throughout the interview process.
Why Do Interviewers Ask This
Question?
The interviewer’s job is to hire the best person for the position. Most of the candidates
that make it to the interview stage are qualified for the job. The winning candidate must be
more than qualified, especially in a very competitive job market.
Every hire is a risk for the company. Your interviewer will also be taking a personal career
risk in recommending a particular candidate to hire. If the candidate performs well, Mr.
Interviewer looks brilliant and gets a pat on the back (and maybe a bigger annual bonus).
If the candidate turns out to be a dud (doesn’t perform well, doesn’t get along with the
team, leaves the job prematurely, etc.), the interviewer looks like a dummy and his
professional reputation suffers.
With this question, your interviewer is asking you to sell him on you and your status as the
best person for the position. Make his job easier by convincing him that:
 You can do the work and deliver exceptional results
 You will fit in beautifully and be a great addition to the team
 You possess a combination of skills and experience that make you stand out from the crowd

 Hiring you will make him look smart and make his life easier
How to Answer: Why Should We Hire
You?
This is your chance to wow them with your highlight reel. Your answer should summarize
the top three or four best reasons to hire you. It’s better to have three or four strong
reasons with memorable descriptions and/or examples than to rattle off a laundry list of
twelve strengths without context.
This is an opportunity to reiterate your most impressive strengths and/or describe your
most memorable selling points, tailored to align with the top requirements in the job
description. Your 3-4 bullet points could include a combination of the following:
 Industry experience
 Experience in performing certain tasks or duties
 Technical skills
 Soft skills
 Key accomplishments
 Awards/accolades
 Education/training
Accomplishments and success stories are always good bets, especially if you can describe
how a key accomplishment (a successful marketing campaign, for example) demonstrates
a desired competency (creativity, results-orientation).
One approach is to mention any unique combination of skills(s) and experience that
you possess. For example, many candidates may have strong programming skills, but what
if you combine those with team leadership experience that others don’t have? Sounds like a
great recipe for a senior programmer. Explain why in your answer.

Most job seekers should be able to develop a standard answer to this question that can be
customized a bit for each opportunity. Here’s how:
Step 1: Brainstorm
To get started, review the job description (or a representative job description if you don’t
have an interview lined up right now) and your resume and ask yourself these questions:
 What are the most important qualifications for this position from the company’s
perspective?
 In which of these areas do I really shine?
 What are my most impressive accomplishments?
 What makes me different from the typical candidate?
Brainstorm and jot down everything that comes to mind.
Step 2: Structure Your Sales Pitch
Next, choose the 3-4 bullet points that make the strongest argument for you. Use those
bullet points to structure your sales pitch. Don’t write a script to memorize — simply
capture the bullet points that you want to convey. Each bullet will describe the selling point
with a brief explanation and/or example for context.
Keep it concise — you still want to keep your answer in the 1-2 minute range so you won’t
be able to rattle off every skill and accomplishment on your resume. You have to really think
about what sets you apart from the competition.
Step 3: Practice
Once you feel pretty good about the points you want to make, it’s time to practice. Again, it’s
not a good idea to memorize a script — you can end up sounding like a robot or feel more
nervous because of pressure to remember specific wording.
The better approach is to capture your bullet points, study them, and then practice until you
feel comfortable talking about them off the cuff. Your answer should come out a little bit
different each time, but it should always cover the points that you want to make.
Remember: It’s also very important to come across as confident andenthusiastic when
you deliver your pitch. Make them believe in you — your abilities and your commitment.
If you project confidence (even if you have to fake it a little), you’re more likely to make a
strong impression. As for enthusiasm, keep in mind that true passion for the work required
is a pretty compelling selling point. Yes, experience and qualifications are important, but the

right attitude can definitely give you an edge over those with similar professional
backgrounds.
After many years of experience in recruiting and hiring, I’d rather hire someone who has a
little less experience, but who is driven and motivated to learn and succeed.
Examples Answers
Example Answer 1: Project Manager
“Well, I have all of the skills and experience that you’re looking for and I’m confident that I
would be a superstar in this project management role.
It’s not just my background leading successful projects for top companies — or my people
skills, which have helped me develop great relationships with developers, vendors, and
senior managers alike. But I’m also passionate about this industry and I’m driven to
deliver high-quality work.”
Why We Like It:
She has a lot of confidence and is able to concisely sum up how she meets the position’s top
requirements (project management experience, relationship and team skills). This answer
is a little bit general and could perhaps be further strengthened with examples (describing a
successful project, naming one of those top companies, offering evidence of those great
relationships).
However, assuming that the candidate has already discussed some specifics of her past
roles, this answer does a good job of reiterating and emphasizing. She doesn’t make the
interviewer put all of the pieces together on his own.
She does it for him and naturally does it with a very positive spin. We also really like the last
line: What’s not to love about passion, drive, and high-quality work?
Example Answer 2: Programmer

“Honestly, I almost feel like the job description was written with me in mind. I have the 6
years of programming experience you’re looking for, a track record of successful projects,
and proven expertise in agile development processes.
At the same time, I have developed my communication skills from working directly with
senior managers, which means I am well prepared to work on high-profile, cross-
department projects. I have the experience to start contributing from day one and I am
truly excited about the prospect of getting started.”
Why We Like It:
This is another good approach to summing up key qualifications and demonstrating a great
fit with the position requirements. In particular, this candidate is likely to win points
with “the experience to start contributing from day one.” He won’t need much training or
hand-holding and that’s attractive to any employer.
Example Answer 3: New College Grad
“I have the experience and the attitude to excel in this production assistant position. I have
almost two years of television production experience — including two summers interning
at The Ellen Show, where I was exposed to all aspects of TV production and worked so
hard the first summer that they invited me back for a second summer and gave me more
responsibilities.
During my senior year at UC San Diego, I have been working part-time for a production
company, where I have served in an assistant role but also recently had the chance to help
edit several episodes. I have a reputation for getting things done — and with a smile on my
face.
That’s because I love working in the television industry and am excited to learn and get
experience in every way possible.”
Why We Like It:
This candidate has some nice internship and part-time experience, but she’s a new college
grad and doesn’t have any full-time positions to talk about.
This answer highlights the experience that she does have (and the fact that she performed
well — she was invited back to her internship and was given an opportunity to edit at her
part-time job).

She also expresses her enthusiasm for the job and her strong work ethic. These qualities are
important for an entry-level hire, who will likely be doing quite a bit of grunt work at first.
Common Mistakes
Ask any salesperson. It’s tough to close a deal in a buyer’s market. Many candidates
sabotage themselves with avoidable mistakes.
Lack of preparation — Don’t try to wing it. You should take the time to prepare your 3-4
bullet points and look for opportunities to customize for any new opportunity. Then, you
must PRACTICE delivering your sales pitch until it feels comfortable.
Modesty — This is not the time to be modest or self-deprecating. You must be ready,
willing, and able to talk about what makes you a great hire. This will require some practice if
you are naturally a bit modest.
You don’t have to be super-confident like the candidate in the video example above. You can
use your own style. If you’re not comfortable making value statements about yourself (i.e. “I
am the perfect candidate.”), you can stick to fact (“I have ten years of experience, got
promoted, broke the sales record, won the award, delivered on time and on budget,
received kudos from my manager/client, etc.”)
Another way to “sell” yourself with facts is to quote other people’s opinions. Quote your
manger, “My manager told me that he’s never seen anyone with more advanced Excel
skills.” You can also reference your general reputation: “I have a reputation for always
closing the deal” or “I have a history of always completing my projects ahead of schedule.”
Being too general — Do your best to add some personality to your answer. Don’t simply
rattle off the bullet points listed in the job description. Really think about what makes you
unique and express it in your own voice.

Talking too much — Remember the law of answering interview questions: You should
limit each answer to 1-2 minutes in length (not counting any follow-up questions or requests
for additional detail).
If you try to walk through your entire resume when answering this question, the interviewer
is likely to tune out.
Focus on your most compelling selling points. Keep in mind that you’ll be more believable if
you focus on a few strengths and don’t try to claim that you are a master of every business
skill imaginable.
What If They Don’t Ask Me?
This is a very effective interview question, but not every hiring manager realizes that. What
if you prepare a beautiful pitch and they never ask you why you’re the best candidate?
You may have to look for an opportunity to share your thoughts on the subject. At
minimum, the process of preparing the answer will help to inform your response to other
questions including:
 Tell me about yourself
 What are your strengths?
Also, remember that a good salesperson always finds a way to deliver his pitch. One
approach is to wait for an opening at the end of the interview — maybe after you have asked
your questions and the interviewer asks if there is anything else on your mind. You could
lead in with a transition like: “I just want to say that I’m very interested in the position and
I think I would be a great asset in the role because…”
For those of you in the tech field, here is an interesting candidate coaching session for
software engineers conducted by Google
Main Photo Credit: Unhindered by Talent

Ready to ace your next job interview and land your dream job?Take your
preparation to the next level with Big Interview, our training/practice software that will
have you conquering tough questions and impressing employers in no time. Grab a 7-day
free trial and use ourFast Track curriculum to get immediate results
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How to Handle a New Relationship
Okay so you've wound up in a new relationship and... surprise! You don't know what to
do. Well it's easy really.
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Steps
1.
1

Take it slow. There is no reason to rush, sure you may want to have your first kiss but if
this is the start of the relationship there's plenty of time for that.
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2.
2
Don't worry if he/she doesn't hug, kiss, or hold your hand right away. They are
probably just as nervous as you are. You may have to make the first move.

3.
3
If you do have to make the first move and you are scared, don't be. Close your
eyes take a few deep breaths (not real obvious) and make your move. Reach over for
his hand, hug them, or pull there face (softly) towards yours and lean in for the big
moment.

4.
4
Keep yourself calm around the person you're dating. You don't want to seem like an
over hyper spaz.

5.
5
Don't change your personality. They should love you for who you are, and if they
don't, then they are NOT worth your time.

6.
6
Do things you both like. Don't think you can only do things he/she likes or that you can
only do things you like. The world is full of possibilities maybe even try something you've
never done before.

7.
7
Have fun. If things get boring do something new. If that doesn't work, well maybe you
just aren't the perfect match and need to split before things get to out of hand

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21 Best Tips On Making A
Long Distance Relationship
Work
COMMUNICATION RELATIONSHIPS BY KEAY NIGEL
Many people believe that long distance relationships are never going to
work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your best friends
may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your heart
broken.
Nobody says it is going to be easy — the extra distance makes many
things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you could get sad
and lonely at times. However, the extra distance also makes the simplest
things the sweetest, being able to hold the other person’s hand, eating
together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk

together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly
mean so much more in a long distance relationship.
Long distance relationship may be tough but it has its own surprises too.
To keep your love alive and strong, here are the 18 tips to make your long
distance relationship work:
1. Avoid excessive communication.
It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive. You two don’t really
have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the relationship going.
Many couples thought that they need to compensate for the distance by
doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse. Soon
you would get tired of “loving.” Remember: Less is more. It is not about
spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about
teasing at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.
2. See it as a opportunity.
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” –
Anonymous
View it as a learning journey for the both of you. See it as a test of your
love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real gold is not afraid of
the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long distance relationship is
pulling you two apart, you should believe that through this experience,
the both of you will be bound together even stronger.

As Emma says it to Will in season four of Glee,
“I would rather be here, far from you, but feeling really close, rather than
close to you but feeling really far away.” – Emma, Glee Season 4
3. Set some ground rules to manage your
expectations.
Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of with each other
during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules so that
none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise. For
instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go on
dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each
other about all these things.
4. Try to communicate regularly, and
creatively.
Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a
must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its
happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the
game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to
time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel
loved and attended to.
5. Talk dirty with each other.

Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most important things between
couples. Sexual desire is like a glue that keeps both parties from drifting
apart. Not only is sex a biological need, it is an emotional one as well.
Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing texts filled with
sexual innuendos and provocative descriptions. Sexy puns work pretty
well too.
1. Have a goal in mind.
“What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we
going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the questions you
two need to ask yourselves. The truth is, no couple can be in a long
distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down.
So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down the
estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal. It is
important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So
that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone,
both of you are still working together in the same direction towards a
future that includes one another.
6. Avoid “dangerous” situations.
If you already know that going to the club or going drinking with your
group of friends late at night will displease your partner, then you should
either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to reassure
him/her. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your partner
is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course, very

upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels
extra powerless/lacking in control.
Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap which you,
unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your
office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past
who has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before
entering into the situation. Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your
mind too.
7. Do things together.
Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on YouTube or
Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you
plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-calling each
other. Go online-shopping together — and buy each other gifts (See #13).
You really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.
8. Do similar things.
Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and etc. to each
other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get to
have more topics in common to talk about. This is a good to create some
shared experiences even though you are living apart.
9. Make visits to each other.

Visits are the highlight of every long distance relationship. After all the
waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally get to meet each other
to fulfill all the little things like kissing, holding hands, etc. which are all
common to other couples but so very special and extra intimate for
people in long distance relationships. It will be like fireworks, glitter
bombs, confetti, rainbows and butterflies everywhere.
10. Have a goal in mind.
“What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we
going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the questions you
two need to ask yourselves. The truth is, no couple can be in a long
distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down.
So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down the
estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal. It is
important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So
that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone,
both of you are still working together in the same direction towards a
future that includes one another.
11. Enjoy your alone time and your time with
your friends and family.
You are alone but you are not lonely, unless you choose to feel like it. You
don’t have to let your world revolve around your partner — you still have
you, your friends and your family. Take this time apart to do more with

your friends and family. Go to the gym more often. Get a new hobby.
Binge-watch shows. There are plenty of things for you to do that doesn’t
involve your partner.
12. Stay honest with each other.
Talk about your feelings of fear, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever.
If you try to hide anything from your partner, that secret will sooner or
later swallow you up from inside out. Don’t try to deal with things all by
yourself. Be open and honest with each other. Let your partner help you
and give you the support you need. it’s better to look at the problem
during its initial stage than to only disclose it when it’s all too late.
13. Know each other’s schedules.
It’s helpful to know when the other person is busy and when he/she is
free, so that you can drop a text or make a call at the right time. You
wouldn’t want to disturb your partner when he/she is in the middle of
class or halfway through a business meeting. Know the small and big
events that are taking place or will take place in each other’s life e.g.
college mid-terms and exams, important business trips and meetings,
job interviews and etc. This is especially essential when the both of you
are living in different time zones.
14. Keep track of each other’s social media
activities.

Like each other’s photos on Facebook and Instagram. Tweet each other.
Tag each other. Share things on each other’s walls. Show that you care.
Be cool about stalking each other.
15. Gift a personal object for the other person
to hold on to.
There is power in a memento. Be it a small pendent, a ring, a keychain, a
CD of songs and videos, or a bottle of fragrance. We often attach
meanings to the little things and items found in our everyday life,
whether knowingly or not. This is what we all do — we try to store
memories in physical things, in hope that when our mind fails us, we can
look or hold on to something that will help us remember. This is why
something so simple can mean so much to a person, when others may
see little or no value in it.
16. Get a good messaging app.
This is extremely important because texting is the most frequent and
common way of communication the two of you have. You need a good
messaging app on your phones that allow interactions beyond just words
and emoticons.
Personally, I use this messaging app called LINE. I find it highly effective
because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are
free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to
download extra stickers of different themes (e.g. Hello Kitty, Pokemon,

Snoopy, MARVEL and etc.) at a low price. From time to time, the app
also gives out free sticker sets for different promotions. This messaging
app is cute and easy to learn to use.
17. Snail-mail it!
Mail each other postcards and hand-written love letters. Send each other
gifts across the globe from time to time. Flower deliveries on birthdays,
anniversaries and Valentine’s Day. Shop online and surprise each other
with cool T-shirts, sexy underwears and such.
18. Stay positive.
You need to be constantly injecting positive energy into the long distance
relationship to keep it alive. Yes, the waiting can be painful and you can
sometimes feel lonesome but you need to remind yourself that the fruits
at the end will be sweet as heaven. One good trick to staying positive is to
be grateful all the time. Be thankful that you have someone to love —
someone who also loves you back. Be thankful for the little things, like
the hand-made letter that arrived safely in your mailbox the other day.
Be thankful for each other’s health and safety.
19. Keep each other updated on each other’s
friends and family.
Because gossips and scandals are always the best things to go on and on
about.

20. Video-call whenever possible.
Because looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices
can make everything feel alright again.
21. Give each other pet names.
Because it’s cute. It keeps the lovey-dovey going.
How to Deal With Long Distance
Relationships
Long distance relationships can be very difficult, especially at the start. It can be very
annoying when you love someone but you're separated by distance. They can put strain
on your life, test your commitment with your partner and they can determine whether
you really do have the patience to make it work. But, always remember couples in long
distance always have a strong communication and trust, providing a stable foundation
for a happy, long lasting relationship.
Ad
Steps

1.
1
Come to terms with your new relationship. Whether your partner has to move away
due to work or whether it's a new relationship that has formed via the internet, you need
to realize that you are separated by distance, for now. Take some time to reflect upon
this. The most difficult thing to deal with is the fact you can't see them. This is something
that might hurt, especially if it's a new relationship and you want to go out and spend
time with them. But you need to come to terms with this fact, otherwise your relationship
won't make progress and you'll end up being unhappy.
Ad

2.
2
Accept what you have. If you love your partner just be thankful at the fact that you
have them, even if they aren't 'with' you right now. Be thankful that you have a
relationship with strong communication foundations and that you have someone special
in your life.

3.
3
Communication. Talk to the people that you're close too, including your friends and
family. Let them know your situation and how you're feeling. It's important to always be
open and honest with your partner, the key to having a happy relationship is a good
communication bond between the two of you.

4.
4
Establish a stable method of communication. Although it might not sound like much,
but it can be extremely difficult at first to work out how you're going to have a healthy
form of communication. Whether its Skype webcam calls, a games console headset or
a simple phone call, its important to find out the best ways that you can talk. Plan out
when will be the best time, are you and your partner in different time zones? Will your
partner have to take time out for hobbies or work? Things like this should be considered
and discussed.

5.
5
Have fun. There's no point being in an unhappy relationship, you can't change the
distance, but it doesn't mean that the both of you can't have fun. Watch some TV
together (you could stick your favourite tv program or film on at the same time and
watch it "together"), make inside jokes between you, play games, take up hobbies
together, the list is endless. Just don't let the fact that you're not with each other in
person stop you both from getting the most out of a relationship. You don't have to be
sat right next to them to watch TV with them. You don't have to be eating at the same

dinner table to have dinner together. And you certainly don't have to be standing right
next to them to have fun.
6.
6
Be optimistic. Although it is normal for everyone to have their "down days" try not to let
the distance get to you. It may be hard if you miss them, but telling them how you feel
and letting it out might make it a whole lot better. Always look on the positive side, at
least if your partner isn't right next to you 24/7 you don't have to put up with their
annoying habits and you get some time to yourself. Just remember, long distance

relationships are what you make of them - if you make it like a "normal" relationship
then it will be a "normal" relationship where you both participate in day to day couple
activities.
7.
7
Don't let other people decide for you. Although it might be helpful to let other people
give their advice every now and then, remember not to let other people control your
relationship. A long distance relationship is no different to any other relationship, would
you let people tell you what to do then? Don't be put off by what other people say, do

what you feel is right. If it makes you and your partner happy talking every night on
Skype then do it. Don't let other people spoil it for you, and certainly don't let other
people get you down about it. Chances are they've never experienced a long distance
relationship before, so they don't really know what's going on.
8.
8
Get online. A good thing for couples struggling in a long distance relationship to do is to
get online and do some "research". Look up some articles for helpful tips that may
improve your relationship. There's also many long distance relationship websites that

offer advice for couples and you might be able to chat to other couples and get advice
and tips from them.
9.
9
Make plans. Even if these plans don't go ahead, talk about your future. Where would
you like to visit with your partner and what would you like to do when you're there?
Talking about the future can break the distance and make you feel more positive that
the relationship is heading somewhere. Also, its important to plan to see your partner,
especially if its for the first time.

10.https://creative.adobe.com/join/photography
10
Regularly see each other. Visiting each other as much as possible makes the whole
situation better. Being able to spend some quality time in person with your partner is
one of the best things in a long distance relationship. Just think, you can look forward to
seeing them and it makes the time when you're together more special. Make sure that
when you see each other you go out and visit places and do things together

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