The document provides guidance for coping with grief and loss during the holidays. It suggests leaning into grief rather than suppressing it, and gives permission to feel sad or withdraw from typical celebrations. It offers ideas for honoring loved ones through new traditions or memories. The overall message is that grief will impact holidays, but planning and self-care can help one cope in a way that feels right for their personal grieving process.

1. Jeannie Crowe, MSW
Katherine Murray, MDiv
Hancock Regional Hospice
[kmurray@hancockregional.org]

2.  Societal/familial expectations
 Celebrations – gaiety – joy = BIG FAT LIE
 Sad is sadder, lonely is lonelier
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

3.  Lean into the grief – don’t bottle it up
 Grieving is the way to lose the pain (grief is the
internal feeling – mourning is the external
expression)
 Tears must be shed – all of them.
 Go ahead…be irritable with happy people
 Pretending is exhausting
 Right now, it IS all about You!
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

4.  Plan A/ Plan B –
 Go vs. Don’t go, when to decide/ how to decline
 Cancel it
 Yes. You. Can.
 Do it differently
 This is the time to give up the old and start new
traditions.
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

5.  Holiday emotions – on a rollercoaster
 Feeling “out of sync” with the rest of the
world
 Where’s my faith this year?
 I need a quieter holiday
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

6.  Can’t focus on anything but your loved one's
death
 Feel guilty or blame yourself
 Believe that you did something wrong or feel
could have prevented the death
 Feel as if life isn't worth living
 Have lost your sense of purpose in life
Wish you had died along with your loved one
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

7.  Be gentle with yourself
 Give yourself permission to ask for help
 Let yourself feel what you feel, when you
feel it
 Care for your physical self: Eat well, get
enough sleep, stay active
 Choose a “listening friend” to help support
you through the holidays
 Spend a few minutes at the end of each day
reflecting on the high points and low points
of each day (and journal if you feel so led)
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

8.  This is the year to lighten up on your
expectations of yourself
 Do less, relax more
 Choose to be around people who support and
love you
 Buy everyone the same gift (book, wine,
candles, etc.)
 Shop online to avoid crowds (unless you
enjoy crowds)
 Schedule plenty of time for space in your
day, and let folks know some commitments
might be “maybes”
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

9.  Share memories of your loved one with
others
 Use your loved one’s name
 Remember his or her favorite traditions
 Journal about your feelings
Write a letter to relatives telling a favorite
story of holidays past
 Invite family members to share favorite
holiday memories
 Feel free to share what you feel, when you
feel it, in the way it feels right to you…
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

10. Some people find comfort in starting a new
tradition that honors their loved one. Here
are a few ideas:
 Cook a new recipe (or let your sibling or in-law
cook it)
 Visit a place your loved one enjoyed
 Watch your loved one’s favorite holiday
movie with your family or friends
 Plan a toast at your holiday dinner to
remember and celebrate your loved one
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

11.  Realize that this holiday may be different for
you than others have been, and that’s okay
 Think about what the holiday means to you
this year
 What practices nourish your feelings about
celebration? Maybe as simple as lighting a
candle, listening to a choir, enjoying a
Christmas cookie, writing a Christmas note to
your loved one
 Take time to pray, meditate, exercise, sing,
or listen to music that speaks to your sense
of what the holiday is all about
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]

12.  Holidays are difficult but planning can help
 Give yourself permission to say No to
anything you don’t feel up to (shopping,
large gatherings, etc)
 Choose to celebrate the holiday your way
and still be where you are in your grief
 Including your loved one in the holiday is
important—sharing stories, remembering,
and participating in traditions they loved
 Reach out if you’re concerned about the
depth of your grief (to us here at Hospice, to
your minister, or a grief counselor)
Hancock Regional Hospice [kmurray@hancockregional.org]