This document contains a collection of humorous quotes by various comedians, writers and politicians on topics like marriage, doctors, lawyers, success, failure and more. The quotes provide amusing perspectives and observations about everyday life.

1. FUNNY QUOTES PPP BY MAGAFIR

3. There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.--Will Rogers

4. "Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?"--- Kelvin Throop

5. "My wife dresses to kill; She cooks the same way."--Henry Youngman

7. "The only difference between doctors and lawyers is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you, too."-Anton Chekhov

9. "An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."-- Agatha Christie

10. "Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them."-- Dick Van Dyke

11. "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend."-- Zenna Schaffer

13. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.--Gilbert K. Chesterton In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.--Rodney Dangerfield The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.--Joan Rivers Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.--H.L.Mencken

14. I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.--Henny Youngman "Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears." "Don't answer!"--Henny Youngman A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."--Henny Youngman

15. If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.--Milton Berle My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.--Rossanne Barr A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.--Jack Benny Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella--Mae West

19. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.--George W. Bush Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.--Lilly Tomlin The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning.--Adlai Stevenson He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.--George Bernard Shaw

20. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.--Napoleon Bonaparte Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.--Will Rogers Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.--Ambrose Bierce "When I gave food to the poor, they called me a saint. When I asked why the poor were hungry, they called me a communist."--D.H.Camara

30. THANKS A LOT--MAGAFIR