The document humorously outlines a series of unrealistic and self-deprecating statements that founders might make regarding their startups. These include exaggerated claims about competition, financial projections, team quality, and marketing strategies. It concludes with links to further engagement with the speaker, Chris Yeh.

1. FOUNDER NON-ADMISSIONS THINGS A FOUNDER WILL NEVER SAY Presented by

2. UNIQUENESS “WE HAVE NO COMPETITION ASIDE FROM THE 5 OTHER COMPANIES IN OUR BUILDING”

3. HARMONY “MY CO-FOUNDERS ARE LIKE FAMILY… THE MENENDEZ FAMILY”

4. COMMITMENT “WE’RE IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL, UNLESS WE CAN GET RICH QUICK WITHOUT HAVING TO BUILD A REAL BUSINESS”

5. REALISM “OUR FINANCIAL PROJECTIONS ARE CAREFULLY CALCULATED TO BE EXACTLY 700% TOO HIGH”

6. HUMILITY “I’LL BE HAPPY TO STEP DOWN AS CEO ONCE YOU CONVINCE STEVE JOBS TO QUIT APPLE AND TAKE THE JOB”

7. EXPERIENCE “I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT SALES, BUT I READ A GREAT POST ABOUT IT ON HACKER NEWS YESTERDAY”

8. CONSISTENCY “ WE’RE ALL ABOUT REAL-TIME, JUST LIKE WE WERE ALL ABOUT THE iPHONE LAST QUARTER, AND FACEBOOK APPS BEFORE THAT”

9. RECRUITING “MY TEAM IS PRETTY WEAK, BUT ALL MY FRIENDS WHO ARE ANY GOOD ALREADY STARTED THEIR OWN COMPANIES”

10. SELECTIVITY “I REACHED OUT TO YOU BECAUSE YOUR PORTFOLIO SHOWS THAT YOU ARE ABOUT AS SELECTIVE AS PARIS HILTON”

11. PREPAREDNESS “OUR MARKETING PLAN IS TO PRAY FOR TECHCRUNCH COVERAGE”

12. If you enjoyed this presentation, here are other places to enjoy the wit and wisdom of Chris Yeh: Blogs http:// www.AskTheHarvardMBA.com http://chrisyeh.blogspot.com Twitter http://twitter.com/chrisyeh