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ESHRE Patients Session 2015
- 1. Karoline Steckley International Communications karoline@steckleykorenpr.com mob.+ 39 349 8666 667 Missing the Fertility train? Italian Lifestyle, social structure, economy and how the country that loves kids is making it difficult to have them (and impossible to talk about it) Karoline Jeane Steckley Freelance Consultant, International Communications IVF Success Story, Can’t keep a secret Trieste, Italy Shhhhhhhh! Can’t stay long. Don’t mind me! Just pretend I’m not here! Don’t tell anyone you saw me here, ok?!
- 2. Conflict of Interest Ideclare I have no commercial or financial interests pertaining to the subject of this presentation or its content. Oh please! Get to the Point!
- 3. COMPARING MY SITUATIONIN ITALY WITH MY AMERICAN EXPERIENCE Who are you to talk about the Italians? Finish high school Move out of parents’ home Finish university and graduate school Start working Ready to begin thinking about kids Ready to begin thinking about (maybe) buying a home Work while studying Start a stable job Buy home Finish high school Finish university Ready to begin thinking about kids Move out of parents’ home 18 19 19 27 25 25 40’s 50’s 30 26 35 32 32
- 4. Obstacles along theway: lose job Result: •Move back to parents’ house (temporarily) •Socially unacceptable situation •Humiliation. •Unhappy parents. Solution: •Find another job or two. •Anything to get out of the house! Never get a job / Work for too little money to be independent Result: •Understanding parents •Socially acceptable Solution: •Keep looking •Stay at home longer
- 5. Expectations •University degree isa priority •I will change jobs and sectors many times in my life •There is never a perfect time to have kids •I may never own my own home and that is okay •University degree important for some •I hope to work in the same company until i retire •I must 1. Find a permanent job 2. Buy an apartment 3. Find a partner 4. Have children In that order Stop stereotyping, Karoline
- 6. Pizza, an IVFstory True Story Don’t get her started!!
- 7. So, Iwas outhaving pizza with some friends one night… Are you gonna finish all that? aThis talk is making me HUNGRY!
- 8. …When i realizedsomething peculiar The Suspense is killing me!
- 9. Five out ofthe eight women at the table Had gone through ivf ? ? 1% IUD YES! Me too! IVF IVF IVF IVF IVF
- 10. Then i thoughtabout the kids’ table ME Hmmm... the kids’table… How does that shake up?
- 11. The kids’ tablelooked like this Old-fashioned JUST CHEESE Adopted IVF with egg donor Old-fashioned Old-fashioned IVFIVF with egg donor
- 12. AND THEN ITHOUGHT! ME These girls are going to kill me! I CAN TOTALLY TALK ABOUT THIS AT ESHRE!
- 13. I know aboutall of them They do not all know that I know They do not all know that anyone else knows Some of their mothers do not even know So at the table the subject never came up But it was there… ME It’s complicated Keeping these secrets in order is Exhausting!! What if someone finds out? IVF IVF IVF IVF IVF
- 14. I know thatbecause the next day I received a very stern phone call: ME I must do something to protect this secret! She is going to tell somebody I just know it! GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT
- 15. I FELT TERRIBLEFOR A WHILE Then I learned some lessons from the Pizza Table • There are lots of us carrying around infertility baggage •Infertility is often suffered in silence , isolation, and SHAME •Our situation, feelings, and treatment are taboo There is huge potential for support if we can find a way to talk more openly So I started talking about it with my friends And I discovered some of the beliefs that fed our silence: Why can’t we talk about this more openly? I am a terrible person Guilt People have lots of babies in Italy If you can’t get pregnant you probably don’t want it bad enough/ are thinking about it too much/work too much, etc. My sister/friend/sister-in-law went through it and she talked too much about it and always wanted to be the center of attention! Having fertility treatment means you fail as a person If you wait too long to have babies you are selfish Even dumb people can have kids, why can’t I?
- 16. SOME INFO ABOUTTHE WOMEN AT THE TABLE They are pro-active. They use the internet to get information. They still can’t believe that THEY had problems with infertility. They know a lot about all aspects of treatment. They changed doctors and clinics many times. Their partners’ attitudes condition their willingness (or not) to talk about their situation. They confide in one person at a time.
- 17. They all vowed theywould never do IVF...
- 18. And then changedtheir minds IVF IVFIVF IVF IVF YES! Me too!
- 19. Sometimes it worked. Sometimesit didn’t.
- 20. For some peopleit didn’t work. And then it did. JUST CHEESE IVF with egg donor IVFIVF with egg donor
- 21. CAN I TELLYOU A REALLY IMPORTANT SECRET? PROMISE TO HELP ME TELL EVERYONE?
- 22. THERE IS NOSUCH THING AS A FERTILITY TRAIN
- 23. WHY DON’T WEMISS THIS TRAIN INSTEAD? SHAME TRAIN EMBARASSMENT WHAT WILL THEY SAY? SADNESS & WAITING MY REPUTATION THAT MEAN VOICE IN OUR HEADS Ciao!Ciao!
- 24. LET’S TALK ABOUTIT OVER PIZZA THANK YOU! Karoline Steckley International Communications karoline@steckleykorenpr.com mob. + 39 349 8666 667