The district writing assessment focuses on students' effective use of elaborative techniques to support evidence from sources. The standard emphasizes using comprehensive, relevant, and concrete evidence that is smoothly integrated. However, the sample student writing only briefly mentions cosmic rays causing cancer cells without further elaboration. To improve, the student could further explain how cancer is a deadly disease and elaborate on why cosmic rays pose a health risk, providing strong support for the claim that they are a good reason not to travel to Mars.

1. District Writing Assessment Focus
Elaboration of the Evidence
“Our Weak Point, Our Achilles Heel”

2. The Standard
Effective use of a variety of
elaborative techniques
• Effective use of a variety of elaborative
techniques
• Use of evidence from sources is smoothly
integrated, comprehensive, relevant and
concrete

3. Student Writing
The last evidence for why I
don’t think people should travel to
Mars is because of cosmic rays.
The cosmic radiation from the
cosmic rays turns your cells into
cancer cells, which gives you
cancer.

4. The last evidence for why I don’t think people should travel
to Mars is because of cosmic rays. The cosmic radiation
from the cosmic rays turns your cells into cancer cells,
which gives you cancer.
Elaborating
Cancer is a disease that can kill you. Generally people
will avoid places that have dangers that can cause
certain death.
Linking it back to the claim
Therefore, cosmic rays are definitely a good reason to
definitely a good reason to
not travel to Mars.
Mars.