This document provides suggestions for helping middle schoolers cope with a tragic event or crisis. Parents should discuss their concerns with their child, listen to understand their emotions, and offer healthy ways for them to take action. It is important to maintain normal routines to reassure children and provide distraction, while also taking care of one's own mental health. Honesty, patience and support can help children learn to cope.

1. Houston County Middle School
www.houstoncountymiddleschool.com
Talking to children
about crisis
When tragedy strikes, it can be hard to handle.
Like everyone else, middle graders struggle to
understand why an event happened. They also
want to know how it will affect their daily lives.
Here are some suggestions for helping your
middle schooler cope with a tragic event.
Talk about Listen
the tragedy Keep a ready ear and an open mind
for whatever your child wishes to say
Discuss your concerns as soon as about the crisis. Provide words such as
possible. Don’t wait for your child to “afraid,” “angry,” “sad,” and “guilty”
mention the subject. It’s healthy for to help your middle grader express his
him to see your interest and response. emotions.
Talking about the situation will not Try to remain calm if your child
increase his fear—but avoiding it may expresses ideas that seem inappropri-
Offer action
cause him to keep quiet about his own ate. As an adult, try to step back and It’s understandable for middle
worries. take a few deep breaths. Then, ask your graders to feel angry during a crisis.
Although it’s important for your child if he understands the importance Chances are, many parents are expe-
middle grader to share his feelings and of the situation. Explain the difference riencing the same emotion. After all,
reactions, remember that children may between the fantasy violence of movies anger is a normal response to a tragedy.
respond in different ways. Some will and television and the pain and suffering The important thing is to find ways to
want to voice their reaction immediate- of violent acts in real life. deal with these painful feelings.
ly. Others may take some time before Also, listen for One way is to turn anger into a
they mention anything. Whatever clues that your healthy response. Example: Send a letter
your tween’s response, try tween is angry. of support for the victims to your local
to be patient. Making These include newspaper. If your tween expresses a
sure youngsters sudden out- desire to “do something” about the
feel comfortable bursts, sad- situation, suggest ways she can help.
discussing their ness, conflicts Perhaps she could collect donations
concerns is at school, and for the victims or volunteer at a relief
crucial to complaints of organization. Your child needs to find
how well stomach pains healthy and appropriate ways to deal
they handle and headaches. with her emotions.
a situation.
continued
Middle Years
© 2012 Resources for Educators, a division of CCH Incorporated

2. Talking to children about crisis Page 2
Maintain routines Take care of yourself
A local or national crisis often Parents tend to focus on the security
interrupts everyday life. For your mid- of their children during severe times.
dle grader’s peace of mind, try to get But it’s also important for parents to
back to a normal routine as soon make sure they’re handling the situa-
as possible. Resume the same tion in a healthy manner. Coping can
school and home schedules include talks with friends and relatives,
you had before the event. taking a personal day at work, exer-
Doing this can help reas- cising, or enjoying a favorite hobby.
sure your child and Stress can cause you to feel unusually
provide a welcome impatient. It may also disrupt
distraction from the sleeping and eating
situation at hand. habits. Sometimes
Limit exposure to it’s necessary to
news coverage of an see a counselor
event to normal levels. to discuss the
Being curious about a tragedy is nor- situation. Other
mal. But too much exposure can be times, a little
unhealthy for a youngster. distraction
The same goes for parents. If your might help. Do
Be honest middle grader sees you glued to the you like to do
television each evening, chances are crossword puzzles? How about bowling?
Try to answer questions honestly.
she will want to watch, too. For the Just like your middle grader, you should
Lies and half-truths won’t protect your
sake of the household, try to avoid resume your normal life as soon as pos-
tween from the pain of the moment.
dwelling on the event. sible. This will help you handle your
In fact, dishonesty may cause him to
emotions and show your tween how best
wonder why you don’t trust him with
to get on with her life.
the truth. This can damage the parent-
child relationship, which is especially Remember: Dealing with a crisis
important during this time. takes time and patience. It’s important
Try to limit your answers to specific for life at home to return to normal,
questions. It’s not necessary to provide but don’t expect your middle grader to
more detail about the event than your simply stop worrying about the event.
middle grader asks for. Too much With lots of love and support, you can
information can be overwhelming. help your child learn to cope with trau-
After a tragedy, it’s natural for your matic events.
child to wonder what will happen next.
Most adults may be wondering the
Additional resources
same thing. Truth is, you may not have ● The website of the National Association of
School Psychologists has ideas and
all the answers. As a parent, it’s okay to articles on helping children cope with crisis. nasponline.org, 866-331-NASP
admit when you’re unsure. ● A booklet from the National Institute of Mental
Instead, try to discuss what matters Health offers advice for
handling tweens’ questions and concerns. nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/
most to your middle grader — the secu- helping-children-and-adolescents-cope-with-violence-and-disasters-parents/
rity of your family. Reassure your child helping-children-and-adolescents-cope-with-violence-and-disasters-what-parents-c
that you are doing everything you can an-do.pdf,
866-615-6464
to make sure he is safe.
● The U.S. Department of Health and Human
Services has advice for parents on
reacting to their youngsters’ stress and includes resources for children who
need
extra help. samhsa.gov/MentalHealth/Tips_Talking_to_Children_After_Disaster.p
df,
877-SAMHSA-7
Middle Years
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