An essential virtue in life. Care for your loved ones.

1. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
ThisproverbappearsinEnglishliterature quiteoften,probablymore thananyotherproverbtaughtto
us at highschool or any otherinstitute. Tobe honestIam quite fascinatedwithit…mostlybecause of
the deepmeaningitinvokes.Youmighthearitmore oftenif youhappen todrop inon a funeral house
or a parlor. I have heardita loteventhoughIam onlytwentytwoyearsold. The lossof a lovedone
makesyoudreamof nothingbutthisproverb.Irecall a poemthat I learntforEnglishliterature.The
poemwas Paying Calls by ThomasHardy.Ibelieve the poetdepictsalife experience.Forsome reasons
he had lefthisbirthplace to go to the city;he probablyspentafew decadesinthe city.He must have
feltthe urge to returnto hishome-townatleastfora day to see hisoldfriends.He recordsthe great
misfortune thatbefell himinthe town,
“It was the time of midsummer
When they had used to roam;
But now, though tempting was the air,
I found them all at home.”
It seemedthoughhe recalledsome of the activitiesof the peoplewhowere once perhapsveryclose to
him.He recordshisexperience asone of utterdismay. Ratherhe wasn’texpectingwhathe saw athis
home town.The environmentwasbubblingwithjoyanditcertainlywouldgeneratetemptationsinthe
mindsof anybodyto roamaround,to inhale freshsummerbreezeandperhapsencounterpeopleand
make newfriendships.However,all hisfriendswere athome orin otherwordstheywere all restingin
theirgraves. AsI read thispoema couple of timesduringmyclass,I saw an illustratedimage of its
significance.The poemtrulyembodiesthe Englishproverb,‘absencemakesthe heartgrow fonder’.
ThomasHardy teachesus a valuable lessonthroughhisownlife experience. Itisa simple butpowerful
message.
Thisphotographontothe leftportraysmygrandfatherandone of
hisall-time favorites.He wasDonGunadasa Kalupahana,an
educatedgentlemanwhose characterwasthoroughlyfortified
withhisimmense generosity.However,quite recentlyhe
demised.Wellasfaras I was concerneditwasa boltfromthe sky.
I wasn’tat home inSri Lanka on thatparticularday. It’sneedless
to say I wasclose to him;perhapsitcouldbe an understatement.I
believethatthe youthgetattachedto the grandparentsmuch
easily. However,Ihaven’tanyregrets,butIdo feel guiltyforthe
fact I wasn’tpresentathome to have our lastconversation.
Sometimeswhenyouare close tosomeone youcare one tendsto
forgetreality;youforgetthatlife andanythingelse thatcomes
withitis mortal.Thisverymisconceptionmakesadisappointment

2. looklike acataclysmicevent.IbelieveIcouldstate thatthe demise of mygrandfatherasthe best
possible example tosubstantiatemypoint.
Howeverthisexplanationcannotbe relatedtoeverypredicament.The fastmoving,competitive
economyof todaymakesa personobligedtocommiteverypossible ounce of hisenergytothe workhe
isdoing.Thisaspectof todayis beneficence asfaras the economyisconcerned,butonthe otherhand it
isa greatmisfortune asfaras the familyisconcerned.The more one dedicatestoworkthe lesserhe will
have for hisfamily. Thisunfortunatelyisall-inclusive.
Let usassume a workingcouple,whohappenstolive withthe motherof eitherthe womanorthe man;
as theyprepare to leave the residence tobe punctual atthe work place theywouldkisstheirmotheror
mother-in-law goodbye forthe day. Late inthe eveningtheywouldreturnfromwork,andtheywould
greetthe same persontheykissedgoodbye inthe morningonlythistimebothpartiesare tiredmentally
as well asphysically.However,the oldladyfeels tirednessthe most.Why?The answercouldbe alittle
complicated;she isoldandperhapsfrail insomany aspects.Despite herage she haslivedherlife and
the humanbrain hasthe incredibleabilityof storingmemories.Occasionallymemoriescangenerate
pain.Thisis because the memoriesimplyof aneraof your life when youwere able andwhenyouhada
numerouscloselyassociatedpeoplewithwhomyouhadhadformedgreatfriendshipsoverthe years
but mostimportantlyanerawhere youwere happy;your familywasthere foryou,your childrenwere
growingbeside you,yourspouse hadalotof time tospendwiththe family.These memoriesstart
flowingoutof the greatarchivesinthe unconsciousmindwhenyouare lonely.AlbertEinsteinexplained
the theoryof Relativity;likewiseyourmindtendstoconclude thatintimesyonderlifewasmuchmore
lightandhappyrelative tothe presenttimes.Withthisconclusionthe mindandthe soul startslonging
for the timesyonder.Preciselythiscouldbe analyzedas aform of mental stressinMedicine.The three
stagesof stressoccur subsequentlyastime goesby,andthenthe final stage wouldtake itstoll onyou –
fatigue orexhaustion. Stressisanincredible phenomenonwhichhasthe abilitytoevenshortenones’
life span. Itincreasestelomericdegradationatleasttwofoldresultinginthe subsequent increasedrate
of ageing. Stresskillsyourimmunityandmakesyoususceptible tomanya disease. The summatedresult
of all these factorswouldbe anearlydeparture fromthe worldof the living.
In the present21st
centurythe ideaof a parentor some otherelderlyrelativemovinginwithhisyoung
kincouldbe relatedtothe eventwhere one purchasesanexpensive suitof furniture. Atfirstitis
precioustothe person;he treats itwiththe properchemicalsanddustsit thoroughly.However,with
the passingtime youmightlose interestinit.Thiscouldbe fueledbyyourstrenuouswork. Then,the
persontakesitfor granted;itbecomesanornamental piece.Likewise the oldkintooturnsintoa suitof
furniture. Thisisn’tanisolatedincident,butrathera predicamentwithanincrediblerate of dispersion.
Varioussocial basedresearchesprove thatalarge numberof oldparentsfeel thattheyhave beentaken
for granted.This hashad a tremendouscontributiontoincreasednumbersof homesforthe elderly. The
competitiveeconomyhoweverishardlytobe blamed;followingthe industrialrevolutionthe world
underwentadrastictransformation.Isolationismceasedtoexistwiththe gradual developmentof global
exploration.Competitioncame tobe a way of life atan international level,andsubsequentlycivilianlife
changed. Soonmoneybecame the leadingcommodityinvastlydevelopingcountries. A considerable

3. numberof eminentpoetswrote aboutthe horrificaftermathof the Industrial Revolution.Theysawthe
oldworldburnin the firesof industryandgreed;theysaw the vast greenmeadows disappearwiththe
emergence of factories;theysawthe beautifulflowerbedsdyingasthe air became toxic;most
importantlytheysawthe demise of tranquilityand humanvalues. The consequenceswere severe even
thoughwe are yetto experience some of the horrificaftermathsof the transformationthatwasthe
Industrial Revolution(inregardtoglobal warming);butthatisanothermatterfor anothertime.Along
withthe oldworldthe ancientkingdomstoostartedtheirgradual decline.However,the commendable
fact isthe developmentof Science andall its’grandsub-divisions;medicine,Nano-technology…etc. In
spite of all the good aspectsof thisracy developmentof the 21st
centurythe toll on the humanitywas
one of dismay.
In Medieval Europe,the power thatwasonce centralizedwasdistributedamongthe powerful and
wealthylandlordswhoclaimedtobe noblemen.However,duringRestorationinthe 17th
centurythe
powerwasonce againcentralizedandpropermonarchywasrestored.Thisindeedlayseedtothe
GoldenEra of manya EuropeanNation. In1660 whenKingCharlesthe Secondissuedthe Declarationof
Bredathe people acceptedthe factthatthe time formonarchy hascome back.Thus, the torture and
corruptionof the Medieval Era hadcome to an end.
However,in1760, at the dawn of the Industrial Revolutionmanyascholarwitnessedthe preparationof
the foundationtoan unfortunate erathatwouldtake its’toll almostacenturyor solaterin the 19th
and
the 20th
centuries.The general populationwaslosingthe interestinbooksandthe essence of
democracywas beingdeveloped. The people whoreadthe booksdevelopedanimpeccable capacityfor
conceptsand dreams;these veryconceptsandtheorieswereputtothe testand theyledto great
inventions. Hence the sciencesdeveloped,butunderneaththisdevelopment peoplerealizedtheywere
alsocapable of revolutions.Thisledtogreatunrestinthe world,tensionsdevelopedbetweennations.
The once secure Europeannationswere nolongersecured;warwasonthe horizonfor everycountry.
The once loyal,obedientsubjectsnowcommittedregicide andbrutallyeliminatedtheirsovereigns. The
gradual emergence of democraticnationswasseenatthe endof the Industrial Revolution. People
neededanddesiredfreedom. Well,freedomisaverycomplex word;of course itisessential tomankind.
However,freedomattimescouldhave the unintendedconsequences.Democracydictatesthe
importance of freedomof speech,butitfailstospeakof a limitforthisfreedom. Thisasa matterof fact
has givenpeoplethe righttoquestionoreventauntat people whoare meanttobe givenrespect.
Teachersand parentscan be takenas the bestpossible examples;boththese partiesare experiencing
the unfortunate declineof appreciationof theirduties. We have heardcountlessaccountsonchild
disobedienceandhowtheydespise theireldersattimes. The same predicamentisoftenpresentinthe
school environment;studentsfearlesslystandagainstthe authorityof theirwardenor the
administrationandsuchpeople oftenendupbeingthe role modelsof the youngergenerations.Thisin
fact isapocalypticbecause the childhooddisobedience isoftencarriedforwardasthe childgrows,and
eventuallyhe couldendupina positionwhichhe wouldultimatelyregret. Freedomcanbe relatedtoa
spontaneousreaction.Molecularchemistrydictatesthataspontaneousreactionhasahighlevel of
entropy;the termentropystatesaboutthe level oramountof disorderina particularsystemor
reaction.A childgrowingupwithcomplete freedomcouldbe anequivalenttoaspontaneousreaction;

4. there are hardlyany restrictions. It’salmostasif the childisgrowingspontaneouslyinall aspects
withoutproperguidance. Thus,the entropycouldbe tremendous. There could be numerousdetours
throughoutthe course of his growthand perhapshe could evenbe drivenastrayby the mistakeshe
makes. Todaythe appropriate environmenthasbeenpreparedformanya childtogo astray. The media
networkinghasbeeninstrumentalinthiscause;the internetcomprisesacountlessnumberof
inappropriate websiteswhichare capable of arousingtemptationinthe mindsof the youthwhoaccess
them.Most of these create an enmityinthe mind,one thatisdirectedat any adultwho issensible
enoughtogive any sortof advice regardingthe horrificaftermathsof these socalleddetours.Today
thousandsof teenagersworldwide have issueswiththeirparents.These issuesoftendrivethemaway
fromhome.Some evengoto the extentof forgettingtheirparents.
Usuallyparentsof the middle andlowerclassesundergoenormousamountsof pressureandpainto
raise theirchildren;despite the adverse economicconditionstheysacrifice alotto make sure their
childrenovercome the hardshipsof life andascendthe social ladderinordertobe ina higherpositionin
society.Mostimportantlythese particularparentsalwaysstrive ashardas theycouldto offerabetter
childhoodtotheirchildren;achildhoodbetterthanthe one theyhad. However,thissometimesasksa
lotfrom the parents;sacrifices.Occasionallyone comesacrossacouple of parentswholiterallydump
theirkidsdue to theirinabilitytomake the necessarysacrifices. The stereotypicview of the
contemporarychildrenisprobablyresponsible forthis. We have seenandheardof several instances
where the youthungratefullysendtheirparentstofacilities. Theirinvolvementinthe highlycompetitive
societyhasperhapscompelledthemtogive upontheirparents;theirresponsibilities,takingcare of
theirparentswhentheirfacultiesgrowfrail withage.Caringforthemisprobablythe leastpossible
gratitude thatcan be shownforraisingsomebody.These examplesinfluence the youngcoupleswhoare
planningtohave a biological child,hence the hastydecisiontoabortthe fetusor evendumpingthe
newlyborninfant.
However,ashumanbeingswe have inheritedthe unique abilitytolookbackat our ownindividual lives.
Thisusuallyoccursduringoldage,whena person has muchtime to thinkaboutlife,the wayhe had
spentitand aboutall the mishaps. Sometimespeoplesufferemotionallyastheyregretfortheirwrong
doingsinthe past.
A childwhodeliberatelyignoredhisparentsprobablydue tothe busyscheduleor a disagreementwould
definitelyremembertheminthe eventof theirdemise.Infacttheytendto cry the most.An eminent
Britishpoetexpressesthisastrumpetingtheirgrief;it’sthe presentation,acombinationof make believe
grief andgenuine regrets.Theyendeavortopretendtheirgreatlossbutinfact it isa greatlossfor them
as deepdownintheirheartstheyregretforall the negligence,the sharpwordstheyhadusedagainst
themand evencommittingthemtofacilities. However,atthispointthe regretistoopainful because it
istoo late;theyare nolongeramongthe living. Sometimesthe waymostgrandparentsare being
treatedtodaygivesme conceptof relatingthemtosuitof furniture.Boththe suitof furniture andthe
grandparentare beingtakenforgranted,theycouldbe pricelessandone duststhemregularlybutdoes
so onlyoutof the obligationof keepingacleanhouse andevenuse ittogloat yourimmense successin
life. However,there isone important difference;inthe eventof theirdeteriorationthe suitof furniture
despite the costisreplaceable whereasthe grandparentisnot replaceable. Once youlose themthey

5. couldneverbe replacedwithamonument,oranyothermaterial youcouldpurchase.Thenone tendsto
comprehendthe realityof the proverb:‘Absence makesthe heartgrow fonder.’
Deathis inevitable;we all have toface thisreality.The demise of alovedone isalwaysone of immense
pain,butwhenyouhave the knowledge thatyoutreatedthe personthe wayhe was supposedtobe
treated,iteasesthe painat leasta little fractionof it,because yourconscience isn’tone of guilt.
By: VisithDantanarayana