As summer winds down and everyone starts bracing themselves for another tax season, Email Stopwatch (http://emailstopwatch.com) has got a way to keep things fun in your firm... prepare yourself for the top 77 best accounting jokes.
Warning: this list contains 77 very NERDY jokes. Do not share this article with any non-accountants because they will roll their eyes and make fun of you…
This list includes tax jokes, accountant jokes, jokes about accounting, actuary jokes and humor that will have you rolling on the floor.
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Kế toán tiêu thụ thành phẩm và xác định kết quả tiêu thụ thành phẩmHọc kế toán thực tế
Kế toán tiêu thụ thành phẩm và xác định kết quả tiêu thụ thành phẩm. Tham khảo tài liệu kế toán, báo cáo tốt nghiệp kế toán tại http://tintucketoan.com
Nhận viết luận văn đại học, thạc sĩ trọn gói, chất lượng, LH ZALO=>0909232620
Tham khảo dịch vụ, bảng giá tại: https://vietbaitotnghiep.com/dich-vu-viet-thue-luan-van
Download luận văn đồ án tốt nghiệp với đề tài: Hoàn thiện kế toán bán hàng và xác định kết quả kinh doanh trong doanh nghiệp thương mại, cho các bạn tham khảo
Nhận viết luận văn Đại học , thạc sĩ - Zalo: 0917.193.864
Tham khảo bảng giá dịch vụ viết bài tại: vietbaocaothuctap.net
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Kế toán tiêu thụ thành phẩm và xác định kết quả tiêu thụ thành phẩmHọc kế toán thực tế
Kế toán tiêu thụ thành phẩm và xác định kết quả tiêu thụ thành phẩm. Tham khảo tài liệu kế toán, báo cáo tốt nghiệp kế toán tại http://tintucketoan.com
A Power Point Presentation of some jokes for students. To motivate students in reading and learning English. Humor is good for health. Please download for oral reading of the jokes. Done by Bro. Oh Teik Bin, Lower Perak Buddhist association, Teluk Intan, Malaysia.
Did you know modern statistics state that you have 60 seconds or less to capture your audience’s attention?
You’ve might have heard it before, but maybe not in terms of presentations. It’s crucial to understand the importance of grasping an audience’s attention in the first moments of a talk. Your opening lines set the tone for your overall performance, so a great opener will prepare and intrigue the audience and ensure that your message is effectively received.
So, how do you enchant an audience right off the bat?
Here are 5 methods that we have found work the best for beginning a presentation.
A Power Point Presentation of 10 Selected Jokes with 10 Reflections on the Lessons one can learn from the jokes. Can be used as a motivational English Lesson.
Seven Sins, Seven Jokes, and Seven Riddles is a collection of the best phrases in the project management life. The riddles are taken from the book Math Puzzles for MBAs by Igor Kokcharov. The book features a collection of challenging math puzzles that people with masters of business administration degrees, project managers, and entrepreneurs encounter in real life. The book includes the following topics: Business (Scope), Money (Cost), Time (Scheduling), Risk, and People (Project Resources).
20 Effective Interview Questions for Accounting and Finance ProfessionalsRobert Half
Conducting a successful interview relies on large part on asking the right questions. Read our list of 20 essential interview questions to use when hiring accounting and finance professionals. Get more hiring and management tips on the Robert Half Finance & Accounting blog at https://www.roberthalf.com/finance/blog.
When he found the wise man at the hut, he
asked, "Wise man, can you tell me the secret to becoming
successful in life?" The wise man was silent for a
while. After a moment of silence, the wise man led the
young lad to a nearby river.
As a movie director, I am often asked about the process of creating an indie film. It's a journey of passion, perseverance, and planning, and today, I'm going to take you through it.
Skeem Saam in June 2024 available on ForumIsaac More
Monday, June 3, 2024 - Episode 241: Sergeant Rathebe nabs a top scammer in Turfloop. Meikie is furious at her uncle's reaction to the truth about Ntswaki.
Tuesday, June 4, 2024 - Episode 242: Babeile uncovers the truth behind Rathebe’s latest actions. Leeto's announcement shocks his employees, and Ntswaki’s ordeal haunts her family.
Wednesday, June 5, 2024 - Episode 243: Rathebe blocks Babeile from investigating further. Melita warns Eunice to stay clear of Mr. Kgomo.
Thursday, June 6, 2024 - Episode 244: Tbose surrenders to the police while an intruder meddles in his affairs. Rathebe's secret mission faces a setback.
Friday, June 7, 2024 - Episode 245: Rathebe’s antics reach Kganyago. Tbose dodges a bullet, but a nightmare looms. Mr. Kgomo accuses Melita of witchcraft.
Monday, June 10, 2024 - Episode 246: Ntswaki struggles on her first day back at school. Babeile is stunned by Rathebe’s romance with Bullet Mabuza.
Tuesday, June 11, 2024 - Episode 247: An unexpected turn halts Rathebe’s investigation. The press discovers Mr. Kgomo’s affair with a young employee.
Wednesday, June 12, 2024 - Episode 248: Rathebe chases a criminal, resorting to gunfire. Turf High is rife with tension and transfer threats.
Thursday, June 13, 2024 - Episode 249: Rathebe traps Kganyago. John warns Toby to stop harassing Ntswaki.
Friday, June 14, 2024 - Episode 250: Babeile is cleared to investigate Rathebe. Melita gains Mr. Kgomo’s trust, and Jacobeth devises a financial solution.
Monday, June 17, 2024 - Episode 251: Rathebe feels the pressure as Babeile closes in. Mr. Kgomo and Eunice clash. Jacobeth risks her safety in pursuit of Kganyago.
Tuesday, June 18, 2024 - Episode 252: Bullet Mabuza retaliates against Jacobeth. Pitsi inadvertently reveals his parents’ plans. Nkosi is shocked by Khwezi’s decision on LJ’s future.
Wednesday, June 19, 2024 - Episode 253: Jacobeth is ensnared in deceit. Evelyn is stressed over Toby’s case, and Letetswe reveals shocking academic results.
Thursday, June 20, 2024 - Episode 254: Elizabeth learns Jacobeth is in Mpumalanga. Kganyago's past is exposed, and Lehasa discovers his son is in KZN.
Friday, June 21, 2024 - Episode 255: Elizabeth confirms Jacobeth’s dubious activities in Mpumalanga. Rathebe lies about her relationship with Bullet, and Jacobeth faces theft accusations.
Monday, June 24, 2024 - Episode 256: Rathebe spies on Kganyago. Lehasa plans to retrieve his son from KZN, fearing what awaits.
Tuesday, June 25, 2024 - Episode 257: MaNtuli fears for Kwaito’s safety in Mpumalanga. Mr. Kgomo and Melita reconcile.
Wednesday, June 26, 2024 - Episode 258: Kganyago makes a bold escape. Elizabeth receives a shocking message from Kwaito. Mrs. Khoza defends her husband against scam accusations.
Thursday, June 27, 2024 - Episode 259: Babeile's skillful arrest changes the game. Tbose and Kwaito face a hostage crisis.
Friday, June 28, 2024 - Episode 260: Two women face the reality of being scammed. Turf is rocked by breaking
A Power Point Presentation of some jokes for students. To motivate students in reading and learning English. Humor is good for health. Please download for oral reading of the jokes. Done by Bro. Oh Teik Bin, Lower Perak Buddhist association, Teluk Intan, Malaysia.
Did you know modern statistics state that you have 60 seconds or less to capture your audience’s attention?
You’ve might have heard it before, but maybe not in terms of presentations. It’s crucial to understand the importance of grasping an audience’s attention in the first moments of a talk. Your opening lines set the tone for your overall performance, so a great opener will prepare and intrigue the audience and ensure that your message is effectively received.
So, how do you enchant an audience right off the bat?
Here are 5 methods that we have found work the best for beginning a presentation.
A Power Point Presentation of 10 Selected Jokes with 10 Reflections on the Lessons one can learn from the jokes. Can be used as a motivational English Lesson.
Seven Sins, Seven Jokes, and Seven Riddles is a collection of the best phrases in the project management life. The riddles are taken from the book Math Puzzles for MBAs by Igor Kokcharov. The book features a collection of challenging math puzzles that people with masters of business administration degrees, project managers, and entrepreneurs encounter in real life. The book includes the following topics: Business (Scope), Money (Cost), Time (Scheduling), Risk, and People (Project Resources).
20 Effective Interview Questions for Accounting and Finance ProfessionalsRobert Half
Conducting a successful interview relies on large part on asking the right questions. Read our list of 20 essential interview questions to use when hiring accounting and finance professionals. Get more hiring and management tips on the Robert Half Finance & Accounting blog at https://www.roberthalf.com/finance/blog.
When he found the wise man at the hut, he
asked, "Wise man, can you tell me the secret to becoming
successful in life?" The wise man was silent for a
while. After a moment of silence, the wise man led the
young lad to a nearby river.
As a movie director, I am often asked about the process of creating an indie film. It's a journey of passion, perseverance, and planning, and today, I'm going to take you through it.
Skeem Saam in June 2024 available on ForumIsaac More
Monday, June 3, 2024 - Episode 241: Sergeant Rathebe nabs a top scammer in Turfloop. Meikie is furious at her uncle's reaction to the truth about Ntswaki.
Tuesday, June 4, 2024 - Episode 242: Babeile uncovers the truth behind Rathebe’s latest actions. Leeto's announcement shocks his employees, and Ntswaki’s ordeal haunts her family.
Wednesday, June 5, 2024 - Episode 243: Rathebe blocks Babeile from investigating further. Melita warns Eunice to stay clear of Mr. Kgomo.
Thursday, June 6, 2024 - Episode 244: Tbose surrenders to the police while an intruder meddles in his affairs. Rathebe's secret mission faces a setback.
Friday, June 7, 2024 - Episode 245: Rathebe’s antics reach Kganyago. Tbose dodges a bullet, but a nightmare looms. Mr. Kgomo accuses Melita of witchcraft.
Monday, June 10, 2024 - Episode 246: Ntswaki struggles on her first day back at school. Babeile is stunned by Rathebe’s romance with Bullet Mabuza.
Tuesday, June 11, 2024 - Episode 247: An unexpected turn halts Rathebe’s investigation. The press discovers Mr. Kgomo’s affair with a young employee.
Wednesday, June 12, 2024 - Episode 248: Rathebe chases a criminal, resorting to gunfire. Turf High is rife with tension and transfer threats.
Thursday, June 13, 2024 - Episode 249: Rathebe traps Kganyago. John warns Toby to stop harassing Ntswaki.
Friday, June 14, 2024 - Episode 250: Babeile is cleared to investigate Rathebe. Melita gains Mr. Kgomo’s trust, and Jacobeth devises a financial solution.
Monday, June 17, 2024 - Episode 251: Rathebe feels the pressure as Babeile closes in. Mr. Kgomo and Eunice clash. Jacobeth risks her safety in pursuit of Kganyago.
Tuesday, June 18, 2024 - Episode 252: Bullet Mabuza retaliates against Jacobeth. Pitsi inadvertently reveals his parents’ plans. Nkosi is shocked by Khwezi’s decision on LJ’s future.
Wednesday, June 19, 2024 - Episode 253: Jacobeth is ensnared in deceit. Evelyn is stressed over Toby’s case, and Letetswe reveals shocking academic results.
Thursday, June 20, 2024 - Episode 254: Elizabeth learns Jacobeth is in Mpumalanga. Kganyago's past is exposed, and Lehasa discovers his son is in KZN.
Friday, June 21, 2024 - Episode 255: Elizabeth confirms Jacobeth’s dubious activities in Mpumalanga. Rathebe lies about her relationship with Bullet, and Jacobeth faces theft accusations.
Monday, June 24, 2024 - Episode 256: Rathebe spies on Kganyago. Lehasa plans to retrieve his son from KZN, fearing what awaits.
Tuesday, June 25, 2024 - Episode 257: MaNtuli fears for Kwaito’s safety in Mpumalanga. Mr. Kgomo and Melita reconcile.
Wednesday, June 26, 2024 - Episode 258: Kganyago makes a bold escape. Elizabeth receives a shocking message from Kwaito. Mrs. Khoza defends her husband against scam accusations.
Thursday, June 27, 2024 - Episode 259: Babeile's skillful arrest changes the game. Tbose and Kwaito face a hostage crisis.
Friday, June 28, 2024 - Episode 260: Two women face the reality of being scammed. Turf is rocked by breaking
Modern Radio Frequency Access Control Systems: The Key to Efficiency and SafetyAITIX LLC
Today's fast-paced environment worries companies of all sizes about efficiency and security. Businesses are constantly looking for new and better solutions to solve their problems, whether it's data security or facility access. RFID for access control technologies have revolutionized this.
240529_Teleprotection Global Market Report 2024.pdfMadhura TBRC
The teleprotection market size has grown
exponentially in recent years. It will grow from
$21.92 billion in 2023 to $28.11 billion in 2024 at a
compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of 28.2%. The
teleprotection market size is expected to see
exponential growth in the next few years. It will grow
to $70.77 billion in 2028 at a compound annual
growth rate (CAGR) of 26.0%.
In the vast landscape of cinema, stories have been told, retold, and reimagined in countless ways. At the heart of this narrative evolution lies the concept of a "remake". A successful remake allows us to revisit cherished tales through a fresh lens, often reflecting a different era's perspective or harnessing the power of advanced technology. Yet, the question remains, what makes a remake successful? Today, we will delve deeper into this subject, identifying the key ingredients that contribute to the success of a remake.
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From the Editor's Desk: 115th Father's day Celebration - When we see Father's day in Hindu context, Nanda Baba is the most vivid figure which comes to the mind. Nanda Baba who was the foster father of Lord Krishna is known to provide love, care and affection to Lord Krishna and Balarama along with his wife Yashoda; Letter’s to the Editor: Mother's Day - Mother is a precious life for their children. Mother is life breath for her children. Mother's lap is the world happiness whose debt can never be paid.
As a film director, I have always been awestruck by the magic of animation. Animation, a medium once considered solely for the amusement of children, has undergone a significant transformation over the years. Its evolution from a rudimentary form of entertainment to a sophisticated form of storytelling has stirred my creativity and expanded my vision, offering limitless possibilities in the realm of cinematic storytelling.
Tom Selleck Net Worth: A Comprehensive Analysisgreendigital
Over several decades, Tom Selleck, a name synonymous with charisma. From his iconic role as Thomas Magnum in the television series "Magnum, P.I." to his enduring presence in "Blue Bloods," Selleck has captivated audiences with his versatility and charm. As a result, "Tom Selleck net worth" has become a topic of great interest among fans. and financial enthusiasts alike. This article delves deep into Tom Selleck's wealth, exploring his career, assets, endorsements. and business ventures that contribute to his impressive economic standing.
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Early Life and Career Beginnings
The Foundation of Tom Selleck's Wealth
Born on January 29, 1945, in Detroit, Michigan, Tom Selleck grew up in Sherman Oaks, California. His journey towards building a large net worth began with humble origins. , Selleck pursued a business administration degree at the University of Southern California (USC) on a basketball scholarship. But, his interest shifted towards acting. leading him to study at the Hills Playhouse under Milton Katselas.
Minor roles in television and films marked Selleck's early career. He appeared in commercials and took on small parts in T.V. series such as "The Dating Game" and "Lancer." These initial steps, although modest. laid the groundwork for his future success and the growth of Tom Selleck net worth. Breakthrough with "Magnum, P.I."
The Role that Defined Tom Selleck's Career
Tom Selleck's breakthrough came with the role of Thomas Magnum in the CBS television series "Magnum, P.I." (1980-1988). This role made him a household name and boosted his net worth. The series' popularity resulted in Selleck earning large salaries. leading to financial stability and increased recognition in Hollywood.
"Magnum P.I." garnered high ratings and critical acclaim during its run. Selleck's portrayal of the charming and resourceful private investigator resonated with audiences. making him one of the most beloved television actors of the 1980s. The success of "Magnum P.I." played a pivotal role in shaping Tom Selleck net worth, establishing him as a major star.
Film Career and Diversification
Expanding Tom Selleck's Financial Portfolio
While "Magnum, P.I." was a cornerstone of Selleck's career, he did not limit himself to television. He ventured into films, further enhancing Tom Selleck net worth. His filmography includes notable movies such as "Three Men and a Baby" (1987). which became the highest-grossing film of the year, and its sequel, "Three Men and a Little Lady" (1990). These box office successes contributed to his wealth.
Selleck's versatility allowed him to transition between genres. from comedies like "Mr. Baseball" (1992) to westerns such as "Quigley Down Under" (1990). This diversification showcased his acting range. and provided many income streams, reinforcing Tom Selleck net worth.
Television Resurgence with "Blue Bloods"
Sustaining Wealth through Consistent Success
In 2010, Tom Selleck began starring as Frank Reagan i
Young Tom Selleck: A Journey Through His Early Years and Rise to Stardomgreendigital
Introduction
When one thinks of Hollywood legends, Tom Selleck is a name that comes to mind. Known for his charming smile, rugged good looks. and the iconic mustache that has become synonymous with his persona. Tom Selleck has had a prolific career spanning decades. But, the journey of young Tom Selleck, from his early years to becoming a household name. is a story filled with determination, talent, and a touch of luck. This article delves into young Tom Selleck's life, background, early struggles. and pivotal moments that led to his rise in Hollywood.
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Early Life and Background
Family Roots and Childhood
Thomas William Selleck was born in Detroit, Michigan, on January 29, 1945. He was the second of four children in a close-knit family. His father, Robert Dean Selleck, was a real estate investor and executive. while his mother, Martha Selleck, was a homemaker. The Selleck family relocated to Sherman Oaks, California. when Tom was a child, setting the stage for his future in the entertainment industry.
Education and Early Interests
Growing up, young Tom Selleck was an active and athletic child. He attended Grant High School in Van Nuys, California. where he excelled in sports, particularly basketball. His tall and athletic build made him a standout player, and he earned a basketball scholarship to the University of Southern California (U.S.C.). While at U.S.C., Selleck studied business administration. but his interests shifted toward acting.
Discovery of Acting Passion
Tom Selleck's journey into acting was serendipitous. During his time at U.S.C., a drama coach encouraged him to try acting. This nudge led him to join the Hills Playhouse, where he began honing his craft. Transitioning from an aspiring athlete to an actor took time. but young Tom Selleck became drawn to the performance world.
Early Career Struggles
Breaking Into the Industry
The path to stardom was a challenging one for young Tom Selleck. Like many aspiring actors, he faced many rejections and struggled to find steady work. A series of minor roles and guest appearances on television shows marked his early career. In 1965, he debuted on the syndicated show "The Dating Game." which gave him some exposure but did not lead to immediate success.
The Commercial Breakthrough
During the late 1960s and early 1970s, Selleck began appearing in television commercials. His rugged good looks and charismatic presence made him a popular brand choice. He starred in advertisements for Pepsi-Cola, Revlon, and Close-Up toothpaste. These commercials provided financial stability and helped him gain visibility in the industry.
Struggling Actor in Hollywood
Despite his success in commercials. breaking into large acting roles remained a challenge for young Tom Selleck. He auditioned and took on small parts in T.V. shows and movies. Some of his early television appearances included roles in popular series like Lancer, The F.B.I., and Bracken's World. But, it would take a
Meet Dinah Mattingly – Larry Bird’s Partner in Life and Loveget joys
Get an intimate look at Dinah Mattingly’s life alongside NBA icon Larry Bird. From their humble beginnings to their life today, discover the love and partnership that have defined their relationship.
Meet Crazyjamjam - A TikTok Sensation | Blog EternalBlog Eternal
Crazyjamjam, the TikTok star everyone's talking about! Uncover her secrets to success, viral trends, and more in this exclusive feature on Blog Eternal.
Source: https://blogeternal.com/celebrity/crazyjamjam-leaks/
Matt Rife Cancels Shows Due to Health Concerns, Reschedules Tour Dates.pdfAzura Everhart
Matt Rife's comedy tour took an unexpected turn. He had to cancel his Bloomington show due to a last-minute medical emergency. Fans in Chicago will also have to wait a bit longer for their laughs, as his shows there are postponed. Rife apologized and assured fans he'd be back on stage soon.
https://www.theurbancrews.com/celeb/matt-rife-cancels-bloomington-show/
Experience the thrill of Progressive Puzzle Adventures, like Scavenger Hunt Games and Escape Room Activities combined Solve Treasure Hunt Puzzles online.
1. 77 JOKES FOR
ACCOUNTANTS
Courtesy of Email Stopwatch www.emailstopwatch.com
2. This presentation was put together by Email
Stopwatch
• Go to http://emailstopwatch.com to learn more
3. To share a joke on Twitter just
click the bird (on the following
pages)
4. How does an accountant stay out of
debt? He learns to act his wage.
Click the bird to share this joke on Twitter
http://emailstopwatch.com
5. Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant? She went to see
her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.
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http://emailstopwatch.com
6. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.
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http://emailstopwatch.com
7. Why do economists exist?
So accountants have someone to laugh at.
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8. There are just two rules for creating a
successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.
2. [Redacted]
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9. What does an accountant say when you ask him the
time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait 13
seconds, no wait 14 seconds, no wait......
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10. Why was the accountant so excited that he
completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks?
Because on the box it said 8-12 Years.
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11. What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's
talking to you instead of his own.
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12. What does an accountant say when boarding
a train? 'Mind the GAAP'.
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13. It's 4:04. Do you know where your auditor is?
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14. What is the definition of "accountant"?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t
know you had in a way you don’t understand.
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15. How do you know when an accountant is on holiday?
He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am!
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16. What's grey and not there? An accountant on
vacation.
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17. When does a person decide to become an
accountant? When he realizes he doesn't have
the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
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18. Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures
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19. Be audit you can be.
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20. What do actuaries do to liven up their
office party? Invite an accountant.
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21. What is the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
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22. An accountant goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner
shows him three parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left
costs $500."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" asks the accountant.
"Well," replies the owner, "it knows how to do complex audits."
"How much does the middle parrot cost?" asks the accountant.”
"That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the first one can do,
plus it knows how to prepare financial forecasts."
The startled accountant asks about the third parrot, to be told it costs
$4,000.
Needless to say, this begs the question, "What can it do?" to which the
owner replies "To be honest, I've never seen him do a darn thing, but the
other two call him Senior Partner."
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23. A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live.
"Oh my God!" said the woman. "What shall I do?"
"Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor.
"Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?"
"No," replied the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."
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24. Why did the cannibal accountant get
disciplined? For buttering up her clients.
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25. Why don’t accountants read novels? Because
the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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26. It's accrual world.
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27. What's the difference between an
accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he's boring.
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28. Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burned his office down trying to cook the books.
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29. What's an accountant's favourite book? 50
Shades of Grey.
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30. What music is played at a financial accountant's
funeral? The Last Post.
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31. What do you call an accountant who always
works through lunch, takes two days holiday every
two years, is in the office every weekend, and
leaves every night after 10 p.m.? Lazy.
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32. Why do some accountants decide to become
actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting.
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33. Did you hear about the cannibal CPA? She
charges an arm and a leg.
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34. Have you heard the joke about the interesting
accountant? No. Me neither.
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35. What do you call an accountant who says he's
posted a one-sided journal? A liar!!
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36. Did you hear about the constipated CFO?
He couldn't budget with his calculator so he had to
work it out with a pencil and paper.
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37. What do you call an accountant without a
spreadsheet? Lost.
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38. How do you drive an accountant completely
insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him
and fold a road map the wrong way.
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39. Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax
shelter.
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40. Why are accountants always so calm, composed,
and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
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41. Why do accountants get excited on weekends?
Because they can wear casual clothes to work.
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42. Why don't old accountants die? They just lose
their balance!
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43. Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice
for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.
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44. What's an actuary? An accountant without the
sense of humour.
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45. What do accountants do for fun? Add the
telephone book!
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46. If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she
say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work."
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47. Why was the accountant in rehab?
Solvency abuse.
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48. What's grey on the inside and red on the outside?
An accountant turned inside out.
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49. How do accountants make a bold fashion statement?
Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
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50. How does an accountant trash her hotel room?
By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.
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51. There are 3 types of accountants.
Those who can count and those who can't.
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52. What's grey has 6 legs, 2 arms and is twenty feet
tall? An accountant riding an elephant.
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53. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for
doing well.
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54. What do you call an accountant without a
calculator? Lonely.
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55. How was copper wire invented? 2 accountants
were arguing over a penny.
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56. An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in
accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following.
'Mr Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid
me his bill of $1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they
came to $1,100.’
The student said, ‘I see. The ethics question is do I tell the client?'
'Wrong answer!
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57. Welcome to the accounting department,
where everybody counts.
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58. What do you call an accountant who is seen
talking to someone? Popular
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59. How can you tell when the chief accountant is
getting soft?
When he actually listens to marketing before saying
no.
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60. An economist is someone who didn't have
enough personality to become an accountant.
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61. Why did the auditor get run over crossing the road?
Auditors never do the risk assessment well until after
the accident.
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62. Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in.
While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers,
others line the customers, including the accountants, up against
a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on accountant number one jams something
in accountant number two's hand.
Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, "What
is this?"
Accountant number one replies, "it's that $50 I owe you."
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63. How many accountants does it take to change a
light bulb? How much money do you have?
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64. What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again.
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65. How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net Present Value.
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66. What do you call a trial balance that doesn't
balance? A late night.
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67. An accountant is having a hard time
sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem I make a mistake and
then spend three hours trying to find it."
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68. A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says,
"Want to hear an accountant joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you
should know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an
accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225
pounds, and he's an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell
that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two
times."
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69. Budget: An orderly system for living beyond your
means.
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70. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary
people don't? Depreciation.
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71. What did the accountant say when he got a blank
check on pay day?
My deductions have finally caught up with my salary.
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72. Did you hear about the shy and retiring accountant?
He’s $1 million shy and hence retiring.
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73. A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately
searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short
while ago?"
The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been
searching for."
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74. Accounting for Dummies. What's the big deal? Cr.
Cash Dr. Dummies. Simple.
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75. Accountants don’t die, they get derecognized.
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76. Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.
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77. An accountant is reading nursery rhymes to her
young child. When she is finished, she answers
her son’s question: "No, son. When Little Bo Peep
lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible —
but I like your thinking.”
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78. Why did the accountant start smoking?
So he can deduct cigarettes from his
income tax. Called it loss by fire.
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79. A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one
evening which read: "Dear Wife, I am 54 years old, and by the
time you get this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my
beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him
that read as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and
by the time you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel
with my eighteen year old boy toy. Because you are an
accountant, you will surely appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many
more times than 54 goes into 18."
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80. An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While
standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: "This
dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old".
"Where did you get this exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that
the dinosaur is two billion years old.”
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81. Contact Us
Email Stopwatch
Laura Berthiaume
647.909.9501
laura@emailstopwatch.com
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