This document provides "tips" for failing at microservices architectures. It suggests approaches that would undermine the principles of microservices, such as having monolithic databases, shared codebases, synchronous dependencies between services, big bang deployments, and lack of independent deployability of services. It also proposes anti-patterns like prioritizing frameworks over solving business problems, poor communication between teams, and an inability to explain architectural decisions to business stakeholders. The document uses humor and sarcasm to illustrate common mistakes made in microservices projects.