Wisdom Sayings Third lesson

1. Wisdom Sayings – On Loving-kindness, Respect forOthers, and Mutuality
I. Re-cap and Introduction
II. WisdomSayings
A. “The world is sustained by three things: Torah, service, and deeds of
loving kindness.” Pirke Avot 1:2
Name the sorts of deeds ofloving-kindness that you believe help “sustain
the world.”
(For the sages, examples included taking care of the bride and gladdening
her. We’re, also, to escorta dead person to the grave and comfort the
mourner; give to the pauper and provide in multiple ways for those in need;
and treat others with compassion. Such acts were deemed to cause prayer
to be accepted with favor.
Discussionof other acts of loving-kindness)

2. B. “If you did a lot of good for your fellow, it should be considered as a little.
On the other hand, if your fellow did a little good for you, it should be
considered inyour eyes as a lot.” Rabbi Yehuda ben Teima
What sense do you make of this?
(Our inclination is to bloat what we do for others and underestimate what
they do for us. This saying seems geared to curb or softenthat urge and to
align us more with the truth and principles of right living. In doing so, it may
induce greater generosityon our part, as well as greater gratitude.
Implicitin this wisdom is the idea that through this sort of respect for others
and deference to them, we will be better servants to God and others, and
we will contribute to creating a better and strongercommunity.
But – here’s a question: if you actually do significantly more good for
another than the other does for you, is there something unjust or simply not
right about this guidance? Does this create an unreal world in which
interpersonal relationships can become unfair or out of balance? It seems
to turn the Golden Rule into “love your neighbor much more than yourself.”
That’s not really right, is it?
Discussion)

3. C. “Yohanan ben Zakkai asked his bestpupils which is the right way for a
personto live his life.
Rabbi Eliezer said: a generous eye.
Rabbi Yehoshua said: a good colleague/friend.
Rabbi Jose said: foresight.
Rabbi Elazar said: a good heart.”
Rabbi Yohanan said that Elazar’s answer was the best because a good
heart encompassesthem all. Pirke Avot 2:13. Citation to Hosea 6:6: “ForI
desire loving kindness, not sacrifice, and acknowledgement of God, rather
than burnt offerings.”
1. Do you agree? Why or why not?
(The heart/mind (lev, in Hebrew) is the home to all one’s thoughts and
emotions, so a good heart does lead to all these paths and the good that
comes from them.)
2. Given our emphasis today on the virtue of loving-kindness, make the
case for how one of the other answers might be consideredright.
(A good friend could be another person’s bedrockin study, self-
improvement, and support. A good friend, thus, adds immeasurably to
another’s life, making an extraordinary contribution. We tend to be more
loving and better people if we have a good friend.

4. A generous eye is at the heart of loving-kindness in that it opens us to a
charitable and kind attitude toward others. In fact, one could say that since
the first impressionwe have of things is the sight we have of them, a
generous first impressioncolors all that we do to the positive.
A good neighbor can mean one who is near another to help with a good
inclination, or it could mean a loving spouse. In either case, it’s one who
“lives” at the center of the GoldenRule. It is through love of neighbor that
we best come to understand and live out loving-kindness.
Foresight is the trait that shows anticipation of, concern about, and
planning to act with respect to our deeds.It is what begins one’s deeds and
is usually essential to living out where the heart might incline us to go.
Without good foresight,even action that is well intentioned can and often
does go awry.)
D. “Whenlove was strong, we could have made our bed on a sword-blade;
now that love has grown weak, a bed of sixty cubits is not big enough for
us.” From the Tractate Sanhedrin in the Talmud.
What could this mean? Think about it both in the context of a marriage as
well as that of the broadersociety.
(This certainly could be about love in a marriage. When it’s there, little else
is needed to support happiness, and a couple could make a bed of as little
as a sword blade. (This could say, too, that something that should cause
pain can’t even do so in the midstof such love.)

5. In the absence of love, even the best, biggest, and mostexpensive bed
won’t suffice. And isn’t that where we turn mostoften? We tend to look for
more material solutions to provide happiness. It doesn’t work.
The same could be said in broader society. When love is what grounds
community, we need less, in many respects, whether it’s from material
things or even from law and strict justice. When love is gone, there is never
enough of these things to suffice.)
E. “Letyour fellow’s honor be as dear to you as your own.” Rabbi Eliezer
What does this mean, how is it done and why is it so important, especially
in our times?
(Just as one does not wish slander for oneself, one shouldn’t slander
another. One should give another the benefitof the doubt, just as one
would wish another to do the same for him. If a millionaire’s entire wealth
were stolen, he might be very sad about it, but his sense of self-worth and
honor would not be wholly diminished. So, neither should one have a lesser
sense of the honor of a poor person. The other person was made in God’s
image, just as the millionaire and all other human beings.
How oftenthese days, especiallyin politics, do we demean the honor of
others on the opposite side simply because we have differences with them.
This saying surely guides us to consider avoiding such corrosive behavior.)

6. F. “Acquire a friend.” Rabbi Yehoshua ben Perahia
What do you think the sages meant by the term, “a friend?” What do real
friends do for, and with, you?
(They eat and drink with you. They read and study (Scripture, or basic
principles and values) with you. They “reside” with you.
Be one with whom you can share secrets. Look out for spiritual growth of
each other. Note and correct when one does unwise, wrong, or improper
things. Studying with a friend is better than studying alone (but studying
alone, especiallyif necessary, has merit). Each lifts up and supports the
other. A group of three who study together is good,too, for purpose of
encouraging another opinion that adds or might substitute for a wrong
opinion.
This is about more than companionship. Having a friend teaches us about
kindness, respect, and mutuality in ways in which we learn and practice at
the same time. Fundamentally, friendship enhances our spiritual wellbeing.
Some say that studying from great books is akin to “acquiring a friend.”)
G. “Do not appease a friend at the time of anger, comfort at time of sorrow,
question at time of vow, ...and see him at time of his degradation.” Rabbi
Shimon ben Elezar
How does each of these suggestionsreflect the loving-kindness we should
show friends at difficult times in life?

7. (Trying to appease a friend when he/she is angry is an exercise in futility
and will likely further anger him/her, leading to additional discord or
discomfort.Conciliatory words are best when he/she calms down a bit.
Mourning is the time for…mourning. Caring and presence are,to be sure,
apt and timely. But certain acts of consolation, though well intended, do not
fit when another is in deep sorrow.
Sowing doubts through questions of a friend once the friend has already
made a vow is inappropriate, as is causing one who makes a vow to create
loopholes or outs to the vow.
As to a time when a friend feels degraded,there should be some privacy
and time to recoverin such a way that embarrassment can be avoided.)
H. Let’s look at these two together:
1. “I should not get angry at my colleagues, and my colleagues should not
get angry with me.” Jerusalem Talmud, and
2. “If a neighbor calls you an ass, put on a saddle.” Raba

8. Discuss the wisdom of each. Do you preferone over the other? What does
all this have to do with love and respect?
(In certain ways, #2 is sound. If we refuse to get baited but rather show
humility in the face of hostility, it far more oftenthat we can defuse the
hostility, perhaps even through humor. And what’s more important in
sustaining peaceful relations than defusing hostility before it becomes
hurtful action?
On the other hand, if kindness or such forbearance encourages more and
escalating hostility because of perceived weakness, this could be the
wrong and even dangerous approach. With that caveat, which likely fits
only a minority of circumstances, this seems to be generally wise advice.
Generally, we find greater balance in #1. Here there seems to be an
expectation of mutuality. It’s incumbent on both sides to show respect to
the other through the avoidance of arousing anger.
This rule, #1, was originally applied in an academy setting, where people
may have been especiallyinclined to think they were in the right and
wanted to justify the correctness of their position. There the next step from
righteousness to anger was likely a short one. The wisdom warns us not to
take that step. This forbearance is crucial to respect, camaraderie, effective
work, and joint progress.
The expectation in #1 is not as one-sided in favor of the other, as in #2,
which may make it more realistic. Yet, could it be that the more demanding
call of #2 might create such a large hedge, if followed, that an environment
of peace might be more achievable?)

9. I. “If you try to warn someone, you are absolved if he goes wrong.” Raba
I believe this statement strikes a nice balance with regard to the respect
and mutuality we owe to each? Do you agree?
(First, we bear a duty to warn others with whom we have some sort of
relationship when they are going wrong. If we fail in the duty, some of the
responsibilityfor the wrong falls to us. We simply cannot retreat to silence,
thinking it’s none of our business or that the wrong is all his/hers. Yet, we’re
in the positionof “warner,” not “doer.” So, our responsibilityends with the
warning, and we bear no guilt if the warned person does wrong in the face
of our besteffortto prevent it. There’s a good and fine ethical balance in
this set of expectations and circumstances.)
J. Proverbs 10:12:“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all
wrongs.”
1. What’s the overall lesson of this proverb? What does it teach, and what
does it not teach?
2. What do we learn here about key features of love, and its benefits?
3. How can we apply these lessons in our current political environment?

10. (Let’s start with what it does not teach. It does not condone covering up
offenses.Whenone commits a wrong, one may not cover it up. Proverbs
28:13
Nor does it mean that we shouldn’t, where and when appropriate,
admonish others for wrongs done. Proverbs 27:5
The proverb does seem to teach the wisdom of diminishing the space of
conflictin our lives and in the world.
Hatred ignites and spreads conflict.This certainly happens when, out of
hatred, we make a bad situation worse by irritating and expanding it.
Stirring up conflict from a latent condition to past the boiling point or
inflaming existing conflict is extremely dangerous and should be avoided.
But love can “cover” offenses,that is, weaken or diminish them, thus,
having the effectof reducing conflict.This is particularly so when we
respond to offensesin appropriate and disciplined ways. Falling prey to
making more of offenses than is warranted – whether it’s out of a bloated
sense of self-righteousness,a decisionto fan the flames when
unnecessary, or a real, underlying motive of self-promotion– all can spread
conflictand create or worsen problems.
Here are two questions for us in our own time and political culture: 1) to
what extent do we as citizens stir up further conflict through our own hatred
of the other side,and 2) to what extent could we reduce conflictby
allocating the blame and spite we assign to the other side with greater care,
equanimity, and limits?)
K. When religious people think of the requirements of loving-kindness, we
can’t fail to address the love we must show to those in need.Here are two
wisdom sayings that teach of these duties:

11. 1. “There is no measure for visiting the sick.” Yosef,Abaye, and Rava all
agreed on the importance of this guidance but differed onits meaning.
What do you make of the phrase, “no measure,” and what does this
wisdom mean to you?
(Yosef believed the rewards for visiting the sick are unlimited.
Abaye believed that since there is no definitive measure of reward for
carrying out this commandment even a great personmust visit a lowly
personwho is sick.
Rava believed a personmust visit the sick even a hundred times a day, if
it’s helpful.
Discussion)
2. “Greateris he that lends than he that gives alms; but he that aids by
taking a part in a business undertaking is greater than either.” What does
this mean on the surface, and what, at deeperlevels?
(If we help a poorperson lift himself, it is better than simply giving him
alms. If we become more involved in the lives of others, especiallythose in
need, in productive ways, we do more of the good forthem. Given a “love
your neighbor as yourself” mindset, this is also better for us. Becoming a
co-creatorwith others is better for all, rather than a slight engagement
(though any help for another is always good).)

12. III.Conclusion – How do you weave together the lessons we’ve learned
today about the essence of loving kindness, respect, and mutuality? Are
there some core takeaway ideas you have from our study?