Composing Business Messages

1. Composing
Business
Messages

3. Avoiding Writer’s Block
Scattergram Mind Map
Getting a dog
What do we do
about vacations?
http://www.mind-mapping.co.uk/mind-maps-examples.htm
See, for examples:

4. Organizing
Information
Into an
Outline

5. Tips for Making Outlines
Tips:
 Define main topic in title.
 Divide the topic into three to five main points.
 Break the components into subpoints.
 Make each component exclusive
(no overlapping).
 Don't put a single item under a major
component.
 Use details and evidence to support subpoints.

6. Organizing
Business
Messages
DIRECT STRATEGY
Main idea comes
first followed by
details and explanations

8. Organizing
Business
Messages INDIRECT STRATEGY
Explanation precedes
main idea

10. Advantages
DIRECT
STRATEGY
 Saves reader’s time
 Sets a proper frame of mind
 Prevents frustration
 Appears businesslike
INDIRECT
STRATEGY
 Respects feelings of audience
 Encourages a fair hearing
 Minimizes a negative reaction

11. Useful when
DIRECT
STRATEGY
 Receiver is receptive
 Receiver requires no education
about topic
 Message is routine
INDIRECT
STRATEGY
 Receiver may be upset or
hostile
 Receiver must be persuaded or
educated
 Message is sensitive

12. Constructing Effective Sentences
Using Four Sentence Types to Achieve Variety.
1. Simple Sentence
2. Compound Sentence
3. Complex Sentence
4. Compound Complex Sentence
The most compelling and effective messages contain a variety of
sentence patterns rather than repeating the same pattern.

13. A sentence is a group of words which
expresses a complete thought.
A sentence must contain a subject and
a verb.
Constructing Effective Sentences
What is a Sentence?

14.  A simple sentence, shown in the
following example, contains one
complete thought (an independent
clause) with a subject (bold) and verb
(underlined):
Coca-Cola saw an opportunity.
Simple
Sentences
Constructing Effective Sentences

15.  A compound sentence contains two complete but
related thoughts. The two thoughts (independent
clauses) may be joined (a) by a conjunction such as and,
but, or or; (b) by a semicolon; or (c) by a conjunctive
adverb such as however, consequently, and therefore.
 Our team project was difficult.
 Our team project was difficult; we were happy with the
results.
 Our team project was difficult; however, we were happy
with the results.
Compound
Sentences
Constructing Effective Sentences

16.  Regardless of the type of sentence, remember that
sentence length can influence readability.
 Try to limit your sentences to 20 or fewer words.
 The American Press Institute reports that reader
comprehension drops off as sentences become longer.
Length of a
Sentence
Constructing Effective Sentences
Sentence Length Comprehension
8 words 100%
15 words 90%
19 words 80%
28 words 50%

17. Fragment
Even though the pay was low. Many candidates
applied.
Revision:
Even though the pay was low, many candidates
applied.
Avoid
sentence
fragments.

18. Fused Sentences
Two candidates applied only one was hired.
Avoid
sentence
fragments.
Avoid run-
on (fused)
sentences.
Revisions:
Two candidates applied. Only one was hired.
Two candidates applied; only one was hired.
Two candidates applied, but only one was hired.

19. Comma Splice
Many were qualified, Jeff was hired.
Avoid
sentence
fragments.
Avoid
comma-
splice
sentences.
Avoid run-
on (fused)
sentences.
Revisions:
Many were qualified. Jeff was hired.
Many were qualified; Jeff was hired.
Many were qualified; however, Jeff was hired.
Many were qualified, but Jeff was hired.

20. Quick
Check
Revise the following to avoid fragments,
run-on sentences, and comma-splices.
You can create a Web-
based job portfolio; it
will impress potential
employers.
You can create a Web-
based job portfolio it will
impress potential
employers.
Send a scannable
résumé. When you apply
for a job.
Send a scannable
résumé when you
apply for a job.

21. Although technical skills
are important,
communication skills are
also in great demand.
College used to be for
young people; however,
many older students now
seek degrees.
Although technical skills
are important.
Communication skills
are also in great
demand.
College used to be for
young people, however
many older students
now seek degrees.
Revise the following to avoid fragments,
run-on sentences, and comma-splices.

22. Technology is changing
the business world.
People are writing more
messages than ever
before. OR: Technology
is changing the business
world; people are . . . .
Technology is changing
the business world
people are writing more
messages than ever
before.
Revise the following to avoid fragments,
run-on sentences, and comma-splices.

23. Executives are busy.
They won't read
wordy messages and
reports. OR:
Executives are busy;
they won't read . . . .
Executives are busy,
they won't read
wordy messages and
reports.
Revise the following to avoid fragments,
run-on sentences, and comma-splices.

24. Emphasis Through
Mechanics
Underlining:
Which of these methods do you prefer?
Italics and Boldface:
The use of boldface and italics captures the
reader’s attention.
All Caps:
Notice how EXPENSE-FREE VACATION stands
out.

25. Tabulation: Listing items vertically emphasizes
them:
1. First item
2. Second item
3. Third item
Dashes:
Other methods–including dashes–may be used.
Emphasis Through
Mechanics

26. Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs
Active-voice verbs show the subject
performing the action.
Most major employers require drug testing.
(Active voice; the subject is acting)
Dr. Smith recommended Tina for the job.
(Active voice; the subject is acting)

27. In passive-voice sentences, the subject is
being acted upon. Passive-voice verbs
require helper verbs:
Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs
Drug testing is required by most major employers.
(Passive voice; the subject is being acted upon)
Tina was recommended for the job by Dr. Smith.
(Passive voice; the subject is being acted upon)

28. Active- and Passive-Voice Verbs
 Use the active voice for most business
writing.
 Use the passive voice to emphasize an
action or the recipient of the action–rather
than the actor (New laws were passed; drunk
drivers were targeted).
 Use the passive voice to break bad news
(Although your lease cannot be renewed, we
can offer . . . ).

29. Quick
Check
Convert the following sentences to active
voice. You may have to add a subject.
Our membership
meeting was postponed
by the president.
The résumés of job
candidates are sorted
quickly by the software
program Resumix.
The president postponed
our membership
meeting.
The software program
Resumix sorts résumés
of job candidates quickly.

30. Convert the following sentences to active
voice. You may have to add a subject.
All team messages are
sent by e-mail.
Drug tests are required
of all new employees.
Team members send all
messages by e-mail.
The company requires
drug tests for all new
employees.

31. Convert the following sentences to active
voice. You may have to add a subject.
We were given our
orders by the manager.
Our intranet is used by
employees to complete
forms.
The manager gave us
our orders.
Employees use our
intranet to complete
forms.

32. Convert the following sentences to
passive voice.
We must delay
shipment of your
merchandise because
of heavy demand.
Management rejected
our plan.
Your merchandise
shipment must be
delayed because of
heavy demand.
Our plan was rejected by
management.

33. Convert the following sentences to
passive voice.
The technician could not
install the computer
program.
Someone did not submit
the accounting
statement on time.
The computer program
could not be installed.
The accounting
statement was not
submitted on time.

34. Developing Parallelism
Parallel expression uses balanced construction.
Match nouns with nouns, verbs with verbs,
phrases with phrases, and clauses with clauses.
Training sessions
have been stimulat-
ing and challenging.
(Matches -ing verbals)
Training sessions
have been stimulat-
ing and a challenge.
Poor Parallel

35. We are very
concerned with the
quality, location, and
transportation costs
of raw materials.
(Matches nouns)
We are very
concerned with the
quality of raw
materials, where
they are located, and
how much it costs to
transport them.
Poor Parallel
Developing Parallelism

36. Saima takes the
telephone orders,
Yasir locates the
items in the ware-
house, and Mahjabeen
sends the items.
(Matches active-voice verbs)
Saima takes the
telephone orders,
Yasir locates the
items in the ware-
house, and the
items are sent by
Mahjabeen.
Poor Parallel
Developing Parallelism

37. Quick
Check
How could parallelism be improved in
the following sentence?
Our knowledge
management system
focuses on the
collecting, storing,
and sharing of best
practices.
Our knowledge
management system
focuses on the
collecting, storage,
and sharing of best
practices.

38. How could parallelism be improved in
the following sentence?
The fall seminar is in
October, the winter
seminar is in
December, and the
spring seminar is in
May.
The fall seminar is in
October, December
is scheduled for the
winter seminar, and
May is the month of
the spring seminar.

39. How could parallelism be improved in
the following sentence?
We are pleased to
recommend Elizabeth
because she is
sincere, reliable, and
diligent.
We are pleased to
recommend
Elizabeth because
she has sincerity, she
is reliable, and she
works with diligence.

40. Avoiding Misplaced Modifier
• A modifier dangles when the word or phrase it
describes is missing from its sentence. Modifiers
must be close to the words they describe or limit
After working overtime,
we finally finished the
report.
After working overtime,
the report was finally
Finished.
Wrong Right

41. Quick
Check
How could sentence be improved?
Firefighters rescued a
dog with a broken leg
from a burning car.
Firefighters rescued
a dog from a burning
car that had a broken
leg.

42. Quick
Check
How could sentence be improved?
In the morning the
recruiter interviewed
candidates with
excellent computer
skills.
The recruiter
interviewed
candidates who had
excellent computer
skills in the
morning.

43. Composing the First Draft
 Complete all necessary research.
 Find a quiet place to concentrate and work.
 Prohibit calls, visitors, and interruptions.
 Organize information:
Scattergram  Mind Map  Outline.
 Decide whether to write quickly (freewriting)
OR revise as you go.
 Imagine you are talking to a reader or
listener.

44. Formatting Business Letters