Let me tell you a story. Bob the Coder is a great guy. He shows up on time, turns in quality work, and is reliably positive and easy to work with. You’re very glad he’s on your team. But there’s a problem.

1. Defusing)Frustra.ng)Situa.ons)with)
Gentle)Correc.ons

2. Let$me$tell$you$a$story.
Bob$the$Coder$is$a$great$guy.$He$shows$up$on$6me,$turns$in$quality$
work,$and$is$reliably$posi6ve$and$easy$to$work$with.$You’re$very$
glad$he’s$on$your$team.

3. But$there’s$a$problem.

4. Your%company%has%a%policy%that%requires%employees%to%turn%in%
3mesheets%every%week%by%5%p.m.::no%excep3ons.%You’re%not%a%big%
fan%of%this%policy%because%it%seems%archaic,%but%because%the%top%
brass%have%decreed%it%and%it’s%part%of%the%company%culture,%you%go%
along%with%it.

5. Bob,%however,%does%not.

6. Every&week,&you&no-ce&his&-mesheet&
missing&from&stack&that&you&submit&each&
week.
When%you%remind%him,%he%quickly%fills%it%
out%and%turns%it%in,%but%it%always%requires%
that%extra%effort%on%your%part,%and%it’s%
ge=ng%old.

7. What%should%you%do?

8. This%is%a%tough++and%incredibly%common++
situa5on.%Bob’s%a%solid%worker,%and%a%
5mesheet%isn’t%a%do+or+die%issue.%But%it’s%
really%bugging%you++and%you’re%5red%of%
administra5on%pestering%you%about%it.
How$do$you$get$a$be-er$outcome$without$
having$to$nag$or$overreact$in$order$to$get$
his$a-en6on?

9. Common%Communica*on%Mistakes

10. Let’s&take&a&look&at&some&issues&that&probably&created&this&
uncomfortable&situa7on.&It’s&true&that&you&aren’t&the&one&forge;ng&
the&7mesheet&each&week,&but&you&probably&have&some&fears&or&
communica7on&habits&that&are≥ng&in&the&way&of&a&posi7ve&
resolu7on.

11. Don’t&ignore&the&problem

12. The$absolute$best$,me$to$address$a$
problem$like$this$one$is$to$catch$it$the$first$
or$second$,me$it$happens.$
This%doesn’t%mean%you%have%to%patrol%your%
employees%like%a%Border%Collie%or%
overreact%to%every%li8le%infrac:on.%In%fact,%
I%recommend%frequent,%direct,%30Asecond%
conversa:ons%with%your%employees%to%
show%them%that%you’re%paying%a8en:on%
and%that%you’re%serious.

13. O"en,&new&managers&are&afraid&of&coming&off&as&heavy&handed,&so&
it’s&easy&to&underplay&small&issues.&If&they&do&address&an&issue&like&
our&>mesheet&example,&they&usually&say&something&like,
”Hey,&Bob.&I&know&doing&your&4mesheet&is&a&pain,&and&I&don’t&like&
it&either,&but&we’ve&got&to&do&it.&No&big&deal,&though!&Thanks.”

14. The$manager$thinks$they’ve$been$friendly$and$clear,$but$they’ve$
actually$given$the$impression$that$it$really$is$no$big$deal,$so$Bob$
doesn’t$change$anything.

15. If#you#don’t#communicate#that#you#know#this#is#an#important#detail#
for#Bob#to#address,#even#if#you#think#the#rule#is#unnecessary,#he’ll#
con;nue#to#ignore#it==and#you.#Then#other#employees#who#had#
been#complying#o@en#start#ignoring#rules#they#find#inconvenient,#
and#soon#you’ve#got#a#mini=revolt#on#your#hands.

16. Don’t&make&the&problem&bigger&than&
it&is

17. If#the#problem#has#been#festering,#your#
resentment#probably#has#been,#too.#Don’t#
blow#off#steam#with#a#laundry#list#of#
problems#from#the#past#to#in;midate#Bob#
or#jus;fy#the#discussion.#

18. If#you#start#hearing#yourself#using#the#
words#“always”#or#never”,#that’s#a#big#clue#
that#you’re#blowing#this#out#of#propor;on,#
as#in,#“You#always#do#this,”#or#“You#never#
do#that.”
Keep$things$on$an$even$keel$and$you’ll$
increase$the$chances$for$a$produc7ve$
resolu7on.$$

19. Don’t&assume&that&Bob&should&
magically&“get&it”

20. It#would#be#great#to#hop#into#a#car#and#have#it#automa5cally#bring#
us#to#our#des5na5on88and#parallel#park88without#any#input#from#
the#driver,#but#that’s#not#the#way#things#work,#at#least#not#un5l#
driverless#cars#are#a#reality.

21. If#you#want#your#department#to#get#where#the#business#needs#it#to#
go,#you’ve#got#to#be#willing#to#put#your#hands#on#the#steering#wheel#
and#provide#direc:on,#speed,#and#a;en:on.
Talking(to(your(team(specifically(about(the(essen6al(pillars(of(
company(culture,(what(they’re(doing(wrong,(and(what(they’re(doing(
right(will(give(them(the(kind(of(support(that(helps(inform(their(
future(behavior.

22. The$big$payoff$for$this$clear,$ongoing$communica7on$is$that$
you’re$inves7ng$in$their$knowledge,$which$will$make$your$job$
exponen7ally$easier$down$the$road.

23. Star%ng(Over:(Effec%ve(communica%on(for(
collabora%ve(outcomes

24. Hit$the$reset$bu+on
Even%if%you%have%a%situa/on%similar%to%the%Bob%example,%one%that%
has%been%simmering%for%months,%you%can%s/ll%make%a%course%
correc/on%that%will%get%your%employee’s%a=en/on%and%reestablish%
your%authority%in%a%posi/ve,%gentle%way.

25. Gentle&Correc+on&Template

26. 1.#Have#this#discussion#out#in#the#
open.

27. Annual&reviews&need&to&take&place&behind&closed&doors,&but&this&
kind&of&redirec7on&needs&to&be&at&Bob’s&desk&or&in&a&common&area.

28. Keeping'this'communica0on'public'lets'everyone'else'within'
earshot'hear'that'this'is'a'significant'issue'that'applies'to'everyone.'
And'when'the'team'members'see'a'coworker'have'this'type'of'
discussion'with'you,'they’ll'get'the'idea'that'it'happens'to'
everyone,'which'takes'away'the'apprehension'of'having'you'stop'
into'their'cubicle'to'chat.

29. 2.#Give#Bob#the#benefit#of#the#
doubt.

30. I"can’t"tell"you"the"number"of"2mes"I’ve"
stewed"in"resentment"over"an"infrac2on,"
only"to"discover"later"that"the"employee"
had"a"good"reason"for"the"mistake."Being"
dedicated"to"frequent,"low?intensity"
conversa2ons"about"work"performance"
allowed"me"to"approach"an"employee"and"
get"the"real"story"without"s2rring"up"a"lot"
of"drama.

31. 3.#Ask#an#open,ended#ques0on#
instead#of#making#a#demand.

32. In#these#uncomfortable#situa2ons,#it’s#very#easy#to#make#a#
statement#about#the#behavior#you’d##like#and#walk#away.#You#may#
think#the#ma<er#is#se<led#when#your#statement#was#actually#
misunderstood#or#forgo<en#in#the#cloud#of#details#that#most#of#us#
have#running#in#our#heads.
When%you%ask%a%ques-on,%you%immediately%have%an%employee’s%
a7en-on,%and%they%can’t%just%smile,%nod%and%return%to%their%work.

33. Here’s&a&very&simple,&helpful&script&that&I&
o6en&use&in&these&situa8ons.&
“Hey,&Bob.&It’s&5:30,&and&I&was&surprised&to&
see&that&your&<mesheet&isn’t&on&my&desk&
with&the&rest&of&the&team’s&paperwork.&
What&happened?"

34. This%phrasing%lets%you%know%you%think%highly%of%Bob%(I’m%surprised%
you%didn’t%do%what%was%expected)%and%you’re%assuming%that%he%has%
a%reasonable%explana>on%(What%happened?).%This%script%sets%both%
of%you%up%for%the%best%possible%outcome.

35. 4.#Listen.

36. O"en,&you’ll&hear&that&they&had&a&den1st&appointment&or&a&mee1ng&
that&kept&them&from&doing&the&right&thing,&or&some&other&perfectly&
reasonable&explana1on.&In&those&cases,&just&can&deal&with&the&
excep1on,&and&in&Bob’s&case,&ask&him&to&get&his&1mesheet&turned&in&
ASAP.

37. If#this#is#an#ongoing#problem,#you#might#hear#hear#something#
unexpected#that#helps#you#develop#a#solu9on.

38. 5.#Don’t#se+le#for#a#contrite#reply.

39. In#order#to#get#out#of#this#discussion#
quickly,#Bob#might#say,#“Oh,#I#just#forgot.”#
If#this#is#a#chronic#problem,#don’t#let#the#
conversaAon#end#there.#Dig#deeper#for#the#
reason#behind#the#behavior#so#you#can#get#
to#the#root#of#the#issue.

40. 6.#Be#prepared#to#schedule#a#
follow3up#mee5ng.

41. If#this#discussion#opens#up#a#larger#topic,#don’t#hash#it#out#right#
there.#Set#up#a#mee8ng#in#a#few#days;;in#private;;when#you#can#
discuss#the#ma=er#fully#without#improvising#an#answer#on#the#spot.

42. Here’s&an&example.!If!Bob!says,!“I!hate!filling!out!5mesheets.!Why!
should!salaried!employees!have!to!do!it,!anyway?”
Your%reply%should%be,%“That’s%a%great%ques6on,%Bob.%Let’s%talk%about%
that%more%next%week.%I%s6ll%need%to%you%turn%in%your%6mesheet%right%
now,%though.”

43. This%approach%keeps%the%mee/ng%on%topic%
and%lets%Bob%(and%his%eavesdropping%
coworkers)%know%that%this%is%non:
nego/able.%You%have%also%clearly%and%
gently%communicated%that%you%are%the%
manager%and%he%is%the%employee,%and%
employees%don’t%just%make%up%rules%as%
they%go%along.

44. In#the#days#between#this#conversa2on#and#the#follow5up#mee2ng,#
make#a#point#of#checking#in#with#human#resources#and/or#your#
manager#to#find#out#why#this#policy#is#in#place.#Does#it#provide#
important#data#points#to#management?#Does#it#help#determine#the#
budget#for#next#year?#

45. Don’t&get&trapped&into&ra.onalizing&the&policy&to&Bob’s&sa.sfac.on,&
but&do&come&to&the&follow<up&mee.ng&with&this&informa.on&in&
hand&so&you&can&give&Bob&some&context&for&the&rule.

46. 7.#Establish#and#communicate#clear#
consequences#for#con6nued#non7
compliance.

47. If#a#gentle#conversa/on#with#follow3up#
doesn’t#correct#the#problem,#request#a#
closed3door#mee/ng,#saying,#“Bob,#I’ve#
reminded#you#about#this#issue#X#number#
of#/mes,#and#now#we#need#to#have#a#
focused#conversa/on#about#it.”#

48. Choose&to&Lead,&Not&React

49. Before&you&escalate&your&response,&do&some&research&about&your&
company’s&policies.&Tell&your&employee&in&clear&terms&what&is&
expected&and&what&the&discipline&will&be&if&those&expecta;ons&are&
not&met.&Give&specifics&instead&of&meaningless&general&warnings&
like,&“You&need&to&come&in&on&;me&or&things&are&going&to&get&
serious.”&

50. When%I%started%managing%my%first%team%of%programmers,%I%had%no%
idea%how%to%respond%in%situa7ons%like%this.%I%made%a%lot%of%mistakes%
un7l%I%started%discovered%the%value%in%catching%these%distrac7ng,%
draining%situa7ons%quickly.

51. Let$me$tell$you$that$it$is$such$a$relief$to$
have$a$clear$process$for$a$quick$resolu5on$
when$it$comes$to$discipline$issues.$No$one$
wants$to$be$the$bad$guy$or$get$an$
employee$in$trouble,$but$stepping$into$
these$discussions$allows$you$to$be#a#
manager.

52. A"process"like"this"allows"you"to"move"past"insecurity"around"
uncomfortable"conversa8ons"and"become"a"true"leader."And"that"
paves"the"way"for"a"be:er"interac8ons"with"your"team,"your"
managers,"and"all"of"your"business"connec8ons.

53. Become&a&Be(er&Technical&Manager
I"get"paid"to"coach"newly"minted"technical"managers."My"clients"
quickly"feel"drama:cally"more"confident"and"capable"and"start"
seeing"be=er"performance"from"themselves"and"their"team"within"
weeks.
I"am"taking"the"same"insigh-ul,"ac2onable"lessons"I"teach"in"my"
coaching"and"pu8ng"them"out"as"a"free"newsle<er."Sign"up"to"
become"a"be<er"manager"here.