At an age where our family members do not need us physically, mentally, financially, socially etc., would you ask the same question to someone, ‘“Do you think I still matter? Do you think I should still live more?”

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Do you think I still matter?
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Dearest Darling Friends,
I was waiting for my darling wife to come down, as we were to go to see a movie. Normally, I
would be restless. Today was different. A seasoned wise man’s words whispered, with tinges of
conspiracy, while both of us were waiting for our respective wives to emerge from the trail room just
yesterday, in the mall filled with people caught in discount
frenzy, was fresh in my mind.
He had shared, ‘If your wife is taking a long time to get ready,
be glad. It means her mood is good. You see, only when their
mood is good, they take a long time to get ready.’ He had
winked with naughtiness and I caught myself nodding strongly
in agreement.
Along with me, in the lobby, the 68-year-old Gujarati Aunty
(that is what we all called her) was waiting restlessly for over
15 minutes for her grandson to help her to stand. She had
arthritis. She was fuming. Her grandson was least bothered.
She was actually a very fine old lady. Every time we crossed
each other, she would bless me. I was getting a little irritated
with her grandson. I offered her help and she politely refused.
In a moment of genuine humility and obvious self-doubt, she
asked me, “Do you think I still matter? Do you think I should still live more?”
I was completely speechless and I stumbled over my words for several seconds. Here I am in the presence of
someone whom I have an undying respect for, and she’s asking me whether or not she matters.
I finally collected myself and said, “Auntyji, yes – 110% yes! You matter and you still have a lot to look forward
to. I’m not telling you this because I respect you, but because it’s the truth. We youngsters have so much to
learn from you”
She sat silently for many moments, smiled weakly and replied, “Thank you my son. I needed to hear that. But I
guess, no one wants a burden. What do you think I should do?”
In that moment Bharathi jaunted down. She was looking breathtaking. Aunty gestured for me to leave. I looked
at her and said, ‘Do take care of your health. Defeat all the diseases with discipline and exercise. And please
remember, we need your blessings.’ She gave me a thumbs up sign and my heart soared.
Over the course of the next few months I saw Aunty exercising regularly. I saw her living intently and joyously.

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She ate what she was supposed to. She avoided all she was supposed to avoid (including grumpy old
people). She wrote poems for the smaller grandchildren. She would gather the tiny tots of the society and tell
them stories with animated expressions. She joined singing classes. Needless to say she was the eldest there.
She was a hit everywhere. And of course, she remained a lighthouse of wisdom to everyone around her. Her
elder grandchild never cared for her. Many others did. She is no more alive but people still talk about her
‘youth’ in her old age, about her ‘contributions’ in the lives all around.
Her moment of self-doubt always stuck with me though and I still think about it from time to time.
It’s over ten years since that incident. All these years later, I realize that people in all walks of life lose hope
every day, and often it’s because of the way they are talking to themselves.
You do know you talk to yourself in your mind all the time, right?
Almost all of us have a mental monologue – that has a solid and powerful impact on how we feel, how we
behave, and how we live our lives. Too often, this mental monologue consists of unhelpful thoughts that hinder
our happiness and effectiveness.
Our negative thoughts become negative beliefs. Our negative beliefs sabotage our lives.
The core of our problems in life, is this negative monologue, which leads to negative beliefs.
This is why these are my suggestions….
1. Accept Old wounds. – Consciously replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is self-abuse.
Your wounds are your wisdom. Let them heal. Let them scar. A scar is not the proof of hurts, it’s the proof of
healing.
2. Climb Over Fear – The real thing that keeps you down is fear. Let me put it simple and straight. Your fear
of loss is far worse than the loss you fear.
3. Don’t participate in the Mr. Popular contest – Connect with fewer people on a level that is deeper and
more profound. If you want to impress someone, impress yourself by making progress on something you’re
sincerely proud of. It’s truly amazing what you can accomplish when you aren’t worried about what everyone
around you thinks.
4. Take great care of your health – We have to live our ENTIRE life with only one body. Imagine if we were
given one car when we became 18 years old and we were told this is the only car we can have as long as we
are alive. Would we take good care of the car? Then, why not our own body. They say, the soul resides within.
Then, how neat, clean, healthy, should the abode of the soul be? Whatever be the reason, please do not
neglect your body. As I think of it, I believe Gujarati Aunty started living a great life for she started taking great
care of her health. That made her proud of herself. That made her climb over her fears. That made her
accept some people will never like older people. Lets accept it and move on.
At an age where our family members do not need us physically, mentally, financially, socially etc., would you
ask the same question to someone, ‘“Do you think I still matter? Do you think I should still live more?”
I pray people should be able to make a looooooong list of reasons why they need you around. What do you
say?
With loads of love, prayers and best wishes,

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Narendra Goidani
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