What is ASD you ask? ASD stands for Anti-Slut Defense.
And no, it’s not as bad as it sounds. It is simply the defense mechanism and thinking process that women go through in order to protect their reputation and self-image when the specter of sex raises it ugly head.
2. Hi guys! Sarah Ann, wing-girl for the ABCs
of Attraction here to talk to you about a
little thing called ASD!
What is ASD you ask? ASD stands for
Anti-Slut Defense.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
3. And no, it’s not as bad as it sounds. It is
simply the defense mechanism and
thinking process that women go through
in order to protect their reputation and
self-image when the specter of sex raises
it ugly head.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
4. In practical and real life terms, it’s when
you- as a guy- go to a club, approach a
group of girls, isolate the girl you find
desirable, invite her back to your place,
and she still won’t sleep with you even
after she’s professed to being sexually
attracted to you.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
5. And it’s not limited to just night game,
this includes girls you might have met
during day game, in class, at church, or
been on a few dates with and now you’re
getting intimate with.
I’ve heard stories from students who have
been in bed with a girl, stripped down to
their underwear, they’re both making out
and then she’ll give him the Anti-Slut
Defense auto-response like, “You know
we’re not having sex, right?”
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
6. Which completely confuses the guy. And
rightfully so.
I know it’s frustrating and if you didn’t
know any Anti-LMR (Last Minute
Resistance) tactics, you probably just
want to throw in the towel and scream,
―What more do you want?!‖
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
7. Well you’re in luck because I’m going to
discuss the reasons behind the Anti-Slut
Defense mechanism, why it happens, and
since we are ever trying to decode the
female mind, I’ll give you some ways to
combat this problem plaguing the pick-up
community in part 2 of my Anti-Slut
Defense article.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
8. Right now, I’m going to give you a very
indepth view and explanation of what goes
on in my mind and other women’s mind
when it comes to sex.
If you think guys have it hard when it
comes to dating and sex, then think about
it from a woman’s perspective. We have a
completely different- very specific- set of
cultural imperatives and influences that
make sexual expectations technically and
literally INSURMOUNTABLE for us.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
9. Let us take, for example, the mixed
message that barrages young girls, that of
the Madonna and the Whore. This is
probably one of the most famous and
most damaging of influences that drives
women BATSHIT CRAZY.
What this is, is an impossible contradiction
for any woman to aspire to.
It cannot but done.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
10. But here we have society which is
bombarding me with messages that both
society and men will worship and value a
woman who is thin, beautiful, vacuous and
SEXUALLY AVAILABLE.
But at the same time, I’m told to be a a
―good‖ girl who will only have sex on my
wedding day while sluts will go burn in
hell.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
11. Society basically says I have to be a Sexy
Whore because men value it.
And that I have to be a Matronly Madonna
because men value it. But I cannot be
both. If I am one, then I cannot be the
other.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
12. And it’s not just MEN promoting this
impossible double standard, it’s actually
other women, our culture, our family, and
our religion.
This is deeply ingrained into our societal
expectations and guidelines that it is no
wonder young girls come out deeply
damaged and flawed with warped,
contradictory, and almost unfathomable
attitudes surrounding sex.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
13. And that’s where the Anti-Slut
Defense comes from.
It is an unobtainable, too perfect ideal of
virginal whorish perfection that no
modern, sexual woman could ever hope to
achieve although we’re forced to try
everyday in order preserve our sanity,
reputation, and self-image. Not to mention
protecting us from bodily harm and rape.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
14. And people are a product of their
surroundings. Men and women are
constantly influenced by pop-culture, ads,
music, and television.
If you can see or hear it, it’s an influence
whether you like it or not. In case you
haven’t noticed, in the last century or so,
the female influence in society has
changed drastically, especially on a
decade-to-decade basis.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
15. For example at the turn-of-the-century in
the early 1900s, women played little
public role in most aspects of government
and business.
It wasn’t until 1920-when women gained
the right to vote–were their voices
collectively heard. This was one of the first
major movements for women as a whole.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
16. That liberation had a cascade effect, such
that in the following decades, almost
everything changed, from fashion and
leisure to influence in society and career
opportunities.
The momentum continues to this day, and
many women have become powerful
leaders on the global political and
economic stages (Hilary Clinton,
anyone?).
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
17. In 2012, however, the media plays a
much larger role, feeding messages into
the public arena that can come off as
pretty extreme—especially compared to
the standards of 1900—and come at
women from every angle and almost
incessantly all day long.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
18. Women are featured in fashion ads
wearing barely-there clothing, in
submissive poses, and being stick-thin
(And, worse, even now ads seem almost
white-washed, with most ads and films
lacking in any meaningful sort of
ethnicity—there are hardly any women of
color!).
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
19. Simply put, there is a lot of pressure on
women—literally hundreds of times a
day—to lose weight, have larger breasts,
be taller or shorter, wear less, and to do
less.
It might come as a surprise, then, to
understand that these things can lead to
the convoluted chick logic that causes
Anti-Slut Defense.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
20. If women are barraged by messages
telling them they aren’t good enough, that
they need to change, you can bet that for
many women, a feeling of just not being
good enough can lead to reluctance—even
with a guy they like a lot.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
21. Because of this emphasis on appearances
and the pressure to conform, many
women are subject to a more public
version of this problem: putting women
down for some perceived (real or
imagined) wrong.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
22. The most extreme example of this can be
seen in celebrity media: stars like Jennifer
Aniston can be labeled a good girl one
week and a cheater the next, just on the
whim of a tabloid writer or her publicist
looking for a few bucks or cheap publicity.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
23. Everyone that has ever been to high
school knows that there is a class ―slut.‖
That girl is someone whose reputation
whether real or not, led them to be seen
as easy to sleep with or maybe have many
sexual partners.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
24. The grown-up version of this (and this is
purely for example) is the office slut, the
boss’s secretary, or the naughty teacher.
You all know this woman.
You may even be guilty of perpetuating
the gossip surrounding her in the
workplace. For some of these women, one
misstep or seemingly innocent gossip can
essentially ruin their reputation before
they even have time to set the record
straight. Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
25. Similarly in the Asian community, this
antagonism can often come from other
Asian women just as bad—or worse!—than
from men. There are also the cases of
Asians putting down other Asians.
As supportive of each other as they seem
on the surface, females can be a petty,
very catty bunch. And, believe it or not,
this behavior is even regularly seen in
close circles of girlfriends.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
26. So what does all this mean to you? It
essentially means that you can do
everything right but she still might
ultimately have reservations stemming
from her Anti-Slut Defense based on the
fact that a girl has to watch out for
herself! By the time she is in your bed
making out with you, you might assume,
“Game on!”
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
27. But: do not be deceived, because your job
is not over yet.
When a girl is in this situation, there are
hundreds of thoughts (those ASDs!)
running through her head besides the fact
that she’s into you. These include but
certainly are not limited to:
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
28. “I shouldn’t do this.”
”I really want to sleep with him!”
”I can’t do this.”
”I wonder if he’ll ever call me after
this.”
”Shit, I don’t have a condom!”
”My roommate is going to be mad at
me for this one!”
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
29. ”I wonder if he remembers my
name?”
”Do I even know his last name?”
”He probably thinks I do this all of
the time.”
”I wonder if he does this a lot.”
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
30. The list goes on and on. While you’re
trying to figure out how to take her
clothes off, she’s trying to think about how
to get out of this one without getting hurt
or, worse, trying not to look like a slut.
If she’s truly having ASD she will
eventually vocalize these feelings by
saying something like ―We can’t sleep
together‖ or ―I don’t have one night
stands.‖ Fear not—there are numerous
ways to cope with this reaction.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
31. But, at this moment, you’re probably
blaming yourself, thinking ―What did I do
wrong?‖ This is totally normal to feel
frustration, but whatever you do (and this
is extremely important), don’t get angry,
forceful, or needy.
There is nothing creepier in this world
than a guy who tries to continue to get
sex from a girl who has said she wants to
STOP.
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com
32. You aren’t going to force her to want to
have sex with your or manipulate,
deceive, or lie to her in order for her to
sleep with you. Instead, with a little help
from me, you’re going to make her as
comfortable as possible with you as a man
so that she’ll WANT to have sex with you
despite her Anti-Slut Defense.
Stay tuned for Part 2 of my ASD article!
http://www.abcsofattraction.com
Copyright: http://www.abcsofattraction.com