The document discusses "learning connections", which are relationships based on people's inauthentic qualities resonating with each other. These connections provide an opportunity for personal growth by confronting aspects of one's self that need improvement. They tend to be intense and problematic. The goal is to address lessons the relationship teaches until the need to repeat that dynamic disappears. True partnerships are different in that both people contribute to each other's growth. Learning connections serve as catalysts for growth by highlighting personal strengths or weaknesses to work on.
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Enhancing your positive partnership.docx
1. Enhancing your positive partnership.
I soon began to understand the implications of people's problems and
inauthenticities on the components of a relationship. This inauthentic material
will usually be significant for what is resonating (or scraping) between two
people's energies because the inauthentic overlay contributes to and
influences one's overall energy.
Often, rather than their true selves, the attraction between two people is their
"stuff."
One of the more common manifestations of this type of reverberation, for
example, is when a dependent person—who may also be delicate sincerely or
may come from an oppressive background—engages sincerely with someone
who has solid and controlling energy, or when someone who is open genuinely
and needs to communicate and interact with their partner honestly is involved
with someone who is genuinely shut down or removed and, as a result, neither
accessible genuinely nor positioned towards really transparently interacting
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I have witnessed situations when the "stuff" of two people is so disorienting
and frequently resonant that it fits together like a confusing set of matching
keys fitting into each other's locks. This kind of reverberation frequently leads
to a state of button-pushing or, regrettably, shared reliance. (Therefore, the
word codependency.) These kinds of relationships usually represent a
confluence of troublesome energies; they could be love/disdain links or highly
unpredictable, and they are rarely "all good." They can also be really draining
and are frequently very challenging.
Relationships based on inauthentic material are often doomed to failure,
despite popular belief to the contrary.
Since they have protection from what is happening as well as reluctance over
leaving, I have encountered a number of people who were in this kind of
relationship and may have persevered for a very long period. Various clients
may withdraw themselves in a shorter amount of time. The singular's cycle and
2. development, as well as his or her status for or protection from change, usually
influence whether, how, and when these relationships are resolved.
When a decision is made to end a relationship, it's usually done so because the
person initiating the change has progressed over time to the point where they
can learn certain lessons from the connection and the partnership no longer
feels or meets needs. The reverberation is thus no longer present. (This third
choice example serves as an illustration of the common quirk that, if people
around us aren't also learning and growing, we may grow beyond them.
When Kristen Zambucka said, "We grow out of individuals, spots, and things as
we unfurl," she depicted this distinctiveness. Aside from this, it benefits the
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decide to part ways with us and voice their opinions, it can be
discouraging.however, let them go. They were looking in a different direction
and at a different stage.
This can be uncomfortable for us, especially if we don't realize that, if our
energies are directed correctly, any prior feelings of intimacy usually disappear.
Moreover, if we don't realize that this "changing of accomplices" is a sign of
something good about us—that is, our growth as individuals.)
After some time and repeatedly witnessing this kind of interaction, I realized
that these connections—which rely on the partners' false statements
resonating—are what I now refer to as realizing connections.
As a result, we usually get into such relationships primarily with the intention
of learning and growing through the process of dealing with our inauthentic
things. This learning purpose is, generally speaking, the primary motivation
behind these kinds of relationships. This is evident in the ideal partner or
accomplice relationship, where we may contribute to one other's growth, but
it is not the only factor in the partnership.
3. The benefit of learning connections is that they frequently provide excellent
catalysts for our own growth.
Generally speaking, the goal of every learning interaction will be to fix or
enhance one aspect of our stuff. In other words, as Mike Murdock once said,
"Every relationship sustains a strength or shortcoming inside you."
Furthermore, we are usually doomed to keep repeating the example until we
address any lessons the relationship is trying to teach us and we "get" them. In
other words, we can have an example of progressively moving into comparison
connections. Realizing that we have a role model in our relationships can help
us realize that we have issues of our own to address. Isaiah Berlin wrote, "To
comprehend is to see designs," which includes our own instances.
4. All else being equal, we could stay trapped in the example for a longer period
of time if we don't feel that we have anything to cope with in ourselves. Until
we figure out how to metaphorically point that finger back towards ourselves
and search within to see what we want to chip away at or change in ourselves,
we will frequently project our misery and fault remotely and denounce all men
or all ladies as being “useless,” “inaccessible,” and so on. "Everything that
annoys us about other people can help us understand ourselves" (Jung). As
Molière put it, however, "One ought to inspect oneself for quite a while prior
to considering censuring others."
A small digression from this theme of projection and flaw centers on the
"heros" among us.
Heroes (not the embodiment type) are usually good-hearted people who never
stop trying to protect and assist others; in some circumstances, they even go
so far as to admit that this is what drives them in daily life. In a similar vein to
those who openly project their own stuff and criticize others and things bigger
than themselves, Heroes often have to go inward for what they need to save
themselves, pointing fingers metaphorically back at themselves. An illustration
of expecting to save others is that it often diverts attention away from one's
possessions and internal goals. "There is just a single corner of the universe
you can be sure of improving and that is yourself," said Aldous Huxley.
Since these often problematic or potentially challenging relationship
interactions energize us more through the force of feeling, learning
connections—especially those that draw us truly in an intense way—are places
of strength by which we might grow.
All things considered, I gained a valuable lesson in confidence from a strained
and problematic relationship. Regardless, the example is extremely meaningful
and enduring, and it's possible that it will be even more permanently etched in
me given the severity of the difficulties and intense struggle I faced.
5. What we stand to gain, for instance, from connections will vary from person to
person and can include developing confidence, becoming less latent and
submissive, learning how to be more genuinely approachable, being extremely
mindful, becoming less narcissistic, or even demonstrating a deep
understanding of connections.