A humorous 'grumpy old man' talk I did at the Belfast BBQ Bash, complaining about all the things in tech that annoy me...

1. training@instil.co
June 2018
© Instil Software 2018
BBQ BASH
Technology Rant

2. BENVOLIO
Why, what is Tybalt?
MERCUTIO
More than Prince of Cats. Oh, he’s the courageous
captain of compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song,
keeps time, distance, and proportion. He rests his minim
rests—one, two, and the third in your bosom. The very
butcher of a silk button, a duelist, a duelist, a gentleman of
the very first house of the first and second cause. Ah, the
immortal passado, the punto reverso, the hai!

3. For 1-on-1 Duelling

4. For the Melee…

5. Note the Hand Position…

6. Note the Different Hand Position

7. There is no perfect tool or method
What works in one context is suicidal in others
Special purpose tools only suit special circumstances
We never want to ‘fight in remiss’
Lessons Learned

8. WTAF Are We Going?

9. I Give Up…

10. Java
Scal
a

11. Lets Write More Boring Software

12. JSE Meh

13. Java is a legacy language!
But in Java 11…
Kotlin has it today!!
Scala had it
years ago!!
No one gives
a **** about
modules!!

14. fun main(args: Array<String>) {
val numbers = mutableListOf<Int>()
val scanner = Scanner(System.`in`)
val endOfInput = Regex("X{3}")
println("Enter some numbers or three 'X' to finish")
while (scanner.hasNextLine()) {
if (scanner.hasNext(endOfInput.toPattern())) {
break
} else if (scanner.hasNextInt()) {
numbers += scanner.nextInt()
} else {
val mysteryText = scanner.nextLine()
println("Ignoring $mysteryText")
}
}
//Would be better to use ‘numbers.sum()’
val total = numbers.fold(0, Int::plus)
println("Total of numbers is: $total")
}
A Simple Kotlin Example
Points to note:
 No redundant class
 No semi-colons
 Type inference
 Both ‘val’ and ‘var’
 Helper functions
 String interpolation
 Simplified collections
 Interop with Java types
 Simpler use of FP

15. Great Things Are Afoot in the Scala World…

16. Browser Bashing

17. Why Are We Causing Ourselves This Much Harm???

18. Ye Goode Old Days…

19. How should we code the UI?
Angular React
Vue.js

20. The Joy of Browser UI Testing…

21. I’m an Android
app developer So what does
that feel like?

22. Monad Envy

23. Kotlin and Arrow

24. fun printPostcode(person: Person) {
val result = Option.monad().binding {
val address = person.residence().bind()
val location = address.location().bind()
location.value().bind()
}.fix()
println(result.fold( { "No postcode available" },
{ "Postcode of $it" }))
}
Using Option as a Monad in Arrow and Scala
def printPostcode(person: Person) {
for (
place <- person residence;
code <- place location;
result <- code value
) println(result)
}

25. Scala and Cats

26. Scala with Cats

27. Also F# is a Thing Again…

28. Markup Madness

29. Finally Someone Gets It…

30. Finally Someone Gets It…

31. Funky Fluxes

32. Why do we have Project Reactor?

33. We still see progress reinventing the wheel

34. Really Reactive?

35. Really Reactive?

36. You May Remember Relational Databases…

37. Fresh Browser Hell

38. How to use WebSockets?
Where is WebAssembly?
Where is the W3C?
Have we stalled?
Will Someone Please Tell Me…

39. JEE Wat?

40. WTF is Going on with JEE?

41. WTF is Going on with JEE?

42. Vendor Locked-In

43. Remember Container Portability?
WAR
Tomcat
WebLogic
WebSphere
Jetty

44. Not Seeing A Lot Of Vendor Independence Here…

45. In Summary

46. In Summary

47. In Summary