The ideal mother by maulana muhammad hanif abdul majid

" die
IDEAL
mother
By.
MaulanaMuhammad Hamf
‘AbdulMajid
Approved By.
MuftiNizamud-Din-Shamzi
Sahib (rahmatullah alayh)
A comprehensive book outlining the principles of
begin an ideal mother
KARACHI -VAUSW

>t
Title : The Ideal Mother
By : MaulSna Muhammad Hanif
'Abdul Majid
Translated By Ex-Teacher Darul Ulum
Newcastle ■ South Africa
: Mufti Muhammad Kadwa
Publication Department Madrasah
Arabia Islamia
Publication no : A 206
First Edition : Safar 1424 A.H
April 2003
Second Edition : Safar 1425 A.H
April 2004
Mutt Niz^1
,ud-DinShSn«iSa!!lb
foreword by
About this book..... .......... ....................................
^Important Appeal........ ....................................
Request for ........................ ...................
Howtore«nhisBook................ '........................
An Important Request...................
Dedicated To:............................
The First Month ofPregnancy.......................
The Cheerfulness ofthe Mother during Pregnancy
Ponder over Jannah................................................
Smile..................................................................
...7
...9
...9
...9
.10
.12
.13
.16
.19
.25
26
Available in South Africa
Madrasah Arabia Islamia
P.O. Box 9786
Azaadville
1750
South Africa
Tel : (011)413-2786
Fax :(Oil)413-2787
E-mail: mai!786@,hotmail.com
Available in U.K
Al-Farooq International
1 Atkinson Street,
Leicester,
LE5 3QA
Ph : 0116 253 7640
Fax : 0116 262 8655
Mobile : 07855 425 358
E-mail : alfarooqintemational@yahoo.com
Published By:
MARTABA DARUL HUDA
Room # 8 First Floor Shah Zeb
Terrace, Near Muqaddas Masjid,
Urdu Bazar Karachi - Pakistan
Tel: 021-7761671
Du’a for alleviating Grief. 27
Refrain from backbiting and lies during Pregnancy............
Increase your Good Deeds during Pregnancy...............
Intention ofthe Pregnant Mother.........
The Ninth Month ofPregnancy
During Pregnancy reflect over tt ■ .........................
Ta’ala..... he Unity and Might of
. -Femal'Children . ............................. Ab°minable
°ne W°man cruel Bou»‘y ofAllah T
....28
....32
....33
....34
Allah
....35
....36
-..38
-38
-41
-43
-48

107
108
Ideal Mother 2
Educational Letters............................................................... 51
The Mother’s First Gift to the Child.......................................61
Decrease in Breast Milk.........................................................63
The First Experience..............................................................65
Food, Medication and Precaution...........................................66
One ofthe ChiefCauses of Illness amongst Infants............... 67
Baby bottles, Feeders and Pacifiers........................................67
Guidelines on Child-Rearing and Precautionary Hints...........69
The Virtues of Bringing up Children......................................75
The Injunction of Salah and Tilawat following the birth of the
Child......................................................................................76
Post-Natal Responsibilities ofthe Parents..............................79
The Sunnats ofAzan..............................................................80
Why does a Suckling Infant Cry?...........................................83
The Mother as a Family Unit................................................. 85
Develop amongst your Children the habit
ofobserving Salam.................................................................89
The meaning ofthe word ‘tahiyyah ......................................90
The Islamic form of Greeting surpasses all other forms of
Greetings........................................................ 90
Affection and Motherhood.....................................................96
Inappropriate Pampering is Detrimental to the Child............. 97
Your Responsibilities over the Child’s
Reprehensible Habits..................................................... 99
Chastising the Child...................................................... 100
Inappropriate Motherly Affection...................................... 103
Childhood Stubbornness - The Remedy.................. 105
..."'2........Comply"1^107 ..................... the psychology
«6',nChil^^»dica"yanalySe ..................
neM°il’crsh°u P ...........................
....j7777.......
...........................................................................
3. Good counsel............ •’.................... ...................
The Self-Detemination of...........
The Mother should pm her hop
Behind every Successful Man stands an
important Woman..................................
The Mother should make Du’a for her Children.............
Close Supervision and Upbringing of Children..............
The Mother’s Primary Responsibility..............................
The Foundation ofthe Child’s Health..............................
The Rearing ofChildren........................................
The Basic Principles ofChild Rearing...............
The Psychological Nurturing ofthe Child
The Importance ofPersonal Hygiene
A few Guidelines on Hygiene... ......................
Affection towards Children - A ty •..............................
D*nse the Concept „fTau7 CGlft...................
oftheChild.......... aUhldlnto «ery Fibre
........................
Tk^eeCode * °ldC'lRul“....... ........................
........................................................... ...
111
111
112
112
113
114
...121
...125
...129
...131
...132
...133
...133
...134
...136
...139
-148
155
160
161
165
166

Ideal Mother________________________________________ 4
(2) Total abstention from lies.........................................167
(3) The habit ofserving others (Social work).............. 168
Teach the Children to converse courteously..........................171
Respect for Seniors............................................................... 173
A few Important Points on Child Rearing.............................174
Children and the Twelve Golden Rules.................................176
Children require your Individual Attention...........................177
The Mother’s Influence on the Children................................182
Parent’s Inappropriate Conduct with the Child......................185
Do not Threaten your Children.............................................191
Make your Children Courageous..........................................195
Just wait for your Father to Return.......................................199
Do not turn out a Spineless Child......................................... 201
Do not make False Promises to the Child..............................202
The Craving for Shop Food.................................................. 202
Provide your Children with a Well-Balanced Diet................203
Provide your Children a Good Breakfast...............................205
Smile unto a Crying Infant.....................................................207
The Virtues ofmaintaining Happiness
amongst Children................................................................. 210
Ill feelings ofthe Heart and Forgiveness...............................211
Acceding to the Demands ofChildren..................................213
Do not turn your Children into Slaves.................................. 214
Do not apprehend your Children ‘Red-Handed’................... 215
Upon Returning from School............................................... 219
How to make the Child Submissive......................................222
Do not Ridicule the Child.................................................... 224
pevelop a
Chi'dren’S t0
*^^rCbl7........ .....
TheBal>llofSt‘ t.YesWNo?""w gdoing-
...........
*‘h t0 Divine .......................
Complin .................................
The Assurance o your Chlldren ••
Develop the Love o Good Actions.
Congratulate your Children o ...............
Bolster the Children’s Courage,........
The MimickingNature ofChildren................
Your Children should speak good Urdu.................
The Inquisitive Nature ofthe Child........................
Educate your Children Practically..........................
Is your ChildDull-Witted?...................................
Educating Dull-Witted Children............................
Revive Three Sunnats when teaching the Children................ 264
Television is Detrimental to Children.............
Protect you Children from Evil Company and
Immoral Friends.......
....
Xet:ie*sha'rtM^....
Alrangea Library forth
268
270
270
73
74
t0 your Adolescent

Ideal Mother___________________________________ 6
Kitabs (books) for Yourself:..................................................275
Kitabs for the Children...........................................................276
A Soft Tone and a Sweet Tongue..........................................276
Discipline and Efficiency.......................................................279
Self-Confidence.....................................................................281
Words ofAdvice to Mothers..................................................286
Advice to Daughters by Maulana Muhammad Surti
rahmatullahi 'alaih.................................................................................. 291
Respect towards Elders..........................................................292
Preparation for School or Madrasah......................................294
Characteristics ofa Daughter.................................................294
The Phase ofMarriage...........................................................295
Living with the In-Laws.........................................................296
The Etiquette ofEating..........................................................298
Teach the following etiquette ofeating to
your children:........................................................................ 298
Don’t ever make this Mistake.................................................299
The Reward ofPatience on the Death of a Child...................301
The Book ‘Ideal Mother’ at a Glance....................................311
Test Yourself......................................................................... 320
S^A***'**
....
excellence orthegroundworkforhis inclination iO evil. 1HIS 1>
theschool from which the child assimilates either righteous or
evil habits and character. This is the first institute from which
the child imbibes either the spirit ofobedience or the bane of
disobedience. Hence, it is the responsibility ofthe mother that
shenurturesherchild in such a manner that the snirir nfTVr. •in every fibre ofthe child TheXT°‘ ?“ 3
Iso required to inculcate these virh ' mother is
hismother.
If the mother inculcates favourable character, observes her
salah regularly and refrains from evil and sin, the child will
automatically follow the same route. In such a cs-a tk „
wouldn’t be any additional need to pay particnh ’ •
his spmtual upbringing. P ' parllcular attention to
F°Ween hundred years n
mothers of certain/ §0’ Rasulullah a • f
B>«4X^cp™ciPicsofnX; ^ormed
brought theit S”8 priacipfe Childr«l.
He, elo,eofAllih s hlldren in a y klan"c law
arts.

Ideal Mother
.....275
.... 276
..... 276
..... 279
..... 281
rahmatullahi ‘alaih .......................................................................291
298
299
.301
.311
.320
F„rev»°rd
„ ch&ifi# if todaV
chMren „ , the moth® * th.e { of the child s
accepted * lies the foundation o This 1S
sSsgs-'Es-.s
the child imbibes either tn P Onsibihty of the morn
S-ienec. He«e > the resp^ spint of Din s
She nurtures her Child 1 hiU Therefore, the mother
imbibed in every fibre of attributes within her
^dlX^to^bismofher.
If the mother inculcates favourable character, observes her
salah regularly and refrains from evil and sin, the child will
automatically follow the same route. In such a case, there
wouldn’t be any additional need to pay particular attention to
his spiritual upbringing.
* ,nfo™ed the
___ __ eir ent're nves
Kitabs (books) for Yourself:........
Kitabs for the Children.................
A Soft Tone and a Sweet Tongue
Discipline and Efficiency.............
Self-Confidence............................
Words of Advice to Mothers...................................................
Advice to Daughters by Maulana Muhammad Surti
Respect towards Elders............................................................ 292
Preparation for School or Madrasah.......................................294
Characteristics of a Daughter...................................................294
The Phase of Marriage............................................................. 295
Living with the In-Laws...........................................................296
The Etiquette ofEating............................................................ *298 *
Teach the following etiquette of eating to
your children:........................................................
Don't ever make this Mistake...............................
The Reward of Patience on the Death of a Child
The Book ‘Ideal Mother’ at a Glance.................
Test Yourself.........................................................

Ideal Mother
8
revolved around the spirit of Islam. People like Ibnu ‘Umar --fc
Ibnu ‘Abbas and Ibnu Zubair were the fruits of this
upbringing.
By the same token, it is imperative upon the mother herself to
obey her husband, the father of her children, and to encourage
her children to obey him and regard him as the head of the
household.
With this heartfelt objective in mind, my colleague Maulana
Muhammad Hanif ‘Abdul Majid Sahib and his friends have
compiled a few reformational books like Tohfa-e-Dulhan and
Tohfa-e-Dulha etc. which are quite effective in eliminating
social problems and conducive in yielding a spiritually healthy
society. The Kitab under review, ‘The Ideal Mother’ is also part
of these series. This book deals with, amongst other things, the
correct Islamic principles of raising children and the Islamic
formulae for moulding them as perfect Muslims.
This humble servant has cast a glance over selected parts of the
book. I’m sure the other parts ofthis book are authentic as well.
The writing of the book is sincere, simple and all
encompassing. The masses would find it easy to understand. I
am of the view that this book, like the previous two, is quite
beneficial in the upbringing ofthe child.
May Allah accept this book and grant the Ummah the divine
guidance to practice upon it and may He render this book a
source of treasure in the hereafter for Maulana as well as his
colleagues and may Allah grant him the ability to continue
providing such services to His Din. Amin.
Mufti Nizamud-Din Shamzi
knllld take m
-thespiotua'jldandf°rsin®
con become a
of the child
the dispel" hoW to
,n engender the
iureil'csee“su*H4fiz ‘Alim and le child can
desireofb«o®n8^-ls his heart and h _ ........
recognise the j'ath“S '"'dealt'with in
roam other such issues are®.
.u-tlreP^X
Thiscan
£-
desire his heart ana uu ...... and
“ X.*.Xs l=adersliiPwlX ^rbook 'which can
her a role model. We cherish principles will bring
the practical implementation of these Pnn^P
about a spiritually wholesome and peaceful society and ev y
household may become a reflection ofheavenly attributes.
An Important Appeal
You are a model mother. If you are really appreciative of the
fact tat you have nurtured your children the Islamic way and
oid ta oTuntryta “eiemnla h°Pe WOuld
a brief account of ™ fUmish
ofthis book. we may publish it i
Ah earnest
bluest f(lrDul.
h eamest apnea] ;
benefit from tu l S made to all k
duas—nri--

Ideal Mother________________________________
revolved around the spirit of Islam. People like Ibnu ‘L
Ibnu ‘Abbas and Ibnu Zubair were the fruits
upbringing.
By the same token, it is imperative upon the mother herself to
obey her husband, the father of her children, and to encourage
her children to obey him and regard him as the head of the
household.
With this heartfelt objective in mind, my colleague Maulana
Muhammad Hanif ‘Abdul Majid Sahib and his friends have
compiled a few reformational books like Tohfa-e-Dulhan and
Tohfa-e-Dulha etc. which are quite effective in eliminating
social problems and conducive in yielding a spiritually healthy
society. The Kitab under review, ‘The Ideal Mother’ is also part
of these series. This book deals with, amongst other things, the
correct Islamic principles of raising children and the Islamic
formulae for moulding them as perfect Muslims.
This humble servant has cast a glance over selected parts ofthe
book. I’m sure the other parts ofthis book are authentic as well.
The writing of the book is sincere, simple and all
encompassing. The masses would find it easy to understand. I
am of the view that this book, like the previous two, is quite
beneficial in the upbringing ofthe child.
May Allah accept this book and grant the Ummah the divine
guidance to practice upon it and may He render this book a
source of treasure in the hereafter for Maulana as well as his
colleagues and may Allah grant him the ability to continue
providing such services to His Din. Amin.
Mufti Nizamud-Din Shamzi
You are a model mother. If you are really appreciative of the
fact that you have nurtured your children the Islamic way and
they in turn are serving Din, or you hope that they would serve
Din and the country in an exemplary manner, kindly furnish us
with a brief account of your experiences. For the benefit and
2X°k“,her Paren‘S'",ay pUb’ish il in the next

Ideal Mother
10
them, grant them divine guidance to continue with
ma^ HC ReeP tHem Steadfast Similarly rememb ’
all the Muslims in your du‘as. Wassalam. Y’ b r
How to read this Book
Remember that the intention of a Muslim is of paramount
importance. Hence, before reading this book, make the
intention that I am reading this book to please Allah and that
I will endeavour to practice whatever Dini-related issues are
mentioned in this book. If you read it with this intention, Allah
S will definitely grant you the divine ability to practice. If you
do encounter any difficulty in carrying out anything, Allah
will simplify it for you due to your sincere intention and the
barakah of your purpose. Whatever time you spend in reading
this book will all be regarded as Din and as a form of ‘ibadah.
This kitab (book) is vital for a favourable family life. If the
family is disciplined, society will also be disciplined. If one’s
domestic life is in order then his life outside the home will also
be in order. Hence we urge you to earnestly read these advices
on domestic reformation and try as far as possible to refrain
from the warnings mentioned in this book. (These are such
offences which women, either out of negligence or out of
inexperience tend to perpetrate thereby leading to their own
detriment.) Read this book with the intention of self
reformation and with the intention that I will refrain and make
others refrain from such offences. I hope you keep in mind our
plea during the course of your reading.
“ • devow
a5p»sSlbll,t>i
’■ Teo’* W in STth”e wh°le b00k in average daily read.
-.-srSUrepeatedly d“ “
accordingly.
Another benefit of keeping a pen at hand is that you_
able to add on some additional points whic yo
benefit another reader. Also whilst studying this book, you, as a
Muslim woman or as a wife or as a mother may want to share
some point of responsibility with your Muslim sisters which
they may find conducive to alleviating their domestic problems.
You may share your advices with the others by jotting down
notes in the margin or alternatively if you feel that something
beneficial has been left out from this book make a note of it §
a separate sheet of paper under n’ ; 1 °f 11 On
1 Before reading this book, make du’a saying: "O Allah!
' Render this book a source ofmy guidance and make me die
coolness of my husband’s eyes and the best of all his
possessions and make me a pious and model mother for my
children.” ,
Specify the page numbed and r j headlng ‘elaboration’.
teworte*«thisbo<>l<. remember all ,b
bless® Chlldrc" that mhe“ “n<1 'hat they ho & en8enders
J0Vdu’a eW4°"them
y S1ngle day

Ideal Mother
12
saying: “O Allah, cultivate true love between all those who are
tying the knot of nikah today and render this union a source of
pious children.”
Offer this book to other women as well. Also draw the attention
of other women towards those aspects of this book dealing with
imam (faith) and akhlaqi (moral) progress.
And finally, we request your special du’as for the author of this
book, the authors of the books employed in the compilation of
this book, and the ‘Ulama or others who guided this publication
and those who assisted in the publication of this book in any
way whatsoever. You will also benefit from this du‘a. Do not
overlook us whilst making du‘a. May Allah Si- reward you.
r An Important Request
During the course of your reading this book, if you do come
across any error or deficiency or if you feel the need to forward
any constructive criticism, kindly inform the publishers or the
Ustadhs (teachers) of Madrasah Baytul-‘Ilm, Gulshan-e-Iqbal,
Karachi. We would be greatly indebted to you and we will
remember you in our special du‘as. Insha Allah Ta’ala.
she 1s
„ the she P«ceiv« of this
♦ The All® Ta’*'* >" ®
mother who hopes for great reward and exercises
’patience upon the difficulties ofpregnancy andI forth.
❖ The motherwho is very loving and very fertile.
❖ The motherwho has made a firm resolution to nurture ner
children the Islamic way and she is determined to embellish
themwith outstanding character and morals.
❖ The mother who is a model mother to her children and
when she departs from this world, her children remember her
Wassalam.

15
roSen^ &S
mV Pr°^
Ideal Mother
Falling Pregnant is a
Once a woman has confirmed her pregnancy she u ,
express her gratitude before Allah Ta’ala, as this is infe"
great bounty of AUMl Ta'ala. This is such a boon that ™ ’
people beseech Allah Ta’ala throughout their lives for pious
children but Allah Ta’ala has destined otherwise. In fact one of
the greatest Prophets of Allah Ta’ala, Hadrat Ibrahim used
to supplicate to Allah Ta’ala most profoundly and frequently.
Even Hadrat Zakariyya S&3 used to supplicate for children most
passionately and fervently during the latter part of his life.
Hence, a Muslim woman is required to express her gratitude
unto Allah Ta’ala for this great bounty. Gratitude may be
expressed in the following ways:
1. Recite the following du’a very frequently:
i n Allah’ All praises are due to You alone and I
Lp" gratitude unto You alone (for granting me the
honour of motherhood).
i nfnafl salah. Whilst in
" du’a as
wel,;
r ji mpss me from yuu
Translation: O my Lord. ngOfthedu‘a.
chMren. Verily You are all-heanng
det*16,nrd'.£erid rdu‘aS’ • meh a
^erTrVto forge hopeSand SP
3 Recite the following pi ^r! W
(paradise)- disputes^**!
theb»“nt,es j the daily J3 inVOlving
maintain strictslle^in a friendly and tr°u . £ immediately
tend to hurt anyone,*ontinue vexing
Ut about the dispute If V on the unbom
Others, the evileffects of * f tte mother during pregnancy,
during this state has a |
profound effect on the unbom child.
J,: .
Hence, a Muslim woman should express gratitude at all times
especially during the period of her pregnancy. This gratitude
should in turn develop in her the love of Allah Ta’ala. She
should ponder that since Allah Ta’ala has blessed us with so
many bounties, we should also devote ourselves to Him To
disobey such a majestic benefactor- by strutting about vpil U
1j
I

Ideal Mother
B9~
The First Month of Pregnancy
Remember that you are not a single entity now. Now a child is
being nourished within your own body. With a bit ofprecaution
on your part, this child may become healthy, intelligent,
understanding, pious and religious. However, with your
negligence and indifference, the child may turn out to be weak,
sickly and incompetent.
Hence, your life should not be the same as it was before you
fell pregnant. Every moment should be passed with caution and
concern over the well-being of yourself as well your child.
Therefore, pay careful attention to the following points:
1. Be careful with your diet. Chew your food thoroughly before
swallowing. Avoid over-eating and abstain from food that can
cause constipation.
2. Eat green, fresh vegetables, like lettuce, cucumber etc. in
abundance. Make sure that they are clean and washed
before use.
3. Drink lots of sour-milk and milk. Drink as much milk as
your digestive system can handle. Milk is a very blessed form
ofnutrition. After consuming other types of food, Rasulullah
would utter:
Translation:
O Allah! Grant us food better than this (in
Jannah).
However, milk is of such a blessed nature that there is no food
better than milk since after drinking milk Rasulullah recited
the following du‘a:
it.
consume
beseeched Allah Ta a f mllk because
the human body in ' in other
foods are detrimental to the muscles and nervous system o
the mother and may also affect the child.
5. Ensure that you refrain from all types of medication during
pregnancy especially pain-relievers. If you are really
desperate, consult a reliable female (or male) doctor
explaining your pregnancy and conditions to her. It should
not be such that you are prescribed medication that is
onTe hbel ZT StateS
Hence, if you are really desperate to PFegnant Women-
make sure you scrutinize the label f S°me medic*tion
6 MXXefOre USlng *• make 3 ,horou8h
'S“T’ ™ fact from the
chili al adversely X with
- - ----_ y and mind is

Ideal Mother
18
well rested. This in turn is beneficial for the child as well and
it may simplify delivery ofthe child.
8. Avoid excessive hard work and picking up very heavy
objects as this may lead to a miscarriage. If your cruel
mother-in-law or hard-hearted sister-in-law compels you to
pick up heavy objects or forces you to carry out some
difficult task, then excuse yourself very politely and explain
to them that this task is beyond you and that you will pay a
labourer to carry out this task.
However, if your cruel mother-in-law or hard-hearted sister-in-
law fails to take pity on your condition, explain your
helplessness to your husband and with his permission, go to
your mother’s house to rest. If you are a sister-in-law to another
woman (your brother’s wife), do not be cruel to her as well.
The moment she falls pregnant, try to make her comfortable
and relaxed at all times. Your benevolence will not be directed
to your sister-in-law alone but you will be showing mercy to a
sinless child, a priceless gem, a blossoming flower, the
coolness of your brother’s eyes, a luminance of this worldly life
and a source of perpetual reward for the hereafter. The degree
of happiness and comfort of your sister-in-law or daughter-in-
law will, Insha Allah Ta’ala, determine the well-being, health,
robustness and happiness of the new arrival.
suckling mother. This is ychology-
affecting the the science P professional
byeXpenen n editary influenceS’S° the conditions
In fact, with of the opinion pregnancy
hakims (PhyslC1^ts during intercourse or [Tubfatul-
IffectingthePure t i sition of the ch ghoulcl
^TXXe Junng intercours6 the
2er X some pious deed or during
pregnanCy t6ofsomepiouspersonality. This will Insha Allah
Hence, the parents should be very punctual upon their five
times daily salah, especially the salah of Fajr. If both parents
perform their Fajr salah in the morning following the night of
conception, Insha Allah Ta’ala, the child will be obedient to the
parents as well as obedient to Allah Ta’ala.
Thus tae parents „h° forego their Fajr salah or disobey
Allah Ta ala and they fail to answer to the caller of an-u
Ta ala at the time of Fair there k a f Allah
also be disobedient just as they have be Chlldren wiU
L*Therefore, ontheni^ he ™i? d,SObedient t0 *eir
should get up for taA“e ‘C0“p,e “gage in intercourse
P‘°uschildren .nJ wnaJJUd and beseech Aim. r?lvuurse,
coolness X raaked“’S that the chiid Ta’a>a for
* “ »»• Xfofo .r be”tfl^VfcUT °Ut 10 a
"sb« should perforj;e"at perf F"ahat!aJge. If
inbaf The
ln the Musjid

Ideal Mother
------------------------------------ 20
whilst the wife should perform hers the moment the time sets
In order to divert her complete attention to her expected nr
S^ckhnf cJdd> the m°ther should try to remain calm and
cheerful. She should keep her body, mind, habits and
conditions in strict control so that at the very outset she will be
able to sow the seeds of good character within the child.
A wise mother was once asked about her child as to why he
cries so much. Sobbing with grief, she lamented: “When this
child was in my stomach, his father really harassed me and
made me weep all the time. This affected the child as well.”
This is why amongst the Arabs, even during the era of
ignorance, a pregnant woman would be pampered, cheered and
made comfortable and fearless during the entire period so that
the child may tum out to be brave, courageous, generous and
awe-inspiring in the face ofthe enemy.
This was one of the reasons, the doctors ofprevious times used
to hang pictures ofkings, scholars, pious and wise people in the
rooms of pregnant women so that the preponderance of such
people in the mind of the woman would make her child like his
predecessors. However, Islam has prohibited the pictures of
animate objects. Muslims are not permitted to hang pictures of
animate objects in their homes.
open
actions
f mercy do not entejjs^hose
R®* 'XX objectsreflect
““ P°ndfTerShe
Jigrous atfributes Of the P . 'anhum-S^
series of the Sahabah and Sag by footsteps rf these
should also invite others fo lo^ du.-: «q Allah!
in the
services of your Din. To achieve this end, during the course oi
your pregnancy, study the book, Hayatus-Sahabah, translated.
into Urdu by Maulana Ihsanul-Haq Sahib. (This book is also
available in English.)
Also try to remain very cheerful at all times. Irrespective of the
At this juncture we would like to clarify one point. Women m
some places hang pictures of European children or fictitious
pictures of saints or even pictures of then husbands in their
rooms so that continuous gazing of these pictures may leave
h^ediately^This is blatant disobedience to Allah Ta’ala and

Ideal Mother
22
Methods of averting Grief
1. Ponder over the bounties of Allah Ta’ala. Recall everv
minute bounty and ponder over the beneficence of Allah Ta’ala
in that He has bestowed us with these bounties even though we
were not deserving of His bounties. A poor person once
complained of his poverty to a wise man. The wise man asked:
“If someone offers you ten thousand in exchange of one eye or
twenty thousand in exchange of two eyes, would you accept
this deal?” The man replied in the negative. He then asked him:
“In exchange of one hand if you are offered ten thousand?” He
again replied in the negative. The wise man merely used parts
of his body to make a point. This in no way implies that the
parts of the body have a monetary value or it is permissible to
gift or bequeath them after death. In fact, this is haram. The
wise man then counted each of the various parts of his body
and explained to him that he is the owner of something worth
millions and he should express gratitude for this. If you express
gratitude before Allah Ta’ala, He will, in accordance to His
promise, grant you more and if you express remorse and
ingratitude and go on whining, your predicament will not cease
and above that you will be taken to task for showing
ingratitude. This poor man realized his error and repented. He
then promised to inculcate the attribute ofshukr (gratitude) and
departed from the wise man.
Therefore, instead of wailing upon the harassment of the
mother-in-law and sisters-in-law or instead ofwhining upon the
impermissible atrocities being committed by the husband or
instead of banishing herself to a life of loneliness, a Muslim
woman should ponder over the bounties of Allah Ta’ala. Think
to yourself that my mother-in-law has such and such
outstanding traits in her. Judging her from this angle, she is a
wonderful person. She does not complain about a number of
des me now and again,
elder than I am. I will
' -'^nr and I will be
I will
_ and evetlthings a"
re«rdedf»rlt'
"° '
ifsheUhaSa*o,,“anXvioUf-
““"^tasteful be^'
b1e factors of
.he should
.......
enquired about his health, are in order. IJ
is in order; my feet,he^’ey h Make du’a that my stomach
“oris, aU (he Qth
the>ody to forget the affected part. Peopte
well-versed in psychology say that this is a very effective form
of treatment through which a person may reduce or obliterate
his ailment or affliction. Perception of a man is quite important
inthe treatment of any ailment. The more a person is optimistic
and ponders over the available bounties of Allah Ta’ala, the
more this will assist him in alleviating his grief.
health,- overcome
Xi i She StepM out t0 P™oure a
le5Sedm^.thfeet?UhuvenotgivenrOaa he
shoes

Ideal Mother
24
So think of the positive tilings in life. In a few davs rim,
heart win feel at ease and the arrival of yourLwb^S
lustre to your life. 111 adc^
Remember that this world is not a place of happiness and fun.
This is actually a place of dejection and grief. In this world
each one of us is depressed (to some degree or the other). If you
do get happy over something, thank Allah Ta’ala that in place
of grief He has blessed you with happiness. Problems are
bound to come about. An intelligent woman is she, who in spite
of all her problems learns the art of keeping herself, her
husband and her children happy. She smiles herself and makes
others smile as well. The actual place of acquiring happiness,
peace, comfort and tranquillity is Jannah. All the bounties of
Jannah will be available to you once you get there. Here in this
world, you will have to live like a traveller. If good tea was not
available at a station or airport, you would not complain. In the
same manner, an intelligent Muslim mother would have no
complain over the inadequacies of this world.
Do not shed your blessed tears over the cruelties of your
mother-in-law and sister-in-law nor waste your blessed tears
over the hardships of your husband. Shed your blessed tears at
the time of tahajjud before the Lord and Master of the worlds.
Cry over your sins and make du’a for your Muslim sisters and
brothers the world over and make du’a for the divine g^da^
ofthe non-believers as well. May Allah Ta ala gran a us 1
sisters in general and expectant mothers the taufiq (divine
guidance) t! practice upon these advices and invite others
the same. Amin.
the fact that
f depre-- iDb SrS
* ‘TpreX*"' bleSS y°denTand streams
ofJani* P™®'
y»u'Please; ■ ,uhen you wiH encounter
Allah Ta’ala visually.ThinK the television so that my
«« prohihiud ‘tapwitness Alia Ta’aU
eyes may become *st—° then tomorrow on the day of
•»speech of
AllahTa’ala directly, how pleasurable will that be '
Sit in solitude and imagine that you are already sitting in
Jannah. For more information, read the book entitled Mahafile-
Jannat translated by Maulana Muhammad Faruq Hasan Zay
Sahib and read the commentary of Surah Rahman and Waqi‘ah
Shafl Sahib
bounty Of Allah Ta’ala and Inste S °Ver 7*
time you will start experiencing tU • r m a ^ew ^aYs
wrM and you will feel even/ h °f Jannah in this verv
fK‘eVery P«Plexity of this world stwin^
a11 Your

Ideal Mother
Such thoughts will turn a
flowery garden....’
Every Muslim sister should keep a copy of the book Mahafile-
Jannah and read it especially during the course of her
pregnancy. Ponder over the bounties and try to acquire Jannah
yourself and apply yourself to take your other sisters with you
into Jannah. Make du’a for them as well as the non-Muslim
sisters of this world. May Allah Ta’ala grant them the divine
guidance of entering the fold of Islam so that they may enter
Jannah with you. Amin.
Smile
A pleasant countenance is also one of the bounties of Allah
Ta’ala. A simple way of alleviating grief and keeping the
children and husband happy is to smile at everyone. It is said
that a smile is the key to the door of love. The soul is connected
to the mind, the mind is allied to the brain and the brain is
affiliated with the heart. Only that woman is beautiful -
externally or internally - who brings about happiness and
intimacy in the hearts ofthe children and husband.
Put it to the test yourself. Look at the smiling countenance of a
mahram (non-stranger) and you yourself will start smiling.
Looking at his smiling face and listening to his encouraging
speech is bound to kindle the spirit of happiness in your own
heart. You will want to- stay close to him as well. On the
contrary, if a face lacks even a trace ofa smile, a person speaks
as though a hacksaw has spliced through his face, facial
features are all monstrous, nose twitching with anger and the
person screams at the children so loudly that it disturbs the
neighbours, then this would surely upset you. You will want to
stay as far away as possible from such a person.
, -The hear, is
SS^-conhnuesnhW.
the child. Smile and pleasantly advise him over his faults and
errors. Welcome the women guests into your home with a
pleasant countenance. Speak pleasantly with your mother-in-
law and sisters-in-law. Come before your husband with a
smiling face. Together with a smiling face, let your eyes also
smile. Insha Allah, in a few days time your home will turn out
to be a garden ofbliss, peace and tranquillity This samp bnmp
eyes but they will be the star/and lum°lneSS f°r parent’s
comfort for the entire Muslim IIm 1 .maries and a source of
Du a for alleviating Grief
beneficeOntAllah besi<fes Wh
‘here
a,J«4*s'- 0 Allah,
Dazzar]
Translation: “]
i-
Alleviate

Ideal Mother
-----------------------------------------
Rasulullah & used to recite this du’a after the Fard salah. Every
Muslim woman should recite this du’a after every Fard salah
and when involved in other chores as well. Other du’as for
alleviating depression and anger and the remedy for it may be
found in our other publication ‘Mustanad Majmu‘ah Wazaif
which is also approved by Mufti Nizamud-Din Sahib.
Refrain from backbiting and lies during Pregnancy
Every Muslim woman is required to abstain from these two
spiritual maladies just as she refrains from a snake or lion.
Backbiting and lies are such baneful habits that they are
detrimental to other good deeds as well. This malady intervenes
between a man and his good deeds. When a person engages in
backbiting, all his good deeds are credited to the person who he
spoke about. As for speaking lies, it is a root for a number of
other sins. With regard to lies, Rasulullah & is reported to have
warned: “A person speaking lies can never be a Mu 'min
(believer).” In other words, it does not behove a believer to
speak lies. Therefore, if you wish to maintain piety amongst
your children, you will have to abstain from all forms of sin.
Pay particular attention to your salah - perform it the moment
the time sets in. If this is not possible, then at least perform
your salah the moment you hear the azan. Leave everything
else aside and perform your salah with devotion. Stop at every
verse and try to make your salah as lengthy as possible.
If possible, perform other nafl salahs like ishraq, tahajjud and
chasht as well. These salahs will develop a nur (light) in the
heart and they will also encourage you to abstain from sins like
backbiting, lies, intermingling etc. and it will also become
easier to perform good deeds.
This will also have a favourable effect on the expected child. If
a woman is considerate ofher five daily salah, her children will
5h.iike f
one ofthe
f-Si” ”t Ahe heart becomesbecomes
other Lrmance of ‘isha and fajrsaian becOmes
deeds’thePurXe of purdah (veiling onesel )
and the observance ol P
difficult.
Condition oftwo Gossiping Women
During the time ofRasulullah two women who were fasting
were on the verge ofdying due to experiencing extreme pangs
of hunger. When the Sahabah informed Rasulullah of
their plight, he sent a bowl to the women directing them to
vomit therein. They spewed out pieces offlesh and fresh blood
into the bowl. In response to the people’s surprise, Rasulullah
® sard. “They observed the fast with the halal sustenance
Just ponder over what backbiting did to them. It almost led to
their deaths. This was the era ofRasulullah Allah Ta’ala has
highlighted to us and everyone else until the day ofjudgement
that backbiting and other forms of sin have an adverse effect
even on our good deeds.
Many women chase after tawizes (amulets) for their children
because the children are disobedient, do not perform salah, do
not leam anything at madrasah and they really harass their
parents. Such women should cry and repent from their sins
whilst expectant mothers should refrain from all sins that may
affect, Allahforbid, the child as well asherselfinthe future.

Ideal Mother_______________________
Another point we learn from this hadith is that if you ba kx
about another woman like your mother-in-law or sister-in 1
etc., it is as though you really consumed their flesh In h?
Qur’an, Allah Ta’ala has likened backbiting to consuming i
flesh of a dead brother. 8 le
On one occasion, when Rasulullah S approached a group of
people, he ordered them to pick their teeth. They submitted: “0
Prophet of Allah! We have not even tasted meat today.”
Rasulullah said: “So and so’s flesh is sticking to your teeth
(as you had engaged in backbiting about him).” May Allah
Ta’ala protect us all since we are all negligent of this evil.
[Fadaile-A 'malp.662]
If a woman starts backbiting in your presence or you yourself
wish to talk ill about someone, then think for a minute:
1. If I rip off the shroud of my dead brother or sister and start
eating his flesh, it is such an evil deed. Backbiting is of a
similar nature; it is also a great evil. So what is the benefit of
engaging in such a pursuit?
2. The person about whom I am backbiting will be credited
with the reward of all my good deeds. So if I really love the
person why don't I recite a portion of the Qur’an or perform a
few rak‘at of nafl salah for that person instead. I will also
benefit in this case and my actions will not be in vain.
3. Backbiting will obviously not diminish the cruelty of your
mother-in-law and sister-in-law but it would no doubt diminish
your spiritual connection with Allah Ta’ala. So instead o
enduring a single punishment you will have to endure a double
punishment.
A simple way of abstaining from backbiting is that you refrain
from talking - favourably or unfavourably - about anyone. If
vou talk favourably about anyone, Shaytan is bound to make
you mention a few unfavourable words about that person as
11
Tof backbitinB;
*eB:vS'<^y >, ^seholdCchore oO^
Hence’ „r speech. yuu .pneficial noua others.
**"S topic very diplon’atlcal y
change the w
else' ik-tina try and implement the
I( somebody else is backbiting,
“?*d leave “ ^^evade the topic by
2 Employ some excuse rnnversation. For example, "its
drifting to some other topic o of Aliah Ta’ala" or
Sw^vety ill but With the help of Allah Ta’ala she has
recovered fully" etc. etc.
A number of maids have a habit of carrying tales from one
house to another. If the maid or any other relative speaks ill of
someone, stop him or her immediately. For example, if she
"* D° y°" know what Shakilah Bhabl says about
L a"h remam Sllent lmmediately. She will carry tales
ysasKffKttai
h"efc“Ctoe a t0Ugh SUn« like Sus of the maid

Ideal Mother
Hence, every woman is required to abstain from backbit
particularly during the pregnancy and suckling p^'J8
Experience bears evidence to the fact that the piety Of
woman during her pregnancy and the period in which she
suckles her child leaves a very lasting impression on the piety
of the child as well. The children will turn out to be pious and
they will refrain from sin and Insha Allah, they will be the flag
bearers of Islam.
Increase your Good Deeds during Pregnancy
The sages have written that the actions of a pregnant woman
during pregnancy have a profound effect on the expectant child.
In fact the most seemingly trivial deeds of the mother leaves
some impression on the child. Hence, the expectant mother
should continue performing good deeds and apart from the
normal faraid and wajibat, she should endeavour to perform
other sunnah and mustahab acts as well. Similarly, she should
abstain from disobeying even an apparently insignificant
command of Allah Ta’ala. Even the sunnats should be strictly
adhered to. If the mother is a strict adherent of the sunnah,
Insha Allah Ta’ala, in future this child will also adhere to all the
divine commandments thereby pleasing Allah Ta’ala. Once he
acquires the pleasure of Allah Ta’ala, obviously he has secured
his worldly life as well as the life of the hereafter. On the
contrary, if the mother is disobedient to Allah Ta’ala and does
not adhere to the blessed sunnah, the child - Allah forbid - may
tum out to be disobedient to Allah Ta’ala as well. He will be
perturbed in this life as well as the next and the blame will fall
on the mother’s shoulders.
Mother
.Id formulate
Your1^1^.
" întam
the
pin-conceit a wonwn Sh0U
Iwill rear and also spread the meg abiIDg
SXXam and
itousaadsofdisbelievers comi g spint
SewTwrXe ;uch mtentions so that he/she may
become a true servant ofIslam. _
2.1will focus his attention onto memorizing the Qur an so tnai
he maybe bestowed with the bounties of this world as well as
thenext.
3.1 will keep him occupied in the pursuit ofthe knowledge of
its ,eachings
‘^hest ofmy abjJity
&drat conve^",0UtSt4ing °f this
b=incr ’he QUr?th ntoOn 1,1 a luni„ clWd
and «« Son^hce
"‘êcitiÛs

Ideal Mother_____________________________ _______34
So the intention of the mother will no doubt leave its
impression on the child. The mother should avoid formulating
intentions, which are bereft of Dini and worldly benefit. If
Shaytan does cast any such misplaced intentions in the heart,
recite A‘uzu Billah and make du’a unto Allah Ta’ala to protect
you and your child from the evils ofShaytan.
Similarly, it is stated in another Hadith- l
Qur’an and practices upon it will "be made to vX ° FeClteS the
nMlurnmance) on the day ofjudgemX^Z^^
made to wear a set of clothing that is more valuable than the
whole world. The parents will ask: “O Allah! For what are we
being bestowed such garments?” The reply will be: “In lieu of
the recitation of the Qur’an by your son.” [Fadail-e-A ‘matp.227]
The Ninth Month of Pregnancy
In the entire pregnancy, particularly in the ninth month, taking
special heed of the following advices will bring about safety,
peace and tranquillity to yourselfas well as the expected child.
1. Avoid wearing very tight-fitting clothes as this affects the
blood-flow thereby causing fatigue and nausea. So wear loose
fitting clothes instead.
2. Refrain from wearing high-heeled shoes and sandals. This
affects the spine and may cause backache and muscle-ache.
3. In the earlier months of pregnancy, visit your lady doctor at
least once a month. In the seventh and eighth month, visit her
once every fortnight and in the last month, visit her every week
and inform her of your conditions.
4 As per the advice of your lady doctor, get your unite and
blood checked during the course ofyour pregnancy, as this will
enable her to diagnose any possible illness and treat it as soon
as possible.
During
yreflectoverthe UnityandMight
ofAllah Ta’ala
should recall the power and grandeur of
;ion and take some lesson from it.
Allah Ta’ala instils His might and
"^rticularlyinto herheart
that the yaqin
■ So the
creation
ls being
delicate
The Muslim mother asion anaAlffl a‘that AIM Ta’ala instil
She should m ofeveryone, particula^
grandeur into children Also make du a
settles into everyone’s hearts.
Reeling mother should reflect over the delicate .
taking place within herself. A sort of minor kingdom .
created in her womb, which is being supported by
machineryand minute conduits for the blood and soul.
Look et the power of Allah Ta’ala that unlike the normal
scientists who require an open, well-lit space Allah Ta’-1- ucreated this child within three . of 3,3 has
a cne a man being unable to see ™ fdarkness Which, let
f*mthisniysle see. even his mind is unable £
u tavers of darkness; theMiatwsates create^“Xess Of the won* and the
Xo'XX^hoWtttgfhe foetus.
Now the mother should reflect that Allah Ta’ala is the most
powerful, andIwill obey allHis commandments and when His
caller calls outthe words ofthe azan, Iwill submit to the call of
prayer immediately. 1 would ensure that 1 conceal my body
from head to toe from ghair-mahram men and if some Shar‘1
requirement compels me to step out ofthe home I win
“*=P^andstepout^J^“^’U°bs^«
Stmilarly, a Muslim
tn'’ °f AUah la’aaTr P°nde™g over
tetodWent of the child * aWe *
®an the WOmb of

---- -U6
nature Of
sPace. He
minister
--eas?fintelligen^^
“•.ald b°neS right UP to
—~ characteristics
is something else.
argues and disputes everything
the miraculous
Ideal Mother______
mother, he will be '
the development of a child in such a a b “'“u!
may become a king of the future » COnflned
or chief justice. He
®d non'00 T?C may ’ead in -eas of mi„MuW Oaf
the ore Th‘S bl°b made °Ut of flesh
the pre-dehvery stage does not have much 10
hvmg; it lacks hearing, sight, speech and other °fte
but the moment it is delivered, it surely i- -
As he gets older, the same child a ' "
He;rawt?immlf as —
mortals. When old age sets in, he is unable to comprehend that
sixty, seventy years earlier he was but merely a droplet ofwater
squirted into the womb.
Few Words of Advice from Bahishti Zewar
1. Avoid constipation at all costs. If you feel a bit heavy in the
stomach, (avoid solids) drink just fatty gravy for a meal or
two instead. If this does not ease the constipation, eat raisins
over a period of three days. If this fails, consult your doctor.
2. These foods are detrimental to the health of a pregnant
woman; beans, gram, sesame seeds, carrots, radish, beetroot,
very hot and very sour foods, watermelon and muskmelon.
3. These foods are not detrimental; grapes, guavas, pineapples,
apples, pomegranates, mangoes, meat of quails, partridges an
other smaller birds.
4 Do not tread very forcefully when walking. Whilst walking
down from a higher to a lower place avoid stamping your feet
Protect the stomgh heavy object. Avoid anger
"pTes^on'and cut down on enjoying the fragrances of
scents and perfumes.
nch -
?ds of
vorfli1
td oth^
increas6aqfeW
.^px or ate
- , heart’
water and
.ancy, d° I1Uhvet
treat it by
• do
actlV d lazirl6SS‘ rf y°u ^0 v—
5 DOW- sityi^ntionaAvoid fo^stornac11 frOtn
"press i the sto
6. Anally. coughs- the heart
h<lu“e”0®a +3 grants) each. ’water (a type of
three mashas ( with mako various
and m« used to treatment of van
cautious in
SfX’oS front the seventh month. onwards^
Avoid eating food with hot properties and avoid lilting any
heavy objects. Also adhere to the professional advice of your
doctor.
10. When the ninth month commences and you are quite close
XCl'iAkoS hOt Wate fomentations to *e area below the
navel. Also dnnk invigorating gravy etc
toodLZfXX':.,ed’d; not feed the child. To test the

---- -U8
icy
Ideal Mother_____________ _________
Certain Dangerous Habits in Pregnan
1. One inconsiderate habit that is quite popular - I Wond
whether it is fard or wajib - is the habit of sending the
woman to her parent’s home for her first delivery. In some
places such vigilance is attached to it that even ifher parent’s
live in another far-flung city, she is compelled to travel all
the way in a state of pregnancy. This is not correct, as
travelling in the latter stages of pregnancy can be dangerous
to both mother and child.
2. Exercise extreme caution when taking any form of
medication for whatever reason. Do not ever take any form of
medication without the advice of your doctor or any other
well-experienced person. Medication without professional
advice can be very detrimental.
3. A number ofwomen - married and unmarried - tend to take
medication during menstruation for some reason or the other
without the advice of a doctor. The detrimental effect of such
medication only exposes itself during the stages of pregnancy.
Hence, married women and the mothers of unmarried women
should be very particular about medication.
Another important request we would make at this juncture is
that a pregnant woman should never lift or drag any heavy
object. She should not descend a stairway very swiftly nor
ascend one recklessly. Sometimes a bit of carelessness causes
irreparable damage. Hence, be very careful in such matters.
Indifference towards Female Children is an
Abominable Practice of the Pagans
Islam requires us to be just and treat everyone with equality.
With regards to showing affection and mercy towards children,
Islam does not distinguish between male and female children.
,n ‘he a“
the
are
n.l--"1’
5--", >
RaS? your chiW ®’ ildren.”
cl1* • ,,rse and hudrth beginning tft
OfhjtSenesuresU‘^
<SXls convey a message that
institution ofequab'Y who
If you do come across t’ar“^e^nent to the male child, the
inclined to give prefereni wicked society in whose
SesteepVeX'have developed these inclinations. These
inclinations have no connection with Din whatsoever, In iac
these are despicable customs and abominable practices of the
pagan Arabs. The origins of these distinctions go back to the
pre-Islamic days of ignorance. Regarding this Allah Ta’ala savs
in the Qur’an: J
Of (the birth) ofa
filled withfury He himseffr/^ ™ Sadness) whilst
u *
^ber ihi/j n°Ur or should he he keeP
Silty"!’®*! cause of... .
that m °f peoPle-s yao. ,thls >s the Wea,
'pe<* ar <S Dl(convi«ion) ??ess of ’man and u
leased withTS18 attitude^ " d the
AUah Ta>aia de. 'Yeates
J d§ement

Ideal Mother_________
in granting them a daughter Thev ch u
together with their entire families and'the re°1lember that they
not be able to change the verdict of Allah Ta^aii Wil1
ome across the verse wherein Allah Ta’ala i .^ld tbey not
planned organization, His eternal judgement'SkT H'- W*
His immutable decree in the selection process of ehhe *
female issues. Allah Ta’ala declares- th ma e or
fovereignip of the skies and the earth belongs to AIM
Ta ala alone. He creates whatever He wishes. He grantsfemale
issues to whomsoever He wishes and He grants male issues to
whomsoever He wishes. Or He grants them in pairs of male
andfemale issues. He renders whomsoever He wishes childless.
He is all-knowing and mighty. ” [Surah Shura verses 49-50]
A very strange incident is mentioned in the books of history.
An Arab by the name of Abu Hamzah married a woman with
whom he wanted a son. However, she gave birth to a daughter.
As a result, he avoided coming home to her. He abandoned her
completely and went off to live in another house. When he
passed his wife’s house a year later, he saw her showering the
child with love and reciting the following stanzas:
What is the matter with Abu Hamzah? Why has he abandoned
us and lives right next door?
He is upset because I did not give birth to a son. By Allah! We
have no control over such affairs.
We can only accept what we are bestowed with.
These poems ofhis wife compelled him to
of Allah Ta’ala. He was so ed them both
returned to his wife an g y, bestowed upon
expressed his joy over the gift Allah
them in the form ofa female issue.
, T iArnie custom from the hearts of
In order to eradicate this press made special mention
____ cwpak iman, Kasuiuu«
treat
•ents
andbe
,AGreat
aleCl’«dfe
a j
ltdoesfl°2ehoP^f0Larn
world®*'1®
conceiveS’
whomsoever
par
enC Ta’aia
[Surah Shura verse 49] f je issues before
In this VerS6’ M
the male issues. Wbatever/^.
Ta’ala, it is always better for
X Muslim's honour demands that he expresses gratitude for
this great bounty of Allah Ta’ala and welcomes it with Open
arms. It does not behove him to express anger and dejection
over the arrival of daughters. The Qur’an describes in Surah
Nahl (verse 58-59) and also in Surah Zukhruf (verse 17) the
Jld is “ evil of
mam Whilab i e “mmentarv nf(k Une’
;i woman’. ln ^’Asq’a ... be verse of HA >
ofieS ShM>

Ideal Mother
first and
SaftSSSS^.
Imam Ahmad’s rahmatulldht ‘alaih son s5r>.
a daughter was bom to us, my father wdUM h T "Whs™ver
Pleasing because the Ambiya had more 17 a‘*his is
Even our own Nabi ® had four daughters m””8 ,han sons
grant all of us the ability to express tn c 7 Ta’M
favours upon us. May He grant us the h r. ®ratltu<le for His
fragrant buds, these cin^2'°
[Extractedfrom Kayfa TaslaqbUudMWy d “ ch,Mrei>-
According to another narration, when a female child is bom an
angel comes and exclaims: "A weak issue has been delivered
from a weak person. He who takes up her responsibility will be
assisted. [Tabrani as quoted by Farishton ke ‘Ajlb Halatp. 334]
Therefore, regard female issues as a great bounty from Allah
Ta’ala. Nurture them correctly and responsibly thereby
acquiring the assistance of Allah Ta’ala. Who knows, perhaps
these girls will turn out to be a source of honour and pride to
you and your family? Allah Ta’ala may employ them to bring
about future generations who will become a source of glory for
this Ummah. The incident of Hadrat ‘Umar & is quite famous.
One night he was on his usual rounds when he overheard a
mother and daughter arguing over some issue. He overheard the
mother saying to the daughter: “Why don't you just add some
water to the milk?” The'daughter replied: “Amirul-Muminin
Hadrat ‘Umar has prohibited the dilution of mi k. The
mother argued- “Well, Amirul-Muminin will not be able to see
moth g • »» daughter submitted: “Amirul-
what is happening The daugh
Muminin is una action, Mrat <Umar
everything . Wi . hi n ‘Asim to marry this girl,
r,"- ™ .... ....
manlike ‘Umarbin ‘Abdul ‘Aziz - a
; Ummah can never be able to express
i Mollit
„t us true undr lv A»in.
F^SS^****5"
ut!1o'bsTen/taunts and mourn for years on end.
It is quite surprising that the greed for wealth and particularly
the greed for the wealth of others has made the irreligious
grandmother and aunt - in spite of being women themselves -
an enemy of the grandchild and niece! The moment news is
received about the birth of the niece or grandchild the foolishgrandmother pulls ud her face and tk + ’ I0°ftsn
sweat of grief. Out of dL ♦ d th HUnt breaks out in a
Phone anyone to infoL 7* ‘hey WiU not even
lhe conduct he ” ° the. b,rth of a girl. It is as
child: “o
house and other ex/00’ We W111 have to ’ have to
“e ^4U?0ther-“-l^ 27' We wi,l have p? e Wil1 be
o“,“T »•
’y°f
’ °‘hers ;i2Ve
and
and a
a girl, We
with this
sUch
aunts
vile
also

44
Ideal Mother___________________
submitting to the ideologies of the disbelievers of fourteen
hundred years ago? How can they be so selfish that their love
for children stems from their love for wealth? Will the bygone
era return to us when we mourn the bounty of Allah Ta’ala in
such a manner? May Allah Ta’ala rectify us. Amin.
The child herself will cry tears of blood and exclaim- “Hn
I land myself in such a home? The people of my count™, a
my immature parents have invented various types of tablets to
prevent my appearance in this world. Other preventative
measures like condoms etc. were invented so that the world
does not go hungry due to the demands of my little stomach
Sometimes operations have to be resorted to so that I do not
add to the glory of the Muslims. Conferences are held to
control the increase in the Muslim world population.” And so
forth. But “Allah is dominant over His affairs.” Allah Ta’ala
dominates all the plans and schemes of the people of the world
and I have come to this world by the judgement of the
Almighty, Allah Ta’ala. Now when I have set foot into this
house, my paternal grandmother and aunt (my father’s sister),
in spite of being of my own gender group are taunting and
harassing my mother. They complain that she gives birth to
female issues only! This denunciation of my grandmother and
aunt has compelled even my mother’s love to be stifled. Her
love she once cherished for me has diminished bit by bit. And
today I have become.......... what the world witnesses.”
Is there any lesson for you in this that you - in spite of being a
woman - avoid being craey0 a^° ister.in.law t0 your sister-in-
law to your ”Z ”nt t0 your niece, as a
S’— to Tpoor woman, as a mistress of the house to the
domestic servants etc.
►
mother
day o^aer^-^vide a bj| p’reVetlt h.he «vilS °f
providingmamtenan marriage of
If you take up such an, aPProa^soS be treated like the male
girls, then the female chil ten beloved than male
children or they may e n2St the pious women who
X'favomeXhh good fortune in this world as wel* aS th®
next. You may be deprived of your prospective daughter-in-
law’s unstable goods of this world but you will secure the
everlasting du‘as of her parents whose heartfelt du‘as will
surely ensure a better life in the hereafter.
dSterS Pi°US- May
10 given laws and mav £ °UF marriages
-........

46
Ideal Mother___________________________
Let your approach instil in her that her arrival is not in vain
Show her that you want her and prayed for her well-being day
and night even before she was bom. Now that you are with us,
we will continue praying for your success in this world as well
as the next. [O Allah! Treat us with kindness in this world as
well as the hereafter.]
Similarly, the mother-in-law, sister-in-law and the husband
should realize that the sex ofthe child is not in the hands ofany
human being. If a girl is bom, it is no fault of the woman. Why
do you have to vent your anger on her? This is the judgement of
Allah Ta’ala; He decides on what is best for whom and when.
He is all-wise, all-knowing and most merciful. Every action of
Allah Ta’ala is based upon wise decisions. He possesses
complete and perfect knowledge over everything and He is
most affectionate to His servants. Hence, it does not befit a
Muslim to dislike any bounty bestowed by Allah Ta’ala nor
does he have the right to loathe or express his anger over any
divine decision. Such women should fear the wrath of Allah
Ta’ala. If she is cruel to her daughter-in-law or sister-in-law
(brother’s wife), she will witness the wrath of Allah Ta’ala
even before she leaves this world. She may be afflicted by such
illnesses that may Allah Ta’ala protect us all. Amin.
Think over it, such a great blessing of Allah Ta’ala and they
show such an aversion to it! They are displeased with the
decision of Allah Ta’ala and on some pretext or the other, they
fight with the daughter-in-law and her mother and other
members ofher family. How ironical!
A woman was blessed with a daughter. Her husband,
influenced by his mother and sister, became furious with her.
However, the woman was intelligent and courageous. Instead
of weeping and also making her mother and sister weep and
instead of confronting her mother-in-law with hostility, this
the
7 A»ah '’tied bef°rS3
t0 «‘v Him- ShS forniak In this
than* yo°oUd she do* our
p'““s s*dV "o"”aS 311 hopa
'’fifa’11’ re#^ fath6r reward and, band an
A"t oM’A' edonW her e ofre ber bus ed
^orid W'11 benPbe oar <'she the" "Ld to him the
t»e“ 2 love a"3 a‘‘ tvof A>lah acCept this g1 arnis
all his
”difftlassedl’erW,th-ffor forgiveness Aliah! You
A1Uh TlhX^s’heS^o m home but
p- •> ••v"" “
gratitude unto Allah Ta ala. If only you could understand
Arabic, you would have been able to fully benefit from her
words. May Allah Ta’ala develop the desire within the hearts of
our Muslim sisters to learn the Arabic language so that their
W/ldt is tho ' U j, Mnt-to come to m“"er Wi"' d<>u Ham, fUl>

IdeaUiother
hes either with gMs or wM “ *”es whomsoew, *
anger is as though it is directed to Allah T*y- "'en *«
^»we. We are only like arable land^ymnt
wâtever Allah Ta did decrees wiU eom^‘Z^
X°tus 7A,,a
may He grant them the divine guidance to rL^frT*"1? ““
before they leave this world. May He also develop?he“love‘”f
both male as well as female issues in their hearts. Amin.
The First Impressions
Hereunder we transcribe a few letters written by Maulana Abul-
Hasan ‘All Nadwi’ rahmatullahi 'alaih's mother. We request
all mothers to ponder over each and every sentence and
endeavour to develop the same spirit in their own children as
well.
Experienced lecturers and psychologists are very persuasive
over the fact that the first impressions that fall upon the simple
mind of the child will never be obliterated. Even if they do
seem blotted out ofhis mind, in reality they are only suppressed
and will duly expose themselves sooner or later.
Submitting to this reality, the responsibility of mothers and
other chiid-nurhirer
S ^"“nXr be wiped out by any force or
future education.
ntio" a. ui«ir,d
to ûnêdWith
t would c onto fly. b rerna11
about is that1 Everyone is *el1 * uite able to
not hurt any 7 however, j weakness, 1S a child
be cruel to 0^ Îplessness and we A chi
child, in splte of1g Within his lim ition of his
*PainU? nd an ego. This is an exp 1S
also has pnde of his mtelligenc ■ A
personality and an interests. Hen ,
inclined to employes ego’t0 be cruel to his fhends, he
it in inappropnate plac • make fun of
is exasperating to the servants and he is apt
someone and so on.
My mother was very particular about this that if I hurt anyone’S
feelings or I was cruel to someone, I should seek his
forgiveness. IfI beat the maid’s child or I disgraced someone or
"XSta zuld even,pumsh
®«. this punishment was 7 * perSon' h most
“"'y-This is a heavy knock “ft u° Seeking forS>veness
r™mberher |eamSnTandin8 ,he child 7 d *
andnotcomr, ir rnin® anY of mv « • 1 do not ever
"retOseek {gZXT* agai™ anyone
S6taci»8 him StlU ^gard as >hat in , .
JOr s>" and I June's , 7 many
The
J
1/M

I
Ideal Mother
possible. However, if perchance i~~ 52
someone, I try to make amends as sc™lntentlonal|y hurt
apologise to the other party. as Poss>ble and
Another thing I remember in particular k that
continuously inform me of the names and "ach??0*^ W°Uld
certain saints and elders of our own family She w V^ments of
them with great honour and respect and extol theirTtaS
e ore me. These saints were generally certain religious
personalities of the family who had no worldly stature and
wealth but they had made great religious achievements. My
mother would always stress that true respect and eternal wealth
lies only in the wealth of ‘ilm (knowledge) and Din. The result
of this was that from that time, I am impressed with the honour
of ‘ilme-Din (religious knowledge). Also I fail to be impressed
with worldly honour and wealth, as" it naturally impresses
people today. Up to this day, the names of those saints are
engraved upon my mind and their honour is embedded within
my heart. Later on in life, I read the biographies of the people
she would talk about and I even wrote about some of them
myself. In short, the first impressions of their honour and status
were engraved onto my heart from that time and nothing will
obliterate those impressions.
Aiiab Ta’ala had blessed my mother with such a fervent zeal
Allah la rclinn1ications) that I witnessed this zeal
for du‘as and munajat ( PP teach
in only a very few "u'S“aught us all - my
encourage us to recite th One of those
brothers and sisters - a number of short
du‘as I remember very well and
frequently was:
hat
first impress that I recall
^rv. I hope that these
Ringing of a
the c0‘
:hild
are
the most
. o Allah'- <Jlaf
‘ UPbnnS‘“O
motheris requested to teach this du a to her c
t him to recite this frequently and recite it
well. Tryand develop the habit ofdu’a within the
aside aboutfive minutes a dayin which they
5 uuvj Allah Ta’ala and make du’a to
them ”e“°,rise "' from our
grantyol“1'
These i
without
impressions
child.”
Note: Every
and impress upon
yourselfas well. T .
children bysettingaside about u»- -can raise their hands before Allah Ta’ala _
Him. Also make them memorise the du‘as
compilationcalled ‘Masnun Du‘ae’.
1 tae a vast collection of letters written to me by my mother
whilst I was a student in Lucknow and during the course oi my
primary education. These letters are a reflection of her heartfelt
spirit. In fact they are a collection ofher spiritual achievements
and her Allah-given attributes which formed the very essence
Si?* °f benefiCia‘natee’some °f them are
Mybelovedson, Ai sallamahu
Our du'as are withyou. Ihave notreceived a single letter from
you as yet. Daily 1 await your letter. (Since you have not
written) I am now forcedto write to you. Please inform me of
yourconditions as soon aspossible.

■A
Ideal Moth
me at ease
Peace of
..........‘ a, ease b‘Abdul-‘Ali had menuy0n^d’th8,,Ven more Peace"’
£S “■ ~:::work. This is very distressingUml
p--,L„. S J;well. Nonetheless, we hope everything turns out for the best
This is also the wisdom of Allah Ta’ala provided it is coupled
with your istikharah in this matter.
■>
1ie that
hould P^hicht116
you „n f°r?veams
every^maspi^'^bear* ?
tX really wan® purs'I*********11 01 r(atus of Shan
I have no inclination whatsoever towards English (secular)
education. In fact I have an aversion towards it. However, I
accept whatever makes you happy. ‘All, the conditions of the
world are frightening. People pursuing Arabic (Islamic)
education are floundering in their beliefs, so you can very well
imagine the condition of those pursuing secular education. ‘Ali,
people are of the opinion that students of secular knowledge are
acquiring some status or the other. They feel that they can
become a deputy, a judge or at least an attorney or hamster.
However, I am totally opposed to this. I regard people who
pursue secular knowledge as ignorant and the knowledge itself
as useless. Especially in these times, do you know what type of
knowledge is required? Perhaps there was a need for secular
education some time in the past.
n.bipvp status Who is deprived of some status or
Ton Sdlcquire tha. which is presenlly race and
‘“"aTthey enjoy7 ’ fte KhSjah 'jives and
-rd in
they leave this world.
to“e ’ , There are many in your own
How can you achieve to those who have
“r^dtae taough secular education but not the
gained name and tame uirougu CQ- tc had no
status of the aforementioned saints. These saints h
inclination whatsoever towards secular education. As tar as
secular education is concerned, they were ignorant. How and
why did they still achieve such high rank?
NOuld have issued each °ne
pious peonU " d ^vate you

Ideal Mother
--------- ----------- *----------- 54
books of your seniors. Be very cautious. If you do not have an
book, purchase it with the advice of ‘Abdul-1All. The kitaj
you have at the moment are also quite sufficient. These books
will expose your good fortune and the books also will not be in
vain. This will also be very pleasing to your seniors. I am very
desirous of you attaining this good fortune in that you make
good use of these books. Whatever you spend, spend it only
where necessary or you may buy something to eat.
Do not ever resort to debt. If you have it, spend it, otherwise
exercise patience. Students of Din acquire knowledge in this
very manner. Your seniors of the past suffered great many
hardships in the pursuit of this knowledge. Consider your
present difficulties as a source of pnde and honour. If you
require anything write to me and let me know. I will try to meet
your requirements, as Allah Ta'ala is the prov.der. However
avoid debt as debt is destructive. If you are able to pay it when
avo1 ’ T, CohShah jje also incurred debt but
due, there is no problem. The Sâh 4. aiso m be
they paid their dues promptly. Who are we, ah.
your good fortune to take heed ofmy advices.
The halwd (sweel-meat) is not ready as yet. Insha Allah, the
moment I get an opportunity, I will prepare it and send it over
to you.
Write to me and inform me of your conditions as soon as
possible. If you delay, I will consider your delay as an
indication that you found my advice unpalatable. Insha Allah,
ii Ramadan I will make you deliver a lecture (here in
Lucknow). May Allah Ta’ala grant you the guidance to speak
well beyond my expectations and may He make your speech
impressive and a source ofattaining His pleasure. Amin.......
Everything else is fine. Be prepared with the mercy of Allah
Ta’ala and remember you have promised me about this as well.
Your Mother.
•All
oft SOO’
with y°u- 1 reChe,Vodf my letters
Mf^sndmanyo^ after a ™mb.û7me at ease,
rfer 3 very me overjoyed and put me
weresenttoyou This ntaa , ( you intend going to binu
Nonetheless, y°" js wd what
This really concerns m . intend to Spend
^""andTâh feel comfortable about you going
there, itis fine with me. However, it would be better and more
reassuringto me ifyou furnish me with complete details about
your expected trip. May Allah Ta’ala make you successful in
all your endeavours. This as my only hope and this is why I
have agreed io you travelling to such a distant land otherwise
P*IcXJXH:Xerd'ff,CU1( f°r fain>-hearted
I just console myself by reciting this poem. I cherish complete
faith in His mercy. I always beseech Allah Ta’ala that He
grants you the divine guidance to carry out good deeds Mav
He in ,he °f 4
world and the next. Amin. C name favourable in this
heart s desire is that vn
Of b0th the
“"“!«■ Amin L“v my en<'eavours m,3"'1 also that I
JoumeX8* yb,U Up
..............

Ideal Mother
■>
He alone is the protector and He will shower His mercy upon
you. Also inform me ofyour spiritual achievements. Du‘a...
56
Your mother
0000000000
The nur of my eyes, ‘All sallamahu
Du‘a. I have received two ofyour detailed letters and they have
put me at ease. I was extremely happy to read that Maulana
Ahmad ‘Alt’s son is also accompanying you. I wonder how
long you will be staying. May Allah Ta’ala make you
successful. Amin. On selected occasions (of acceptance of
du‘as), my du’a is that Allah Ta’ala bestow you with the
knowledge bestowed upon the Sahabah &>, knowledge that
strengthens the iman and purifies all conflict, knowledge that
protects from all forms of calamities and knowledge that brings
about tranquillity.
I am unable to express my inner feelings and desires and the
reason for which I have this desire for pursuing Dini
knowledge. May Allah Ta’ala fulfil my aspirations and hopes.
May He also make my name favourable in this world as well as
the next. Amin. I would be very grateful unto Allah Ta’ala if
you continue writing in this manner. Nowadays, Abul-Khayr is
also lecturing every Friday. Sometimes he lectures in
Maydanpur as well. May Allah Ta’ala make all of you
instrumental in spreading Islam and decreasing the evils ofkufr
(disbelief). May Allah Ta’ala also keep all of you steadfast.
Amin.
I have given ‘Abdu five rupees for you. I will send more when I
meet him again, Insha Allah. When writing your salams to your
uncles, write your salams to your father as well. Mahmud and
Wassaianl
y„urM»tll£r'
0 0
Thenir«f"‘>'eyeS’'
<,<><>°°°°°
wli sallainalii
i alife.Mydu‘asarewlthy0U'
May Allah Ta'ala grant youa
I have firm faith //''““‘Le writing regularly, it will
—.ônot ovewOTlc'yourself. Avoid doing more
Shan you can manage. In this weather, the mind IS unable to
accommodate very taxing work. The health of the mind, and
heart is also ofvital importance. Be very cautious about this. As
far as possible, do not carry out the work of one month in one
day. If you continue taxing yourself in this manner, how are
AttendinS ‘o
These affectionate and saintly wo d ° r ” aCt êv°tion).
■hepleasureofAna^,^^^ s Of advue are to acquire
»studies;'Veêare your arrival fa
“ilttl»wied?™Ucl>.MavS'Vhich othelVlrtUes and m

Ideal Mother__________________________
Continue writing to me as promptly as possible or else I would
be very distressed. ‘Abdu is very impressed with your
achievements. He wrote to me. This was the first letter in which
these blessed words were mentioned. I had hoped to hear this
from his mouth. I express my gratitude unto Allah Ta’ala for
realizing this hope. I also hope that your good reputation and
success is on every tongue. May Allah Ta’ala fulfil all your
good intentions and keep you steadfast and may He guide you
upon the path of those whom He has favoured and may He
accept all your good actions. Amin.
Your mother.
0000000000
My beloved son, ‘Alt sallamahu
Du’a. I have just received your card and was pleased to read
that your papers went well although you are still concerned
about some of the papers. I always make du’a unto Allah
Ta’ala. Await the mercy ofAllah Ta’ala. With the help ofAllah
Ta’ala, whenever the results are released, come home happily.
Until the results are withheld, recite Surah Fatihah forty one
times with humility between the sunnah and fard salah of Fajr.
Also recite durud sharif eleven times before and after. This is a
tried and tested formula. After the fard salah again, recite Surah
Fatihah once, Surah Alam Nashrah thrice and Surah Inna
Anzalnahu... eleven times together with durud before and after.
If possible recite both and place your trust in Allah Ta’ala. I
have compiled the following du‘as for you, may Allah Ta’ala
accept it:
Your favours have always been upon me (O Allah!). Your
favours as well as Your honour.
You have bestowed whatever I had begged of You. When
did I ever return from You deprived?
58
edall^COrlC6rn Wh^S°6Ver b
is °îeftPleat6f0 Your nierCy ôngs1
forgiving ôt my efforts to go cllCCessful in
. Allow n°tni> + ‘All IS SUCCCi»
■'forYou^'Ûcation of ™ne that
ussj-isrsSit •“AU ”y
* There should be no worry, u j
I Of the people, as they are after all
Your servants.
❖ May he prosper and be successful in both the worlds. May
he remain steadfast on the Shari’ah at all times.
❖ May all these brothers and sisters remain happy and
•dellSedJ AU this is only throuSh Y°ur grace, 0 Lord'
° Lr°rd’ tha‘tOday in
* May this lushness of X ‘UShneSS of sPrin&
be 'he best ofiives 8 remain eternally and may there
y°Ur mother.

60
letter.
I was
1 was
really
Ideal Mother________________ _ _________
My beloved son, ‘All sallamahu
My du‘as are with you. 1 have received your
completely tired in anticipation of your letter,
overjoyed with a letter from you.
‘Alt, I have firm faith that the status and material success of
anyone will not strike you with awe. This is a material thing
and bound to oblivion. Only that which one in a thousand gets
is truly enviable and that too when it is bestowed by Allah
Ta’ala.
Poem: The eternal Lord has predestined the lot of each and
every soul, according to what is befitting to it.
You should be proud of things like these (i.e. spiritual
achievements). Develop courage and dynamism in your
endeavours. I make du’a unto Allah Ta’ala that He grants you
the perception to prefer these (spiritual achievements) to other
forms of material achievements. If you are interested in a post
of a judge or any other such common post, then I foresee
thousands of detriments in such positions. Allah Ta’ala has
guided us to this right path to protect us from all forms of evil.
He is the protector and guardian.
You should not have concerned yourself over my well-being.
Rather than being afflicted by any real concern, my heart is
always jubilant (over your current achievements). Such
jubilation cannot be brought about by status and positions. Be
grateful and appreciative ofyour (spiritual achievements).
Your mother.
W***"1* ‘A,i W3S pleased to read that you
i reived your letter. . rs ‘&bdu again V
■ t0 it, then fine.
I ln
^^dS^by^A0My the
,Sal conditions do not last right up to the very end.
Nonetheless, you should continue with your educational
pursuits. The zeal will continue increasing. I beseech Allah
Ta’ala to grant you the ability to accomplish that which He
makes His favoured servants accomplish. May He protect vouXPX“ity "d ““ yr’ursuccess'be
Your mother. 1376 A.H.

61
Ideal Mother
contains a lot of proteins, fat, antibodies and other h
nutrients. According to experts, this colostrum ^eneflClal
balanced and healthy form ofnutrition for the child & Very
It is also reported that the moment the umbilical cord
terminates its supply of nutrition to the child, the mother’s milk
takes on this responsibility. This milk is made up of a number
ofcells that protect the child from illness and disease.
According to one expert, the child should be fed with the
mother’s milk within an hour after its birth. Unicef prescribes
that the child be fed with mother’s milk within half an hour
after birth. However, in our delivery-clinics here, arrangements
are completely different. Let alone feeding the child, it is
impossible to see the child. Hence, as far as possible, feed the
child with breast-milk as soon as possible. This will benefit the
mother as well. The sooner the child starts drinking, the sooner
a message is transmitted to the mind to begin producing more
milk.
Doctors of the past as well as experts of the present insist that
the mother be permitted to rest after birth and that the child be
separated from her to allow her to rest. It would be rather
difficult for such doctors to accede to our aforementioned
advice. However, we are of the opinion that the mother be
permitted to feed her child immediately after birth. The comfort
and ease the mother gets from feeding the child would actively
contribute to maintaining her sound health. Furthermore, the act
of the child drinking milk directly from the breast increases the
production of oxytocin. This assists in umbilical and uterine
contraction during the third stage ofthe accouchement (lying-in
„„...
as the
can tfo d°ub’
and demand • T gets hungry, that the child
h' “
also perceives the quantity he Settees, he may have as
Xs a day. This is a very trying tnne for the
mother.
Some women tend to produce an abundance of milk and if there
is a decrease in the milk, they feel it is a psychological
problem. In fact, many of them do not even understand the
XTThis is Thy they tend t0 get
beginmng. n0‘ seemin8'y sufficient at the
'“'XTXX ‘™C *hat even *ough the child •
bfetda S of'Xfe?™"6 any “‘her foX of f X®*16
period).
The mother’s milk is a complete form of nourishment. It
contains all the essential nutrients required by the newborn

her chi ’ her
if
from ber
Ideal Mother 64
child. Breastfed babies compared to babies on formula are less
susceptible to diarrhoea. This is an indication that a breast-fed
baby’s digestive system operates more efficiently than a baby
on other forms ofmilk.
Breastfeeding is also beneficial to the mother. If the mother
feeds her child continuously, there is no question of her
conceiving. If she continues feeding up to the end of sixth
months whilst feeding the child alternative foods as well,
chances of conception are rare but possible. The basic principle
is that the more milk the child drinks, the less the chance ofher
falling pregnant. This applies generally from the sixth to the
twelfth month after birth.
Breastfeeding the child also aids in restoring the womb to the
original condition. This is more of a natural cycle in which the
mother returns to her original condition. If a woman does not
breastfeed, her womb will not contract and it will fail to return
to its original form. Sometimes, whilst breastfeeding, the
mother may experience abdominal pain and discomfort. There
is no need to be concerned about this. This is caused due to the
contraction ofthe womb.
If the mother continues breastfeeding, she will also lose the fat
she picked up during pregnancy as this fat is also used in the
manufacturing of milk. Breastfeeding is also economically
advantageous. Apart from this, whilst travelling, the mother has
no concern about acquiring milk from elsewhere nor does she
have to worry about heating her formula etc. Women who do
not breastfeed their children would surely have all these
concerns.
feeding
ci,cff«ts l«r m t is c affected. Pr0° her
*'£bildS giving fibers whereas she
£& * rXo>ble tha2rhXy herself with
*“loveaSWtd tan>ed.ately*ereafter oc .g the
-ther must be
and strong-willed.
as a result of old age. Even women who do not breastfeed tend
to have this problem after some time. Thrush is a fungal disease
generally found in children affecting the mouth and throat. If
there is a whitish layer forming within the mouth, it could be a
*is 18 posa‘ble that0"'6^
8 &om‘he breas t * his Zu child
heniotherwilllebedbutifa
able to

Ideal Mother 66
determine whilst feeding whether the child is receiving
sufficient milk or not.
Alternating between the bottle and the breast also causes
problems. If a child drinks from a bottle and then drinks from
the breast, he will be unable to drink correctly. When he starts
drinking from the breast, he tends to become a bit slack in
drinking. Due to this slackness, he is unable to feed correctly.
One reason could also be that the mother is unable to overcome
her stress and afflictions. At times her breasts become full and
very sensitive to pain. Generally the child is not in the correct
posture whilst drinking. As a result it is difficult for him to
acquire the milk correctly. Hence, the mothers should ensure
that they place their children in the correct posture on their laps
whilst breastfeeding. This would assist the child in drinking to
his fill.
Food, Medication and Precaution
Mothers should be very cautious about the fact that traces ofthe
medication they consume are bound to appear in the milk.
Hence, they should consult their doctor before taking any
medication. Also, they should inform the doctor that they are
breastfeeding. Similarly, certain foodstuffs when eaten in
excess also leave their traces in the milk and this may be
detrimental to the child.
In short, breast milk is not only a natural form ofnutrition but it
is also the best and most important gift from the mother to the
child.
of/Causes -it his child to be in good hea.,-
hiId to be healthy, fit and alert. She '
flower. Shehopes that thehouse coni
.heir screams ofjoy. However, ifthe
dieted with anypredicament, the mot
‘ engagein du‘as after
^'ûss a
1th?
Vho *>es "°herc,ll|d t0 SW1,0,165 Ho'*eV6r’ mother 1s
himt0 t;ng with t j Yvith P page in cC a chie^
is a®ihewill ê'ye"dJ we j* we
11,6 p?°rts as wel' as y°“I/s shortcoming
Xehold, them
advice.
Baby bottles, Feeders and Pacifiers
Homing contributes to illness as much as aPaci^r
order to keep the child occupied or gam respite from t
children, a number of women thrust a pacifier into the child S
mouth. Some children have a chain etc. tied around their necks
from which the pacifier hangs. This enables the mother to get
quick and easy access to the pacifier when the child starts
SXCJt*In™ediately-This is
IS used to calm the child iône H f S°°ther that
introducing genns into the stomach Wk °hief Causes of
sto^ch via the

Itic.il Mother .68
A professor of the paediatric ward of Meo hospital says that a
child who sucks on a soother is never in good health. He always
has a throat infection. He is always coughing due to
inflammation of the throat and lungs. When this germ-infested
saliva reaches the stomach, it causes diarrhoea.
The physical and nutritional needs of a child increase when he
reaches four months. Keeping him on milk only at this age is
just the same as starving him. Besides milk, he now requires
solid foods as well. These foods include, amongst others,
cereals, potatoes, bananas, khichri (rice boiled in split pulse)
etc. Some infants do not accept new types of food easily. They
probably take a day or two to adapt to new foods. When some
of the mothers realize that the child refuses to eat something
new, they force the child with milk instead. They thrust a bottle
into the mouth when he goes to sleep. The nipple of the bottle
and the area around the nipple is a hub of germs. Even children
ten to twelve years old have been seen drinking from milk
bottles. Together with falling prey to coughs and diarrhoea, due
to the pressure applied by the bottle, their front teeth and palate
are also affected.
Boiling the bottle beforehand for hygienic purposes is the
appropriate thing to do. However, boiling damages the teat of
the bottle. Anti-bacteria chemicals etc. may also clean the bottle
but traces of these chemicals may reach the stomach. Hence,
this is also not advisable. The simplest solution to this problem
is that the bottle be used in dire circumstances only and once
the child becomes able, feed him with a glass, cup or teaspoon.
Instead of feeding him with milk only, feed him other dairy
products as well, like siwayyad (sweet vermicelli dish with
milk), custard, cereals etc. Together with milk, these products
contain nutritional solids as well. In short, the use of a bottle is
inappropriate and unsafe. [Extracted from ‘Ilaje-Nabawi aur jadid
Science by Doctor Khalid Ghaznawi]
Ideal^—
Guidelines on
i -ftebestform Ifdue to 1-
"tt^.^Zudthen be ‘he most
justbeforebreastfeeding.
2. Oncethe childis seven days old, itis verybencn^the child gentlyin a cradle or in the lap and to sing lullabies
(comprising ofpoems etc. within ! c
whilst rocking the child. Keep the ...
layingthechildin the cradle oron the lap.
1From the time a child is bom ’
.......•whate«Shears or seei. You u.
Vbe the otherJciai
iwooio ;-of a health )y bene
5,would be/^v off herfinS
“ u a bit Ol l‘v‘— .
;hildsl“* f jal to rock
T a i« like a camera. He
h‘S “should not even harshly
speech. the greater the chance of ta h
cultured manner. Do not scream or spe .
the child. Continue making zikr and reciting du as etc. m
presence.
4. When the child is about to be weaned and he is also eating
solids, ensure that he does not chew on very hard and brittle
Sen ae te(hy “use.d®cult teethin8 and may permanently
the child sweets,
wholesome homemade gobies. ff ’ hlm Clean
allow him to dn^Stoa0V01d f®edlnS him a stomach full n
Permanently damn much of water Ova • j ‘ ^Ot
bloated, StOniach- Even |f"dulgence may
^wuldassi.? rom fedirte hm, J he stomach k
dige^ lull him to
Wy caut'°us abom

71
Ideal Mother
70
6. When tine gums become hard and it seems like the teeth are
about to come out, repeatedly rub oil onto the neck and head
Occasionally heat a drop or two of honey and insert into the
ears so that dirt does not form within the ears. Consult your
female doctor to prescribe something for the child’s teething
Sometimes, due to the difficulty ofteething, the limbs and body
of the infant tend to suffer from convulsions. Rub a bit of oil
onto the head and neck when the child is teething
Occasionally, mix a bit of honey and salt together and apply to
the gums. This will prevent thrush and also enable the teeth to
come out easily.
7. When the child starts uttering a few words, occasionally rub
the hind part of the tongue with the finger. This will enable the
child to speak clearly much more quickly. [Extractedfrom Bahishti
Zewarpage 737]
8. It is mentioned in the books of philosophical sciences that
bad habits adversely influence the health. Hence, pay particular
attention to maintaining good habits in the child. When you are
particular about this and you rear him correctly, then this child
will engage in good deeds in the future. And whatever good is
bound to emanate from him, you will be the source of all his
goodness. During the course of your pregnancy and whilst
breastfeeding, if you offer your salah correctly at its prescribed
time, then Insha Allah, you will see for yourself that this child
will also be mindful ofhis salah at the prescribed hours.
Similarly, as far as possible, control your anger and exercise
patience. For example, if one of the elder daughters opened the
fridge and the custard you prepared for the expected guests,
slipped and fell out of her hands. You know that the child’s
father will be upset with you, as the guests will leave without
partaking of the custard. This act of the child will surely
infuriate you but instead of admonishing her, you exercise
patience and recite
.toAl13*1 Lhi>rdshP
Tra»’lad’o^ret^twtI1'a''elOSt Ta.jla,
^in8b£“e' ngbeIongs^^3l0st this^*. O
^-^^nUS'AWard
W” 0neXfo'thlSC, „
A* rXbe««in its p the child’s head
bringing about a relatively insignificant disaster.
“And my girl, it was not your fault. I left the item at the front of
the fridge. In the hereafter we will be rewarded for this as well.
The sins ofa believer are washed away whenever any calamity
befalls him in this world. Together with this, he is rewarded in
beloved o7hlIh%Xbln Teyed t0 US by °Ur
remember that whenever vn NonetheleSS, my girl
f*. let mct X X°mething from «dge n
Your dau8hler wiI| k “^youaswen-.
1 have erred X’y respond th
X 1 PtotniJ£ be>°ved
o,her’ w hu,ure” £^aUthat
6ther becOm t le child
^y with

Ideal Mother
72
you? Won't he beat me for doing this? When his guests arrive
today, please do not mention my name.” You should respond
thus: “My girl, do not worry. Recite the kalimah and durud
thrice and make du’a unto Allah Ta’ala that your father refrains
from scolding you over this. I will not place the blame on you
before him. I will merely tell him that the item fell down with
the will of Allah Ta’ala. Insha Allah, Allah will grant him the
patience. I will phone him just now. On his return from the
office, he will bring along a sweet dish for you".
Whether you believe it or not and if you doubt it, experience
will lead you to believe that a bit ofpatience and suppressing of
your anger - which is rather difficult as all your efforts of the
morning has gone to the ground due to the child’s negligence -
will leave an admirable effect on this sinless child as well as the
child in your stomach. These same children will turn out to
become:
The blooming flowers in the gardens ofmankind,
The guiding lights for hundreds ofthousands,
The outcome ofthe du‘as ofsaints and mothers,
The true interpretation ofthe Muslim’s dreams and,
The fountainhead of guidance for thousands ofhumans.
Remember, the making and moulding of a human is a very
difficult and trying task indeed. It is a task of immense reward
in the hereafter. Rasulullah & has enumerated pious children
amongst the three things that would benefit man even after his
death as a form ofthawabe-jariyah (perpetual reward).
Whatever good deeds you carry out in this world are temporary
and you will be rewarded for it immediately. However, there
are some deeds for which you, your parents, your husband and
his parents will all be rewarded; and that is the correct
upbringing of children. You will be consigned to your grave
but since your children bear exemplary habits and outstanding
rz-aCts ■
j4ence’ ”
j yOd 10
nb
iety
3blt° P few ttlVI
mss of 3 > sinless
the Xerace *eS,eridicule
fury u'.7 po not po not na
uis world'”be3t them-v
over
. e your f-
2^-S'DOn o{ ,he garden
b»yr»dBirlSW^ derails here. However we intelllgent,
will not get into{ d children mt P make
xs“
iTo”otb°c?ekateX habit within the child of eating certain
foods only. Feed him with seasonal foods as well SO that he
develops the habit of eating all types of foods. However, avoid
feeding him repeatedly in an unsystematic and irregular
manner. Avoid feeding him until the previous meal has
jx “o±ia rblem with
sour fXffi fX
eiy S
dr,ed^LX*inter

Ideal Mother____________________________ ____________ _-------------- — --------------—74
out of sesame seeds, ghaur (sugar molasses) etc. You yourself
should also consume fortifying foods depending on y0Ur
disposition.
10. Develop in the children the habit of doing things for
themselves. Within reason, do not prevent them from jumping
and playing. In fact, allow them to play with other well-
behaved children. In short, in childhood, allow the child to do
things required by his childhood. If you ruthlessly prevent him
from doing anything demanded by his childhood instincts - for
example: Do not be mischievous, Do not even make a sound
Do not even engage in any petty squabbles etc. - then the
child’s intellectual capabilities can also be adversely affected. It
is said that as much as the child is alert and sharp in his
childhood days, that much agile, vigilant and sharp he would
grow up to be. If the child does not demand his rights from
others, if someone beats him and he fails to retaliate but comes
crying to his mother, then how is he expected to defend himself
when he grows older. How can he develop the attributes of
courage and bravery? How is he expected to confront the
various challenges of the future? So let the child be a child and
behave like one.
Quite often, when the child misbehaves when the mother takes
him out of the home, the mother beats or chides the child.
However, children should be allowed - within reason - to play,
jump, joke and be a bit mischievous, as this will enable them to
become healthy children. If not, the child will seem like a fool.
He will be branded as a chicken-hearted and gutless child. It
would become difficult for him to become brave and alert.
Imam Shafi‘1 rahmatullahi ‘alaih became a teacher in his
childhood. He would recite Ahadith to the people from a very
young age. A number of elderly people also participated in his
lectures on Hadlth. On one occasion, he started playing around.
This was quite shocking to some of his students. To which
5-"hX1.
Hence, allow "* ^Xut. Do not ^'the Muslim mothers
iw#»jump®11 p A|iah Ta’ala gran h hild-rearing) and
„o one with the demands o ctn
te forbearance (to “P correctly. Ami
may He assist us in bringing t
TheVirtues of Bringing up Children
In regard to the raising of children, Rasulullah •is reported to
have said:
“Whosoever raises two girls until the age of maturity, he and I
will be like this on the day of judgement.” Whilst saying this,
he put both his fingers together. (SMh Muslim)
He says in another Hadith
Ponder over tha
Sh* »»» raising fem..
expressjoyand uyb dejectedwith Ha v 1SSUes- A M„ r
thein the L d haPPiness and n, ,d U§hters. In fa Musllni
Plousenvir2 dge of
ontnent, he
fingers together.

The ideal mother by maulana muhammad hanif abdul majid

The ideal mother by maulana muhammad hanif abdul majid

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

Similar to The ideal mother by maulana muhammad hanif abdul majid

Similar to The ideal mother by maulana muhammad hanif abdul majid (20)

More from docsforu

More from docsforu (20)

Recently uploaded

Recently uploaded (20)

The ideal mother by maulana muhammad hanif abdul majid