3. Module 7: Relationships
Explain the importance
of relationships to
students and identify
means to create
relationships with
students.
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4. All learning is double-coded, both
mentally and emotionally. How you
feel about something is part of the
learning and your openness to
learning. Most learning is in essence
emotional. Virtually all learning starts
with a significant relationship.
–Stanley Greenspan and Beryl Benderly
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6. Mutual Respect
If a student and teacher do not have a relationship
of mutual respect, the learning will be
significantly reduced. For some students it
won’t occur at all.
3
7. Mutual Respect
If a student and teacher do not have a relationship
of mutual respect, the learning will be
significantly reduced. For some students it
won’t occur at all.
If a student and a teacher don’t like each other—
or even come to despise each other—forget about
significant learning.
3
8. Mutual Respect
If a student and teacher do not have a relationship
of mutual respect, the learning will be
significantly reduced. For some students it
won’t occur at all.
If a student and a teacher don’t like each other—
or even come to despise each other—forget about
significant learning.
If mutual respect is present, it can compensate for
the dislike.
3
9. Mutual Respect
If a student and teacher do not have a relationship
of mutual respect, the learning will be
significantly reduced. For some students it
won’t occur at all.
If a student and a teacher don’t like each other—
or even come to despise each other—forget about
significant learning.
If mutual respect is present, it can compensate for
the dislike.
Mutual respect is as much about nonverbals as it
is about what you say.
3
11. Mutual Respect
Relationships of mutual respect
must have three things present:
Support: the direct teaching of process and
mental models.
4
12. Mutual Respect
Relationships of mutual respect
must have three things present:
Support: the direct teaching of process and
mental models.
Insistence: the motivation and persistence
that comes from the relationship.
4
13. Mutual Respect
Relationships of mutual respect
must have three things present:
Support: the direct teaching of process and
mental models.
Insistence: the motivation and persistence
that comes from the relationship.
High Expectations: the approach of,
4
14. Mutual Respect
Relationships of mutual respect
must have three things present:
Support: the direct teaching of process and
mental models.
Insistence: the motivation and persistence
that comes from the relationship.
High Expectations: the approach of,
“I know you can do it, and you will.”
4
15. "No significant
learning occurs
without a
significant
relationship."
–Dr. James Comer
6
16. What can a teacher do to
build relationships?
“TESA (Teacher Expectations and Student Achievement)” identified 15
behaviors that teachers use with good students.
The research study found that when teachers used these interactions with
low-achieving students, they made significant gains in achievement.
1. Calls on everyone in room equitably.
2. Provides individual help.
3. Gives “wait” time (allows student enough time to answer).
4. Asks questions to give student clues about answer.
5. Asks questions that require more thought.
6. Tells students whether their answers are right or wrong.
7. Gives specific praise.
8. Gives reasons for praise.
9. Listens.
10.Accepts feelings of student.
11.Gets within arm’s reach of each student each day.
12.Is courteous to students.
13.Shows personal interest and gives compliments.
14.Touches students (appropriately).
15.Desists (does not call attention to every negative student behavior).
Adapted from “TESA (Teacher Expectations and Student Achievement).” Los Angeles Department of Education.
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17. Creating an Environment of Mutual Respect
1. Know something about each student.
2. Engage in behaviors that indicate affection for
each student.
3. Bring student interests into content and
personalize learning activities.
4. Engage in physical behaviors that
communicate interest in students.
5. Use humor when appropriate.
6. Consistently enforce positive and negative
consequences.
–Robert Marzano, The Art and Science of Teaching
10
18. "Rules without
relationships
breed rebellion."
–Grant East
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20. Building Engaged Schools
School Climate
This “Emotional Safety” is very important
to creating a positive school climate. The
Relationships students build while
attending school also helps in creating a
positive school climate.
42. Creating Relationships
DEPOSITS WITHDRAWALS
Seek first to understand Seek first to to be understood
Keeping promises Breaking promises
Kindnesses, courtesies Unkindnesses, discourtesies
Clarifying expectations Violating expectations
Loyalty to the absent Disloyalty, duplicity
Apologies Pride, conceit, arrogance
Open to feed back Rejecting feedback
Chart taken from Stephen Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
43.
44. Deposit Made To Withdrawals Made
Individual In Poverty From Individual In Poverty
Appreciation for humor and Put-downs or sarcasm about the
entertainment provided by the humor or the individual
individual
Acceptance of what the Insistence and demands for full
individual cannot say about a explanation about a person or
person or situation situation
Respect for the demands and Insistence on the middle class
priorities of relationships view of relationships
Using the adult voice Using the parent voice
Assisting with goal-setting Telling the individual his/her goals
Identifying options related to Making judgments on the value
available resources and availability of resources
Understanding the importance of Assigning pejorative character
personal freedom, speech, and traits to the individual
individual personality
[edit]Directions\nAnswers are for who you are now...... not who you were in the past. Have pen or pencil and paper ready. It's only 10 simple questions, so...... grab a pencil and paper; keep track of your letter answers. Number your paper 1 to 10 first.\n\n1. When do you feel at your best? a) In the morning B) during the afternoon and early evening c) Late at night\n2. You usually walk..... a) Fairly fast, with long steps b) Fairly fast, with little steps c) Less fast head up, looking the world in the face d) Less fast, head down e) Very slowly\n3. When talking to people, you... a) Stand with your arms folded b) Have your hands clasped c) Have one or both your hands on your hips or in pockets d) Touch or push the person to whom you are talking e) Play with your ear, touch your chin or smooth your hair\n4. When relaxing, you sit with... a) Your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side b) Your legs crossed c) Your legs stretched out or straight d) One leg curled under you\n5. When something really amuses you, you react with... a) A big appreciated laugh b) A laugh, but not a loud one c) A quiet chuckle d) A sheepish smile\n6. When you go to a party or social gathering, you... a) Make a loud entrance so everyone notices you b) Make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know c) Make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed\n7. When you're working or concentrating very hard, and you're interrupted, you... a) Welcome the break b) Feel extremely irritated c) Vary between these two extremes\n8. Which of the following colours do you like most? a) Red or orange b) Black c) Yellow or light blue d) Green e) Dark blue or purple f) White g) Brown or grey\n9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lay... a) Stretched out on your back b) Stretched out face down on your stomach c) On your side, slightly curled d) With your head on one arm e) With your head under the covers\n10. You often dream that you are... a) Falling b) Fighting or struggling c) Searching for something or somebody d) Flying or floating e) You usually have dreamless sleep f) Your dreams are always pleasant\n\nPOINTS: 1. (a) 2 (b) 4 (c) 6 2. (a) 6 b) 4 (c) 7 (d) 2 (e) 1 3. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 5 (d) 7 (e) 6 4. (a) 4 (b) 6 (c) 2 (d) 1 5. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 2 6. (a) 6 (b) 4 (c) 2 7. (a) 6 (b) 2 (c) 4 8. (a) 6 (b) 7 (c) 5 (d) 4 (e) 3 (f) 2 (g) 1 9. (a) 7 (b) 6 (c) 4 (d) 2 (e) 1 10. (a) 4 (b) 2 (c) 3 (d) 5 (e) 6 (f) 1\nNow add up the total number of points.\n[edit]Debrief\nOVER 60 POINTS Others see you as someone they should 'handle with care.' You're seen as vain, self-centred and one who is extremely domineering. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.\n51 TO 60 POINTS Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a natural leader, one who's quick to make decisions, though not always the right ones. They see you as bold and adventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.\n41 TO 50 POINTS Others see you as fresh, lively, charming, amusing, practical and always interesting; someone who's constantly in the centre of attention, but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.\n31 TO 40 POINTS Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.\n1 TO 30 POINTS Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It would really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.\n\n
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Respect in middle class is attributed to a role or a job. In poverty respect must be earned. \nLearning requires human interaction.\nIn The Growth of the Mind and the Endangered Origins of Intelligence (1997), Greenspan and Benderly say all learning is double-coded, both mentally and emotionally. How you feel about something is part of the learning and your openness to the learning.\nIt is very important to understand the emotional underpinnings of learning. Most learning is in essence emotional (our most vivid memories have an emotional component), and virtually all learning starts with significant relationships.\n We have the ability to communicate nonverbally. There are over 200 nonverbal signals that people give out without even being aware of them. If you live in poverty, being aware of nonverbals helps you survive. \nIn school we deliver everything verbally to students with limited vocabulary who pay more attention to what we do than to what we say. If a teacher’s nonverbals are negative, a hidden rule of poverty is that you don’t want to learn from that teacher. \nDo you know that intention determines nonverbals? \n
Respect in middle class is attributed to a role or a job. In poverty respect must be earned. \nLearning requires human interaction.\nIn The Growth of the Mind and the Endangered Origins of Intelligence (1997), Greenspan and Benderly say all learning is double-coded, both mentally and emotionally. How you feel about something is part of the learning and your openness to the learning.\nIt is very important to understand the emotional underpinnings of learning. Most learning is in essence emotional (our most vivid memories have an emotional component), and virtually all learning starts with significant relationships.\n We have the ability to communicate nonverbally. There are over 200 nonverbal signals that people give out without even being aware of them. If you live in poverty, being aware of nonverbals helps you survive. \nIn school we deliver everything verbally to students with limited vocabulary who pay more attention to what we do than to what we say. If a teacher’s nonverbals are negative, a hidden rule of poverty is that you don’t want to learn from that teacher. \nDo you know that intention determines nonverbals? \n
Respect in middle class is attributed to a role or a job. In poverty respect must be earned. \nLearning requires human interaction.\nIn The Growth of the Mind and the Endangered Origins of Intelligence (1997), Greenspan and Benderly say all learning is double-coded, both mentally and emotionally. How you feel about something is part of the learning and your openness to the learning.\nIt is very important to understand the emotional underpinnings of learning. Most learning is in essence emotional (our most vivid memories have an emotional component), and virtually all learning starts with significant relationships.\n We have the ability to communicate nonverbally. There are over 200 nonverbal signals that people give out without even being aware of them. If you live in poverty, being aware of nonverbals helps you survive. \nIn school we deliver everything verbally to students with limited vocabulary who pay more attention to what we do than to what we say. If a teacher’s nonverbals are negative, a hidden rule of poverty is that you don’t want to learn from that teacher. \nDo you know that intention determines nonverbals? \n
Respect in middle class is attributed to a role or a job. In poverty respect must be earned. \nLearning requires human interaction.\nIn The Growth of the Mind and the Endangered Origins of Intelligence (1997), Greenspan and Benderly say all learning is double-coded, both mentally and emotionally. How you feel about something is part of the learning and your openness to the learning.\nIt is very important to understand the emotional underpinnings of learning. Most learning is in essence emotional (our most vivid memories have an emotional component), and virtually all learning starts with significant relationships.\n We have the ability to communicate nonverbally. There are over 200 nonverbal signals that people give out without even being aware of them. If you live in poverty, being aware of nonverbals helps you survive. \nIn school we deliver everything verbally to students with limited vocabulary who pay more attention to what we do than to what we say. If a teacher’s nonverbals are negative, a hidden rule of poverty is that you don’t want to learn from that teacher. \nDo you know that intention determines nonverbals? \n
Insistence by the teacher can only happen if the student and teacher have a relationship.\nWhen there isn’t mutual respect, one person becomes the taker and the other becomes the giver. Eventually both parties come to dislike or even despise each other.\nHow do support, insistence, and high expectations show up in the classroom?\nSupport is the direct-teaching of processes and mental models.\nInsistence is the motivation and persistence that come from relationships.\nHigh expectations constitute the approach of, “ I know you can do it, and you will.”\n
Insistence by the teacher can only happen if the student and teacher have a relationship.\nWhen there isn’t mutual respect, one person becomes the taker and the other becomes the giver. Eventually both parties come to dislike or even despise each other.\nHow do support, insistence, and high expectations show up in the classroom?\nSupport is the direct-teaching of processes and mental models.\nInsistence is the motivation and persistence that come from relationships.\nHigh expectations constitute the approach of, “ I know you can do it, and you will.”\n
Insistence by the teacher can only happen if the student and teacher have a relationship.\nWhen there isn’t mutual respect, one person becomes the taker and the other becomes the giver. Eventually both parties come to dislike or even despise each other.\nHow do support, insistence, and high expectations show up in the classroom?\nSupport is the direct-teaching of processes and mental models.\nInsistence is the motivation and persistence that come from relationships.\nHigh expectations constitute the approach of, “ I know you can do it, and you will.”\n
Insistence by the teacher can only happen if the student and teacher have a relationship.\nWhen there isn’t mutual respect, one person becomes the taker and the other becomes the giver. Eventually both parties come to dislike or even despise each other.\nHow do support, insistence, and high expectations show up in the classroom?\nSupport is the direct-teaching of processes and mental models.\nInsistence is the motivation and persistence that come from relationships.\nHigh expectations constitute the approach of, “ I know you can do it, and you will.”\n
Probably the most frequently asked question by teachers is this: How can I get my students to want to learn?\nDr. James Comer, an African-American educator at Yale University, says this: "No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship of mutual respect." \nLearning requires human interaction. At the heart of all learning is relationship.\n\n
What a teacher can do to build relationships.\n
Steps to follow from Robert Marzano:\nMake sure every student has at least one adult in the building who touches base with him/her once a day and cares about him/her.\nEnsure that every student has a peer or peer group with whom he/she can talk during an academic task every day.\nMake sure that no child plays alone at recess for more than one day and that no secondary student eats lunch alone.\nAssign every student to some type of extracurricular activity so that there is a sense of belonging.\nEnsure that, within the academic day, students have opportunities to interact with peers. See also Under-Resourced Learners, p. 38.\n
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BIRTHDAY LINE: Explain to the group that this is a nonverbal exercise.  The group is to form a single straight line, according to birthdays.  For example, persons with January birthdays will be at the beginning of the line, earliest January dates first followed in order by later dates.  The line progresses by months and days with December birthdays at the end.  Persons with the same birthday share the same place in line.  You must communicate nonverbally (no lip-reading or spelling in the dirt allowed).  When the line is completed, each person will shout out his/her birthday, beginnining in January.\n\n \n\n\n\n
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LISTENING SKILLS DRAWINGS: You will need a piece of paper and a writing utensil for each participant.  You also will need two different diagrams for each pair.  Have partners sit back to back and decide who will be the “listener” and who will be the “talker” first.  Each will eventually have a chance to play both roles.  Give each “talker” a copy of a diagram.  The Listener must sketch what they hear described, and in this round 1, is not allowed to speak or ask questions.  This pair is using “one-way communication.”  There will be 1-2 minutes allotted for this round, or longer if time permits.  Partners compare drawings when finished to see how close they came to the original.  The second round can begin and partners switch roles, still sitting back to back.  The dyad together must try to improve results.  In this round 2, the talker gets different diagram, and the listener can speak and ask questions.  After the alloted time has passed, partners should compare results again.  Then bring the two groups together to talk about the benifits of both types of communication.\n\n\n\n
