Meet Caspian and follow along as he tells you all about his first year of being an Immortal Teen.

2. Why did they have to die? How could they leave me with this buffoon? I never want to
forgive them…mom and dad should have known that travelling to that place would be
the death of them, and it was. I was too young they said, taking me would have left no
one behind to protect the family fortune they said, well THANKS mom and dad, now I
HAD to let this buffoon take the family’s money away and blow it on whatever the
stupid ass felt he wanted at the time. There’s none left for me. Why didn’t you better
protect our fortune for me? Why do I have to be 21? That’s like forever away. The
lawyers said that since this ass was the next living descendant of my dad who was of
age, that my family’s money would go to him, the small twenty grand I got was used to
move to Apoloosa Plains and purchase the cheapest house we could find here, called the
Sunflower House. It has a huge fenced in area beside the tiny house, I assume that it
was for a horse to run around in because EVERYONE here seems to have one. But I
can’t afford one, the twenty grand I had was used up quickly buying the house and
furnishing it. Plus I don’t think horses like me, they can sense I’m a witch. Dogs bark
at me too, but cats…they’re all over me. I want a cat because every witch needs a
Familiar right?

3. Oh yeah this is me sorry. My name is Caspian Joie and I’m only 13. I like to say I’m older
though. I’m Flirty, a Great Kisser, Friendly and I’m Irresistible. What can I say? It’s true. I
also like Hamburgers, Country music, and the colour Red. My only wish in life is to have a
Perfect Aquarium, that’s 13 PERFECT fish. Quite appropo hmm? I did say horses hated me
didn’t I? Well I went down to the festival ground/park thing and two of them just ignored me or
reared up and tried to stomp me. I’d turn them into glue if I knew the spell for it…

4. My first friend here was a rancher named Quincey Miller. He told me that he had a
daughter my age. Sweet. Maybe when I start school tomorrow I’ll meet her. I want to
try to find at least four different lovers, dad’s first love was not mom she was actually
his fourth so maybe that bodes well for me too? Who knows?

5. I have to learn how to cook for myself because eating anything that buffoon makes will probably
kill me. He’s such a Slob I wouldn’t trust that his hygiene practices are much better than a
pig’s…*shudders* Mom and dad had a personal chef who made all our meals and she was the best,
I loved her ethnic foods, she knew so many different kinds of food and she was also a powerful
witch in her own right, using her magic to make culinary masterpieces. I miss her.

6. Monday morning, my first day of school. I wonder how many teens there will be in my
class and how many would be potential lovers. The population is small here in
Apoloosa Plains so I don’t expect a whole lot, which worries me.

7. Key to finding love: don’t smell like a sewer. I got mad kissing skillz and it would be a
shame if that one of my best assets becomes a turn off for a potential lover right?

8. Can’t forget those back molars. Eventually my wisdom teeth will come in and I hope it
makes me four times wiser, otherwise what are they for if not that? Hmm? Questions to
ponder…

9. And once more for good measure. Yeah, that should be good enough right? Don’t want
to miss the bus on my first day, the shower looks kind of scary right now, the pig must
have been in there…I do hate to go without a shower but I’d really rather not get
MORE dirty…guess I’ll have to clean it later.

10. Hey cool! Is that a bone shaped fountain? Too bad dogs hate me, four legged devils if
you ask me. I am not a werewolf, I’m better I’m a witch. Back in the old place,
werewolves and witches stayed on their own sides of the tracks. And it was better that
way.

11. Nice school, very retro. Oh hey Quince-man, you work here? Guess he’s an elementary
teacher, I don’t see his name on my class list. At least I know someone here already,
that’s good I guess.

12. As I got off work at the bookstore, I saw this spotted Clydesdale pony outside in the
parking lot. I take back what I said earlier, ponies are alright. They haven’t learned to
hate me yet because they sense I’m a witch. Plus he’s pretty neat looking.
Unfortunately he belongs to someone and his name is GooGoo Marshall…weird name
for a pony.

13. Later that week, was our first field trip to the Science Center. Sadly there are only four teens
in this WHOLE town…and two are guys bummer. I mean…it’s 2019 who’s gonna judge
right? Although I know Benni is with Cruz she keeps eyeing me when he’s not looking. Lark
Gosling calls her Benni the Bike because everyone’s had a ride on her. The one with the
cowboy hat is Maisy Miller, Quince-man’s daughter and Shades beside her is Cruz
Martinez. He’s a chill dude.

14. And if I want to have at least four lovers…and there’s only four in the whole town,
what does that make me? There’s kids too but they won’t be old enough, though this
one kid Chantrelle seems to be obsessed with me…she’s like 10. I am Irresistible so I
guess it makes sense. But still, she a kid. Don’t think they know I’m a witch though,
that could change the whole ball game if they did know.

15. Benni’s heart farting me, I can sense it. She’s always staring at me, sending me love
letters and gifts in the mail which when you’re a poor teen that means money for me. I
also know that the Hennesey family is one of the richest ones in town. Along with the
Pelly family, they make up the upper crust of the town.

16. Anyway, when I do get the rare time to myself I like to go all the way up in the hills to
this fishery spot. I want 13 Perfect fish so I gotta start somewhere on that. Also to find
those rarer specimens like the Fairy Damsel, Tragic Clownfish, and the elusive Vampire
and Death fish. I sort of know that you have to fish after midnight in the cemeteries for
them…but that’s later on.

17. Fishing at dusk is awesome, it’s so quiet up here and peaceful. The fish are always
jumping and there’s very few people to bother me up here. I hope to find some perfect
specimens soon.

18. Wait a minute… *goosebumps* what is THAT power I sense? It’s so strong! Where is
it coming from? I thought only me and the buffoon were the only witches in this place?

19. Might you be that power I sense? A black unicorn?! I’ve only read about your
existence in my Magical Bestiary.
Black Unicorn: A witch, I too was sensing power here that was not my own.

20. You talk!?
Black Unicorn: Only to those who have magic like yourself. I felt your power
and came to see what it was.

21. I never thought I’d ever see a unicorn, let alone a pure black one. I wish my
parents were alive to see this.
Black Unicorn: Black unicorns like myself are rare indeed. But then again so are
you young warlock. What are you doing in this town?

22. I guess I needed to be free from the memories of everyone who knew my parents, I didn’t need
to hear them telling me over and over again how my parents were never like me, how I’ll never
make them proud with the life I chose, or how I’ll never be as strong as they were. Damn,
didn’t expect to confess that to a unicorn.
Black Unicorn: Your heart is filled with love and light, I shall bless you this night.

23. What do I call you? Black Unicorn seems so…generic for a mythic creature like
you.
Black Unicorn: One day, I will return. And then you can name me whatever
you like.

24. Can’t you come with me now? I have plenty of space at my tiny little house.
Black Unicorn: Unfortunately not, young warlock. You must prove yourself a friend to all
creatures before I may join you.
How do I do that?
Black Unicorn: You must discover this on your own. I cannot tell you.

25. I went home still thinking about what the Black Unicorn said, be a friend to all animals? What could that
mean? Adopt them? But dogs hate me…I mean I could go for cats, they love witches. They’d count
right? But with the buffoon trying to set the house on fire every time he uses that stove, I wouldn’t want
to expose those innocent cats to him. Plus it would benefit him as a witch too and I don’t want to do
ANYTHING that helps him. He squandered my inheritance and he despises me. Dad, your cousin is a
dick, I hope you’re happy with what you did to me, dying like that and leaving me all alone with HIM.

26. I was at school and far from him, although I would have loved it if he died in that
fire…anyway at least the Apoloosa Plains Fire Department are well trained and
competent enough to save my house. I can’t afford another. I’m glad I don’t have any
cats, he’d kill them with his stupidity.

27. Oh yes please, please starve to death. Put you out my misery…I shouldn’t be so vindictive. I’m a
witch so feelings like that can be dangerous when combined with my powers. Also mom would not
like it, she was such a kind woman. Dad treasured her. I have her red hair and dad’s green eyes. I
think I got the best of both of them. Green eyes are rare really, and more powerful in witches.
Something else I learned from my books. It better connects us to nature the book said. Don’t know
if that’s true or not though.

28. After I paid to replace the stove the idiot burned, he informs me with that stupid smug
face that he’s going on a free vacation. I don’t know how he got it or when but if it gets
rid of him for two days fine with me. So I threw my first party. I think he’s using his
magic to cheat the contests so he can win all these vacations. Since there’s certainly no
money left for him to actually pay for one.

29. Benni of course is all over me. I don’t know how to feel about that. Since I really only
know three girls in this entire town I had to invite them all. One will probably be my
first love, not Benni, but maybe Lark or Maisy. We’ll see.

30. Lark: Benni the Bike is at it again. Doesn’t she have some super huge house?
Why is she here?
Maisy: For Caspian of course. He’s the new kid in town and a redhead. Of
course she’d be all over him. I heard she likes redheads.

31. My first party was a modest success, at least it wasn’t a failure. I’d like to throw a
great one some day. But I’ll take what I can get with my small limited budget and
space. I kept up my fishing for perfect fish and this cat shaped pond of course drew me
to it immediately. All I need is one more perfect fish, it’s been so hard to find them
around here but I have twelve so far.

32. And I eventually found this perfect salmon to be my 13th fish. I’m surprised the buffoon
hasn’t eaten or killed them yet. But yeah, with this I’ve finally completed my wish of
having a Perfect Aquarium!

33. Aspiration points feel SO GOOD! I just felt like I earned 32 500 of them. Now I feel great forever.
I wish I could find a new dream but I like this one. Once I’ve completed my high school years I can
kick this asshole out of here and finally start living my best life. I’ve decided as soon as I’m old
enough I’ll be adopting three cats, I figured that was the best way to prove myself worthy to the
Black Unicorn. Plus cats won’t hate me, so bonus.

34. The buffoon went off on another one of his cheated vacations so it was time for my second party.
This time I invited the bros. Cruz and Jacoby, they were the only guy friends I had so I wasn’t
going to leave them out. I hear from them all the time about how they hate having parents and
how lucky I was that I didn’t. I try not to take it personally, my parents weren’t BAD per se and I
miss them so much it hurts…I could have learned so much from them about my heritage, my
powers, and our family.

35. My early paintings looked like a five year old made them and surprisingly, they sold for
a fair chunk of change. I guess art collectors are weird people. Anyway, I only want to
keep the most brilliant and masterpiece works I make so I’ll gladly get rid of the ones
that don’t meet my standards.

36. Eventually it was time for the Fall Festival, apparently the town decided to make the
park that I went to when I first got here, just a park. They already had a festival
grounds set aside. Guess it wasn’t done when I moved here. I participated in the
blueberry pie eating contest they had, which apparently has a prize of key lime pie
instead. Go figure on that one.

37. What? Did you expect I’d lose? Pssh, as if. I won the pie but sold it because putting
in the fridge means the pig will scarf it all down before I even get the chance to eat
any of it so better safe than sorry. I’ll eventually learn how to make it myself when I
can grow my own lime trees. I mean I have that huge space next to the house so if I
can’t get a unicorn, I can at least make a garden instead.

38. Collecting wild flowers is also a big money maker, if I ever want to go to college, I need
thirteen grand to do it and every little bit helps right? I’ve heard they sell for hundreds
of dollars if you find the rare ones. Even the commons are worth something too.

39. Hey look a Bigfoot! I read about them in my Mystical Bestiary, they used to live around
this old tourist trap place called Three Lakes but I heard Three Lakes was wiped out in a
major volcanic eruption and is now a ghost town, I wonder what happened to the
Bigfoots? Oh well, we have a wooden cut out of them now.

40. The rest of the fall I spent making more paintings. I also bought a computer with my
painting money so I can start writing as well. Colleges love well-rounded students
right? I might actually quit my job at the bookstore and just live off the sales from my
paintings and books, I make much more money off them than I do slaving away at some
wage-slave job.

41. My first brilliant painting was one I did of a place I remember called Aurora Skies, I
had only been there once but I was so young. I’m honestly surprised I remember it at
all. I hung this up in my room and framed it, I don’t want the buffoon to get any boosts
from my hard works.

42. Eventually fall became winter and the Winter Formal was finally here. I went alone but
while I was there, Lark made her move and asked me to go steady. I didn’t notice the
daggers that Benni was shooting at her back when she asked me at the Winter Formal.
But I heard about it later from Maisy. Cruz was not too pleased with her after he found
out what she was doing. I’ve heard they’ve been fighting a lot about it.

43. I unfortunately missed work for the Winter Formal. Oops. Well I’m such a good worker
that I know I’ll be forgiven for one missed shift. Although when the buffoon heard about
it he thought that it would make me feel bad if he yelled at me over it, I didn’t feel bad. I
was glad I went to the dance instead.

44. Yep, you guessed it; another free vacation so that means party for me. This time a
slumber party. I had only wanted to invite the bros but Lark crashed my party and
invited herself along…I mean yay for wanting to be with me but girl please, there’s
acceptable amounts of time together and then there’s just outright stalking. I think it
may be time to end things with Lark, clingy is not my thing.

45. DUDE! I mean the very next night after my slumber party this asshat breaks into the
house and steals my toilet! I mean a TOILET?! Dude, really. I just upgraded that to
NOT break when the buffoon uses it and you go and steal it. That was a nearly $1000
toilet too! I can’t be replacing them all the time.

46. Welp, RIP nice toilet. Now I have to buy the slightly less cheap one that looks like it
belongs in a Minecraft game. I LIKED the $1000 toilet too! Also have to scrounge up
$1700 to get two burglar alarms installed for the doors, why does shit have to be so
expensive? I’m a poor thirteen year old kid man…

47. I tried to call the cops but the asshat ran off before they showed and all I got was a “Sorry,
my bad” from the cop who did come, yeah that’ll really help when I have no where to pee!! I
wish I could have fire blasted the asshat, although it probably would have burnt up my toilet
and then I’d be right back in the same place again. Oh well…time to find more stuff to sell
and paint some more then.

48. Anyway, to try and forget about my lost toilet, I threw a Gift Party. My fourth one by
the way. I also got a sweet holiday bonus from work so it was enough to get a new
toilet. Guess there are such things as holiday miracles after all. It was just over $1600
but it was enough to get a new john. Except the cheap ass TV is busted again so
yeah…something else to buy.

49. I invited Quince-man and Jacoby, Cruz never showed. Anyway I got my gift and it was
mistletoe? What am I going to do with that? And just to make things worse, the
buffoon got a Maxoid Game Station 3. How is that fair? I wasn’t pleased to say the
least. But he’ll never use it, I’d sooner sell it than let him have something that cool.

50. Jacoby didn’t tell me what he got, but he looked happy enough. He’s one of my best bros
so I’m happy for him. He works as a babysitter so he knows how little money that
actually gets him. Guess that’s why we get along so well, we’re both poor.

51. I don’t know what triggered this but Jacoby gave me flowers. I would have shown a better
reaction of my face but the buffoon’s head was in the way, he was quite rude to Jacoby.
Apparently Jacoby wants to be more than just bros…I mean sure that’s cool and all but I am
still looking into my options. I finally broke it off with Stalker Lark and have been
contemplating asking Maisy next, Quince-man of course wants me to date his daughter.

52. So I went outside to start building an igloo. I wanted to know why Jacoby would
suddenly decide to give me flowers. He just shrugged and said he didn’t know why but
something about me made him do it. Guess that’s the price of being Irresistible. I even
asked if he wanted to go to the Spring Formal and he said no. Bummer. Oh well, I can
always ask Maisy or go alone.

53. I kept up with my painting and I’ve nearly maxed the skill now. I think I am going to
quit my job and focus full time on my creative pursuits, I make so much more money
off them anyway. I also have been wanting to join the Art Club at school and I can’t do
that with a job that is five days a week from 3-7 pm. I need to have a life outside of work
and school.

54. Finally the snow melted and that amazing smell of the earth coming back to life after a
long winter is so nice. I went to Spring Festival of course because I had to try the Love
Tester out. Turns out I’m the hottest thing since the sun, according to the machine’s
AI. Of course I am, even machines now how great I am.

55. I wanted to earn the Dance King plaque as well so I busted out my best moves on the
dance floor. Aside from that, once I got tired I went looking for eggs. I want to find a
fancy one. Springtime is the time of love after all, and I could use some love about now.

56. Maisy was there but she rejected me when I went in for the First Kiss. How rude. I
guess she couldn’t handle me, at least not without some help. I was being petty and
probably shouldn’t have but…

57. I cast a Love Charm on her, thus revealing myself as a witch to her. I had done well for
most of the year to keep that under wraps but I guess I was just in a bad mood that day,
mood swings are a bitch man. Thankfully, no one else was paying attention to me
casting a love charm on her, I had seen Quince-man around and he would be livid if he
saw me enchanting his daughter. I don’t want to lose a friend that way.

58. After that all I had to do was a few small flirts and she was hooked. Will I feel bad later
about enchanting her to gain a favourable reaction? Probably. But for now I’m living
my best teen life.

59. I asked her to go steady and she happily accepted. That’s two first loves down, two more
to go. And I have feeling my next two are going to be Jacoby and Benni, I don’t think
her and Cruz are going to last much longer and I just need to get Benni to stop
bothering me with her love letters and gifts. Maybe she will afterwards.

60. Seems like the setting sun in the background is as good a place as any to end this. Summer is in
three days and by then I will have been here a whole year. I can start my 14th year with a great
girlfriend and a new job of working for me on my creative pursuits. Soon, I’ll be rid of the buffoon
and after that, well who knows? I’ll finally be able to start proving myself to the Black Unicorn.
******