The document discusses roadblocks to effective listening. It covers three main topics: Topic 1 addresses distractions as a roadblock. It emphasizes the importance of identifying internal and external distractions, assessing their negative impacts, and planning strategies to overcome them such as removing predictable distractions. Topic 2 covers emotions as a roadblock. It stresses being aware of emotional triggers, identifying the purpose of communications, and withholding emotional judgement. Topic 3 examines certain types of speech that block listening, including attacking speech, "you" messages that blame others, and speech that shows power over people. The document provides examples and suggests using "I" messages instead to communicate assertively without aggression.

1. LISTENING
VINAY PRATAP
SINGH

2. COURSE OVERVIEW
TOPIC 1: DISTRACTIONS AS ROADBLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• ASSESSING YOU LISTENING SKILL
• BENEFITS OF LISTENING EFFECTIVELY
• IDENTIFYING DISTRACTION TYPE
• DISTRACTION SOURCE AND COST
• PLANT TO AVOID DISTRACTION

3. TOPIC 2: EMOTIONS AS ROADBLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTION
• EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
• IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE
• WITHHOLD JUDGEMENT

4. • TOPIC 3: SPEECH AS A ROADBLOCK TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• ATTACKING
• “YOU” MESSAGE
• SHOWING POWER

5. BENEFITS OF LISTENING EFFECTIVELY
• LESS MISUNDERSTANDING.
• CONVEY A NONJUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE.
• INTERNAL OPINIONS DON'T GET IN THE WAY.
• EASIER TO READ SPEAKERS' EMOTIONS.

6. LESS MISUNDERSTANDING.
• WHEN YOU LISTEN WELL – WITHOUT BEING DISTRACTED REACTING
EMOTIONALLY OR SAYING THE WRONG-THING WE HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF
ACCURATELY HEARING THE CONTENT OF WHAT BEING SAID.

7. CONVEY A NONJUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE
• IF YOU LISTEN EFFECTIVELY, YOU'LL BE PERCEIVED AS NONJUDGMENTAL. THIS IS
BECAUSE YOU'LL SHOW THAT YOU ACCEPT THE IDEAS, THOUGHTS, AND
FEELINGS OTHERS EXPRESS, EVEN IF THEY'RE DIFFERENT FROM YOUR OWN.
• THIS HELPS CREATE A SAFE SPACE IN WHICH OTHERS FEEL COMFORTABLE
ABOUT SHARING THEIR THOUGHTS. A NONJUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE GIVES
PEOPLE PERMISSION TO EXPLORE DIFFICULT SUBJECTS AND TO EXPRESS
THEMSELVES MORE FREELY.

8. INTERNAL OPINIONS DON'T GET IN THE WAY.
• WHEN YOU LISTEN EFFECTIVELY, YOUR INTERNAL OPINIONS AND
COMMUNICATION WON'T KEEP YOU FROM HEARING WHAT'S REALLY BEING SAID.
• EMOTIONAL RESPONSES TO PEOPLE, WHAT THEY SAY, AND THEIR WAYS OF
EXPRESSING THEMSELVES CAN GET IN THE WAY OF UNDERSTANDING. INTERNAL
DIALOG TAKES YOUR ATTENTION AWAY FROM PEOPLE'S WORDS AND CAN
CLOSE YOUR MIND TO NEW INFORMATION AND OPINIONS.

9. EASIER TO READ SPEAKERS' EMOTIONS.
• LISTENING EFFECTIVELY HELPS YOU PAY CLOSER ATTENTION NOT ONLY TO
WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING, BUT ALSO TO THEIR TONES AND WAYS OF
EXPRESSING THEMSELVES. IT BECOMES EASIER TO READ SPEAKERS' EMOTIONS
AND SO TO REACH A DEEPER UNDERSTANDING OF WHY THEY SAY WHAT THEY
DO.

10. TOPIC 1: DISTRACTIONS AS ROADBLOCKS TO
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
• IDENTIFY EXAMPLES OF DISTRACTIONS THAT BLOCK EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• RECOGNIZE HOW TO AVOID DISTRACTIONS THAT BLOCK EFFECTIVE LISTENING
• ASSESSING YOU LISTENING SKILL
• BENEFITS OF LISTENING EFFECTIVELY
• IDENTIFYING DISTRACTION TYPE
• DISTRACTION SOURCE AND COST
• PLANT TO AVOID DISTRACTION.

11. ASSESSING LISTENING SKILLS
• GOOD LISTENERS ARE MADE, NOT BORN.
• SKILLS IMPROVE WITH PRACTICE.

12. HOW DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS
• BEST WAY TO ASSESS YOUR LISTENING SKILL IS TO ASK YOURSELF
• ARE YOU REALLY TAKING IN WHAT SPEAKER IS SAYING TO YOU ?
• ARE YOU HELPING SPEAKER TO FEEL COMFORTABLE AND ABLE TO EXPRESS
THOUGHT FULLY.?
• ARE YOU ACTIVELY ENGAGING WITH WHAT THE SPEAKER HAS TO SAY ?

13. ASSESSING YOUR LISTENING SKILLS
ASK YOURSELF IF YOU:
• LISTEN FOR LONG ENOUGH?
• GIVE YOUR FULL ATTENTION?
• MAKE EYE CONTACT AND EXPRESS INTEREST?
• SHOW INTEREST AND EMPATHY?
• ASK QUESTIONS TO LEARN MORE?

14. PRACTICE
A. DO I AGREE WITH WHAT I HEAR?
B. AM I MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH THE SPEAKER WITHOUT STARING?
C. AM I ASKING QUESTIONS THAT DEEPEN MY UNDERSTANDING?
D. AM I AFFECTED EMOTIONALLY BY WHAT I HEAR?
E. AM I LISTENING WITHOUT INTERRUPTING?

15. ROADBLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING
• DISTRACTIONS.
• EMOTIONS.
• CERTAIN TYPES OF SPEECH.

16. DISTRACTIONS
• INTERNAL
• STRONG EMOTIONS CAN DISTRACT YOU
FROM WHAT'S HAPPENING AROUND YOU.
FOR EXAMPLE, IF IT'S YOUR FIRST DAY AT
WORK, YOUR ANXIETY AND EXCITEMENT
MAY PREVENT YOU FROM HEARING WHAT
PEOPLE ARE TELLING YOU.
• SIMILARLY, PAIN AND DISCOMFORT MAKE IT
HARD TO CONCENTRATE ON LISTENING.
FATIGUE, WORRIES, PERSONAL ISSUES, AND
OTHER THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND
INTERNAL STATES CAN EASILY DISTRACT
EXTERNAL
• LOUD NOISES AND CONTINUOUS
INTERRUPTIONS CAN MAKE IT ALMOST
IMPOSSIBLE TO LISTEN WELL. ANYTHING
THAT ATTRACTS YOUR GAZE, SUCH AS
INTERESTING PICTURES OR ACTIVITIES, CAN
DIVERT YOUR ATTENTION. YOU MAY ALSO
BE DISTRACTED BY THE SPEAKER'S
MANNERISMS OR SPEECH PATTERNS.
A distraction is any type of stimulation that makes you
lose focus.

17. MINIMIZING THE IMPACT OF DISTRACTIONS
1. Identify potential sources of distraction.
2. Identify negative impacts and costs.
3. Plan how to overcome distractions.
To minimize the impact and control the effects of
distractions

18. . IDENTIFY POTENTIAL SOURCES OF
DISTRACTION.
• TO IDENTIFY THE POTENTIAL SOURCE OF DISTRACTION BEST WAY TO NOTE
DOWN AND MAKE LIST OF DISTRACTION.

19. IDENTIFYING NEGATIVE IMPACTS AND COSTS
Identify
consequences.
Rank your distractions according
to:
How common they are.

20. REFLECTING ON DISTRACTIONS
• WHAT HAPPENED IN THE PAST?
• WHAT CONSEQUENCES FOLLOWED?
• WHICH DISTRACTIONS HAVE THE GREATEST IMPACT?

21. PLANNING HOW TO OVERCOME
DISTRACTIONS

22. INTERNAL DISTRACTIONS – LISTENING
ACTIVELY
• MANY INTERNAL DISTRACTIONS ARISE BECAUSE PEOPLE LISTEN AND TAKE IN
INFORMATION ABOUT FOUR TIMES FASTER THAN THEY SPEAK. SO YOUR MIND
HAS EXTRA TIME TO FILL WHEN YOU LISTEN AND MAY TEND TO WANDER.
• TO LISTEN ACTIVELY, USE THIS EXTRA TIME TO ENGAGE WITH WHAT YOU HEAR.
SIMPLY REMIND YOURSELF TO KEEP LISTENING WHENEVER YOUR MIND
WANDERS.
• MANY PEOPLE FIND IT HELPFUL TO TAKE NOTES. ASKING QUESTIONS AND
SUMMARIZING WHAT YOU HEAR.

23. EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS – PLANNING WHERE AND
WHEN
• SOME EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS ARE PREDICTABLE, AND IT'S POSSIBLE TO
PREVENT OR MINIMIZE THEIR IMPACT.
• IF YOU COMMONLY GET DISTRACTED BY WHAT'S ON YOUR COMPUTER
MONITOR, FOR EXAMPLE, TURN IT OFF WHEN YOU NEED TO LISTEN. IF YOU'RE
LIKELY TO BE INTERRUPTED, CLOSE YOUR OFFICE DOOR.
• IF YOU CAN'T PREVENT EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS, TRY TO CONTROL YOUR
RESPONSES TO THEM. EITHER IGNORE THE DISRUPTION AND FOCUS ON
LISTENING PROACTIVELY, OR, IF NECESSARY, RESCHEDULE YOUR MEETING.

24. STRATEGIES FOR STAYING FOCUSED ON
LISTENING
• ENGAGE WITH THE CONTENT.
• USE EXTRA TIME TO REVIEW.
• USE NOTES TO CAPTURE INFORMATION.

25. SUMMARY
• ASSESS HOW WELL YOU LISTEN NOW, NOTING YOUR STRENGTHS AND
WEAKNESSES.
• A KEY ROADBLOCK TO LISTENING IS DISTRACTIONS, WHICH CAN BE EITHER
INTERNAL OR EXTERNAL. TO MINIMIZE AND CONTROL DISTRACTIONS, YOU
NEED TO IDENTIFY THEM, ASSESS THE NEGATIVE IMPACT AND COST OF EACH
ONE, AND PLAN HOW TO OVERCOME THEM.
• YOU OVERCOME DISTRACTIONS BY BEING PROACTIVE. PLAN TO REMOVE
PREDICTABLE DISTRACTIONS, AND MINIMIZE THE EFFECT OF UNPREDICTABLE OR
INTERNAL DISTRACTIONS BY ACTIVELY ENGAGING WITH WHAT YOU HEAR AND
KEEPING YOUR EMOTIONS IN CHECK.

26. TOPIC 2: EMOTIONS AS ROADBLOCKS TO
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
• POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE EMOTION
• EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
• IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE
• WITHHOLD JUDGEMENT

27. THE EFFECTS OF EMOTIONS
• YOUR EMOTIONS CAN AFFECT HOW AND WHAT YOU HEAR.
When you're experiencing negative emotions such as
sadness, anger, or personal dislike, they can filter what
you hear, so that what you hear matches your mood. They
can even distract you from listening at all.
So misunderstandings, lost opportunities,
and communication breakdowns occur.
When you're unaware of your emotions, good feelings
generate carelessness. Being optimistic, excited, or
favorably inclined toward a speaker can make you go
along with whatever you hear.
You may lose focus, neglect details, or stop
thinking analytically about the information

28. WHAT IF YOU ARE NEUTRAL

29. CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS WHEN
LISTENING
• BE AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS.
• IF YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE POWERLESS.
• LIST YOUR TRIGGERS.
• NOTICE NEW TRIGGERS AS THEY ARISE.
• IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE OF THE COMMUNICATION.
• WITHHOLD EMOTIONAL JUDGMENT.

30. EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS

31. EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS - EXAMPLE

32. EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
YOU NEED TO BE AWARE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS
IDENTIFY THE PURPOSE OF THE COMMUNICATION
WITHHOLD EMOTIONAL JUDGMENT.
• WHEN YOU LIST YOUR TRIGGERS, YOU BECOME AWARE OF THEM. IT'S A GOOD
IDEA TO LIST THEM AGAIN IN A FEW MONTHS' TIME AND NOTICE NEW TRIGGERS
AS THEY ARISE.

33. IDENTIFYING THE PURPOSE OF YOUR
COMMUNICATION
• ASK YOURSELF WHAT YOUR PURPOSE IS.
• YOU MAY NOTICE MULTIPLE MOTIVATIONS.
• INVESTIGATE THE SPEAKER'S PURPOSE.

34. IDENTIFYING THE PURPOSE OF A
COMMUNICATION
• EACH PERSON BRINGS DIFFERENT INTENTIONS TO AN
INTERACTION.

35. YOUR OWN MOTIVATIONS
• STRONG EMOTIONS CAN CAUSE A KNEE-JERK REACTION, MAKING
YOU IRRATIONAL AND UNREASONABLE. YOU LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT
YOU AND THE SPEAKER ARE REALLY TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH.
• AS SOON AS YOU BECOME AWARE OF WHAT YOUR OWN PURPOSES
ARE, YOU'RE ABLE TO SET YOUR EMOTIONALLY DRIVEN
MOTIVATIONS ASIDE IN FAVOR OF PRACTICAL GOALS, SUCH AS
GRASPING NEW INFORMATION OR CRITICALLY ENGAGING WITH
WHAT YOU'RE HEARING.
• SO THINKING ABOUT PURPOSE RESTORES YOUR SELF-CONTROL.
ONCE YOU'RE AWARE OF YOUR OWN AGENDA, YOU CAN CHOOSE
TO LISTEN FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

36. THE SPEAKER'S PURPOSES
• THINKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S PURPOSES HELPS YOU
DISTINGUISH AND UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS
AND FEELINGS AT PLAY. SO YOU'RE MORE RECEPTIVE TO THE
MESSAGES PEOPLE ARE REALLY SENDING. YOU HAVE BETTER
INSIGHT INTO THEIR NEEDS AND WANTS.

37. REPLACE ANY TENDENCY TO JUDGE WITH
Patience
•To withhold judgement, you need to curb your automatic emotional reaction, stay
open-minded and receptive, and hear the full message before you form an opinion.
•Be patient about accepting other people for who they are. Tolerate their foibles.
Empathy
Empathy
•Practice listening empathetically by approaching things from the speaker's perspective
as much as possible. Try to focus on the positive purposes the person may have for
delivering the message. When your emotional judgments are positive, remind yourself
that the person speaking is also human and can make mistakes.
Curiosity
•Emotional judgments often revolve around differences or similarities of opinion,
personality, and expression. Try to replace both antipathy and favoritism with curiosity.
•Trying to understand other people's perspectives is an important part of effective

38. TOPIC 3: SPEECH AS A ROADBLOCK TO
EFFECTIVE LISTENING
IDENTIFY EXAMPLES OF SPEECH THAT BLOCKS EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• ATTACKING
• “YOU” MESSAGE
• SHOWING POWER

39. SPEECH AS ROADBLOCK
• WHAT YOU SAY IS IMPORTANT.
• THREE TYPES OF SPEECH ACT AS ROADBLOCKS:
• SPEECH WHERE YOU SEEM TO BE ATTACKING.
• "YOU" MESSAGES THAT APPEAR TO BLAME.
• SPEECH THAT SHOWS POWER OVER THE OTHER PERSON.

40. FORMS OF ATTACKING SPEECH
WHEN LISTENERS BELIEVE YOU'RE
ATTACKING THEM
• THEIR EMOTIONS ARE
HEIGHTENED.
• THIS BLOCKS EFFECTIVE
LISTENING.
ATTACKING

41. INTERROGATING
• ASKING A VOLLEY OF QUESTIONS PRESSURIZES YOUR CONVERSATION PARTNERS. IT
INDICATES THAT YOU DON'T TRUST THEM, INTEND TO CRITICIZE THEM, OR
• SEARCHING FOR WAYS TO BLAME THEM FOR SOMETHING. THIS LIMITS WHAT
THEY'LL SAY TO YOU OR CAN RESULT IN FULL-SCALE ARGUMENTS.
• IMAGINE YOU WERE ASKED THESE QUESTIONS IN QUICK SUCCESSION – "WHAT HAVE
YOU DONE SO FAR? HAVE YOU REMEMBERED TO INCLUDE THE LATEST FIGURES?
HOW QUICKLY WILL YOU BE FINISHED?"
• IT'S LIKELY YOU'D FEEL PRESSURED AND UNDER ATTACK AS A RESULT, AND
UNLIKELY THAT YOU'D HAVE A PRODUCTIVE INTERACTION AFTER THIS.

42. CRITICIZING
• WHEN WE CRITICIZE OUR CONVERSATION PARTNERS, WE PUT THEM ON EDGE
AND ON THE DEFENSIVE. THEY MAY NOT TELL YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO
HEAR AND THEY'RE LIKELY TO BECOME ANGRY OR UPSET.
• SUPPOSE A COLLEAGUE IS ASKING FOR HELP IN A CRUNCH AND YOU SAY "YOU
GET TOO STRESSED ABOUT THESE THINGS" OR "YOU SHOULD HAVE ORGANIZED
THIS BETTER BEFORE." YOUR COLLEAGUE WILL PROBABLY REACT DEFENSIVELY,
YOU WON'T FIND OUT WHAT THE PROBLEM IS OR WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE,
AND YOUR COLLEAGUE WILL TRUST YOU LESS.

43. BLAMING
• WHEN WE BLAME OR SHAME OUR CONVERSATION PARTNER, YOU AREN'T TRYING
TO SOLVE A PROBLEM AND YOU MAKE THE PERSON FEEL DEMEANED AND
CRITICIZED. THIS SHUTS DOWN COMMUNICATION AND HEIGHTENS EMOTION.
• STATEMENTS SUCH AS "IF YOU WERE MORE RESPONSIBLE, WE WOULDN'T BE IN
THIS MESS" OR "YOU'VE CAUSED ALL THIS TROUBLE" ARE EXAMPLES OF BLAMING
AND SHAMING.

44. ATTACKING USING "YOU" MESSAGES
• USING "YOU" MESSAGES INSTEAD OF "I" MESSAGES IS A COMMON
WAY OF ATTACKING.
• "YOU" MESSAGES TYPICALLY CRITICIZE AND BLAME THE OTHER PERSON.
• "I" MESSAGES ALLOW YOU TO ASSERT YOURSELF WITHOUT BEING AGGRESSIVE.

45. YOU MESSAGE
• FOR EXAMPLE, "YOU ALWAYS COME IN LATE" OR "YOU'RE NOT INVESTED IN THIS
PROJECT" SOUND LIKE ACCUSATIONS. A "YOU" MESSAGE CAN ALSO ASSIGN
BLAME TO YOUR CONVERSATION PARTNER FOR HOW YOU ARE FEELING. AN
EXAMPLE IS "YOUR ATTITUDE IS AGGRESSIVE AND MAKES ME ANGRY."
• WHEN WE USE THIS TYPE OF LANGUAGE, OUR CONVERSATION PARTNERS ARE
LIKELY TO HAVE A DEFENSIVE REACTION AND OUR CONVERSATIONS WILL
EITHER STALL OR DEVELOP INTO ARGUMENTS.

46. I MESSAGE
• WHEN WE USE "I" MESSAGES, WE ASSERT OUR-SELF WITHOUT BEING AGGRESSIVE.
THIS WAY OF SPEAKING CLARIFIES OUR PERSPECTIVE, SPECIFIES WHAT OUR
PERSONAL CONCERNS ARE, AND DOESN'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT THE
OTHER PERSON'S BEHAVIOR, MOTIVATION, OR INTENTIONS.
• EXAMPLES OF "I" STATEMENTS ARE "THE WAY I UNDERSTAND IT IS THAT WE
NEED TO FOCUS MORE ON CODE TESTING" AND "I FEEL ANXIOUS AND
INTIMIDATED WHEN YOU SHOUT."

47. SHOWING POWER
• SHOWING POWER INCLUDES:
• GIVING ORDERS OR COMMANDS.
• THREATENING SOMEONE.
• HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS:
• PREVENT YOU FROM LISTENING WELL.
• RESULT IN DEFENSIVE REACTIONS.

48. DEFENSIVENESS
SPEAKING IN WAYS THAT ATTACK, BLAME OR DEMEAN:
• HEIGHTENS EMOTIONS.
• GENERATES DEFENSIVENESS.

49. SUMMERY
• TOPIC 1: DISTRACTIONS AS ROADBLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• IDENTIFY EXAMPLES OF DISTRACTIONS THAT BLOCK EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• RECOGNIZE HOW TO AVOID DISTRACTIONS THAT BLOCK EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• TOPIC 2: EMOTIONS AS ROADBLOCKS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• RECOGNIZE HOW EMOTIONS CAN BLOCK EFFECTIVE LISTENING, GIVEN A SCENARIO.
• DETERMINE WHICH ASPECTS OF PRACTICING EMOTIONAL CONTROL WERE DEALT WITH APPROPRIATELY IN A
GIVEN SCENARIO.
• TOPIC 3: SPEECH AS A ROADBLOCK TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING.
• IDENTIFY EXAMPLES OF SPEECH THAT BLOCKS EFFECTIVE LISTENING.