1. Thor Zefron
Basically she’s purple.
123 Address St
Anytown, NY 10011
(123) 456-7890
no_reply@example.com
EXPERIENCE
The Snake Guard, Asgard (or finchley, London. Basically
the same place so…) — smol snakey executive
July 2014- PRESENT
Pretty much all she does is sleep. She’s a rubbish executive. She may get
fired soon.
EDUCATION
The Aberystwyth School of Slithery-ness (ASS) — being a
lil’ bitch.
MONTH 20XX - MONTH 20XX
A degree that she passed really easy for obvious reasons.( because she’s
a lil’ bitch if you didn’t already get that)
PROJECTS
Project bite Jesse as much as fucking possible- a great
freaking success
So glad she’s not venemos. She thinks she is then gets confused when
Jesse lives. Shes not that bright.
Summary
She is a great applicant for the job. If that job involves sleeping. Or
biting. Or fucking up revision notes (I’ll never know what the comma in
Ozymandias means ;’(). She’s not very cute. Also not as cool as the other
snake I have (who had an awesome job of personal boogy-guard(she
protects westie’s boogies) and is also a royal python. Look them up.
They’re so freaking awesome. What i like snakes!1!) I guess what i’m
saying is i just want her to start contributing to this goddamned house.
All she does is sit around all day. smh.
SKILLS
She can’t do fucking
anything. I once tried to get
her to build a space ship but
aparently “Rocket science is
hard” boohoo. She doesn’t
even have basic table
manners- she never uses a
knife or fork (She just
swallows her mice whole)
She’s not even that
cute.
AWARDS
She had no awards bc she’s
an arsehole. Do snakes even
have cassholes? They must
do…?
LANGUAGES
She speaks Parseltongue. (I
can confirm, she is infact the
long lost twin of the basilisk
in harry potter. Just smaller.
And purple. But not as cute.)