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Joleen Dilk Salyn B. Ed, PBED
Certified Sleep Consultant
Help Your Child Sleep Through The Night:
5 Tips Every Parent Needs To Know
Before you became a parent, you probably heard the jokes about never being able to sleep
again once your baby arrived. Or, you had friends and relatives of older children who kept
talking about how sleepy they were, which really had you puzzled because their children
weren’t babies anymore!
You may have shrugged it off because it didn’t seem that bad. So their child was up once in a
while-big deal.
However, once your buddle of joy arrived on the scene, you found yourself on the other side of
the sleep “fence”. You quickly realized how big of a deal it really was to be tired all the time. The
effects of sleep deprivation are very difficult to appreciate until you’re the one getting less sleep!
It doesn’t matter how old your child is-if they aren’t sleeping well, it means neither are you and
that quickly takes its toll on everyone. You move from being tired, to exhausted, to doing just
about anything to get some sleep.
I completely understand because I’ve been where you are. My first child, whose sleep issues led
me to becoming a sleep consultant, put my husband and I through a very tough time for the first
year of her life. Actually, “tough” is an understatement. We got to a point where we were
contemplating not having any more children because we couldn’t bear the thought of
enduring more sleep issues. At its worse point, life seemed hopeless, like there was no way out. I
realize that to some people, that may seem dramatic, but it really was the way we felt. No one
in our family was sleeping, functioning or happy.
Once we solved her issues, it was completely life changing! We could enjoy being a family
again as we weren’t stressed out and exhausted all the time. We had an understanding of what
our daughter needed to sleep well at night and take restorative naps in the day. From that
moment on, I became extremely passionate about helping other parents.
So if you find you are at a breaking point with your child’s sleep, or even if you want to take
some preventative measures, then know that you have the power to take control of the
situation! This free guide can help you on that path. It may be the first step or the only step you
need.
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Allotment of sleep: How much does your child need vs. how much are they getting?
The first step in helping your child achieve healthy and restorative sleep is to know how much
they actually need. Without this knowledge, it is difficult to determine where the shortfall lies and
how to solve it.
So, do you know how much sleep your child should be getting in a 24 hour period? It’s probably
more than you think! Here’s a rough guideline:
Age Hours
0-3 (Mos) 16-17
3-9 14-15
9-12 13-14
12-24 12-13
2-3 (Yrs) 11-13
3-4 11-12
Now of course some children sleep a little bit more and some a little less, but most don’t vary too
far from those averages. It’s common for parents to wonder if their child may not need as much,
but usually it’s the other way around. Often the kids that resist sleep are the ones that need more
than what they’re currently getting.
Once you know what your child needs, it’s time to see how much they are actually receiving.
Begin by tracking their sleep and log it for 4-5 days so that you have a good base from which to
formulate your average. Each day add up how many hours they slept in a 24 hour cycle. At the
end of the tracking period, add up each day’s total and then divide it by the number of days
that you logged their sleep for and that will give you their average sleep in a 24 hour period.
If their numbers fall within the averages above and they are taking solid naps and waking only
to feed at night (if age appropriate), then you’re on the road to better sleep! I would love to say
this is all you need for healthy sleep habits, but unfortunately it’s not, so let’s carry on.
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Create a Consistent Routine
Children do best with a consistent structure to their day.
It can feel chaotic to a child if they never know when they are going to play, eat or sleep, and
they often act out as a result. Having a set routine provides a guideline for them and it will go a
long way to minimizing tantrums, meltdowns and defiance. When they know what to expect it
makes a child feel secure.
But just like you wouldn’t have your child go straight from playing outdoors to all of a sudden
sitting at the table eating, you can’t also expect them to suddenly go from playtime to sleeping.
In both scenarios, a period of transition is needed to smoothly move from one activity to
another. Therefore; it’s important to not only have a consistent daily routine with wake up, meals
activities and naps occurring around the same time each day, but to also have a consistent
wind down routine.
A wind down or soothing routine, are certain steps or patterns you go through every day with
your child right before their nap and/or bedtime. It is consistent from day to day and between
naps and bedtime.
When you consistently use a wind down routine, it cues a child’s brain to start getting ready for
sleep. They will come to look forward to the pre-sleep routine, use that time to unwind and will
fall asleep more quickly. A consistent sleep routine is a wonderful way for a person’s body to
relax and can even be used for adults!
A nap routine might include one or more of the following;
• diaper change or potty time,
• nursing/bottle,
• pajamas,
• brushing teeth,
• reading a book together,
• prayers/quiet song,
• rocking/ cuddling
• bed
Nap routines are usually around 5-10 minutes long and the majority of the time is spent in the
child’s darken room.
A bedtime routine will likely be longer than the nap wind down and might include all of the
above mentioned activities, plus a bath. It doesn’t have to be identical to the nap routine, but
should be similar and happen every day.
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Help Your Child Out of Debt
When I was struggling with my first child’s sleep, one of the biggest issues I had was trying to
understand why her sleep problems weren’t resolving. She would have a great day of naps or
have a solid night sleep and I would think that I had finally cracked the code on her sleep issues.
But then, boom, the next day we were back to short naps and night wakings.
What I didn’t know at the time was that she had a sleep debt from the days, weeks and months
of poor sleep. Since she was chronically overtired, one or two days of solid sleep weren’t enough
to help her body recover and be fully refreshed.
A sleep debt can be thought of in similar terms as a financial debt. A healthy bank account is
similar to a healthy body-you want to have a surplus. When a child is sleep deprived, you can
imagine that their body is like our bank account being in a deficit. For example, we’ll say our
bank account is at -$5,000.
You need to work at depositing at least $5,000 back into the account just to get back to zero.
For most of us, this takes some time and doesn’t happen overnight. And the bigger the debt, the
longer it takes. Being $5,000 in debt is going to take longer to address than if you were only $50
in debt.
Therefore, the time it takes you to work and put that money in, is similar to the time you must
invest in getting your child caught up on sleep. This is why sleep training, or getting a child on a
healthy sleep routine, takes so long and why people often give up. Once you have caught your
child up on sleep, keep in mind that you are only “breaking even”. That child, much like your
bank account, is now only at zero. You must then continue to work at getting extra money or
sleep to be in a healthy state or surplus. Although some books promise only a few days of work,
if the whole routine isn’t addressed, then this isn’t a realistic time line.
Working on your child’s sleep deficit is a process and each day you get your child to bed a bit
earlier, or have better naps, you are slowly chipping away at that sleep debt. The good news is
that if you are consistent then you will start to see some changes quickly.
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Get Rid of Sleep Props
Around the 4 month mark, a baby’s sleep will begin to develop into more formalized patterns.
Whereas before this time, sleep was very erratic, now as the baby’s brain begins to mature, their
sleep will regularly move through different stages of sleep to form sleep cycles. One cycle will
consist of a pattern of light, deep and then light sleep again. At the end of the cycle a child will
either wake up or start the pattern again.
If prior to this time, your baby was rocked, fed, bounced or used a soother to fall asleep and
had no problem staying asleep for long periods, this often changes around 4 months. They
begin to associate falling asleep with these 'things' and as a baby comes out of one sleep cycle,
they call for you to recreate it again so they can go back to sleep for another.
When a child associates falling asleep with something other than a method that he can do by
himself, we say that that “something” is a sleep prop. Breast or bottle, rocking/holding to sleep
and pacifiers are the most commonly used props.
By themselves, these things are not wrong. What could be better than rocking your baby or
cuddling your toddler? Problems arise though when a child only knows how to fall asleep this
way. Each time a sleep cycle is complete, they need you to recreate that sleep prop for them in
order for them (and inevitably you) to fall back asleep.
This leads to unhealthy sleep for both parent and child because it is fragmented and un-
restorative. Instead of sleeping straight through the night (or until the next feed) a baby will wake
(sometimes every 1-2 hours) repeatedly and call for you. This will inevitably lead to a sleep debt
and more problems.
The solution is to get your child used to falling asleep in the same way they will return to sleep
during the night. This is a skill and like any other skill in life, it takes some time and consistency to
master it. If you sometimes help them fall asleep and other times you don’t, then they will be
confused as to what the expectations are and that will stall progress.
With a lot of practice, they can learn the skill of falling to sleep and back to sleep, on their own
and this will help them have solid, restorative and healthy sleep.
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Early Bedtimes
One challenge I often face as a sleep consultant, is helping parents understand that their
children need to go to bed earlier. Our society has become a culture of 24/7; always on the go,
and one in which we pride ourselves being a part of. As adults we can sustain our tired bodies
on such stimulants as coffee and soda, but our children don’t have that option (nor should
they). Since adults have become accustomed to being a port of a society that is always on the
go, especially staying up late, we forget that our children cannot handle the same thing.
When I first mention moving bedtime up earlier, many parents look at me skeptically. They will
often tell me that their child is very active (especially true with toddlers and preschoolers), in the
evenings and there is no way that they’re tired. What these well-meaning parents aren’t aware
of is that their child is actually overtired and has caught their ‘second wind’.
Although it again seems counter intuitive, early bedtimes result in better and longer sleep,
especially if your child is waking up before 5:30am. Most children under 5 years of age need a
bedtime anywhere from 6-7:30pm, perhaps even earlier if they’re very overtired!
So why do early bedtimes work so well for children?
To put it simply; it’s because that’s how they’re built. Children are biologically predisposed to go
to bed on the early side. Nature has designed their biological clocks to wind down for sleep
much earlier than many of us realize.
When we don’t put our children to bed on time, they lose out on some of the required amount
of sleep they need for optimal growth and development. In addition, they get overtired, making
it difficult to settle into a deep sleep.
If your child is in a sleep deficit, early bedtimes allows them to accrue more hours of sleep each
night, thus reducing the debt. For all of us, children and adults alike, our deepest and most
restorative sleep happens in the early part of the evening, which is the first few hours after
bedtime, so it’s important to maximize this time.
Conclusion
Thank you for taking the time to read these tips and I hope you have found these suggestions
helpful. You are now on your way to establishing healthy sleep routines for your child.
If you feel like your child needs more specific help, Baby Sleep 101 is ready to provide you with a
customized sleep solution, one that you feel comfortable following.
I wish you much success and solid sleep!
Joleen Dilk Salyn
Baby Sleep 101
