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杜
杜
飲
食
與
藝
術
148
靜物
梵高畫
老父的食物
老父在 年 月 日上午 去
世。這是醫院給我的時間,也就是死亡
證上面分明打出來的。但是實情卻比較
複雜。 月 日清晨我下樓洗衣服,聽
見水聲,走去一看,原來是他廁所的水
龍頭沒有關上,水流瀉一地,連他房中
的地毯也濕透了。這是從來也沒有發生
過的事情。他雖然活上幾近 歲,卻
一直保持極度清醒的頭腦,思路分明,
日期記清。洗澡穿衣和大小二便全部自
己,不靠護理。最後的幾天卻開始有幻
覺,一下子說聽見有兩聲爆炸,一下子
又說牀濕掉了,問是否暖水袋穿了洞。
他在瞎掉的十五年之間還有能耐拿鎚子
釘子東摸西撫,敲敲弄弄,修理廁所的
門和睡房的窗,窗縫門縫用細布封密,
把已經有坐墊的兩張椅子再用一層層的
毛巾厚厚的包上,用繩子拉緊,用扣針
扣牢,簡直紋風不動。我認為這是他對
抗死亡的表現。同日晚上 我下樓去
看他,護理已經下班。他氣喘,叫我送
他去醫院,又命我扶他起來坐着。百歲
老人微絲血管極脆弱,一碰便瘀黑,所
以不能硬拉他的手。我把雙手伸給他,
讓他拉我的手借力坐起來,他果然還有
力氣拉着我的手趁勢坐了在牀邊。我上
樓急電叫救傷車,換衣服下樓,卻看見
他已經跌坐在地。地毯早已潮濕,幸有
護理早在上面鋪了厚毛巾。他高聲叫人
扶他。(他一直保持中氣十足,聲音宏亮
;遇上東西不合胃口,還發脾氣罵人。
)我再伸出雙手讓他拉,這一次他卻乏
力了;再試第二次,他兩手一鬆,頹然
向後一倒。我走到他的背後把他托坐起
來,看見他右眼垂下一線淚水。我問扶
他上牀好不好,他說好。我便雙手探在
他的腋下,托他上牀。他蜷曲地睡在牀
上,頭向着腳尖,像胎兒;還聽得他說
一聲︰「我已經在死亡邊緣了。」可見
他在最後一刻還是清醒的。我看見他張
着口不動了,不帶任何感情唸了一次聖
母經︰「 天主聖母瑪利亞,為我等
罪人,今祈天主,及我等死侯。阿孟。
」我和他同樣是充滿罪惡之身。大約在
,救傷車來了,進來三個人,其中
一個說︰「他已經沒有脈搏了。」又問
我要否急救,我說要。他們把他拖出廳
裏,因為睡房潮濕。他們用儀器把他的
口撐開,不停按他的胸口,大約十多分
鐘之後,我看見他的腹部再度出現起伏
。這時他們便抬他上車送院。我把弟妹
和大兒子都叫來了。大兒子問我︰「你
知道嗎?今天是阿嫲的死忌。」後來出
殯那天護理阿群告訴我︰「怪不得那天
早上他還問我當天是幾月幾號。」可見
他一直到最後心水極清。 月 日早上
醫院來電說他已經去世。我去醫院看他
,只見一塊白布平平的覆蓋着他。我完
全沒有把布揭開來看他的意願。這一次
我很冷靜。十五年前他病重在院,我回
家看見他空掉的睡房,頓時五內掏空,
痛哭失聲。我如今知道他從來沒有愛我
,但是我曾經愛過他。然而他殺死了我
對他的愛。我望着那大片長形的白布,
下面躺着的那副身驅的血已經冷卻,但
是他的血還在我的體內流着。我是他的
骨肉,卻完全不相似。有的只是肉體的
憎怖。還有就是︰有一天我會和他一樣
躺在那裏。什麼都沒有了。
他去世的一個星期之後,我下樓去看,
睡房廚房一片冰冷。他在的時候極度怕
冷,把房間的暖氣盡開,熱得像烤箱。
廚房裏一個雙門不銹鋼大冰箱,裏面都
是護理給他買的食物。水果有西柚和柑
各一,火龍果一個半,青啤梨兩個。我
全都丟了,卻把西柚留下。我把西柚切
開,打算吃,一看卻原來是中心黑掉了
的。這多麼像我和他的關係。如今他靜
靜地躺在安放在墓穴中的棺材裏面,泥
土埋着,再也不會怕冷,也再不會因為
食物不合胃口而生氣了。半碗蓮子百合
糖水,我倒了。他一天三頓之外還有下
午糖水。一大堆的乾貨,包括雪耳五隻
,白背黑木耳半包,去衣南北杏,生薏
米,西河棗,加拿大紫菜,梧州蜜棗兩
粒;這些都要扔掉。皮蛋一隻我用來做
了個皮蛋伴豆腐,加蒜茸蠔油,用來佐
粥一流。草魚頭一個扔掉了,怕腥。兩
磅的桂花魚護理分成六份包好放在冰格
,我煎香了做午餐。還有七、八包小份
的瘦豬肉也在冰格內,我也分期解凍一
一吃掉了︰有些切片和皇帝菜煮湯,有
些用來煮粥。在這方面我沒有什麼忌諱
。食物就是食物。只要沒有壞掉便可以
吃。
149

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2015年明周專欄文章︰「老父的食物」

  • 1. 杜 杜 飲 食 與 藝 術 148 靜物 梵高畫 老父的食物 老父在 年 月 日上午 去 世。這是醫院給我的時間,也就是死亡 證上面分明打出來的。但是實情卻比較 複雜。 月 日清晨我下樓洗衣服,聽 見水聲,走去一看,原來是他廁所的水 龍頭沒有關上,水流瀉一地,連他房中 的地毯也濕透了。這是從來也沒有發生 過的事情。他雖然活上幾近 歲,卻 一直保持極度清醒的頭腦,思路分明, 日期記清。洗澡穿衣和大小二便全部自 己,不靠護理。最後的幾天卻開始有幻 覺,一下子說聽見有兩聲爆炸,一下子 又說牀濕掉了,問是否暖水袋穿了洞。 他在瞎掉的十五年之間還有能耐拿鎚子 釘子東摸西撫,敲敲弄弄,修理廁所的 門和睡房的窗,窗縫門縫用細布封密, 把已經有坐墊的兩張椅子再用一層層的 毛巾厚厚的包上,用繩子拉緊,用扣針 扣牢,簡直紋風不動。我認為這是他對 抗死亡的表現。同日晚上 我下樓去 看他,護理已經下班。他氣喘,叫我送 他去醫院,又命我扶他起來坐着。百歲 老人微絲血管極脆弱,一碰便瘀黑,所 以不能硬拉他的手。我把雙手伸給他, 讓他拉我的手借力坐起來,他果然還有 力氣拉着我的手趁勢坐了在牀邊。我上 樓急電叫救傷車,換衣服下樓,卻看見 他已經跌坐在地。地毯早已潮濕,幸有 護理早在上面鋪了厚毛巾。他高聲叫人 扶他。(他一直保持中氣十足,聲音宏亮 ;遇上東西不合胃口,還發脾氣罵人。 )我再伸出雙手讓他拉,這一次他卻乏 力了;再試第二次,他兩手一鬆,頹然 向後一倒。我走到他的背後把他托坐起 來,看見他右眼垂下一線淚水。我問扶 他上牀好不好,他說好。我便雙手探在 他的腋下,托他上牀。他蜷曲地睡在牀 上,頭向着腳尖,像胎兒;還聽得他說 一聲︰「我已經在死亡邊緣了。」可見 他在最後一刻還是清醒的。我看見他張 着口不動了,不帶任何感情唸了一次聖 母經︰「 天主聖母瑪利亞,為我等 罪人,今祈天主,及我等死侯。阿孟。 」我和他同樣是充滿罪惡之身。大約在 ,救傷車來了,進來三個人,其中 一個說︰「他已經沒有脈搏了。」又問 我要否急救,我說要。他們把他拖出廳 裏,因為睡房潮濕。他們用儀器把他的 口撐開,不停按他的胸口,大約十多分 鐘之後,我看見他的腹部再度出現起伏 。這時他們便抬他上車送院。我把弟妹 和大兒子都叫來了。大兒子問我︰「你 知道嗎?今天是阿嫲的死忌。」後來出 殯那天護理阿群告訴我︰「怪不得那天 早上他還問我當天是幾月幾號。」可見 他一直到最後心水極清。 月 日早上 醫院來電說他已經去世。我去醫院看他 ,只見一塊白布平平的覆蓋着他。我完 全沒有把布揭開來看他的意願。這一次 我很冷靜。十五年前他病重在院,我回 家看見他空掉的睡房,頓時五內掏空, 痛哭失聲。我如今知道他從來沒有愛我 ,但是我曾經愛過他。然而他殺死了我 對他的愛。我望着那大片長形的白布, 下面躺着的那副身驅的血已經冷卻,但 是他的血還在我的體內流着。我是他的 骨肉,卻完全不相似。有的只是肉體的 憎怖。還有就是︰有一天我會和他一樣 躺在那裏。什麼都沒有了。 他去世的一個星期之後,我下樓去看, 睡房廚房一片冰冷。他在的時候極度怕 冷,把房間的暖氣盡開,熱得像烤箱。 廚房裏一個雙門不銹鋼大冰箱,裏面都 是護理給他買的食物。水果有西柚和柑 各一,火龍果一個半,青啤梨兩個。我 全都丟了,卻把西柚留下。我把西柚切 開,打算吃,一看卻原來是中心黑掉了 的。這多麼像我和他的關係。如今他靜 靜地躺在安放在墓穴中的棺材裏面,泥 土埋着,再也不會怕冷,也再不會因為 食物不合胃口而生氣了。半碗蓮子百合 糖水,我倒了。他一天三頓之外還有下 午糖水。一大堆的乾貨,包括雪耳五隻 ,白背黑木耳半包,去衣南北杏,生薏 米,西河棗,加拿大紫菜,梧州蜜棗兩 粒;這些都要扔掉。皮蛋一隻我用來做 了個皮蛋伴豆腐,加蒜茸蠔油,用來佐 粥一流。草魚頭一個扔掉了,怕腥。兩 磅的桂花魚護理分成六份包好放在冰格 ,我煎香了做午餐。還有七、八包小份 的瘦豬肉也在冰格內,我也分期解凍一 一吃掉了︰有些切片和皇帝菜煮湯,有 些用來煮粥。在這方面我沒有什麼忌諱 。食物就是食物。只要沒有壞掉便可以 吃。 149