1. INT. COUNCIL HEADQUARTERS - DAWN
All are present except Gwillumbeary. VERA impatiently drums
her leaf-like fingers on the large, round conference table.
SHARKUNA waxes his surfboard. MORTON primps with a hand
mirror. QUEEN SAGE knits. OCTOWILLY stares at the dial
position indicator above Gwillumbeary’s water slide. It is
on floor 200. MILLMAX concentrates on a crossword puzzle.
MILLMAX
What’s a five-letter word for
harmony?
SHARKUNA
Tubular.
MILLMAX
Uh, I don’t think that’s five
letters, but thank you.
MORTON
It’s Gwill, you ninny!
MILLMAX
Oh, thank you, Little Buddy.
SAGE
Any sign of him, Octowilly? We
can’t start until everyone is
present.
OCTOWILLY
Not yet, your majesty.
The indicator arrow suddenly jumps to the first floor. DING.
OCTOWILLY (CONT’D)
Now! Duck and cover!
Everyone dives under the round table.
Gwillumbeary’s bouncy ball soars off the slide and bounces
around the chamber, knocking everything in its path before
beaning Morton.
GWILLUMBEARY zips off the slide and lands with a PLOP and a
THUNK in his seat.
GWILLUMBEARY
Hootie hootie hootie! I’m here.
Sage laughs.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013

2. SAGE
Oh, my dear, sweet Gwillumbeary.
You have such a knack for
brightening up every thing. I
never tire of the way you make me
laugh.
(serious)
Even when you’re late.
GWILLUMBEARY
I’m sorry your majesty. The water
slide is so...
SHARKUNA
Tubular.
GWILLUMBEARY
Tubular.
Octowilly, Vera and Sage give him a puzzled look.
GWILLUMBEARY (CONT’D)
That’s Kowabungish for groovy
Octowilly takes the ball from Gwillumbeary.
OCTOWILLY
Young man, need I remind you we are
safety ambassadors and are here to
work and not to play?
Sage grabs the ball.
SAGE
But with every job that must be
done there is an element of fun.
She tosses the ball back to Gwillumbeary who balances it on
his snoot.
SAGE (CONT’D)
(giggles)
You may proceed, Octowilly.
Octowilly conjures up screens that circle the entire room.
The Universal SMPTE Leader appears on all screens. The sync
plop is out of sync.
OCTOWILLY
As you know...
SAGE
... Yes, as you know, Gwilluary is
animal safety awareness month.
MORTON HEARS A MOO 2.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013

3. Images of farm animals as they graze and frolic.
SAGE (CONT’D)
It is vital for children to learn
to respect all animals.
A pair of MEAN KIDS tip unsuspecting cows while three younger
children observe, helpless.
GWILLUMBEARY
How cruel.
MILLMAX
That makes me so... unhappy.
SAGE
Precisely why I am sending
Gwillumbeary and you, MillMax,
to...
SHARKUNA
Hawaii? Far out, dude!
VERA
California?
MILLMAX
Wisconsin?
GWILLUMBEARY
Kansas?
MORTON
Las Vegas?
SAGE
New Jersey.
Blank stares from everybody.
SAGE (CONT’D)
Oh kwitcherbellyachin.
MORTON (V.O.)
(Thinking; sinister laugh)
At long last, the perfect
opportunity to unleash my latest
and greatest secret weapon.
VERA
And what pray tell would that be?
MORTON
How did you... ?
MORTON HEARS A MOO 3.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013

4. OCTOWILLY
You, Morton the Morph fiend, are
still an intern on probation. You
will watch. You will learn. You
will ferme la bouche.
SAGE
On your mark...
Gwillumbeary, MillMax and Morton take their places on their
designated water slides. Each slide is labeled with the
appropriate ambassador’s title. Morton’s is labeled
“intern”.
SAGE (CONT’D)
Get set...
They don their goggles.
SAGE (CONT’D)
Go!
They begin their decent.
SAGE (CONT’D)
Remember, where there’s a gwill,
there’s a way!
GWILLUMBEARY (O.S.)
Hootie hootie hootie!
EXT. FARM - DAY
A hot, sunny day. Not a cloud in sight. A FARMER rides a
tractor. He wipes his sweaty brow. There is a sudden
DOWNPOUR. The drenched farmer looks to the sky.
FARMER
Oh, now you bring rain?!
Loud SPLASH, CRASH and PLOP. Downpour stops.
ANGLE ON A HAYSTACK
The haystack is shaking.
MORTON
(dazed)
Did somebody misplace a needle?
Ouch.
MORTON HEARS A MOO 4.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013

5. The ambassadors emerge covered with hay. Three children
(ages 3-5) - KEVIE, RICKY and LUCY, stare at them in awe.
KEVIE
It’s the Galactic Safety Council!
GWILLUMBEARY
That’s right, Kevie. Gwillumbeary
and friends here to teach you...
LUCY
Did Santa Claus get my list? It
wasn’t my fault. I’ve been good.
RICKY
(whistle)
Tell the Tooth Fairy she owes me
two bucks.
Kevie hands MillMax a camera.
KEVIE
Quick! Take our picture. The kids
at school will never believe this.
INT. COUNCIL HEADQUARTERS
Sage and Octowilly are observing the ambassadors on three
separate monitors - Vera conducting a healthy-eating class
while smoke emanates from a stove; Gwillumbeary and MillMax
looking perplexed as Kevie takes a picture; and Sharkuna
getting swept away by a wave as he demonstrates surfing
safety.
SAGE
We are definitely having a board
meeting tonight.
OCTOWILLY
Yes, your majesty.
EXT. FARM
GWILLUMBEARY
We have come to talk to you about
animals and why we should treat
them with love and respect.
Morton lurks into a barn.
MORTON HEARS A MOO 5.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013

6. KEVIE
Those mean kids from school like to
sneak over and push the cows down.
LUCY
It makes me upset and it makes my
daddy say things I’m not allowed to
say.
GWILLUMBEARY
Then you should tell them that cows
are our friends. They give us
milk.
LUCY
And cheeseburgers.
RICKY
And belts and shoes.
KEVIE
Then the mean kids will push us
down.
MILLMAX
If they do that, then you tell your
ma and pa, ‘cause it’s not nice to
push anybody. That hurts and makes
‘em feel real sad.
INT. BARN - DAY
Morton removes a remote control box from underneath his
cloak.
MORTON
Probation, eh?
(Machiavellian laugh)
I think the word you’re looking for
is promotion.
He pushes buttons and pulls levers on the remote. It BLINKS,
FLASHES and BEEPS.
EXT. FARM
GWILLUMBEARY
Remember, children, cows may be our
friends, but they can be just as
dangerous as bulls when provoked.
The MEAN KIDS tip cows. A haystack BEEPS and SNORTS.
MORTON HEARS A MOO 6.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013

7. MEAN KID 1
What was that?
More haystacks BEEP and SNORT.
MEAN KID 2
Probably the school lunch.
A GIANT MECHANICAL BULL shakes itself free from a haystack.
It looks menacing.
MEAN KID 1
Mommy!
MEAN KID 2
Mommy1
They flee. The bull snorts, shakes its head, stomps the
ground and charges after them.
INT. BARN
Morton pushes more buttons on the remote.
MORTON
And to think, I was going to call
in sick this morning.
EXT. FARM
MillMax is holding up a chart.
GWILLUMBEARY
Always treat everyone with respect.
Just like with cows, if you’re mean
to someone or hurt somebody, you
might not like how they react.
More mechanical cattle appear and chase the mean kids.
MILLMAX
And that’s not nice.
GWILLUMBEARY
There’s a 50/50 chance the other
person may be stronger and faster
than you.
INT. BARN
MORTON
My darling creations, it seems we
have bigger bulls to fling.
MORTON HEARS A MOO 7.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013
(MORE)

8. Gwillumbeary and his farm-fed buddy
will soon learn who is in charge of
this operation.
A HORSE kicks Morton into a pile of something. The mean kids
run into the barn. Mean Kid 1 points to Morton.
MEAN KID 1
Hey, look! It’s the Creature from
Plant X.
MEAN KID 2
I love that movie!
They grab the dazed morph.
MEAN KID 2 (CONT’D)
Photo op!
Mean Kid 2 aims a camera at Morton as a mechanical bull MOOs
and charges him.
MORTON
Mommy!
Mean Kid 2 snaps a picture at the precise moment the
mechanical bull rams Morton. SOUND: BOWLING PINS FALLING,
MOO.
EXT. FARM
Gwillumbeary and MillMax are now displaying a PowerPoint.
GWILLUMBEARY
Any questions?
RICKY
Yes. Why is the Creature from
Planet X flying across the pasture?
Morton soars over them.
INT. COUNCIL HEADQUARTERS
Sage and Octowilly are still staring at the monitors. Sage
buries her head in her arms.
SAGE
Fasten your seat belts. It’s going
to be a bumpy night.
MORTON HEARS A MOO 8.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013
MORTON (CONT'D)

9. OCTOWILLY
Shall I order take-out again?
Sage groans.
EXT. FARM - CORNFIELD
Morton lands in the arms of a scarecrow. A flock of crows
circle overhead.
MORTON
Drat, drat and double drat. Foiled
again.
ANGLE ON GWILLUMBEARY, MILLMAX AND THE CHILDREN
Gwillumbeary, MillMax, Kevie, Ricky, Lucy and the mean kids
pet a mechanical bull and sing the GWILLUMBEARY SONG. The
mechanical bull moos and winks.
MILLIMAX (O.C.)
Oh, ferme la bouche!
GWILLUMBEARY
Hootie hootie hootie!
FADE OUT
MORTON HEARS A MOO 9.
FIRST DRAFT 8/13/2013