The Need to Connect - Article by Meej Chaparro-Traverso

1. The Need to Connect
It seems everyone around takes notice of the fact that people are obsessed with
technology and social media. If you simply scan your surroundings, you see humanity
constantly attached to phones, computers, iPads, tablets, etc. phone calls, texting, social
media. The overall integration of technology in our lives is not limited to only when we
find ourselves in the privacy of our homes. We're plugged in while at restaurants, parks,
schools, work, and sadly, even while driving. This trend appears to be the new norm in
communication and in relationship interaction. Furthermore, it seems this is not only
accepted by most, but also widely accepted throughout our culture.
Much criticism regarding the excessive use of social media and technology, and its
alluring and addictive components, exists today. Nevertheless, we somehow even manage
to justify its excessive use as an “urgent need." We make up excuses and offer
justifications to give ourselves permission to connect. Whether we attach it to work,
children, family members, significant others, school, coaches, anyone or anything else;
we often offer numerous reasons why it is acceptable to be “hooked up” to our phones,
technical devices, or social media. Our hook up is constant, even while we are out in
public places.
We succumb and give way to a “false sense of urgency” that takes over our lives; and
attribute it to tasks and responsibilities we have, by convincing ourselves it can’t wait. We
do so in order to justify and condone the need we have to be constantly connected.
Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, texting, dating sites, or whatever else connects us, makes it
real easy and extremely appealing for us to continue. This sharing and engaging in virtual
and technological connections is a fast growing trend of our society. This trend speaks
volumes about our “innate” needs to interact and to carry on relationships with others.
Perhaps, the issue at hand; a “ghost-like” issue, is not our addictive behaviors to social
media and technology; but one of not being acknowledged; one that is not seen as an
essential need for our emotional and social development as individuals; one, I believe is a
basic need which manifests in every aspect of our lives. Quite simply, it is our need to
have healthy, fulfilling and loving relationships in our lives.
There are some efforts and movements out there, which seek to raise awareness regarding
the excessive use of social media, phones and technology, and the detrimental effects they
have on our relationships by debilitating and discouraging face-to-face social interaction.
This effort to stop people’s “addiction” to social media and technology is often being
labeled and referred to, as negative behavior. People become immersed in this virtual and
technological world and fail to properly engage with each other. There is, perhaps, much
validity to this assumption. However, has it occurred to us that there might be another
possible trigger to this social and technology addiction we have? Could there be a greater

2. need we have that is being overlooked? Perhaps, people’s desperate need to escape and
avoid their current lives and reality is a result of something greater. Maybe it is a result of
their need to have fulfilling and healthy relationships with others? An absolute essential
at the very core of who they are that is not satisfied.
Our quick and general assumptions of willful doing by the masses when giving in to this
“hook up” life style may possibly fail to see that people’s addiction to social media and
technology is nothing other than a desperate attempt to connect and have meaningful
and healthy relationships. I submit addiction to social media and technology is an
overwhelming consequence resulting from people’s need to connect and fundamentally a
cry for help. Maybe it stems from somehow living lives where not enough positive
resonant relationships and interactions with others exist. Could it possibly be that we are
experiencing such a devastating lack of intense connections and healthy relationships in
our lives? Those founded on real and deep communication, that we are forcing ourselves
to find it, create it, or desperately search for them via social media and technology?
Could it be that we as individuals so desperately need to satisfy our emotional needs and
connect at a much deeper level with others, than the way we currently are, that we rather
connect with anything or anyone in order to not feel the void within our existing
relationships?
Although much criticism exists around our current social media and technology addiction
phenomena, I do acknowledge there is possibly much truth to the fact that we seem to
have abandoned “being present” and, “in the moment,” by enjoying our current lives. I
also see something more, something worth pondering, and perhaps, something worth
sharing.
I see people’s subtle, (or maybe not so subtle) cry for a connection. I see people’s critical
need and desire to connect with others, their desire for acknowledgment and validation.
This need for recognition is so vast they are willing to indiscriminately share details of
their personal and private lives. It becomes so great folks are willing to for-go their
present experiences/moments in order to stimulate their minds, satisfy emotional voids,
and connect with or who are NOT physically present or with them at the time.
We are masters at creating stories, imagining things and at dreaming. This amazing
ability we have is possibly being sparked and encouraged through our engagement in the
social media and technological world. This “virtual world” offer us a tangible way to
escape into “another world." A soft comparison can be made, by comparing the escape
one feels while reading a captivating book- an imaginary world where we fantasize and
dream, a time when we can experience emotions, anticipate actions, or pretend we are
part of the plot. Are we suddenly, and without even realizing it, being allured by
technology and social media, because they have brilliantly recognized the need we have
to engage in relationships?

3. I suggest that all of this social-technology addiction habits we engage in and adopt are a
reflection of our eminent need to connect with others. Though our obsessive social media
and technology addiction, I see a need for people everywhere to connect. I see our need
to interact and exchange our thoughts and ideas. I see a need to communicate and
emotionally and socially “hook ourselves up” to others.
Some of us go as far as even sharing private details of our lives with others, even with
strangers in order to satisfy this need. Some of us put our safety at risk and do not limit
our sharing and connecting to those we know well. Those times when we share without
boundaries and without discriminating, or limiting our audience, are very telling of our
need to connect, and perhaps a sign of “internal relationship crisis.” We simply want to
share and we don’t care about privacy or safety, because right now, in this moment, what
we NEED is to satisfy our desire to CONNECT!
It's increasing clear, this behavior can be viewed as our intense need and cry for
acknowledgment, validation, or recognition. Can it be our doing in an effort to heal or
escape from our own sadness, pain, and loneliness? Is it our way to cry for help as we
open the doors for someone, ANYONE, to reach out and engage with us? Or, our
desperate need for someone to enter our lives and engage in a relationship with us?
Regardless of the reasoning, I believe, this is a “passive personal crisis” most of us are
face at some point during our lives. One that shouts we have a need to connect with
others. One that emphasizes the desperate need we have to address, build, develop and
engage in healthy, satisfying relationships with others.
Is this our own doing or undoing because we are a society so insistent on only working
towards satisfying our intellectual and cognitive needs; a society which only focuses on
separating our emotional capabilities from our intellectual ones because emotions are
seen as weak character traits? Is this a result of our own departure from healthy face-to-
face communication and family values? Or, is it partly due to our own neglectful actions,
which contribute to the demise of healthy living environments in our society? Perhaps, it
is a result of all of these things, or none at all. Who knows?
One thing is certain- we have either overlooked or underplayed the value of teaching
strategies and techniques to our children through our educational/academic system. We
have neglected to offer them multiple avenues on how to create and develop positive
healthy relationships skills. We have neglected to communicate the value of relationship
development. We have failed to prioritize the need to equip our children and youth with
effective relationship development skills that build self-esteem, diversity acceptance, and
non-judgmental attitudes. We have forgotten to emphasize, incorporate, and create ways
for our society to allow our children and youth, in general, to engage in proactive
behaviors. We forgot to offer peaceful and positive conflict resolution skills, and how to
create, foster and develop healthy positive relationships and successful interaction skills.
We have forgotten to serve as role models, and to convey to our children and youth, that

4. successful, productive, peaceful interactions are the easiest and safest pathway towards
living the life of their dreams.
What’s happening to us as a society? Are we not doing enough in our homes, our schools,
and our communities to teach positive relationship development skills that are founded on
acts of kindness and compassion? Are we forcing people to grow up to feel a sense of
loneliness by overlooking the need to acknowledge and satisfy our emotional needs? Are
we still hung up on the false notion that emotions have no room in the workplace? Or, do
we subscribe to the absurd belief that emotions and vulnerability are not characters traits
successful individuals possess?
Are we instead inadvertently fostering a society with an extreme need to connect via
social media and technology simply by not acknowledging, placing value and prioritizing
emotional health? Why aren’t we making relationship development a core academic
subject to be integrated into our academic and educational system? Why aren’t we taking
it a step further and taking the necessary measurements to integrate skills and strategies
that foster positive relationship development and interaction it into every aspect of our
personal and professional lives?
Emotional and social intelligence, coupled with cognitive intelligence can best prepare
our children and our society to live positive productive lifestyles. It can offer the skills
needed for our communities to engage in healthy, productive and purposeful lifestyles.
By simply teaching relationship development skills that foster resonant interactions and
positive conflict resolution to our children (as early as pre-school), we not only open the
door for greater possibilities, but our view of life can be enhanced to one of limitless
opportunities. We can offer positive conflict resolution skills and healthy communication
strategies as life long skills we can integrate into all aspects of our entire lives, making
for a healthier, peaceful, more loving and violence free society.
Our busy lives with over-commitments and/or self-imposed added responsibilities, to
include youth commitments (extracurricular activities, sports and the like), as well as the
excessive access to social media and technological devices further serve to detach us
from human contact. It has often taken precedence in our homes, our society and in our
communities over face-to-face interaction. We have often willingly sacrificed family
dinners, family game days, family outing, and maybe even family communication/
meetings AT HOME. When we lack fulfillment in our relationship and interaction, we
might perhaps, unknowingly gravitate towards seeking them through the quickest and
most accessible means; social media and technology. After all, could this not be the
reason why we desperately seek to virtually connect?
The good news is that we have the power to satisfy this need, because life is about
relationships. We all have a need to interact and connect with others in positive and
healthy ways. Most of us like to feel good and spend time with others. Let’s make time

5. to fill this void in our lives, in our homes. Let’s reach out to our children, and to others.
Let’s begin by adopting good habits and teaching our children and our society at large,
how to create and develop and foster effective resonant relationships, relationships that
fill us with positive emotions.
Think about it. Think about those times when you have taken the time to connect and
spend time with someone you care for and love; or even with someone you like. Chances
are that after such interaction you usually feel good. The connection you made helped set
the mood for the rest of your day, or at least for a few moments. We are able spread the
connections we have with the people whom we engage. We have the power to not only to
connect our emotions with others, but to also share them and transmit them. Emotions are
contagious. “A good mood can be as contagious as can a negative one." This is indeed
why learning to build, develop and foster positive relationships in our lives can help
create a world where our relationship interactions satisfy the emotional needs we have.
I propose we validate and acknowledge the need we as individuals and as a society have
to connect with others. I propose we actively do something about it. Let’s engage on
preventive measures. Let’s take a proactive approach. Let’s integrate positive social
relationship development as a core component in our Nation’s academic/educational
curriculum and channel it down to every school. Let’s hold positive social relationship
development to the same standards to which we hold key classroom subjects such as
English, math and science. We have the power to do so.
By investing in our children and youth, and by having communities that teach, engage in,
and lead positive resonant relationship development skills, we can begin making a
difference, which will positively benefit our generation and generations to come. Let’s
make positive resonant relationship development skills as important to us as learning
English, math and science. Let’s not stunt emotional development of its growth by
placing it as a secondary subject or an addendum in our existing curriculums. Let’s unify
in movement and send a widespread message in our country that positively impacts and
enhances our quality of life and the quality of relationships we have. Let’s unify in
movement and send a message to the world signifying our desire and intent to value
humanity as we engage in creating happier healthier well founded societies.
By Meej Chaparro-Traverso - www.MEEJlllc.com